Showing posts with label 2013. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2013. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

10 Hottest Men in Film, 2013.

Happy Hump Day! I've been a bit lax with these lists of late, but, as we're entering the Christmas period, I thought I'd revisit these list series, to raise the temperature a bit!

The female version of the 2013 list is here!

10. Leonardo DiCaprio, The Great Gatsby


Tuesday, September 12, 2017

My Seven Favourite Songs from Disney Musicals

I’ve restricted the options to just songs from Disney musicals, as opposed to songs that appeared in Disney non-musicals, such as ‘When She Loved Me’ from Toy Story 2, otherwise it would have made a hard task even harder (I love ‘Le Festin’ from Ratatouille)!

07. HellfireThe Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
A left-field shout, given the crux of this song is about the sexual frustration a pious priest feels towards the beguiling gypsy Esmeralda. But I had to nominate Hellfire because it’s memorable, taboo, and tonally, so recherché (what other Disney film features the line ‘he made the Devil so much stronger than the man’?)

Essentially, the message of Hellfire is ‘if I can’t have her, no-one can’. It’s every possessive ex-boyfriend, immortalised in a Disney song, and fits in neatly with the plot, as dastard Claude Frollo’s unsatisfied urges are his motivation for a Domino effect that leads to Paris burning. The religious imagery employed in Hellfire only go to compound Frollo’s sense of sinful lust for a woman he both despises, yet will do anything to possess.

I like songs which shine a torch onto the hypocrisy of religion, and Hellfire offers an insight to this holier-than-thou priest’s mindset. Turns out, his thoughts aren’t so holy, and the choir-like vocals accompanying Frollo’s disturbing soliloquy underscores this irony nicely.

(On a slight film ratings tangent, the likes of fluffy Frozen and Tangled getting rated PG when The Hunchback of Notre Dame, by far one of their darkest films, was only a U, is mighty misleading. It ought to be at least a 12 for the creepy overtones in this song alone).

06. Prince AliAladdin (1992)



Monday, July 24, 2017

My five favourite songs from FROZEN (2013).

A good musical has to have more than just one big marquee song. Frozen has several great ones, so I thought I’d do a top 5 of the ones that I liked the most. After all, it's a musical who's soundtrack I'm fairly well acquainted with, shall we say!



Wednesday, April 19, 2017

10 Fittest Ladies in Film, 2013.

I had a lot of fun screencap-and-gif-searching for this blog post! The top four, of which three women are in joint second place, has the highest calibre of beautiful women since I started posting this list!

10. Marine Vacth,  Jeune et Jolie 



Wednesday, August 03, 2016

My 10 Favourite Performances of 2013.

Making my way through the backlog, as promised. 2014's list and 2015's.

10. Bérénice Bejo, Le passé
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09. Jonah Hill, The Wolf of Wall Street
(the bromance between these two gives me life! ❤️)

08. Melissa McCarthy, The Heat

07. Lindsay Lohan, The Canyons 
Lindsay got nominated for a Razzie(!!!!) for her performance here. Between that, and awarding Dakota Johnson 50 Shades of Grey last year, when both actresses did commendably with poorly written roles, I think it's safe to say the Razzies wouldn't be able to tell a good performance if it tied them up.

06. Rooney Mara, Side Effects 
She's so pretty. ❤️

05. Léa Seydoux, Blue is the Warmest Colour
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Epic Blue is the Warmest Colour post incoming. You have been warned!

04. Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave
Thank God this amazing performance of earth-shattering pathos and deep complexity took home the Oscar, and in doing so, beating Jennifer Lawrence's unbearable hamming in a role she was several decades too young for, in American Hustle!

03. Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 Years a Slave 
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02. Leonardo DiCaprio, The Wolf of Wall Street 

Every other film has stills but Wolf of Wall Street performers are allowed gifs. Because a photo doesn't capture the full comedy of Martin Scorsese's 3-hour unforgettable, profane, & absolutely hilarious vilification or celebration? of heady Wall Street financiers.

01. Adèle Exarchopoulos, Blue is the Warmest Colour
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Will give Adèle and Léa the full attention and commendation they deserve in a future entry dedicated to this amazing movie. 

