Review of five perfume samplers from FeelUnique – part 5

FeelUnique have lifted their moratorium on pick and mix samples, which means I can pick up where I left off and review more scents!!! I have to say, when lockdown began over a year ago, I would not have predicted my film blog pivoting to doing perfume reviews was going to be one of the side effects! 

For my most recent thoughts on FeelUnique hauls, click here.

Battle of the Sex Scenes

This blog is rated 12A for moderate sex references.

Despite the BBFC constantly palming me off with less-than-satisfactory templated e-mails of little substance whenever I pose them a query, I always seem to come back for more.

Perhaps this is because my brain is so film classification-geared, that I’m hungry to have movie discourse of any kind, and the BBFC did act on my Call Me by Your Name e-mail earlier this year, showing that they are receptive to suggestions, once in a blue moon.

My most recent e-mail to them was about Battle of the Sexes, rated 12A for infrequent moderate sex. The oh-so-informative extended insight reads:

In one scene, two women have sex; however, there is no strong detail.

10 Most Attractive Ladies in a 2010 Film

The prettiest ladies in a 2011 film list, here. As ever, the list is constrained to only movies I've watched.

10. Ellen Page, Inception

I think Christopher Nolan is partial to actors and actresses with brown hair, but I'm not sure... Incidentally, I think 'Ariadne', Page's character, is the only well-written female in a Chris Nolan film. (This is partly why Dunkirk was so good; there were no women in it for him to invent just to kill off).

Statistical Analysis of the 141 films I watched in 2017, with BBFC analysis.

Just like last year, when I put my hard-earned coding skills into practice by analysing all the marks I’d awarded every film I watched in 2016, I repeated the process again this year.

The arithmetic mean of the 141 films was 6.64, a fractional increase from last year, meaning that my discernment skills to have improved slightly. That being said, the lowest mark out of 10 I gave last year was a 2, whereas I gave 1/10 to two films this year, and zero out of 10 to one, Darren Aronofsky’s bloated stinker, mother!, which is the worst film I’ve ever seen in my entire life, and featured that movie ingredient that I am so averse to: Jennifer Lawrence screaming her head off.

The 10 Most Attractive Women in a 2017 Film.

For every new year that I do this, I’m going to mention whether there was any movement from the actress on the list in the previous year! I like doing these lists because it means that even when I watch films that ultimately irk me (like the almost unwatchably bad Song to Song), I don't regard it as a complete waste of time, because it all counts as research for the blog :)

I haven’t seen Blade Runner 2049, but had I, Ana de Armas would easily make the list and be a strong contender for first place. Her rosebud lips and big green eyes are out of this world! (I have a thing for green eyes. ohai Tim!)

10. Halle Berry, Kingsman 2: The Golden Circle (new entrant)

10 things I learnt from the 2016 BBFC Annual Report

So, after waiting, and waiting, and waiting, the BBFC Annual Report for 2016 dropped! Here it is, and having pored over it, here are my major takeaways from reading it!

01. I guessed those complaints pretty much spot-on

I’m glad my many hours of wasting time watching films purely for BBFC research purposes (such as Fairy Tail: Dragon Cry), poring over BBFC minutes and lurking who complains to their Twitter account has paid off, because my prognostications for the films that would cause them the most complaints were even better than my Oscar predictions (and the Oscar goes to…. La La Land! No, Moonlight! #stillgloating).

Review: ODEON LIMITLESS CARD

After being underwhelmed by the limited range of films offered by the (ironically named) Cineworld Unlimited card, I voted with my wallet and defected to the Odeon Limitless card as a means of watching as many films as I wanted to in the year instead.

In terms of cinemas, the venues ranged from plush, comfortable and state-of-the-art (the newly renovated Orpington Odeon is as luxurious as any cinema I’ve been to, and one of the finest things about my otherwise fairly humdrum hometown) to scummy and very badly maintained (Birmingham, where I saw Lights Out, had muck all over the floor, as well as brats watching the film who were clearly under-15).

