A stray observation from perusing the DVD section of charity shops on a Saturday morning.

Hanna, which was the BBFC's second most complained about film in 2011 (second only to Black Swan), mainly due to the strength of the violence, exacerbated by the fact that it was a young teenage girl involved in most of the fight scenes, is a 15 in Ireland. I'm glad to see the Irish are sensible, and didn't let the fact that the lead actress being their countryman, blind them to their film rating duties.

Chelsea Daggers in the Back.

Chelsea’s 3-1 loss in Naples on Tuesday was damaging. It was damaging to the team’s aspirations of ever winning the Champions League, as they now have a figurative mountain to climb in overcoming that deficit in the return fixture in London with a misfiring attack and a toothless defence. It was also damaging to the 34-year-old’s reputation. He had taken several gambles in his team selection, and from the result and the performance, it was an unqualified failure. Chelsea, languishing in fifth, looking at another Champions League exit and really struggling to gain any kind of form, are in dire straits. The worrying thing is, these are just the on-field problems. Off it, AVB faces player mutiny from the most political dressing room in the premier league, increasing pressure to play the ineffective Fernando Torres and continual speculation at his future, decided by the fickle oil baron Roman Abramovich. Damage, damage, everywhere.

Eyebrows were raised when the teamsheet was released for the Napoli game. John Terry, the Chelsea captain, was ruled out through injury, thus inducing AVB to play the less-than-ideal centreback pairing of Gary Cahill and David Luiz, both of whom proceeded to give a performance over the 90 minutes that would have made Laurel and Hardy proud. Far more baffling, however, was that Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard and Michael Essien were all benched. The three that took their places in the starting XI- Bosingwa, Ramires and Meireles, all had shockers. Bosingwa came off after 10 minutes with an injury, thus inducing Villas-Boas to use up a precious substitution early. The Sky pundit Jamie Redknapp raged that it was “managerial suicide”, and judging from the shambolic performance that ensued, in which Chelsea were arguably fortunate to escape from just 3-1 down, he wasn’t wrong.

As Graeme Sounness said, Ashley Cole at 90% fitness was better than Bosingwa 100%. The England left-back, as with his defensive colleagues, has not had the best season at Chelsea (the way he lost Theo Walcott in the 3-5 humiliation against Arsenal must will give him nightmares) but he still remains one of the finest in the world in his position, and when brilliant, has given performances for Chelsea that epitomize full-back play at its finest (Spurs away, for example). AVB’s decision not to start him and play Bosingwa - a right-back who can barely play in his natural role – out of position because the manager and Cole had an argument, just smacks of cutting one’s nose off to spite their face. Furthermore, not playing Michael Essien, a man who knows the role of defensive midfield inside out, in favour of Raul Meireles, whose error led to Chelsea conceding the equaliser, was another of AVB’s risky gambles that backfired spectacularly. And finally, the benching of Frank Lampard. To fans, Frank is Chelsea royalty and were we presented with an ultimatum between the 33-year-old midfielder and the 34-year-old gaffer, the Englishman would come out top every time. The power struggle between the manager and the man only 8 months his junior has been well documented by fans and the Media alike this season and whilst fans accept that Lampard no longer has the God-given right to demand starts at every single Chelsea game, he is still far better than any of the alternatives and should definitely have started for such a crucial match on Tuesday.

All that being said, some sympathy has to be given to Andre Villas-Boas. Managing Chelsea, for all its glitterati and glamour, is an unenviable task. John Terry, Frank Lampard, Ashley Cole and Didier Drogba have egos to match their salaries, and even the usually soft-spoken, diplomatic goalkeeper Petr Cech has a high enough sense of self-worth that he would not be averse to speaking out against the manager. It also is these five players, however, who have been dominant players in Chelsea’s success of the last few years. In the 2009-2010 season when they won the double for the first time in the club’s history, it was Lampard’s goals, Cole’s marauding fullback play, Terry’s defensive blocks, Drogba’s invention and Cech’s crucial saves that won it. Love themselves these men definitely do, but not for no reason.

The revelation that several Chelsea players were still in contact with Jose Mourinho, the manager who’s shadow every man following him has been living in, couldn’t have helped things. AVB must have been hurt to think of Frank Lampard or Ashley Cole sending their former boss a snide text every time AVB got it wrong (and there have been plenty of those this season). Furthermore, Frank whining to cousin Jamie, only to have Redknapp relay everything the Englishman says on TV, has got to be the most counter-productive way to try and get starts. As the age-old phrase goes, it takes two to tango, and the Chelsea camp is most definitely divided into a group of those who are Team Andre Villas-Boas, and Team, well, Andre is a Village Idiot.

