Four Eyes.

Jonah Hill's character in The Wolf of Wall Street, Donnie Azoff, is my second favourite film character to compare myself to. First would obviously be Rosamund Pike's Amy Dunne in Gone Girl. (I see myself in Amazing Amy because one's a God Complex-ridden conniving bitch who you should cross at your peril. The other's a character in a David Fincher film).

Anyway, perhaps due to me having just watched my gorgeous French bae Antoine Griezmann score a brace against Germany in Euro 2016 (don't know if you heard, but I quite fancy that Griezmann chap), I thought of Valentines Day. Which made me think of 2014's Valentines' Day release, The Lego Movie, which was directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller. They also directed 2014's 22 Jump Street which starred Jonah Hill, and that in turn got me thinking about his character, and performance in The Wolf of Wall Street. (We got there eventually). #tenuous

Jonah Hill's character in The Wolf of Wall Street wears some pretty prominently sized glasses, which Leonardo DiCaprio's Jordan himself notes are made of clear glass, and only worn so that Donnie can appear more 'waspish'. I share no such affectation; with short-sightedness of -5 in both eyes and astigmatisms, I don't wear mine for no fashion statement.

(Sidenote: I know Leonardo DiCaprio's protagonist in WoWS would be the favoured character to compare oneself to, given his sharp suits and getting to bed the stunning Margot Robbie. But experience with too many dude-bro clown guys who work in the City and erroneously think they possess an iota of Leo's élan, swagger, and luck with the ladies has made me rather averse to Jordan Belfort-type comparisons. They think they're Leo in The Wolf of Wall Street; I wish they'd see the same ending as Leo in Titanic. Also, I like to keep candles away from my nether regions, please and thanks).

However, you know what they say: when God closes a door, he opens a window. And when he blights this obnoxious Chinaman with terribad eyesight, he gives her an opportunity to emulate her second favourite obnoxious 18-rated film character.

As you know, I got new glasses recently, and I don't love this purple pair as much as I do my red ones. My main grievance with them is that due to the largeness of the frame, they accentuate the slittiness of my eyes, something I'd rather not draw attention to.

But on the bright side, the glasses are plastic and large, and thus, make me resemble this elegant anti-hero ever the more, particularly in this shot, where I can delude myself that me and Jonah are wearing one and the same pair.

Every cloud!