Bungsy's Girlcrush List, 2k17.

I haven't done one of these lists for over three years, and I think it's fair to say my taste in women has generally evolved, whilst some of the lady crush staples still remain. 

Some choices from previous years which now make me cringe when I look back include Cara Delevingne (in my defence, this was before she assailed my eyes as an actress and played to her strengths as a model), Kaya Scodelario (still fit tbf, but just kinda annoying) and Emma Stone (still cute, still talented, but I will now forever sideye her for the yellowface in Aloha debacle). 

I imagine when I look back at this list in a few years, I will be equally cringed out.

So, without further ado, Emmabung's Girlcrush List, 2017!

10. Ariana Grande

'Problem' is a piece of song-writing genius, an ace and catchy song has guided me through all manner of turbulent times. I have so much time for Ari's 4-octave vocal range, and I also dig how despite being baby-faced and having Bambi eyes, she has a hyper-sexualised image. The seductive way she peers up from the heart-shaped sunglasses in the 'Bang Bang' music video: swoon.

The IFCO Annual Report for '16 Illustrates the Utility of Having the '16' Rating.

The IFCO released their Annual Report for the last calendar year and it's very brief compared to the BBFC ones.

My top 10 films of 2016 [10 to 6].

I know it took me long enough to compile this list, but I had to wait until Handmaiden got its UK release before I felt my 2016 list (going by US release dates in order to calibrate my list with all the bloggers I love) was well-researched enough.

Three films which ran Aquarius very close were Hell or High Water, Someone to Talk To and Certain Women. They would take 11-13 places on the list, naturally. 14th would go to Peter Berg's Patriots Day, mind, so you can take my recommendations with a pinch of salt.

10. Aquarius

10 Fittest Ladies in Film, 2013.

I had a lot of fun screencap-and-gif-searching for this blog post! The top four, of which three women are in joint second place, has the highest calibre of beautiful women since I started posting this list!

10. Marine Vacth,  Jeune et Jolie 

10 Fittest Ladies in Film, 2014.

Happy Hump Day! Here be a previous post in the series. I post male and female lists alternately, every Wednesday.

10. Nina Dobrev, Let’s Be Cops

10 Fittest Women in Film, 2015.

I had so much fun doing the 2016 hotties list, I thought I'd do the same, going back each year!

 10. Anna Kendrick, Pitch Perfect 2

10 Fittest Women in Film, 2016

I prefer Margot Robbie not covered in white facepaint and acting like a deranged loon, and Rooney Mara’s character in Lion was pure bleh, so neither of my go-to girlcrushes make it on this year’s list, bizarrely.

Obviously my list might differ slightly from your average bloke's, but I’m rating these ladies’ attractiveness with a female gaze [or so I like to think].

10. Felicity Jones, Rogue One

Ranked: the 2017 Best Picture nominees (part 2)

Part 1, aka the three I disliked the most, were discussed here. Now for 5-1, ranging from 'I quite enjoyed with, with reservations' to 'I absolutely bloody loved it'.

05. Lion

Some BBFC nerdiness at the Oscar nominations.

Hey Em, don't make it sad. Take a shite batch of Oscar nominations and make it better! With BBFC stats and shiz, of course.

Things I Learned from the Movies: 5 Life Lessons from Romance

This blog entry is my submission to Speakeasy’s Things I Learned from the Movies blogathon. I thought I’d share five invaluable lessons that I learned from devouring so many romantic films. Because romance is the warmest genre.

Vague spoilers for Blue is the Warmest Colour, Café Society, Carol, Cinema Paradiso, Slumdog Millionaire and Some Like it Hot follow!

--

05) Sometimes it’s not about changing the other person. It’s about changing yourself. (Carol)

Carol, my favourite film of 2015, has plenty to recommend about it: flawless performances, and chemistry between, Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara. Sensuous cinematography and production design that transported me right back to 1950s Manhattan. Carter Burwell’s swoon-worthy score. Todd Haynes’ subtle, meticulous direction, never putting a prop wrong.