But the fact of the matter is, those who are on Team AVB are also those getting starts, and whether or not said starts are deserved are bloody debatable. David Luiz, a man who has big hair, a big heart and a big sense of humour, also possesses big clown feet and cannot defend to save his life. Chelsea fans enjoy his warmth and happy smile, but when we see his name on a teamsheet, we fret. He is AVB’s biggest loyalist and AVB has paid Luiz’s loyalty in kind with starts throughout the season. In return, David Luiz has given performances riddled with defensive errors; on Tuesday it was a miskick that led Napoli to score their third – and most damaging – goal. Similarly, Raul Meireles has been given a string of second-rate performances in a Chelsea shirt this season, and Bosingwa at right back has gifted the opposition goals like it's going out of fashion. AVB has persevered with the Lusophone-speaking contingent of Chelsea this season, when their performances have not merited such perseverance, and that riles.

It is difficult to say where one can go from here. AVB has a vision for Chelsea’s future – the word “project” has rolled off his tongue continually this season – but I have a few words to describe how Chelsea is right now, none of them project, all of them four-lettered. The club is descending into a downhill spiral of internal politics and backhanded comments, with more drama than a month’s worth of Eastenders. I am not saying that Roman should sack AVB, because, frankly Chelsea have gone through more than enough managerial transitions to last a lifetime. Plus, Chelsea’s players need to take accountability for their atrocious recent performances and start playing for the team. But a big share of the blame does lie with Andre Villas-Boas, and he needs to get a clue, and fast, because the clock is ticking, and as Carlo Ancelotti, Luiz Felipe Scolari and Avram Grant can attest to, patience is not something the Russian has in abundance. For the majority of Chelsea fans, however, we have long given up on AVB. He would have to perform miracles to turn this sorry mess around now.

Four restaurant reviews.

I’ve been to a couple of eateries recently, so a few more reviews.

Häagen-Dazs, WC2H

Häagen-Dazs’ flagship restaurant sits in Leicester Square, where tourists passing by will surely see it, their kids will get excited and ask to go in, and money will be spent, leaving lots of space for profit margins. And, if ice cream’s your thing, then you are in for a treat here; the dishes are lovingly prepared and beautifully ornamented, so much so that it almost balances out the overpricedness (but then again, this being Central London, overcharging is somewhat of a requisite). For the adults, Häagen-Dazs also do a delightful range of cocktails, in which healthy portions of alcohol are balanced out by slushed-up ice cream. The doses are lethal; I got tipsy after one cocktail! Service is okay-ish, pretty much as can be expected for a busy dessert restaurant, without ever venturing into the regions of excellent, making Häagen-Dazs overall, a worthwhile experience, elevated, somewhat surprisingly, by the excellent quality of their drinks rather than their ice creams.
Grade: B+

New China, W1.
As you may or may not know, just of Leicester Square is Chinatown, where there are literally tens, maybe even a hundred Chinese restaurants. This hyper-competition is good for the consumer, because it drives prices down, and as such, the prices in New China restaurant were all very reasonable, en-par to prices that you would find at my local high street, but in Central London. And, on the whole, I would say that the quality of the food is hit-and-miss as a result. I ordered beef in chilli and thought it a very well-cooked dish, but the vegetation spring rolls I had for starter tasted like an utter microwave job. The squid was bland and the egg-fried rice was acceptable, but far from being the best egg-fried rice I’d ever tasted. Alcohol prices were acceptable. The dessert of a fruit tray, however, was absolutely disgusting, all the fruit was dry and tasted past its sell by date. All this would be forgivable if the service in New China were anything to write home about. But it really wasn’t. When I’m in a Chinese restaurant, I like to play up to my Chinese roots and try to order dishes in Chinese. Which I don’t think is asking for much? But the waiters refused to even humour me and rolled their eyes in my face as I mispronounced some of the dish names. De-lightful. Won’t be going back there again!

Grade: D

McDonald's, SE13

Absolutely ace. Everything in this photo came to just over a tenner, and both me and my brother were stuffed - and delighted by the end of it. I cannot get enough of McDonald's! The only downside was this uppity bitch in the queue who started on me for - what I can only surmise - not being a teenage mother like her. But you kind of have to be prepared for events like that when you go to McDonald's. The A+ quality of the food makes up for it.

Grade: A

Chowki, W1D

A passable curry eatery with some delicious meat dishes, but negated by waiters who stared at us the whole time creepily, and pocketed both a tip and a service charge. Because that's not sneaky at all. On the bright side, I ordered the chicken tikka masala, which I thought was thoroughly satisfying, if a little bit too small for the £10.50 price tag - I wolfed it down in a minute. Decent food, just awful, awful service from some of the most seedy-looking men I've seen in my life.

Teenage Dream.

