A hug is just a hug, a sigh is just a sigh

Congratulations to France on winning the World Cup!

As I said before the tournament began, they were who I wanted to win, largely because they have the dishiest squad, but also because two of their starting XI, N’Golo Kanté (the happiest man ever) and Olivier Giroud, are Chelsea players, so Chelsea can claim 18.2% of the victory.

Part of me wanted France to win for vengeful Gone Girlish reasons: England football fans love to sing that intolerable ‘it’s coming home’ song, and it would put their backs up something awful seeing the trophy ‘come home’ to their Gallic neighbours, instead. 

And, as I’ve mentioned, I feel English football fans don’t deserve to be rewarded, given the no small part they play in normalising racism against my people. The BBC presenter Gary Lineker making excuses for Jamie Vardy’s usage of ‘Jap’ is a shining example of how racism against east Asians in this country is considered fair game.

But yes, congratulations to France! I’m delighted that Hugo Lloris, who has been toiling endlessly to no fruition at White Hart Lane, finally gets to experience glory!

My last World Cup-related blog that I will do before reverting to my status quo of pedantic BBFC blogs and throwing shade at restaurants, is ten adorable bromantic intra-club moments from the tournament this year. 

This World Cup has been absolutely immense, the Banter World Cup, if you will, featuring sensational goals (my personal favourite was Benjamin Chalamet’s one against Argentina), thrilling games, hilarious moments and memes and general WTF-ery arising from the use of VAR on margin calls. And I’ve loved every minute of it.

But my favourite thing about the World Cup, and all international football tournaments, for that matter, remains the lovely display of fraternity between footballers from the same team (but opposing countries) at the end of the game.

Remember, before the World Cup started, the thing I was most excited for was some manlove between Chelsea club-mates Gary Cahill and Eden Hazard. Did my expectation get fulfilled? Read on to see!

A disclaimer, that these are just ten bromances that involved players who I like.

Needless to say, there were a plenty more than just ten displays of intra-club fraternity throughout the World Cup, such as, for example, Sergio Ramos (the Spain and Real Madrid captain) hugging  his club-mate Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal captain and general showboater) after Spain v Portugal in the group stages. But I don’t like either of them (the fact that I put both in my World Cup Ugly XI may be somewhat of a giveaway...), so I didn’t think it was worth chasing pictures of the moment, aha.

In chronological order…

The 10 Most Handsome Footballers of the 2018 World Cup

Happy Hump Day!! 

Now that we're through to the quarter-final stage of the 2018 World Cup, I have officially seen all of the talent, shall we say, on display, to be able to have done enough research for who I think are the ten smokeshows of the tournament.

Thus, this is a thirst-heavy blog. Photos, gifs, and general swooning of some Adonises will be in abundance. It was quite a challenge to find variations of saying 'he's hot' over and over, but somehow, I managed it!

As with my choices for best and worst dressed at the 2018 Oscars, I'm not even going to pretend the list isn't heavily influenced by my personal opinion of the men in question (and club loyalties). I also have rather, niche, shall we say, taste in men - check out my list of hottest guys in the 2016 Euros.

10. Ruben Loftus-Cheek (England)

What a handsome man. His smile is like a gift from God, and he manages to balance appearing youthful with working a suave moustache.

I'm a poet and I know it.

As you may have gleamed from my review of Suicide Squad, I didn't think too much of Cara Delevingne's performance which her father bought her. I even wrote a poem about it:

I may have spent quite a large chunk of last weekend Snapchatting friends videos and images of me whining about Delevingne's Razzie-worthy acting. Because it's not like me to go on about things, now is it? (On a completely unrelated note, do you remember in 2013 when The Guardian ranked Eden Hazard 100th in the world? A HUNDREDTH I TELL YA).

--

By the by, the BBFC responded to that insufferable e-mail I sent them. As you'll notice, I basically got fobbed off with a generic response. They even included links to the guidelines. As if I haven't studied those and memorised them off by heart! The BBFC is like, my specialist topic, yo!

