Sunday, July 29, 2018

OOTD: Wearing my 'Insufferable Emma' dress

My five least favourite actresses are Jennifer Lawrence (eighth worst performance of 2017), Emma Stone (actually not a bad actress tbf, but she stole a role from an Asian actress in Aloha), Emma Watson (worst performance of 2017), Cara Delevingne (fourth worst performance of 2017), and Kaya Scodelario (I don't contribute to her Box Office takings so haven't seen a film she's been in for years, thankfully).

So 40% of my 'Insufferable Women' list consists of women who share the same name as me. What they also have in common is that in the musicals they acted in, their singing was... not the best. This quote from Phantom Thread perfectly summarises my reaction when I heard Emma Stone wail through 'Audition' and Emma Watson's auto-tuned caterwauling in 'Belle':

In La La Land and Beauty and the Beast, the two Emmas each wore a yellow dress. Stone's came in the 'A Lovely Night' dance, and Hermione's was in the scene when she first dances with the Beast.

Not one to be left out, I thought I'd make like my two namesakes and also wear a yellow dress. After all, I too, am an Emma of dubious singing talent, who has far too high an opinion of herself. Hence, my yellow dress is verily named, the 'Insufferable Emma' dress.

Dress: John Lewis
Earrings: from China
Glasses: Red or Dead

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

The Death of Specificity

This blog is rated 15 for infrequent very strong language and strong sex references.

The Death of Stalin, Armando Iannucci’s razor-sharp historical satire, explores the power struggles that unfold immediately after Joseph Stalin dies from a stroke, with hilarious consequences.

Monday, July 23, 2018

The Perks of Being a Fangirl

It all started last year, when I watched Disney's limp, uninspired live-action reboot of Beauty and the Beast (aka the film that Emma Watson turned La La Land down for. 😏)

Although it was paint-by-numbers filmmaking for the large part, the standout scene was the exuberant 'Gaston' sequence

I was so enamoured with that musical scene, Gaston became my second favourite Disney song (not a cheap compliment if you consider what number one is) and I would look for any excuse to sing the song. For example...

🎶 No-one gazes lovingly at Mbappé like Macron! 🎶

Thursday, July 19, 2018

10 Lessons Learned from the 2017 BBFC Annual Report

I’ve waited long and hard, but Christmas for Emma has arrived! The BBFC Annual Report for 2017 dropped today, and here are the ten main takeaways I got from consuming it!

01. Emma knows her BBFC
Just as I’d predicted in my anticipation blog, the film which got the most complaints to the BBFC last year was Logan

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

A hug is just a hug, a sigh is just a sigh

Congratulations to France on winning the World Cup!

As I said before the tournament began, they were who I wanted to win, largely because they have the dishiest squad, but also because two of their starting XI, N’Golo Kanté (the happiest man ever) and Olivier Giroud, are Chelsea players, so Chelsea can claim 18.2% of the victory.

Part of me wanted France to win for vengeful Gone Girlish reasons: England football fans love to sing that intolerable ‘it’s coming home’ song, and it would put their backs up something awful seeing the trophy ‘come home’ to their Gallic neighbours, instead. 

And, as I’ve mentioned, I feel English football fans don’t deserve to be rewarded, given the no small part they play in normalising racism against my people. The BBC presenter Gary Lineker making excuses for Jamie Vardy’s usage of ‘Jap’ is a shining example of how racism against east Asians in this country is considered fair game.

But yes, congratulations to France! I’m delighted that Hugo Lloris, who has been toiling endlessly to no fruition at White Hart Lane, finally gets to experience glory!

My last World Cup-related blog that I will do before reverting to my status quo of pedantic BBFC blogs and throwing shade at restaurants, is ten adorable bromantic intra-club moments from the tournament this year. 

This World Cup has been absolutely immense, the Banter World Cup, if you will, featuring sensational goals (my personal favourite was Benjamin Chalamet’s one against Argentina), thrilling games, hilarious moments and memes and general WTF-ery arising from the use of VAR on margin calls. And I’ve loved every minute of it.

But my favourite thing about the World Cup, and all international football tournaments, for that matter, remains the lovely display of fraternity between footballers from the same team (but opposing countries) at the end of the game.

Remember, before the World Cup started, the thing I was most excited for was some manlove between Chelsea club-mates Gary Cahill and Eden Hazard. Did my expectation get fulfilled? Read on to see!

A disclaimer, that these are just ten bromances that involved players who I like.

Needless to say, there were a plenty more than just ten displays of intra-club fraternity throughout the World Cup, such as, for example, Sergio Ramos (the Spain and Real Madrid captain) hugging  his club-mate Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal captain and general showboater) after Spain v Portugal in the group stages. But I don’t like either of them (the fact that I put both in my World Cup Ugly XI may be somewhat of a giveaway...), so I didn’t think it was worth chasing pictures of the moment, aha.

In chronological order…

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Guess the Footballer: Hard

Finally, here are eight from The Times, plus an extra (rather awfully drawn, far too on the nose) one that I did.

The answers to yesterday's medium level puzzlers are at the end of this blog.



Friday, July 13, 2018

Guess the Footballer: Medium

Continuing with the game I showed yesterday, here are the pictionaries which are a tad trickier! At the end, I'll provide the answers to the ones from yesterday!


Thursday, July 12, 2018

Guess the Footballer: Easy

So, England are out of the World Cup, getting beaten by a Croatia side who simply had more guile and experience than them.

As predicted, I am ambivalent about this loss, largely because my main draw for supporting England spent the majority of the tournament warming the bench (at least Gaz had Phil Jones to keep him company).

Also, I despise Jamie Vardy and will never quite forgive the British press (especially a certain football journalist who I used to be on quite good terms with #cryptic) for affording Vardy a free pass for racially abusing a Japanese man.

These same football journalists wrote mini-tomes about racism when Suarez and Terry did it. And to me, an east Asian, the silence from the hacks after Vardy’s choice word selection is a pretty clear sign that the British media don’t think racism against east Asians is problematic.

By not acting, the British press was complicit in the racism that I have suffered and continue to suffer.

That being said, there was a certain spark in the England side of the 2018 World Cup that was a joy to watch at times, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get swept up in the momentous occasion of us winning our first penalty shoot-out in an international tournament since 1996. There's also something to be said for seeing the country unify over a common cause, especially when the weather was so gorgeous too.

In the final, I’ll be supporting France, a decision that I'm not ashamed to admit that is largely driven by aesthetic reasons.

Wednesday, July 04, 2018

The 10 Most Handsome Footballers of the 2018 World Cup

Happy Hump Day!! 

Now that we're through to the quarter-final stage of the 2018 World Cup, I have officially seen all of the talent, shall we say, on display, to be able to have done enough research for who I think are the ten smokeshows of the tournament.

Thus, this is a thirst-heavy blog. Photos, gifs, and general swooning of some Adonises will be in abundance. It was quite a challenge to find variations of saying 'he's hot' over and over, but somehow, I managed it!

As with my choices for best and worst dressed at the 2018 Oscars, I'm not even going to pretend the list isn't heavily influenced by my personal opinion of the men in question (and club loyalties). I also have rather, niche, shall we say, taste in men - check out my list of hottest guys in the 2016 Euros.

10. Ruben Loftus-Cheek (England)

What a handsome man. His smile is like a gift from God, and he manages to balance appearing youthful with working a suave moustache.