But what I really love about Carol was how Therese Belivet (Rooney Mara, on transcendent form, and despite the Weinsteins forcing her to commit category fraud at the Oscars, very much a lead performance) transformed over the course of the film. At the beginning she is so wide-eyed and callow that she even mimics what Carol orders for lunch. Her eagerness to please the sophisticated older woman proves to be her downfall, leaving her exposed and a sitting duck to have her heart broken.

At the end of the film, however, we notice how this bruising experience has moulded her. She isn’t the pushover she once was, standing up to Carol when they next meet, and whilst Carol is taken by surprise about this, this makes the older woman respect her more. The closing shot of the film, where the two smile at each other across a crowded restaurant, tantalises with hope, but at the same time, is intelligent enough not to make any empty promises.

The love story in Carol encapsulates that age-old adage: how can someone else love you when you don’t love yourself? Therese’s head-over-heels passionate voyage with Carol was more about finding herself than it was the titular character.

--

04) Sometimes, the improbable happens. (Slumdog Millionaire)

It was Jane Austen who observed ‘Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love’. Whilst I don’t refute this, I have another route I take when I don’t want to piss off my friends by ranting about the same cnutty boys hi Wasteman. Hi Boy with the Forest Tattoo / Wolf of Fleet Street. for the ten thousandth time: movies. And Slumdog Millionaire is one of my favourite feel-good movies.

Danny Boyle’s multi-Oscar winner Slumdog Millionaire is regarded by many a sniffy film critic as one of the weakest films to win Best Picture (and they would be wrong in that assertion. That would be Crash). But I bloody love this movie.

The film revolves around a youth from an impoverished part of Mumbai who, from personal life experience, is able to correctly answer all 15 of the questions and win Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, as well as the heart of the girl he’s adored since childhood.

In theory, I should be averse to such a film, as my chief criticism of a lot of the romances I watch are that they are projecting dishonest messages to the audience, an audience of which will surely include impressionable young girls who will take what they see at face value. As a more distrustful 26 year old woman (dating in London means I’ve met far too many Ben Afflecks in Gone Girl-type clowns, let me put it that way), I know better.

But such is the thrill and entertainment value of Slumdog Millionaire that I was able to take off my cynic’s hat and not only forgive the film its contrivances, but positively bask in them. Slumdog Millionaire is a fairy tale. Such a story would never happen to me. But that doesn’t make Jamal’s quest to find Latika any less touching.

No one in the corner has swagger like them.

--

03) Well, nobody’s perfect (Some Like it Hot)

A pithy lesson, but an important one. Some Like it Hot, Billy Wilder’s fabulous film about two jazz instrumentalists who go on the run from the mob and disguise themselves as women, has inspired many imitations (for example, the very amusing White Chicks), but the original remains the blueprint.

Even without an important life lesson, I strongly recommend y'all watch Some Like It Hot. It's got sensational zingers (Marilyn Monroe's curvy figure is described as 'Jello on springs'), a musical number with a very sexy Marilyn Monroe and all manner of comedy of errors. 

Much of the laughs arise from Tony Curtis' playboy encouraging  Jack

Lemmon, who's female disguise who has caught the eye of Joe E. Brown's dim-witted millionaire, to lead him on, so that Lemmon can get access to Brown's yacht, which Curtis plans on wooing Monroe with. Does it pay off? Well, it's a romantic comedy...

The film’s most famous line comes at the very end. As the two men escape on a boat with their respective love interests, Lemmon's character takes off his wig, as a means of ending the facade and explaining why he can't marry his besotted admirer. Brown's response, 'well, nobody's perfect', is one of cinema's greatest punchlines.

Man isn't wrong, either.