So, a French actress opening the 2013 list and a French actress closing it! Spoiler alert: when I do my favourite performances of 2012 list, a French actress will also (comfortably) be topping that list as well! Although, unfortunately, in that case, Jennifer Lawrence succeeded in stealing her Oscar. #NeverGettingOverIt

--

Breakdown by BBFC rating 
18: 5
15: 4
12A: 1

Chaps: 3
Chicks: 7

Recurring stars
Rooney Mara: 2nd in 2015 (for Carol)
Leonardo DiCaprio: 2nd in 2006 (for The Depahted; hi Scorsese!) and 9th (Blood Diamond) although that list was constructed a l-o-n-g time ago and would be subject to change, 2nd in 2010 (Shutter Island; another Scorsese collab!)
Jonah Hill: 3rd in 2014 (for 22 Jump Street)

Thursday, July 07, 2016

Four Eyes.

Jonah Hill's character in The Wolf of Wall Street, Donnie Azoff, is my second favourite film character to compare myself to. First would obviously be Rosamund Pike's Amy Dunne in Gone Girl. (I see myself in Amazing Amy because one's a God Complex-ridden conniving bitch who you should cross at your peril. The other's a character in a David Fincher film).

Anyway, perhaps due to me having just watched my gorgeous French bae Antoine Griezmann score a brace against Germany in Euro 2016 (don't know if you heard, but I quite fancy that Griezmann chap), I thought of Valentines Day. Which made me think of 2014's Valentines' Day release, The Lego Movie, which was directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller. They also directed 2014's 22 Jump Street which starred Jonah Hill, and that in turn got me thinking about his character, and performance in The Wolf of Wall Street. (We got there eventually). #tenuous



Jonah Hill's character in The Wolf of Wall Street wears some pretty prominently sized glasses, which Leonardo DiCaprio's Jordan himself notes are made of clear glass, and only worn so that Donnie can appear more 'waspish'. I share no such affectation; with short-sightedness of -5 in both eyes and astigmatisms, I don't wear mine for no fashion statement.

(Sidenote: I know Leonardo DiCaprio's protagonist in WoWS would be the favoured character to compare oneself to, given his sharp suits and getting to bed the stunning Margot Robbie. But experience with too many dude-bro clown guys who work in the City and erroneously think they possess an iota of Leo's élan, swagger, and luck with the ladies has made me rather averse to Jordan Belfort-type comparisons. They think they're Leo in The Wolf of Wall Street; I wish they'd see the same ending as Leo in Titanic. Also, I like to keep candles away from my nether regions, please and thanks).

However, you know what they say: when God closes a door, he opens a window. And when he blights this obnoxious Chinaman with terribad eyesight, he gives her an opportunity to emulate her second favourite obnoxious 18-rated film character.


As you know, I got new glasses recently, and I don't love this purple pair as much as I do my red ones. My main grievance with them is that due to the largeness of the frame, they accentuate the slittiness of my eyes, something I'd rather not draw attention to.

But on the bright side, the glasses are plastic and large, and thus, make me resemble this elegant anti-hero ever the more, particularly in this shot, where I can delude myself that me and Jonah are wearing one and the same pair.


Every cloud!

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

My 2014 Oscar Predictions.

No guts, no glory. I haven’t done this for a couple of years, so excuse the rustiness.
 

Best Picture
12 Years a Slave
Gravity
American Hustle
Captain Phillips
Nebraska
Saving Mr. Banks
Philomena
Her
Blue Jasmine
Frozen (there’s your wishful thinking)
 
 
 
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Best Director
Steve McQueen - 12 Years a Slave
Alfonso Cuarón - Gravity
David O. Russell - American Hustle
Spike Jonze - Her
Paul Greengrass - Captain Phillips

 
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Best Actor
Chiwetel Ejiofor - 12 Years a Slave
Bruce Dern - Nebraska
Matthew McConaughey - Dallas Buyers Club
Leonardo DiCaprio - The Wolf of Wall Street
Robert Redford - All Is Lost

Best Actress
Cate Blanchett - Blue Jasmine
Sandra Bullock - Gravity
Judi Dench - Philomena
Emma Thompson - Saving Mr. Banks
Meryl Streep - August: Osage County

Best Supporting Actor
Jared Leto - Dallas Buyers Club
Michael Fassbender - 12 Years a Slave
Barkhad Abdi - Captain Phillips
Bradley Cooper - American Hustle
Daniel Brühl - Rush
 