But oh well. I'll just have to let bygones be bygones and accept Too Young 2: Never Gone as one of the titles the BBFC rated 15, that I think is a dubious 15.

Suicide Squad, for all its talk of 'sustained threat', proved to be a bit of a bubblegum 15 in the end (I found the threat in the 12A-rated 10 Cloverfield Lane more intense). But I am grateful to the BBFC for awarding it, because it meant there were no kids in the audience, and I got to see it in relative peace.

However, I believe there was an oversight at the BBFC when they compiled their short insight. It's 15 for 'sustained threat, moderate violence' but they forgot 'strong horror'.

The horror in question being Cara Delevingne trying to act. 

Hottest Footballers in Euro 2016.

According to my more-than-a-little dubious definition of male beauty, of course.

 10. Aaron Ramsey (Wales) 

I simply can't use a recent picture because that peroxide blonde job doesn't do him any favours. I prefer his hair colour when it's natural.

09. Kyle Lafferty (Northern Ireland)

I don't usually like tats on a chap, but I'll make an exception for Kyle.

08. Matts Hummels (Germany) 

hello, sailor

07. Cesc Fàbregas (Spain) 

I never admitted to finding him Cescy when he played for Arsenal or Rob Brown's team, funny, that.

06. Jan Vertonghen (Belgium)

In the premier league, he's one of the slyest bellends around. But something about his face resembles that of Nick from Zootropolis. Which I mean as a compliment, of course.

05. Vedran Corluka (Croatia)  

I could just get lost in his eyes. And he's willing to play on with a face full of blood, too. Hero.

04. Hugo Lloris (France) 

The finest beard in football since Jamie Redknapp. And I adore his Gallic charm.

03. Eden Hazard (Belgium) 

Belgium's captain has the 100th juiciest bum in the world as ranked by The Guardian. A health hazard, if you will.

02. Antoine Griezmann (France) 

Dat face is a freaking work of art. Jean-Pierre Léaud's character in Les 400 coups is now no longer my favourite Antoine.

01. Gary Cahill (England) 

Sun's out, gun's out, mofos.

A disgusting cocktail from The Duck and Waffle.

When it comes to choosing cocktails in bars, I suffer from a slightly foolish idiosyncrasy: I pick the cocktail I like the name of the most, without reading the ingredients. In the case of Eden at The Duck and Waffle, which consisted of 'Bombay Sapphire gin, bay leaf, IPA reduction, beetroot paint', that proved a very erroneous decision. Cocktail was absolutely awful! Here it is!

At £15.75 (£14 and a tip the waiters help themselves too, pfft), it was also a bloody rip off.

So yeah, lesson learnt. Don't pick cocktails because they share names with Chelsea players you adore! (Clearly, having seen Mertesacker a few moments previously, I was suffering from having football on my mind!)

RESTAURANT REVIEW: Belgo Centraal (Covent Garden)

Audrey Hepburn. Hercule Poirot. Eden Hazard. What do that three eclectic threesome have in common? That would be the element they also have in common with this restaurant: Belgium. Prior to visiting Belgo Centraal I wasn’t sure just what constituted ‘Belgian cuisine’, expecting nothing more than a wide selection of waffles.

Having been to the restaurant, I must admit that I am not any closer to being enlightened. The croquettes we had for starters, whilst being perfectly edible, didn’t have any crowning features that elevated it above the McDonald’s cheesy bites, so I was left pondering just how Belgian it was. My main – garlic chicken – whilst certainly lightyears ahead of the dross they serve at Nando’s, again, didn’t seem to have a particular secret ingredient that made it any more Belgian than anything else I’d ever consumed. Perhaps I’m being churlish – had the waiters spent more time educating me, I would have left the restaurant happier, and my taste buds feeling more cultured. Instead, I just felt like I’d had a nice meal, but without any geographical component to it.

