A hug is just a hug, a sigh is just a sigh

Congratulations to France on winning the World Cup!

As I said before the tournament began, they were who I wanted to win, largely because they have the dishiest squad, but also because two of their starting XI, N’Golo Kanté (the happiest man ever) and Olivier Giroud, are Chelsea players, so Chelsea can claim 18.2% of the victory.

Part of me wanted France to win for vengeful Gone Girlish reasons: England football fans love to sing that intolerable ‘it’s coming home’ song, and it would put their backs up something awful seeing the trophy ‘come home’ to their Gallic neighbours, instead. 

And, as I’ve mentioned, I feel English football fans don’t deserve to be rewarded, given the no small part they play in normalising racism against my people. The BBC presenter Gary Lineker making excuses for Jamie Vardy’s usage of ‘Jap’ is a shining example of how racism against east Asians in this country is considered fair game.

But yes, congratulations to France! I’m delighted that Hugo Lloris, who has been toiling endlessly to no fruition at White Hart Lane, finally gets to experience glory!

My last World Cup-related blog that I will do before reverting to my status quo of pedantic BBFC blogs and throwing shade at restaurants, is ten adorable bromantic intra-club moments from the tournament this year. 

This World Cup has been absolutely immense, the Banter World Cup, if you will, featuring sensational goals (my personal favourite was Benjamin Chalamet’s one against Argentina), thrilling games, hilarious moments and memes and general WTF-ery arising from the use of VAR on margin calls. And I’ve loved every minute of it.

But my favourite thing about the World Cup, and all international football tournaments, for that matter, remains the lovely display of fraternity between footballers from the same team (but opposing countries) at the end of the game.

Remember, before the World Cup started, the thing I was most excited for was some manlove between Chelsea club-mates Gary Cahill and Eden Hazard. Did my expectation get fulfilled? Read on to see!

A disclaimer, that these are just ten bromances that involved players who I like.

Needless to say, there were a plenty more than just ten displays of intra-club fraternity throughout the World Cup, such as, for example, Sergio Ramos (the Spain and Real Madrid captain) hugging  his club-mate Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal captain and general showboater) after Spain v Portugal in the group stages. But I don’t like either of them (the fact that I put both in my World Cup Ugly XI may be somewhat of a giveaway...), so I didn’t think it was worth chasing pictures of the moment, aha.

In chronological order…

Guess the Footballer: Easy

So, England are out of the World Cup, getting beaten by a Croatia side who simply had more guile and experience than them.

As predicted, I am ambivalent about this loss, largely because my main draw for supporting England spent the majority of the tournament warming the bench (at least Gaz had Phil Jones to keep him company).

Also, I despise Jamie Vardy and will never quite forgive the British press (especially a certain football journalist who I used to be on quite good terms with #cryptic) for affording Vardy a free pass for racially abusing a Japanese man.

These same football journalists wrote mini-tomes about racism when Suarez and Terry did it. And to me, an east Asian, the silence from the hacks after Vardy’s choice word selection is a pretty clear sign that the British media don’t think racism against east Asians is problematic.

By not acting, the British press was complicit in the racism that I have suffered and continue to suffer.

That being said, there was a certain spark in the England side of the 2018 World Cup that was a joy to watch at times, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get swept up in the momentous occasion of us winning our first penalty shoot-out in an international tournament since 1996. There's also something to be said for seeing the country unify over a common cause, especially when the weather was so gorgeous too.

In the final, I’ll be supporting France, a decision that I'm not ashamed to admit that is largely driven by aesthetic reasons.

10 Players I'm Looking Forward to Watching in the Euros.

01. Petr Cech (Czech Republic, Chelsea)

Cech’s start to the season for Chelsea was rocky under the clueless tutelage of Andre Village-Idiot and the Portuguese’s fondness for the high line, which left Cech hopelessly exposed. Lo and behold, AVB was sacked and Chelsea re-found their swagger, and one of those who’s performances contrasted most (Tony) starkly with that of their earlier ones is Petr Cech, who finished the season on the highest high possible, making three fabulous penalty saves in the Champions League final. An intelligent, measured man (easily the smartest of the Chelsea squad no matter what Lampard likes to think :p), Petr Cech is one of the few of the Chelsea team who actually keeps himself out of trouble. However, in times of diversity this season, Cech has showed a lion-hearted gutsiness one wouldn’t have expected from a man so soft-spoken that has cemented himself in fans’ hearts, he has captained the team eight times (mainly due to injuries to Terry and AVB’s continual feud with Lampard) and his flawless performance in the CL final is a redemptive example of good things coming to those who wait.

02. Juan Mata (Spain, Chelsea)

Unlike his Chelsea teammate Cech, Mata did not cover himself in glory in the penalty shoot-out in the CL final, being the only Chelsea player who missed his. That he went first purely heaped pressure onto his teammates. But fortunately, that saved penalty did not mata. Juan Mata did not deserve that kind of anguish, for his has been Chelsea’s shining light this season; often when our performances have sucked (and there have been plenty of those), Juan Mata still conjured moments of magic to make our performances seem passable. The diminutive Spaniard has settled into the Chelsea set-up fabulously, being the only one who can coax semi-decent turns from his compatriot Torres, and it makes me mouth water to contemplate how he and Chelsea new boy Eden Hazard will link up when the premier league starts again.

03. Ashley Cole (England, Chelsea)

The player that football fans love to hate, it has been suggested that hecklers simply spur Ashley Cole on to train harder, and play better. A stupendous performance in the CL final that was only blighted by his momentarily lapse of concentration to allow Muller to score (though an argument could be made that he did so because he had half an eye on babysitting David Luiz, who was nursing a hamstring injury throughout), Ashley Cole was the epitome of concentration, agility and skill. He made tackles and interceptions with considerable ease and in the absence of John Terry, had the dual task of marshalling a Chelsea defence that included both centrebacks recovering from long-term spells out injured. He did all these jobs – and more – scoring a crucial penalty that bought the scores level to 3-3, meaning that whilst the haters wept, Cole merely smirked smugly and strutted around on the pitch with his CL medal. As Jamie Foxx and Justin Timberlake might say, you lookin’ at a winner.

04. Luka Modric (Croatia, Tottenham)

05. Joe Hart (England, Man City)

06. Shay Given (Ireland, Aston Villa)



07. David Silva (Spain, Man City)

08. Andriy Shevchenko (Ukraine, Dynamo Kyiv)

09. Scott Parker (England, Tottenham)

10. Richard Dunne (Ireland, Aston Villa)

And 5 players who will sorely be missed :

01. Peter Crouch (England, Stoke) Hodgson didn’t pick him #Hodgsonout

02. Frank Lampard (England, Chelsea) injured himself in training :(

03. Gary Cahill (England, Chelsea) Injured in a collision with Joe Hart after being pushed by Dries Mertens. URGH

04. Marko Marin (Germany, Chelsea) Not selected. Hmmm.

05. Adam Johnson & Micah Richards (England, Man City) Hodgson didn’t pick them. #hmmmm