Best Supporting Actress
Lupita Nyong'o - 12 Years a Slave
Jennifer Lawrence - American Hustle
June Squibb - Nebraska
Oprah Winfrey - The Butler
Sally Hawkins - Blue Jasmine
 
Original Screenplay
American Hustle
Nebraska
Her
Inside Llewyn Davis
Blue Jasmine
 
Adapted Screenplay
12 Years a Slave
The Wolf of Wall Street
Captain Phillips
Philomena
Before Midnight
 
Foreign Language Film
The Great Beauty
The Hunt
The Broken Circle Breakdown
The Grandmaster
Omar
 
Documentary
The Act of Killing
Blackfish
Stories We Tell
Tim's Vermeer
The Armstrong Lie

Animated Film
Frozen
Monsters University
The Wind Rises
Despicable Me 2
Ernest & Célestine
 
Cinematography
Gravity
12 Years a Slave
The Grand Master
Inside Llewyn Davis
Captain Philips
 
Editing
Gravity
12 Years a Slave
Captain Phillips
The Wolf of Wall Street
Rush
 
Score
Gravity
12 Years a Slave
Saving Mr. Banks
Philomena
Frozen
 
Production Design
The Great Gatsby
12 Years a Slave
American Hustle
Gravity
Saving Mr. Banks
 
Costume Design
The Great Gatsby
12 Years a Slave
American Hustle
Saving Mr. Banks
The Invisible Woman
 
Original Song
Let It Go (Frozen)
Ordinary Love (Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom)
Young & Beautiful (The Great Gatsby)
Sweeter Than Fiction (One Chance)
The Moon Song (Her)
 
Visual Effects
Gravity
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
Pacific Rim
Star Trek Into Darkness
Iron Man 3
 
Make Up and Hair
The Great Gatsby
The Lone Ranger
American Hustle
 
Sound Mixing
Gravity
Captain Phillips
Rush
Iron Man 3
All Is Lost
 
Sound Editing
Gravity
Captain Phillips
All Is Lost
Rush
Pacific Rim

Saturday, November 23, 2013

FILM REVIEW: Blue Jasmine (Woody Allen, 2013)



Socialite Jasmine French (Cate Blanchett) had lived the charmed life in New York, married to a canny, popular financier husband (Alec Baldwin) in a huge mansion. However, her world came crumbling down when said husband was done for being a Ponzi scheme-running crook, and sent to prison. With no life skills, work experience or educational training of her own, she is forced to re-root to San Francisco, where her adopted sister Ginger (Sally Hawkins) lives. 


Saturday, October 12, 2013

Bangerz (Miley Cyrus)

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Grabbing headlines for all manner of scandal or internet feud these days is Miley Cyrus, who seems to be on a personal race against time to shed her good-girl image of Hannah Montana. Critics across the field have slammed her for prostituting herself, others have said she’s actually a feminist, some have branded her a demon with a tongue that runs stray. One thing’s for sure though: I would never have given her album a second thought if it hadn’t been for the attention that VMA performance garnered her. So my suspicion is that, for all the cringe, girl knows what she’s doing.

The album itself is actually a disappointment in the gossip stakes. Music-wise, she plays it safe in terms of her collaborating partners (Ludacris, Nelly, French Montana). It is notable that the Princess of Pop herself, Britney Spears, makes an appearance on the SMS (Bangerz). Miss Spears herself has been in the public eye a fair share of the time, but one thing that Britney always excelled at throughout was the music. Miley’s got the headline-seeking down to a T, better than Britney herself. But the quality of her art still has some way to go.

The album opens with Adore You, a flat piece of schmaltz that fails to make much of an impact. It’s followed by We Can’t Stop, her smash hit single, and my pick for the highlight of the entire ensemble. With an effortless swagger, Miley advises her young following to “Remember only God can judge ya / Forget the haters 'cause somebody loves ya”, which could also been read as a prescription manual for how she is currently living her life. Unlike several of the other songs on Bangerz, the use of autotune actually suits the song and doesn’t feel excessive. It’s an easygoing, casually amoral tune that makes for fun to bop along to.