-- 

 02) Even if it ended, that doesn't stop us dreaming (Blue is the Warmest Colour and Café Society)

The dreamy look that came over Jesse Eisenberg’s Bobby and Kristen Stewart’s Vonnie in Café Society simultaneously as they are on opposite coasts of the United States was some of the most emotionally honest storytelling Woody Allen’s given. Similarly, the ambiguous ending of Blue is the Warmest Colour has Adèle Exarchopoulos still not moving on from the love she shared with Léa Seydoux’s arty Emma, some years after the relationship broke down.

I've included these two examples although there are a tonne of moments of people savouring momentos from past lovers that have affected me (Ennis cradling Jack's shirt in Brokeback Mountain was heartbreaking), because they illustrate two instances of longing: mutual and unrequited. Regardless of whether, like in Café Society, that melancholy feeling is shared, or in Blue is the Warmest Colour, the object of longing has moved on, in both cases, it's best to just cherish the memories.

Cherish the memories and let it be.

There’s nothing wrong with giving old relationships the odd flitter of thought now and then. There are many good reasons why you’re not with that person any more. But the fact that you still occasionally think about them merely shows that what you had was of substance.

--

01) Life isn’t like in the movies (Cinema Paradiso)

Cinema Paradiso is a film that means a lot to me, because it conflates the two elements that define my existence: love of cinema, and having a tendency to fall truly, madly, deeply, in love. 

The film charts a young lad, Salvatore’s journey through adolescence and adulthood and the role his local cinema plays on his formative years. At the age of 6, his passion for films and cheeky nature catch the eye of Alfredo, the cinema’s elderly projectionist. Salvatore comes to view Alfredo as a father figure and asks him for advice when he falls hard for the local beauty, Elena, to which Alfredo offers guidance, often in the form of movie quotes.

As life gives him lemons, Salvatore comes to realise that life isn’t quite like the stories shown on the screen, where the love interests always end up together and tribulations of life evaporate. Reality isn’t like that, and Salvatore’s idealised imagining of the world, etched so deeply into his cerebrum from his many hours spent at the cinema, render this harsh lesson ever the more poignant.

It’s a straightforward story, but gorgeously told, and the way Salvatore’s amorous experiences and his cinema-going ones dovetail with each other to build his character, is something that resonates deeply with me. To this day, I’m incapable of hearing Ennio Morricone’s ‘Love Theme’ without crying.

Life doesn't turn out how like in the films. The boy doesn't get the girl. He might get someone else instead, and that person could well be even better.

Ironically, only a film could show me such a crucial lesson.

--

Gosh, I love romantic films so much!

If you're new to my blog, holla! If you'd like a flavour of what I cover on my blog, check out my archives!

Film review: THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN (Tate Taylor, 2016)

Rachel, a depressed 30-something alcoholic, embarks on a destructive Groundhog Day of a routine: taking a train which goes past her ex husband's house and peering at his newfound state of matrimonial bliss with the woman he cheated on her with, and their baby.

A few houses down from this seemingly perfect family is another equally photogenic, younger, couple, Megan and Scott, who have a penchant for shagging in clear view of commuters. One day, on her usual voyeuring, Rachel notices that Megan has switched up sexual partners, and, bringing up dark memories of her own, she reacts adversely, getting wasted and getting off the train at the station where she used to live. A while later, Megan goes missing.

In the title role, Emily Blunt is fantastic, giving a career best  turn. Her Rachel would be laughable if she weren't so pathetic, sipping vodka out of a plastic bottle, scaring off other commuters with her slurred speech and still pining for a relationship that long outgrew her.

Due to blackouts she gets from her deleterious drinking problem, her memory on the night of Megan's departure is hazy, rendering her a compelling yet unreliable narrator. Usually such a beautiful woman, Blunt de-glams considerably to play Rachel, looking quite rough indeed. She also convincingly plays drunk, no mean feat, given most attempts to act inebriated usually veer into insufferable caricature (see: Jennifer Lawrence as Rosalyn in American Hustle). 