After a wait of what feels like an eternity, the premier league is back this weekend. This year, the general consensus is that the premier league title is most likely to be a three-horse race between the old wealth of Manchester United, the nouvelle riche of Chelsea, and the even newer nouvelle riche of United’s “noisy neighbours” Manchester City. Hot on their tails will be the two North London teams Arsenal and Tottenham, and Liverpool, all of which have had their share of head-turning transfer activity in the summer, whether it be getting players into the club, or certain players voicing their desires to leave. With the influx of big-name, big-price acquisitions, it is often easy to overlook the younger players who make just as much of an impact. Here are ten British players all 21 or younger, who will be sure to make and impact for their respective teams in the upcoming season.

11. Martin Kelly, Liverpool (born: Whiston, Merseyside, age: 21)
10. Tom Cleverly, Manchester United (born: Basingstoke, age: 21)
09. Marc Albrighton, Aston Villa (born: Tamworth, Staffordshire, age: 21)
08. Dan Gosling, Newcastle (born: Brixham, Devon, age: 21)
07. Jack Rodwell, Everton (born: Southport, Merseyside, age: 20)

06. Jordan Henderson, Liverpool (born: Sunderland, age: 21)

This time last year, Jordan Henderson was a fairly low-key local lad at Sunderland, not doing anything wrong, and quietly going about his business. This Saturday, however, he faces his old – and lifelong team – as a Liverpool player, with the weight of the £16million price tag hanging over his young head. Having impressed for Sunderland, he tirelessly went on to play for England in their U21 tournaments, in which, like their senior counterparts, they failed miserably. But it’s this kind of boundless energy that won him their Young Player of the Year accolade for two years running, and has the red half of Liverpool smacking their lips at their bright young thing. The majority of football critics believe that fourth place this year is Liverpool's for the taking, and it will be interesting to see the part Henderson plays in their quest for it.

05. Aaron Ramsey, Arsenal (born: Caerphilly, Wales, age: 20)
When Ryan Shawcross made that horror tackle that put Ramsey’s promising career on halt 18 months ago, Arsenal fans were, quite rightly, furious. Because, up until then, Ramsey’s game epitomized all that is good about Arsene Wenger’s football mentality, and he slotted into their midfield perfectly. After a long – and what must have seemed like an eternity – of a recovery process for the lad, he made baby steps back into the football world, including a match-winning goal and Man-of-the-Match performance against Manchester United last season, as well as being named Wales captain. Fresh faced and clean shaven, Aaron Ramsey has a squeaky clean image that is only too rare in the footballing world these days, and has the skill to bring out the best in all of Arsenal’s attackers.

04. Danny Rose, Tottenham (born: Doncaster, age: 21)
The Woody Allen references came in thick and fast in the North London derby of April 2010, when Danny Rose, who’s appearance on the Spurs teamsheet for such a sizzling fixture caused everyone some puzzlement – until he hit a thunderbolt of a volley from 30metres out way past the reach of Manuel Almunia and into the goal. Since then, his appearances in the premier league have been limited, and he is unfortunate in that the position he occupies the same position as Gareth Bale, who, himself, is the latest wunderkind to emerge out of White Hart Lane. But, as his performances in the Euro U21s demonstrated, kid’s got tonnes of potential and has vowed to fight for his place at Spurs to demonstrate as such. Although, to be honest, no matter what ace things he does over the next twenty years, nothing will ever come close to *that* goal.

03. Josh McEachran, Chelsea (born: Oxford, age: 18)

News of Michael Essien’s long-term injury was met with groans and grimaces around West London. For, whilst the Ghanaian had a pretty need-to-train worthy season last year, just his general presence as an anchor in Chelsea’s midfield gives all the rest of the team a welcome sense of security. But, with every cloud comes a silver lining, and it is time for young Joshua to fill Essien’s boots. As with Wilshere, McEachran came up through Chelsea’s ranks, so he automatically gets points for that, but furthermore, he is a classy, measured footballer, who, unlike the senior players at the team, eschews the garish lights of nightclubs like Tiger Tiger. This little tiger burns bright on his own accord.

02. Danny Sturridge, Chelsea (born: Birmingham, age: 21)
When Chelsea shelled out £50 million of Roman Abramovich’s oil money for Fernando Torres in the transfer window this January, very little consideration was really given for Sturridge. He was loaned out to Bolton, but the English Meeja were far too busy rubbing their hands together at how miserably the Torres/Drogba strikeforce was misfiring to notice that Chelsea’s youngest forward was happily banging them in for Bolton, whilst Torres could not hit a cow’s arse with the proverbial banjo. Whilst Torres struggled to adapt to Chelsea’s style and formation, Daniel Sturridge adapted brilliantly to Bolton’s game. The boy continued to impress for England in the Euro U21s tournament, as well as for Chelsea in pre-season, wherein he bagged a brace against Rangers in their latest friendly. Much has been made of Chelsea’s acquisition of 18-year-old wonderkid Romelu Lukaku, but I was much more measured in processing the news, as we already have more than enough forwards, and I worry that the signing of Lukaku will mean that, once again, Sturridge is unfairly bumped down the Chelsea pecking order, when his form suggests that he deserves quite the opposite.

and, even as a Chelsea fan, first place has to be reserved for, the one, the only...