We Can’t Stop, however, doesn’t redeem the sheer volume of duds on the album. 4x4, which tries to amalgamate Cyrus’ country-music roots with her current RnB target market, plays like a hot mess of hoedown brawl with Nelly hollering “MOTHAFUCKAS” when he feels like it. I cringed throughout. Bangerz is equally sloppy. Whilst I have nothing wrong with girls bragging about their promiscuity in music (hell, men have been doing it for years), Cyrus seems so keen to ram the “I CAN STRUT. I CAN FUQ WHOEVER I WANT. I HAVE LOTSA FUQ BUDDIES ON SPEED DIAL” message down our throats, that it just sounds a bit awkward and desperate, again, hailing memories of that trffic VMA performance. And My Darlin' feating Future, samples Ben E. King’s Stand By Me, with dire consequences.

The majority of the love songs on here aren’t bad, to be fair to her. Wrecking Ball is clearly stealing from the formula Lana del Rey used in Off to the Races in how she’s singing about a destructive love with a bad man, with Lana’s version being far better, but it’s catchy and affecting enough in its own right. FU is my second favourite song on the album – you can feel vitriol and rage at an ex that I can completely sympathise with. Maybe You’re Right captures the whiney rage of breakup that I prefer in Taylor Swift songs, but it’s still listenable.

As a singer, I actually think Miley Cyrus is pretty talented. She holds her own in On My Own, a decent shout for female independence, and in Hands in the Air, an engaging RnB ditty, she exhibits her skill for warbling. The main problem with Bangerz, then, isn’t her voice. The problem is that these collection of songs – some good, some bad, some utterly horrific, doesn’t have a common thread; it all feels terribly disjointed. Does she wanna go all Destiny's Child and be an #IndependentWoman? Does she want to make a whole album about casual sex and how liberated it makes her? Or does she want to sing ballads about failed love? Like a child with ADD, Miley Cyrus seems to want to cover all bases at once. In the end, she covers none.

Personally, I prefer the songs were Cyrus tones it down and sings songs about doomed love, as I feel that plays well to her vocal range, and her background in acting suits her delivery of the more heartfelt, dramatic lines, which she belts out with excellent gusto. But she needs to pick a focus for her next outing. Bangerz currently plays as a mishmash of poorly-thought out tunes that may have sounded good in theory, but doesn’t quite work in practice. An example, perhaps, of art mirroring the artist’s life.

Grade: D

Friday, October 04, 2013

Tampa (Alissa Nutting)

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Celeste Price is a stunningly attractive, 26-year-old school teacher living in Florida. She is married to a good-looking man with a hefty trust fund who dotes on her, meaning that despite her teacher’s salary, she can drive about in a gorgeous red sports car. At her job, both the kids she teaches, colleagues and the parents of her students remark favourably on her looks. Life, then, sounds pretty sweet. Just one thing: she’s a massive paedophile, and nothing will do for her but a particular type of 14-year-old boy.

Tampa has been hailed as the female version of Lolita, and whilst Celeste does share attributes with Humbert – chiefly, their sexual aberration, the meticulous lengths at which they plan to ensnare their prey, being blessed in the looks department and thus having their pick of anyone normal aged should they desire it. But Tampa is an altogether different sort of book from the seminal Lolita. Whereas Lolita played with form and language to depict Humbert Humbert’s atrocities, Nutting leaves little to the imagination, vividly describing encounters with such fierce eroticism that you cannot but blush, especially when reading this book on public transport.

In fact, I would argue that Celeste is even more reprehensible than Lolita’s Humbert. Whilst he manipulated, bribed, blackmailed and used every tool in his arsenal to possess Dolly Haze, Nabokov was at pains to express that she herself, whilst definitely used and abused, was completely aware of the effect she has over men, and wasn’t afraid to use it.

Celeste’s chosen victim, an innocent-looking, slightly skinny boy with the double first-and-surname of Jack Patrick, is far more naïve than Dolores, deludedly believing himself to be more than just a fucktoy to his teacher, and they actually have a future together. In Lolita, you ended up despising both Humbert and Lolita, whereas in this book, it is much more black and white who the monster is. This, then, makes rooting for Celeste completely out of the question, and judging her, much easier.

Furthermore, by the end of the book, Humbert Humbert does at least gain the self-awareness to realise that his peculiar predilections ruined both his and Dolly’s life. We get no kind of self-realisation from Celeste, who actually in her mind fantasies that Jack had died, just so she can reach orgasm when masturbating. Unsurprisingly, it is only a matter of time before her rampant libido gets her found out, but even after a run-in with the authorities and the threat of jail time for her actions, she doesn’t learn her lesson, only becoming more sneaky in her conquests. She’s a real piece of work, and this is coming from me!