The majority of the food tasted good, although the frites ordered for sides did not deliver; the stuff they churn out at KFC is less stale than the Belgo crap. The turnover for food orders was swift, but I can’t help feeling the quality suffered at its expense. The mussel-to-shell ratio was also disappointing; the mussel in the above photo are so artfully arranged that it detracts from the fact that you aren't actually getting very much fish at all. Same goes for the prawn starters - it cost about six pounds, but  the shell took up far more space than any real food. I dislike being conned, just saying. Do you want to know something else I dislike? Waiters who take ages when you ask them for tissues. The food at Belgo was very difficult to eat tidily, and I requested some extra tissues. They did arrive – but only after I prompted the waiters again. Not impressed.

The highlight of my visit to Belgo was undoubtedly the beer selection, arguably the only legitimately Belgian thing about the whole place. There were some wonderfully quirky sounding beers, served in such a generous portion that the alcohol content almost makes you forget about the chips that you’ve been ripped off for. Even for those who aren’t usually big on beer, I guarantee there’ll be something in the selection at Belgo there – check out the fruit beers.

Overall, I enjoyed my dining experience at Belgo, and would particularly recommend it beer-drinkers. In terms of food, I was satisfied, without being so blown away that I would hurry back.

Grade: B-

2 Guns.

Yesterday, Chelsea took away Manchester City's illustrious home record at the Etihad with a classy and thoroughly well-deserved win. Gary Cahill was one of the most head-turning players on the pitch, second only to Eden Hazard, who pwned Zabaleta and made Demichelis look like a buffoon (yet The Guardian only deigned Hazard 100th in the world, there's your dumbassery), and I thought I'd celebrate the top, top win with a cheeky pic spam of his top, top arms.

 




You get a cheeky bit of Eden bod in this one too *___*

 

Exactly how I felt last night, Gaz.

 

As thick as tree trunks *__*

 
I took this one myself at a Champions League home game when he was warming up just a few yards in front of me. The temptation to run onto the pitch was overwhelming, believe me.

 
It's not just his arms that are lush. DAT PHYSIQUE. (Although this game was when we lost away to Juve, and Di Matteo was sacked, so perhaps I shouldn't be celebrating it so much). ;___;


 
Lucky Ivanovic, s'all I'm saying'.

 
Those arms wrapped around Mata (who I'm still gutted we sold, btw. But that's a rant for another day...)

And again, lucky Ivanovic. *___*

 
Gary Cahill and John Terry. Also known as #GERRY

PS. He's better than Vincent Kompany, just announcin'.

Crush list, 2.0.

I like to make these random lists, as it's just an excuse to trawl the interwebz for eye candy :3

10. Eden Hazard (footballer, Belgium & Chelsea)

Last Wednesday, Hazard received his first sending off as a professional footballer for kicking 17-year-old Swansea ballboy. "It's child abuse!" cried the puritanical British media. They were conveniently forgetting a few things: 1) Charlie Morgan is 17, a spoilt (and somewhat tubby) rich kid who needed putting in his place and had I been Hazard, I would have kicked that little shit a lot harder, and 2) replays show that Hazard got the ball, not the fat boy. But hey, don't let fachts get in the way of some good old fashioned Chelsea slating. Anyway, I'm proud of Hazard and that little blot on his otherwise impeccable copybook (he had only received one yellow as a Chelsea player thus far) actually endears the silky Belgian to me more now; he's got #ChelseaDNA.

09. Joe Hart (footballer, England & Manchester City)

No one near the goalpost have swagger like Joe! Mr. Hart has had a somewhat hit-and-miss season so far, especially compared to the high standard he set for himself last season, where his heroics helped Manchester City win the Title, and his attitude at times has led to some to deem him arrogant. But I like that cockiness that Hart has, (if you're that tall, that blonde, chew gum that coolly, in my opinion, you're entitled to some arrogance), and he is at the pinnacle of his fineness when he's laying his big goalkeeping hands on his teammates David Silva, Mario Balotelli, or best of all, Vincent Kompany, his captain. Bonus points: his surname is the shape of sunglasses which I do so love to wear.