With a stagger and slurred speech, Blunt evokes sympathy from the audience for such a broken woman, particularly her impassioned drunken monologues, which could be given from many a hammered young woman I’ve encountered on the 11.15pm train home, haha. That she was completely sober during filming (Blunt was pregnant), renders her performance even more remarkable.

As the audience tries to discern fact from fabrication, Megan and Anna, Tom's new wife, enter the fray with their narratives. In the novel, the story is told from the P.O.V. of all three of these women, but in film form, such a fussy storytelling device is frustrating and distracting. The end product feels like a very poor man's Rashômon, not aided by an awful script that features, amongst other things, whiny voiceovers from Rachel and Megan, and clunky conversations between characters. Note to the screenwriter: lines like 'I'm not the girl I used to be', and 'I'm the mistress of re-invention' don't really suit the big screen. They'd be better suited to stage. Or a bad shampoo commercial.

Furthermore, every single character in The Girl on the Train, from the therapist who Megan was confiding in to the incompetent cop investigating the case, are unlikable. The three main males in the film were all quite misogynistic in their own ways, and thus, I simply wasn't engaged with the plot. You find yourself not really caring what happened to Megan, and whodunnit. Although the plot 'twist', when it hits, is as contrived as it is predictable.

Finally, the film suffers from a crisis of identity, as Tate Taylor wants it to be both sensual (sex scenes pepper the film, but they’re loveless, mechanical, and as a result, completely unerotic) and unsettling at the same time. What he actually gets is a movie that is both bland and dull.

Emily Blunt deserves a Best Actress Oscar nomination for her tremendously convincing depiction of a fragile woman. Whether she gets one remains to be seen, but sadly, I have my doubts; it is a strong year for Best Actress with buzz surrounding a three-way frontrunner status for Emma Stone in La La Land, Natalie Portman in Jackie and hopefully the eventual winner, Viola Davis in Fences (it's Viola's time!).

Usually, for an actress to get nominated for her performance in a thriller (a genre that is not really one of Oscars' preferred), the film has to have fared well with the moviegoing public, as Gone Girl (the third highest grossing 18-rated movie in the UK after 50 Shades of Grey and Wolf of Wall Street) and Girl with the Dragon Tattoo did. What those two films had, which The Girl on the Train lacks, was an extremely adroit director in the form of David Fincher, who's dexterous ability to manipulate the audience helped Rosamund Pike and Rooney Mara, respectively, give performances that transcended their films' pulpy roots.

Tate Taylor is, lamentably, a less gifted storyteller, seems to feel that, when all else fails, he can always go to Plan B: heavy-handed close-ups of Blunt's blotchy face. The actress deserves so much better than the director, or the film, have to offer.

5/10

OOTD: Gone Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

Shirt: Hollister

Vest top (worn underneath): Primark

Earrings: TK Maxx

Glasses: Red or Dead

My 10 Favourite performances of 2011.

The only year of my backlog left to go. The force of playing favourites in this list is strong!

 10. Jennifer Aniston, Horrible Bosses

A nympho boss from hell, but Aniston's clearly had  blast taking on the role and the fun of that made for a very fun performance. And I never thought I'd see Rachel from Friends say such filthy things!

09. Jessica Chastain, The Help

I also loved Jess in Tree of Life which came out the same year, but as that's my second most despised movie ever after American Hustle, I listed her for this. Jess (I call her that because I like to pretend to myself that I'm BFFs with her) is a freaking chameleon!

08. Saoirse Ronan, Hanna

Obligatory mention of the best young actress around, whom I've been a loyal fan ever since I watched her as meddling Briony in Atonement. Here, she teams up with Atonement's director again to give a chilling portrayal of a girl who's been trained to be an assassin from birth. 