As you can probably tell from the book cover, the novel doesn’t skimp on sex scenes, and, whilst the sex is infinitely more realistic than anything in the 50 Shades of Grey novels, at points, even titillating (the reader will be disgusted at themselves for feeling this way, but trust me, they are), by the latter third of the book, you definitely sense that Nutting is trying a bit too hard to shock, as she ups the ante from the textbook 18-rated smut that you’ll find in any Mills and Boon novel, the altogether more deviant exploits. These don’t make for pleasant reading, and that she spends so much detail on anatomical after-effects of the screwing is definitely something I could have done without.

Still, it’s an extremely dark read – I chuckled to myself at various points, particularly at how Celeste dupes her adoring husband with lies upon lies, not to mention the odd bit of self-medicating to make having sex with him bearable.

Another quality she shares with Humbert is her mordant, amoral wit. Later on, she actually half-dates Jack’s father (parallels of when Humbert tolerated Lolita’s annoying mother Charlotte), just as a ruse to allow her to spend more time in his house, and whilst the heartless way she leads him on isn’t altogether pleasant, there’s a cruel comedy to be taken from such a sexist pig getting his comeuppance.

Ultimately, I don’t feel this book justifies its “female Lolita” reputation, but it is still an entertaining, well-paced, black-as-the-night story. It’s also extremely disturbing, and the most morally dubious thing I’ve read for years. Its ultimate downfall, however, is the uneven tone; it is unable to decide whether it truly wants to challenge the reader, or to turn them on. I can’t say I liked Tampa, but I definitely paid attention to it.  

6.5/10

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Lovelace (Rob Epstein, 2013)

Given the current furore over David Cameron’s proposal that we bad porn completely, the release of Lovelace, which charts the story of America’s most celebrated blue movie actress, could not have come at a more topical time. Starring Amanda Seyfried as the eponymous character, the film shows how she came to make porn movies, the ensuing glitterati that followed, before revealing how she was manhandled into it every step of the way, posing the question of just how “liberating” porn really is.

Linda Lovelace, real name Linda Boreman’s beginnings are no different from many an American good-girl-gone-bad. Raised by a Bible-bashing mother (an unrecognisable Sharon Stone, commendably playing against type) and a meek, hardly there father, Linda’s only bouts of having fun are at her local roller-disco with best friend Patsy (the ever-lovely Juno Temple, adding another independent movie to her growing collection). It is there that her shy, wide-eyed charm captures the attention of Chuck Traynor (Peter Sarsgaard).
Traynor is an extremely seedy fella, owning a stripclub where he casually turns a blind eye to his strippers’turning tricks, as well as hitting on Patsy the second Linda’s back is turned. But he can be the most charming man in the world when he wants to be, and that is how he cons Linda into being his betrothed. A few months down the line and Chuck’s various shady dealings land him in serious debt, and it is here that Linda tentatively stars in the movie “Inside Deep Throat”, about a woman who’s clitoris is inside her throat. The first part of the movie makes porn seem like no big deal, almost fun, with its witty sex jokes and repartee among the cast and crew, not to mention the glamour parties with Hugh Hefner. The second part, however, shows us the ugly scenes after the parties, where we discover that Linda was not a so-called empowered woman embracing her sexuality, but rather the victim of her controlling, monstrous husband.

The movie poster for Lovelace boasts a litany of Hollywood A-listers as well as independent movie darlings, but blink and you’ll miss a couple of them. Chloe Sevigny, horrifically underused as one of Lovelace’s various interviewers, is in it for the best part of 10 seconds. However, that’s not to say there aren’t some great performances. The Simpsons’ Hank Azardia as the director who pompously thinks his movie “transcends porn”, is a riot. Sharon Stone is completely dislikeable as the overbearing mother who won’t give her daughter an inch of freedom, but her personality is exactly the type that would drive a girl to porn, and thus, is utterly believable. She's so caught up in her Bible readings that she can't see that her little girl is getting abused. Stone's branch of Christian crazy channels Piper Laurie in Carrie, and we all saw how well that turned out.
Seyfried is pretty good in the lead, although she’s let down by one element that’s not so much to do with her acting per se: Seyfried has usually played it safe with her movie roles, such as Mamma Mia!, or pretty Cosette in Les Mis, so to see her wide-eyed as America’s most famous porn star is a bit of a stretch. Linda Lovelace herself definitely had a bit of a “been around the block” look about her, whereas Seyfried spends the entire movie looking virginal, which doesn't quite go with the image of her character. Peter Sarsgaard is fantastically odious as her partner. I doubt there’ll be a single person watching Lovelace who can like or sympathise with Chuck, but Sarsgaard is completely committed to his oily, disturbing performance. Mao Zedong once famously said, “power grows out of the barrel of a gun”, and it’s with a little handgun that Traynor wields his influence over his poor wife, pimping her out to strangers in clubs and coercing her to give blowjobs on screen. He’s a terrible person, but Sarsgaard gives an excellent performance.