08. Harry Styles (singer, One Direction)

Harry Styles, with his cheeky grin and Lolitaesque taste in older ladies, is not to everyone's taste, but I'm extremely fond of him. I also (and this might be delusion) - think he contributes hugely to One Direction's charisma appeal - witness his delivery of "shot me outta the sky, you're my Kryptonite" in One Thing. He should know.

07. Robert Sheehan (actor)

I always found Rob a little annoying in The Misfits, although that wasn't so much his acting as the character he was playing. But in Me & Mrs. Jones, a naff but endearing BBC comedy sitcom, he played a sweet lad, and in doing so, looked so, so much hotter. Plus he walked around in nothing but a towel for quite a few scenes; can't say I complained.

06. Rupert Grint (actor)

Yes, I know Harry Potter is over. I know that. But Grinty will always have a place in my heart. Of the three leads, he is the one who, in the films, I thought was the closest performance to how I imagined the character in the books, and he gave the films a much needed comic relief, particularly when things got super-dark in the latter films. Rupert Grint will always by my favourite ginger.

05. Jamie Redknapp (pundit)

Okay, okay. Redknapp Jr ain't the brightest apple in the tree his football knowledge is shown up on more than one occasion per match, which is pretty embarrassing (although I maintain that Jamie knows more about football than 99% of the football writers of The Guardian trolololololo). But who can say no to those dreamy hazel eyes, sexy stubble and irresistable smile? On more than one occasion when in Marks and Spencer I've wandered over to the cardboard cutout of him and just not moved. :3

04. Zayn Malik (singer, One Direction)

Poor timing, this, as Zayn has just been caught being a love rat, cheating on his girlfriend, a member of Little Mix. But hey, I'm not marrying him. I just like to look. And in his Bambi eyelashes and flawless skin & bone structure, there's a lot to enjoy. Plus his singing has come along a lot in the latest One Direction album - hear the way he belts out "and giiiiiiiirl, you and I, we're bout to make some memories tonight." Who says One Direction can't sing? Eh? EH??!?!??!?!

03. Gary Cahill (footballer, England & Chelsea)

It's with some sheepishness that I have Gaz on here as, when he first joined Chelsea, I was more than a little sniffy about him, not deeming him good enough. But our shy Yorkshireman has more than proved me wrong, blossoming into quite the JT 2.0, and playing wonderfully in the CL final when he was still nursing a hamstring injury (as did David Luiz). Anyway, Gazatron's arms are a work of art, as are his abs and all-round 6'3'' physique. We can even allow his less-than-manly act of getting his teeth whitened. After all, 50 Shades of Gary is our future captain. Ohhhh, Gary. #trollface

02. Louis Tomlinson (singer, One Direction)

I know Louis can't sing. And, unlike Harry, Liam and Niall, doesn't seem to have all that much personality either. But he is still my favourite member of One Direction by quite some distance, especially when he's strutting around in a pair of beige chinos and wearing a T-shirt that brings out his unusual eye colour. What can I say? He's got that One Thing :3

01. Peter Crouch (footballer, England & Stoke City)

Always. He may not be as amazing as he once was, scoring hat-tricks against Arsenal and bicycle kicks as a Liverpool player,  and the winning goal that propelled Tottenham into the CL, but his fabulous sense of humour, easygoing spirit and triffic personality will always render him: my Crouchiebung <333>

Chelsea Girl.

I went to the Bridge a couple of times over the Summer, and here were my attempts to try to ~glam up a laddish Chelsea top.

This top was from several season's ago, and pretty washed out. The hot pink jeans are from Zara (sale, £13). Scarf was from a market stall. Hair is pretty scruffy but ohwell.gif.

The scarf is a gift from an ex (awkward), he got it from Italy. Hoodie is from Sports direct, it was from like 2008 but I still wear it cos it's a nice colour (and matches Maj's gilet, haha!). Yellow bumblebee top from the  2008-2009 season (when Lampsy scored the winner for us in the FA Cup final, just reminiscin').

Bonus pic: this is my top for this season. I got Hazard on the back :p I'm kind of ecstatic in this photo.