Obviously, fashion and looks are subjective, so this is by no means the gospel. And I'm not even gonna pretend that bias and love for certain performers (and disdain for others) did not creep until my rankings. I'm prone to playing favourites and being hella petty to those I dislike a la Miles Teller when he tweeted 'congratulations to Moonlight!'
The Dunkirk twinks Harry Styles and Fionn Whitehead weren't invited to the Oscars, but had they been, I'm sure they would have made the Best Dressed Males List.
So, without further ado...
Best dressed women
Jonah Hill's younger sister's dress reminds me, funnily enough, of Jonah's Superbad co-star Emma Stone's gorgeous City of Stars dress that she wore to the 2017 Golden Globes. Only a darker, more gothic version. Black is a slimming colour, and the winged eye make-up, wavy hair and dangly earrings complete the outfit nicely.
06. Sally Hawkins
Isabelle Huppert wore Armani Privé last year, and this year, Privé continues the tradition of dressing my personal choice for Best Actresses! The angular shoulders recall Joan Crawford, and the cut of the dress is flattering to Sally's form, nicely nipped in with a waistbelt to give her some curves. The sparkles of the dress adds a touch of glamour to proceedings.
05. Lupita Nyong'o
Wakanda forever! Lupita does her Black Panther alter-ego proud with this fierce Versace dress, which goes so well with her skin tone. The sash across it could pass for an ammunition belt, which recalls something Nakia would wear, and there's some gold detail in her hair to match the dress.
04. Jennifer Garner
Jennifer Garner goes for simple but elegant in this classy, form-fitting electric blue gown. Her hair is styled nicely, and look how toned her arms are, too! Ben Affleck dun goofed.
03. Allison Williams
The Get Out actress looks so pretty and demure that you could definitely see why countless boyfriends would follow her to meet her parents, to their doom. The jewelled peach bodice is very flattering to her slim frame and the bottom of the dress sashays down regally.
02. Emily Blunt
Like Sally Hawkins, Blunt goes for power-dressing in terms of the shoulders in a princess-style Schiaparelli dress. I love this colour on Emily, and she's accessorised fabulously as well with a matching clutch and dangly earrings.
01. DC girls: Gal Gadot and Margot Robbie
Something I love about this collective aesthetic is that Gal has dark brown hair and is wearing a dark dress and Margot has light hair and is wearing a white dress! Also, Wonder Woman has dark hair and Harley Quinn has white hair!
Somewhere, Zack Snyder is grinning from ear-to-ear about getting to work with a brunette and blonde bombshell in the DCEU movies (some, he produces, some, he directs). Gadot and Robbie are commonly considered to be two of the most beautiful women in the world, and on Sunday, they were the best dressed, too.
Gadot gives a nice hint of cleavage in a metallic dress, with statement jewellery that adds a pop of colour to her outfit (along with her red lips). Standing tall and proud, she looks every bit the Amazon goddess.
Margot Robbie looks like an angel in this Chanel dress. It had the potential of being a bit plain, but thanks to the detail on the top, a shimmery clutch and her hair and make-up on fleek, the ensemble works. Robbie seems to have gained a bit of a tan, which the whiteness of the dress highlights nicely.
So those were the women who I thought were the best dressed. Now, for the worst!
Worst dressed women
Frances McDormand was quite poorly turned out, but I'm not including her because we all know Frances would show up at the Oscars in her pyjamas if she was allowed (indeed, she did rock up to the Independent Spirit Awards the day before in her PJs!). Frances doesn't bother with her outfits, she cares more about her craft, and that in itself, deserves praise.
04. Nicole Kidman
The bow at the front of this dress is just too much!
03. Jennifer Lawrence
02. St. Vincent
I know Cara Delevingne's ex-flame is known for her quirkiness, but this bizarre ensemble is better suited for one of her music videos than something as upmarket as the Oscars. Or maybe even like, a swimming pool?
01. Emma Stone
Emma Stone was so impeccably dressed last year, when there was an Oscar to campaign for. The aforementioned City of Stars dress at the Golden Globes, her sparkly BAFTA outfit and the gold dress she wore on Oscar night were all home runs. But this year, with Battle of the Sexes failing to gain any awards traction, there's less impressing to do, so I swear she just gets dressed in the dark? There's too much 'wet look' silk in this outfit, and the clash between the red and the pink is a real eyesore. Her stylist must low-key h8 her.
Best dressed men
07. James Ivory
I love this. The movie veteran, who won on Sunday for Best Adapted Screenplay, wore a cartoon of the actor who delivered his lines on his T-shirt. Inspired!
05. Lin-Manuel Miranda
A simply navy suit and a bit of a goatee is a good look on the actor and song-writer. I daresay Alexander Hamilton himself would rate this look.
04. Mahershala Ali
Quite a few men wore velvet on Sunday, which is brave, because it's much easier to get wrong than right. However, due to his height and wisely choosing to pair his Berlutti blazer with a plain black shirt, the Moonlight actor carries it off with aplomb.
03. Sam Rockwell
From last year's Best Supporting Actor to this year's! Sam Rockwell looks a world away from schlubby Officer Dixon and his untucked shirt. The bow tie is classy and cute and dapper Sam is also rock(well)ing just the tiniest hint of stubble. I do dig facial hair on brunette guys!
02. Tom Holland
The young British actor looking very sharp in this Hermès double-breasted suit. Like something Daniel Day-Lewis in Phantom Thread might wear! I suspect Tom, with his perpetually cheery grin, is a bit more fun to be around!
01. Lakeith Stanfield
Hands down, the best dressed man of then night. The suit has been tailored to perfection, and the black lapels on the dark blue makes it stand out a bit. I also like the detailing on the buttons, his well-shined shoes and the suave bow tie. The fact that the suit is sustainable just makes it even better. Being eco-friendly never looked so good!
Worst dressed men
03. Ansel Elgort
See what I mean about velvet being hard to pull off? The Baby Driver actor was already up against it in this green Tom Ford jacket, but what hurts my eyes almost as much as the fabric is that there seems to be a tracksuit-esque line down the side his trousers, which just makes the whole ensemble look kinda cheap. Harry Styles and Fionn Whitehead would never.
02. Armie Hammer
There's no denying Armie Hammer is very good looking (he's as handsome as he is obnoxious. Make of that what you will). But even the best-looking person in the world couldn't pull off this Armani burgundy velvet monstrosity. The material looks like one would make curtains out of it or something.
01. Timothée Chalamet
Timmy, honey. I love you. You're sick at the guitar and the piano and trilingual, not to mention the youngest actor in 80 years to get nominated in the Best Actor category.
But if Jamie Redknapp couldn't get away with a white suit, I'm afraid you won't either!
Mr Chalamet has had some... interesting fashion calls of late. At the Independent Spirit Awards, which is way more informal, he rocked up, presumably cosplaying a petrol station attendant:
Maybe it's time for Tim Tam to call his stylist by his name, 'fired'?