In the end, I was left feeling far too sorry for Linda Lovelace to have any kind of impression of this as a piece of art. Although we as the audience are happy that Linda escaped the chain of violence at the end, as a biopic, it had no message other than “don’t stand for abuse”. Pertinent as that is, I like my biopics to say something more, for example, 2005’s Capote about Breakfast at Tiffany’s writer Truman Capote cannily captured just how much of yourself you have to sacrifice for the sake of your art. Tonally, it was also suspect. Sex jokes in one scene, then brutal depictions of spousal abuse in the other… it didn’t sit with me. So, because of the lack of message, as well as the movie being so completely at void of redemptive characters apart from the lead, and the terrible tonal modulations, I left Lovelace feeling short-changed.

Grade: C+/B-

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Review of The Apprentice series 9 episode 7 “Caravans”



The contestants are woken up at 6am, told to pack an overnight bag and to meet Lord Sugar at the Tower of London. Jason, in true court jester form, insists that the only thing one needs to pack for an all-nighter is his big teddy. On the way to the Tower of London, Neil banters with Alex that hopefully it’s him going in the dungeon, an idea that I wouldn’t be averse to, if it sorts his bloody eyebrows out.

As it turns out, the location of Tower of London turns out to be quite tenuous link to this week’s task, which is to do with caravan holidays. The teams will go up to the Birmingham Motorhome and Caravan Show, where they will choose products to sell at the roadshow, one of which must be a high ticket item (ie a caravan). To rebalance the numbers in the teams, Lord Sugar moves Neil over to Evolve, so the teams each have 5 people in.

As someone who has had caravan experience, Kurt nominates himself as PM for Endeavour, and despite Alex also putting himself forward, Kurt is by far the more popular choice, so Alex relents. As for Evolve, self-proclaimed natural salesman Neil elects himself as PM. As someone who has been on a couple of caravan holidays over the years and despised each one, I fully agree with Jason’s sentiment when he demands “Why on earth do you go caravanning? What do you get out of it?” I’ll tell you what you get, a bad temper. So personally, if I were doing this task, I’d most certainly not want to be PM, because I simply couldn’t muster any kind of enthusiasm about it.

Evolve and Endeavour must each pick two cheaper items in addition to their caravans to sell. These include a children’s adventure box, a boat with a lid, an electric bike, a mini-BBQ or a chair with a hood. Both Evolve and Endeavour have their eyes on two items – the children’s adventure box, and the electric bike, although Myles covers his bet by buttering up all the producers. However, his enthusiasm isn’t mirrored by Leah and Natalie, and they really shoot themselves in the foot by trying to negotiate with the vendor of the children’s playkit, when she’s adamant she doesn’t need to lower the price. They repeat this same mistake with the supplier of the electric bike, so then it’s not surprising that both items go to the other team, leaving Endeavour with two second-choice products.

Arriving to hunt for a caravan, Jason’s having the time of his life, joking with motorbike owners, much to the chagrin of Neil, who feels Jason isn’t taking the task seriously enough. When it comes to caravans, Evolve and Endeavour aren’t competing for the same products, as Neil goes for the fold-up tent-style camper, which although isn’t to his personal taste, sells very popularly. Endeavour go for the far more attractive retro-style camper, which I do like, but could potentially prove impractical as the majority of people who take caravan holidays are people older than 50, and the creator of the retro camper himself admitted the age range 35-45. So well shall see.