01. Jack Wilshere, Arsenal (born: Hitchin, Herts, age: 19)

With his garish Christian tattoo plastered across his forearm, penchant for drunkenly hollering in a “don’t you know who I am?” manner at cab drivers and tendency for putting his nose in where it’s not needed on twitter (witness all the Spurs fans jump on his back when he gave his two cents over the whole Luka Modric-to-Chelsea saga affair earlier this Summer) as well as status as a baby daddy at the ripe young age of 19, Jack Wilshere has all the DNA of an England has-been. But, for all his off-pitch travails, one thing cannot be denied: boy has talent. He was one of the few bright spots for Arsenal fans last season and impressed on the big Champions League platform as well in the domestic league. A firm fan favourite due to his emergence through the Arsenal ranks as well as the fact that he’s a Stevenage boy (which is the closest Gooners are gonna get to local, let’s be honest), and that he wears his heart on his sleeve, and most of all, that he’s a bloody good footballer. Fast, skilful, and with a passing range that would impress even Xavi, Jack Wilshere is exactly the kind of no-guts-no-glory midfielder that Arsenal, and England, need.

Fernandon't Scorres.

Chelsea signed Fernando Torres for a club record of £50 million from Liverpool on 31st January with the weight of the world on his skinny shoulders. By the time Chelsea signed him, the title race was realistically only between Manchester United and Arsenal, but for the price that Abramovich shelled out for him as well as his preceding reputation, it was only natural that Chelsea fans – and all football fans, for that matter – expected at least some goals from him, if not immediately, then at least imminently. However, if (500) Days of Summer taught Miss Bung anything, then it’s that the expectation and the reality are very rarely the same. And what happened in that film -- Joseph G-L expecting to find a loving Zooey Deschanel in his arms when he really found her kissing another man, is not a bad analogy for Fernando Torres' failed love affair with Chelseabung. Carlo Ancelotti, for his part, tried everything he could to get Torres to score. He played Torres with Kalou. He played Torres with Drogba. He played Torres with Anelka. He played Torres with Drogba and Anelka. But, for all the want in the world, Fernando Torres still hasn't hit the net. Chelsea fans are impatient, Carlo Ancelotti is worried, Roman Abramovich just smiles that silent steely smile that is impossible to read but can so easy signal difficulty. And still, Fernando Torres has scored the same amount of goals for Chelsea as David Cameron, Olalla Torres (his wife), even the frogs in my garden. On the back of a soul-shattering defeat to Manchester United last night that knocks Chelsea out of the CL and effectively ends our awful season, I thought I’d take a look at Torres’ contributions in the games since he's joined Chelsea. After all, didn’t Miley Cyrus say, it’s all about the climb? Giggity.

Chelsea vs Liverpool, 6th February (Chelsea lose 1-0)
The football gods would just so have it that the first game Torres was available to play for Chelsea was that against his old club, of whom he’d gone from beloved son to reviled Judas. Football fans all over the world were rubbing their hands together at the anticipation of Torres scoring against the club that nurtured him into one of the world’s superstars, if only to see how he would celebrate after he scored. They needn’t have worried; Torres was off-form, as were most of the Chelsea team and a Liverpool side with a point to prove could easily have scored more than the one they did; a shot from Meireles. Following their spirited 4-2 win in the mid-week against Sunderland (which Torres was ineligible to play in) in which Nicolas Anelka had been deployed more as a midfielder than his natural forward role and absolutely thrived, giving one of his finest performances in a Chelsea shirt, Carlo Ancelotti attempted a three-man attack with Anelka, Torres and Didier Drogba upfront, but it was an experiment that failed miserably. The sad truth is that, had Ancelotti played just Anelka and Drogba in a straightforward 4-4-2, Chelsea had the quality to defeat Liverpool that day. But, with Roman Abramovich in the audience watching his new buy, that simply wasn’t an option for the Italian. Poor tactics, a miserable Chelsea performance and a good Liverpool team meant that Chelsea suffered their second home loss this season. Hardly the meeting against his old club that Torres would have dreamed of.

Fulham vs Chelsea, 14th February (scoreless draw)
There was little romance for Torres in this Valentine’s Day West London derby, in which a solid Fulham defence and some errant finishing from the Spaniard meant Torres was yet to be in a winning game for Chelsea. Ancelotti benched Drogba, so it was Torres and Anelka upfront for Chelsea, but the two exhibited little cohesion playing alongside each other, Anelka spending the majority of the game in his standard sulk-face. In fact, the player that truly shone for Chelsea in this game was the other expensive January acquisition, David Luiz, who, despite it being his debut premier league start, played like a veteran of the premier league. He was here, he was there, he was defending, attacking, creating chances; in other words, all the things Torres wasn’t do. Chelsea were unlucky, and should probably have had a penalty when Hangeland felled Malouda, but in the last minute, Man of the Match David Luiz’s lapse led to Chelsea conceding a penalty. The American Clint Dempsey’s penalty was poor and Petr Cech’s save was brilliant, meaning that whilst Chelsea should have won, they were lucky not to lose. "Are you Torres in disguise?" the Fulham fans jeered at Drogba in the second half when he misplaced a hit. Quite.