(Pointless trivia that only I find interesting: the director in question, Joe Wright, was engaged to Rosamund Pike (who he met on the set of Pride and Prejudice, where she played Keira Knightley's nice sister Jane, until Joe dicked her about. From interviews, Rosamund appears to have taken this in her stride and gotten on with her life. I'm disappointed she didn't Gone Girl him tbh)

07. Jonah Hill, Moneyball

As the shy Yale-educated economist who introduces Brad Pitt to the statistics behind baseball, Jonah Hill won plaudits from film critics, his first Oscar nomination, but most importantly for him, I'm sure, I started taking him seriously as an actor. In Moneyball, Jonah leaves behind his usual drunken frat-boy persona to inhibit an altogether more soft-spoken presence,  a subtle screen presence that lets Brad Pitt do all the heavy lifting.

06. Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids

A brilliantly cringe performance in a brilliantly cringe film. Line-readings on point, especially when she puts the awful customer in the shop in her place.

05. Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids

A bold, audacious performance of great confidence and exuberance. In the photo above, she's seducing her real-life husband. Who doesn't want it. Melissa and Kristen's sick comic timing is ensured 2016's Ghostbusters was anything but a flop in my eyes!

04. Elizabeth Olsen, Martha Mary May Marlene

I never knew what her character was thinking. After everything that Martha went through, I think that's apropos. 

03. Rooney Mara, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Fierce A F. Following in Noomi Rapace's footsteps was a formidable challenge, but my Queen more than rose to the task. Her commitment to her role, and the element of relish and bite in that revenge scene is some of Rooney's finest acting. 

02. Viola Davis, The Help

Every piece of acting Viola touches turns to gold (she did a lot with underwritten characters in both Suicide Squad and Ender's Game). But in The Help she's given a role and a script where she can flaunt the true extent of her acting talent, and brings us a woman who's outwardly strong and maternal, inwardly vulnerable. She's the emotional core of The Help, and completely breaks your heart.

Trivia: Viola and Jessica, both on this list for The Help, both attended Juilliard Drama School. And both are astonishingly good actresses. Stay in school, kids!

01. Alan Rickman, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

... speaking of heartbreaking, for me, one of the most pathos-injected performances of all time is Alan Rickman as Professor Snape in the final Harry Potter film. Whilst the casting of the Harry Potter series has, shall we say, been variable in quality (Emma Watson seems to think wiggling her eyebrows earnestly equates to acting. Bye Felicia), Rickman was everything I imagined as Snape and more. Snape's stony face hid years of bottled-up love for a girl he still feels guilt for his part in losing. 

The finest part of J.K. Rowling's saga was this Big Reveal, and in conveying how much the secret meant to him, Rickman has crafted one of the most memorable Byronic heroes. R.I.P. to a great talent.

The shot above is a scene that still lingers in my memory.

Stats and Shiz, because it's not like that's what my PhD is in or anything
Gender
Men: 2 (haha)
Women: 8
... but this is the first time (going backwards from 2015) I've listed a fella in the prestigious top spot.

Playing favourites (previous appearances)

Jessica Chastain: 6th in 2011 (Zero Dark Thirty), 10th in 2014 (A Most Violent Year)

Jonah Hill: 7th in 2012: (21 Jump Street), 9th in 2013 (Wolf of Wall Street), third in 2014 (22 Jump Street). 

This makes Jonah Hill the only actor to be in my 10 favourite performances of the year four years in a row. Dunno if you can tell but... I'm a fan.

Rooney Mara: 6th in 2013 (Side Effects), 2nd in 2015 (Carol)

Melissa McCarthy: 8th in 2013 (The Heat, from the same director as her entry in this year's list)

Saoirse Ronan: 7th in 2009 (The Lovely Bones), first in 2015 (Brooklyn)

^^^ this may give you an indication of who my favourite actors might be

And of course.... by BBFC rating (gives you a rough indication of grittiness of the film from which the performance came)

12A: 5

15: 4

18: 1 (the 18 in question being The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. And boy did it earn that 18 certificate!) #RevengeRape