When it comes to selling the caravans, Kurt selects Myles to do it with him, ahead of
Alex, who gets annoyed because his age is bought into it and he “doesn’t like being talked down to.” Meanwhile, for Evolve, it is Jason and Neil put on caravan-selling duty, and Jason is proving very popular, particularly with the ladies, with his easy charm and flirty style.

Meanwhile, the electric bikes aren’t proving to sell quite as much as Evolve projected, with one passerby facetiously commenting on the £949 electric bike that he wouldn’t pay that much for a car. Nevertheless, Luisa manages to flog a few bikes, and her adeptness for selling is making Jordan, who has sold none, jealous. As annoying as I find Luisa, it’s quite nice to see Jordan, who has been pretty successful in the majority of his tasks, looking put out and find something that he can’t do.

Back at Endeavour, Myles’ straight-to-the-point selling style isn’t getting him anywhere, and Nick astutely observes that whilst this manner is suited to some kind of items, in a caravan roadshow, you’ve got to take the time to charm your customers, rather than just regard them as walking dollar bills. In fact, the first caravan sale of the day goes to Jason, which, whilst benefiting Evolve, you can tell it annoys Neil, who shows his surly side, saying “it definitely doesn’t make him the God of sales.”

Perhaps the worst caravan salesman of the four men is Project Manager of Endeavour, Kurt, who just slouches around casually. That kind of attitude doesn’t draw anyone in, and in a desperate attempt to close a caravan, he calls Alex to send over Leah for “eye candy”, which is a bit sexist, to say the least. Comedy gold, however, was created, when you saw the look on Natalie’s face when Leah was elected as the eye candy ahead of her.

Back in the boardroom, Neil’s team absolutely trounce Kurt’s, over £33k to under £1500. Endeavour sold NO caravans, and Evolve sold three, but they won the task on sales from accessories alone. The prize for Evolve is pretty awesome – they get to go up to the Manchester Velodrome and meet Chris Hoy! It’s a much more bitter pill for Endeavour, who have to face the harsh music of the café as they squabble over where they went wrong.

Kurt picks Alex and Natalie to come into the boardroom with him, although Natalie contests this, exclaiming “I didn’t scare off the bike lady”, one of the lines of the episode. I said at the end of my review of last week’s episode that there would be double firings this week, and indeed, there are, Kurt and Natalie, and it’s difficult to argue with those choices.

Alex, whilst a bit annoying, a bit full of himself, not to mention said “bespoke” this episode about 20 times, has built a business at the ripe young age of 22, and a lot has to be said for that. Furthermore, he committed very well to many tasks, including his acting as the “Colonel” in last week’s task, not to mention his inspired creation of the foldy chair.

Kurt went against common logic in picking the gorgeous retro camper ahead of the uglier but better-selling folding campers, and Natalie not only didn’t shine in this task, but her irritating tendency to well up every time she’s in the boardroom is not only tedious, but gives a bad image for women in business. This also isn’t the first time Kurt’s cocked up – remember flag-gate, and as other people on his team noticed, he used this week to try and show Alan Sugar what he could do, rather than try his best to win the task. So I’m glad to see the back of both of them.

The aww-bless moment of the episode was when Jason was summoned back into the boardroom to be praised on his selling, as he was plucked out of his comfort zone this week in a selling task, and he more than stepped up . “I hope to keep impressing you” he tells Alan Sugar, as he walks backwards out of the boardroom, as if terrified to turn his back on a Lord. AWW!

In The Apprentice: You’re Fired, I HAD to take a photo of the take-away gift that Dara O Briain gave Kurt, which was his “recycling chair” realised. Hilarious!


Next week, the contestants have to set up a dating website, which is just asking for lolz (in the preview, we see Alex bragging "I am the Christian Grey of the Valleys"). Watch this space!

Thursday, May 30, 2013

The Great Gatsby (Baz Luhrmann, 2013)

Nick Carraway (Tobey Maguire), a recent Yale graduate, moves into a small cottage on the west Egg of Long Island, next to the luxurious mansion of the enigmatic Jay Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio), a man whom everyone seems to be talking about. He visits his cousin, Daisy Buchanan (Carey Mulligan), and her husband Tom (Joel Edgerton), wherein he discovers that Tom is having an affair. 

Soon, he is acting as go-between for Daisy to have an affair as well when he sets up a re-acquaintance between Daisy and Gatsby, who, it turns out, were lost loves, a lost love that Gatsby will do anything to reclaim.