Copenhagen vs Chelsea, 22nd February (Chelsea win 2-0)

In between this Champions League knockout stages game, Chelsea’s luck went from bad to worse when they got knocked out of the FA Cup to Everton on penalties (a game Torres was ineligible to play in due to being Cup-tied) thanks to two very questionable penalties from Nicolas Anelka and Ashley Cole. The Frenchman, again employed alongside Torres upfront with Drogba yet again sat on the bench chewing bubble gum and looking glum, atoned himself somewhat in this game, in which two classy finishes from him secured two priceless away goals for Chelsea, temporarily easing the pressure on under-fire gaffer Ancelotti. Before the game, Chelsea captain John Terry issued a rallying cry to his team, urging them to “Man Up”, and his words seemed to have worked; Chelsea looked more assured and together, albeit playing against “lesser” opposition. Torres had the occasional moment of brilliance but was once again frustrated by the Copenhagen defence and his own inability to finish in a Chelsea shirt.

Chelsea vs Manchester United, 1st March (Chelsea win 2-1)

The team against my most despised oppositions in the whole wide world; needless to say, I was wasted. Yet again, it was Nicolas Anelka and Fernando Torres starting for Chelsea, but there were so many other back stories surrounding this fixture that the Spaniard’s goal drought actually took the sideshow for the first time in a month. For one, Ashley Cole had recently wounded a Chelsea work experience student with a rifle, whilst Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney should have suspended for the game following his elbow on Wigan’s James McCarthy. However, he was allowed to play, and it was he who opened the scoring (grr) in the first half, meaning that, at half-time, not only were Chelsea’s title ambitions out the window, but their chances of securing a CL slot for next season was looking precarious. But in the second half, they showed Manchester United what they were made of. Chelsea new boy David Luiz, who as in the game against Fulham, played a belter, equalised shortly after half-time with a finish that any striker would be proud of, before Smalling tripped up Zhirkov in the penalty area in the 78th minute to allow Frank Lampard to make like Jamie Redknapp tells his son to do in the latest Wii advert - and smash a penalty down the middle, leading to a precious, precious Chelsea win that had me so delirious that on just two pints, I was ALL OVER THE PLACE.

If truth be told, luck was on Chelsea’s side that Tuesday; David Luiz was lucky not to be sent off and Zhirkov’s fall, whilst a legitimate penalty, could just have easily been shrugged off (and in another game, possibly would have been.) However, Carlo Ancelotti, and Chelsea fans weren’t complaining. Torres played well and looked more comfortable with Anelka than he had done in previous games, and funnily enough, it was the fourth time that a game in which he’d played against Nemanja Vidic had resulted in a red card for the Serbian; Vidic being sent off for two bookable offences. Drogba came on for Anelka with half an hour left and the Ivorian saw out the rest of the game in majestic style; the way he took one for the team, when he himself is every bit the superstar that Torres is, was brilliant to see. Chelseabung got lucky in that game, but I wouldn't get too happy, the two upcoming fixtures against Man Utd meant that the luck debt was fully repaid.

Blackpool vs Chelsea, 7th March (Chelsea win 3-1)

Following that morale-boosting win over Utd, Ancelotti pushed the boat out and paired Torres with Drogba (there’s your FIFA dream team) against Blackpool, who, despite fighting the relegation battle, were far from pushovers at home, having scored in every home game this season. However, it was a defender who opened the scoring for Chelsea, John Terry heading powerfully from a Frank Lampard corner in the first half to separate the two sides. In the second half, Drogba picked up a minor knock, but Anelka, his planned replacement, didn’t look at all happy to be coming on, so Ancelotti bunged Kalou on instead, and serendipity would have it that that substitution really swung the game in Chelsea’s favour. Having spent a few minutes on the pitch, Torres sculpted a pass to Kalou to which the Ivorian was felled, giving Chelsea a penalty, to which Lampard dispatched with signature coolness. Kalou and Lampard then combined coolly to score Chelsea’s third, before Blackpool themselves collected a consolation goal. Salomon Kalou, the somewhat “forgotten” player of Chelsea’s four attackers in the wake of Torres’ arrival, gave an excellent account of himself in his performance, and Torres looked more content playing alongside him in a 4-4-1-1 formation that asked lots of questions of Blackpool’s defence.

Chelsea vs Copenhagen, 16th March (scoreless draw)

It was time for Torres to experience starting on the bench, though Ancelotti reasoned that he was resting him for game against Man City that weekend. This meant that the tried-and-tested strikeforce of Didier Drogba and Nicolas Anelka was employed, and although the game saw no goals, it did allow the former to show what a world class player he was. Some of his interplay was absolutely delicious, and had it not been for some lacklustre finishing from Yuri Zhirkov, this Drogba->Cole->Zhirkov could have resulted in one of the best team goals in recent history. Torres came on for a brief while in the second half and the two goal cushion from the first leg allowed for some indulgence on Chelsea’s part; Lampard could have scored towards the end but chose to tee it off to Torres in the hope that the Spaniard would get his first Chelsea goal. It didn’t work, but the thought was there; despite what naysayers may like to think, Torres’ teammates are just as eager/desperate for him to hit the net as he is.

Chelsea vs Manchester City, 20th March (Chelsea win 2-0)

Alas, the CL-slot six-pointer, as well as the clash of the nouvelle-riche vs the newer-nouvelle-riche. Manchester City came with one game plan: 0-0, and thanks to some staunch defending from Vincent Kompany (one of the underrated performers this season) and the City defence, that they almost got. However, the curly-haired, twinkle-toed, goal-scoring defender David Luiz had other ideas, and when he won a free-kick in the 78th minute which Drogba dispatched, he was there to pounce and bung it in the net. In stoppage time, his compatriot Ramires shimmied past two City defenders to slot in Chelsea’s second against Joe Hart, meaning the West London side gleefully leapfrogged City in the league table. Eyebrows were raised when it was noted that both Anelka and Drogba were benched and it was actually Kalou who started alongside Torres, but the Ivorian more than justified his start, and following the strength of their performances together against Blackpool, I’d say the move was bold, but, considering Chelsea won, it paid off. As usual, Torres' contribution to the match was limited, but he did at least wear a cute blue headband that was the exact same shade as his Chelsea strip. Blair Waldorf, eat your heart out!

Stoke vs Chelsea, 2nd April (1-1 draw)

Following an international break, in which Torres disappointed for Spain against the Czech Republic (but at least partook is a display of some sweet Chelsea fraternity at the end when he and Cech had a moment), Ancelotti started with Anelka and Drogba, perhaps with the view of resting Torres for the midweek showdown against Manchester United, and sat next to the perpetually-sweet face of Salomon Kalou on the Chelsea bench, Torres didn't look too chuffed about it. And Chelsea could only salvage a 1-all draw from what was actually a surprisingly even game, Drogba scoring the equaliser for the visiters; both sides had chances aplenty. Torres and Kalou came on for Drogba and Anelka in the second half, but, surprise surprise, the Spaniard didn't score. Again.

Chelsea vs Manchester United, 6th April (Chelsea lose 1-0)
In what was the most important game of Chelsea's season, luck was most certainly not on their side and they slumped to a morale-crushing 1-0 home loss thanks to Wayne Rooney's  goal in the first half. Carlo Ancelotti tried to play 4-4-2 with both the ~FIFA superstars~ Drogba and Torres upfront, but it failed as it did against Blackpool, and unlike against Blackpool, the rest of Chelsea were unable to pick up the slack. Much as it pained me to say it, Rio Ferdinand, coming back from huge spell of injury, had Torres' number, and Drogba, though his feet did all they could, his face told the story of a deeply discontent man. Ramires should have won a penalty and Evra should have been sent off, but this is Chelsea in the CL, when has "should" ever had a damn thing to do with anything?! To be fair, Torres did have one shot that did look to be going in if it weren't for Edwin van der Saar's brilliance, but, that he was booked for diving towards the end of the night summed up a deeply frustrating game for Chelsea on the platform of the CL, the thing they want more than anything else.

Chelsea vs Wigan, 9th April (Chelsea win 1-0)
A very unconvincing win for the home side, against a team who, in their previous two fixtures, they'd aggregated a mass scoreline of 14-0. In the end, Malouda scored the winner in a goalline kefuffle, in which Torres, ironically, did actually play a part - by impeding the Wigan goalkeeper. On the same day, Chelsea's loanee forwards Borini smacked one in for Swansea City, and Danny Sturridge scored two majestic goals for Bolton, bringing his tally since transfering to Bolton up to six. What Torres would give to just one of those six goals. Chelsea loan out one of their strikers who is scoring for fun and spend millions on a player who couldn't hit the proverbial cow's arse with the proverbial banjo? Now that, Alanis...