Based on F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic novel, Luhrmann plays true to the story, but adds many of his signature flourishes. The parties Gatsby throws are more vivid and opulent than anything the book rendered, and the Jay-Z produced soundtrack contributes to the bombastic vibe of the film. Music features prominently in painting the tone of the film, and there are some inspired touches – Lana del Rey’s melancholy elegy “Will you still love me” captures the essence of Fitzgerald’s book, and I particularly liked the way the tune was played throughout at the key dramatic moments. “100$ bills”, a song by Jay-Z himself, is another good one, which features when Gatsby and Nick visit a clandestine club hidden behind a barbers, and it definitely adds to the MTV-style cool that Luhrmann does so well. 

Luhrmann has commandeered some movies with sensational soundtracks – Romeo + Juliet and Moulin Rouge! come to mind, but featuring beautiful songs from Florence and the Machine, Beyonce (who collaborates with Andre 3000 on a chilling cover of Amy Winehouse's Back to Black), and The White Stripes, The Great Gatsby could just be his magnum opus in the aural stakes.
When F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote The Great Gatsby in 1925, it was his personal indictment of the American dream and the corruption and hedonism it evoked. Much of this is epitomised in the lead female, Daisy Buchanan, who stays with her rich husband despite him having multiple “sprees” which she knows about, having an affair of her own, and forgoing the love of her life when he was penniless. 

Carey Mulligan isn’t an actress I’m particularly fond of, but she does a solid job in one of the most thankless of female roles, albeit injecting Daisy with more depth than she perhaps merits. Apparently, Daisy Buchanan was partially modelled on Fitzgerald’s own wife, Zelda, so I think the idea is that for all her many flaws, we’re not supposed to see Daisy as the complete goldigger that she is. It is thanks to the gravitas of Mulligan’s performance that she halfway manages to convey that, albeit being a tad too serene.
As Nick, Tobey Maguire is the embodiment of an active narrator. In the novel, more actually happens to him; he dates Jordan Baker, the attractive celebrity golfer and Daisy’s confidante, but such is the time constriction of the film that that is more of a plot device than an actual plot development here. Maguire is admirable, and features some of that amicable goofy smile that he sported in his early stages of Peter Parker when he was learning the ropes as Spiderman. But the MVP of the performers in the film is, as with Django Unchained, Inception and various other films which I was disappointed with overall, Leonardo DiCaprio.
Robert Redford also tackled the famous Jay Gatsby role, but he seemed too mature for the role, and lacked one crucial element, optimism, in his performance. DiCaprio has that in spades, to the point where it exasperates the audience, and paints his character as a deluded sap, who would do anything for his lost love, even when she doesn’t deserve him. 

We, as the audience, share Nick’s frustration when, late on in the film, Gatsby accepts the blame for a pretty big error committed by Daisy, just because he doesn’t want her to get into trouble. It seemed pretty inconceivable when I read it in the book, but somehow, DiCaprio manages to make his hapless hopefulness seem believable.

The supporting cast are also good, with particular commendations having to go to Jason Clarke, who plays the perennial deadbeat, George Wilson with so much conviction that you really do feel for the fella. I also liked stage actress Elizabeth Debicki as Jordan, who featured the kind of languid poise that I pictured from her when reading the book. I was very surprised to discover after watching the film that Debicki was only 22 years old, as in the film she more than holds her own against the more seasoned auteurs.
I feel that the screenplay, whilst delivering pretty much all the action the novel had, scrimps on the message Fitzgerald was trying to convey. He meant it as a damning condemnation of the roaring 20s and particularly the “carelessness” that Tom and Daisy exhibit. Whilst this is still present in parts of Maguire’s voice-over, I feel that Luhrmann forgoes the deepness for storytelling. Which I can’t altogether fault him for, as storytelling is definitely his forte, but I just feel that perhaps there was so much style in The Great Gatsby that he forgot about the substance of his source material altogether.

For all the luscious cinematography, inspired costume design (loved the flapper dresses) and fantastic soundtrack, there was something lacking about Baz Luhrmann’s colouring of Fitzgerald’s novel. Despite the actors’ best efforts, the central romance simply wasn’t convincing enough for us to believe in it, meaning that, whilst The Great Gatsby was a wonderful cinematic experience, emotionally, it left me feeling as empty as one of Jay Gatsby’s parties.
5/10