Manchester United vs Chelsea, 12th April (Chelsea lose 2-1)

But I speak on behalf of all Chelsea fans when I say that we would have gladly put our what-ifs on hold if Torres repaid the faith that Ancelotti showed in him, repaid the millions that Roman spent on him and repaid the hours of us fighting his corner when his former blatantly didn't deserve it, with a brace against Manchester United. But it wasn't to be. And to be honest, I  think that as soon as Chelsea fans knew that it wasn't to be, although that didn't stop us from hoping, praying, wanting. But what you can want something as much as you want, it doesn't actually get you it. Torres was so poor in the first half (The Guardian rated his performance a 4/10, only 2 points more than what they gave Crouchie for his performance against Real Madrid -- and he got sent off) that Ancelotti had no choice but to withdraw him for Drogba, who, in the second half, played his heart out. Even when Chelsea were down to 10 men, and chasing a 2-0 deficit, he ran and ran, sought loss causes, and neveve up. Drogba was aptly repaid by a brilliant goal, though in the end, it counted for nothing more than pride as Park Ji Sung scored another practically seconds later. It does raise a pertinent point, though. Carlo Ancelotti, last night, could have seeked to do one of two things, get to the final four of the CL, or appease Roman Abramovich by playing the footballer he spent so much on. In the end, Ancelotti got neither. The woe that befell Chelsea fans after this match is too great to even begin writing about, but I have to admit that this year, with the teams that we put out, we just didn't look good enough. I feel bad for players like Michael Essien, Frank Lampard and Petr Cech, who are amazing. But mostly, I feel for Didier Drogba. He, arguably, out of the entire Chelsea squad, has had his nose put out of joint most by Fernando Torres' arrival. Yet even on his form, which isn't the greatest, he is playing Torres off the pitch. Didier Drogba is a superstar, one of the best forwards in the world, but with 27-year-old Torres being paraded in front of his 33-year-old self, he can't help but wonder where he fits in at Chelsea. But I do so hope he stays, because he is an amazing footballer and an even more amazing man. We may have lost but I'm delighted Didi scored. He, more than anyone, deserved his moment last night.

So all this leaves Chelsea in somewhat of a quagmire (can you tell I've been on a Family Guy binge recently? Can ya?!). They have a £50million, perpetually injured striker who couldn't score in a brothel. They have zero chance of any silverwear this season, and the only thing left to fight for his for third and fourth slot, which is between them, Spurs and Manchester City. The malaise that I, and I imagine all Chelsea fans are currently in is immeasurable, and Carlo Ancelotti best sleep with one eye open if Roman's wrath is anything to be believed. It would be churlish -- and downright unfair -- to lay blame all of Chelsea's problems with Torres (we screwed up our title challenge long before he came along and he was ineligble to play in the FA Cup matches which we screwed up), but at the same time it would be blind to suggest he played no part in the massively dissappointing two games against Manchester United, which were, to be honest, the ones that mattered the most by far. Nicolas Anelka is a gem and has come out and said he "doesn't mind" not starting that much, knowing that as he's over 30 and at a club with four forwards, he needs to be realistic. However, Drogba and Salomon Kalou are clearly thinking over their options. Kalou is 25, an adorable sweetheart and a terrific little utility player for Chelsea, but when he was at Feyenoord with Dirk Kuyt, the two were tearing defences up, and Kalou must secretly pine for the days when he started almost every game, as opposed to for Chelsea, where if he's lucky, he'll get 10 minutes, and if he's very very lucky, he'll get a start, despite the fact that his goals-to-shots ratio has been far better than Torres'. The Fernando Torres jokes come in thick and fast ("Did you hear about my Torres night out?! I spent loads of money, had loads of shots but in the end didn't even score!" is a popular one, as is the website, http://hastorresscoredforchelsea.com/, which I don't believe will need updating until 2014) and I meet them sometimes with a bittersweet chuckle, sometimes with an ingrained need to defend by team -- and thus Torres. I know Roman Abramovich is a billionaire and can do whatever the hell he wants, but next time, I'd really appreciate it if he approached such a big-sum spending with a little more prudence. Torres and Drogba may score feckloads on FIFA, but, sry2say, Roman, life isn't a game of FIFA. Oh how I wish it was, but nah. At the end of the day, I'll support any player in a Chelsea shirt, even massive flops like Mateja Kezman, but this Torres escapade is all getting a little disappointing.  If I had to do the same again, well, er, I most certainly wouldn't do the same, my friend, Fernando.

The night Peter Crouch-ed and Bern-ed.

In series 1, episode 17 of Glee, Mr Schue tells Quinn Fabray, of the trials and tribulations of high School: “A couple of bad decisions and you go from the top to the bottom”. He could just as easily have been talking about football. For Spurs in the Champions League, Peter Crouch was one of their star men; where he has disappointed in the league this season, he has more than made up for in the big European platform with goals against the likes of Inter and AC Milan, some of them pivotal ones (he scored the winning goal against AC Milan that was the difference between the two sides). In fact, it wouldn’t be an overstatement to say that, yesterday, going into the first leg of their quarter final clash with Jose Mourinho’s Real Madrid, he was just as integral to Tottenham’s plans as their wing wizard Gareth Bale, whom the Spurs manager Harry Redknapp had valued at £80million.

Unfortunately, the big occasion got to the big man. In eight minutes, Peter Crouch made two rash tackles. The first, on Sergio Ramos, was misplaced and mis-timed. The second on Marcelo, when he was already on a yellow, was downright stupid. Even as – what I consider to be – the biggest Crouchie fan in the world, there is no justifying his two idiotic tackles. He rightful sending was essentially the catalyst for Tottenham’s implosion at the Bernabéu. At that point they were 1-0 down, but with almost three hours ahead of them, had everything to play for. The match ended 4-0 with the return leg at White Hart Lane next Wednesday (of which my younger brother will be attending as his 13th birthday "present"), looking like nothing more than a formality. In the space of eight minutes, Peter Crouch went from hero to zero.

Even with the best will in the world, I cannot find any ways to justify Peter Crouch’s two awful tackles. All I can do is examine them and attempt to delve into the black hole that is a footballer’s mind – and try to explain them. The first element, I think, is the psychological. Before the game, Peter Crouch had been talked up, down and all around by various members of the English and Spanish media, not to mention Real Madrid players themselves. Former Arsenal player Emmanuel Adebayor said of his fellow lanky striker, “When I was playing in England I always loved a lot of Tottenham players, especially Peter Crouch”. The much-maligned Togo striker completed an acrimonious move north of London to Manchester to play for Man City, and was in the side that lost to Spurs on the 5th May 2010 in what was dubbed as the “Fourth Place Showdown”, in which Crouch gave his counterpart Adebayor a masterclass in how to maintain possession, pass to teammates, and above all, score. Yet, yesterday, Adebayor hit the net twice, and played majestically, whereas Crouch walked after 15 minutes, so there is no question who came out the winner this time round.

Elsewhere, where Adebayor talked Crouch up, former Chelsea defender and Mourinho faithful Ricardo Carvalho took particular glee in talking the 6’7” striker down. He claimed that Peter Crouch “was easy to play against.” Whether he genuinely thought that, or he was just trying to psyche the England man out, we’ll never know, but he certainly succeeded in unsettling Crouch, because those words clearly had their impact; Crouch is by nature a mild-mannered footballer who doesn’t make a habit of making rash tackles. Yet he dished out two tackles yesterday that would probably have made Nigel De Jong shudder. There’s a sort of grim humour in thinking that Mourinho still hasn’t ended his constant mind-games, but the chants of “Tonto!” directed at Crouch by the Real Madrid fans obviously aren’t totally inaccurate; Carvalho played Crouch like a five dollar banjo.

It’s a massive shame because as I have mentioned, it’s hardly as if Peter Crouch as been setting the premier league alight with his scoring this season. He has played very well with Rafael van der Vaart, no doubt about it, and he has provided the majority of the Dutchman’s assists in the league, but Crouch invariably would have wished to scored more himself; many Spurs fan often question why Crouch plays so much and Pavlyuchenko so little. The Champions League is (was?) the one platform where he truly shone this season, scaring the majority of defenders senseless with his unusual frame and playing style. That he has done so much for Spurs in the CL this season will instantly be forgotten. It is irrelevant that he was such a huge factor in putting them in the Quarter Finals, because it is also he who has almost single-handedly prevented them from progressing further. The Guardian gave his performance against AC Milan in the first leg at the San Siro a 9/10, a score they very rarely dish out unless in the face of true excellence. What did they give him for his performance last night? A two. And the sad thing is, that was being generous.

With Tottenham staring at the bleak pit of Champions League exit and facing an uphill battle with Chelsea and Manchester City for the two remaining Champions League places in the premier league, the only way Peter Crouch can go from here is up. That’s the thing about football, it goes hand in hand with failure, with wrath, with moments of madness. But it is also ten-a-penny with redemption. As Stuart Pearce demonstrated with his penalty for England in Euro 96, the road to personal atonement lies in football. I began with a quote from one of my favourite shows, Glee, so I’ll end with another quote from another one of my favourite shows, Sex and the City. Our protagonist, Carrie, has just embarrassed herself hugely in tripping up on a catwalk, in front of hundreds of people. She has a choice, run away and hide, or get up, and proudly get on with it. She does the latter. Why? Because, as she reasons, “When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep walking.” In 1990, Stuart Pearce fell down. In 1996, he pulled himself back up. Now it is up to Peter Crouch, and Peter Crouch alone, to do the same.

Joan Capdevila scores a racist own goal.

say no to racism? Not according to Capdevila's twitter.

The Spanish left-back and Euro 2008 and World Cup winner Joan Capdevila of Villareal recently joined twitter. This in itself is nothing special; many, many footballers have taken to the 140-charactered-social network, from Jack Wilshere tweeting about his penchant for gossip girl, to Kaka wishing good vibes from god to his supporters and fans. Furthermore, footballers and free speech is an obvious accident waiting to happen, and already there have been controversies aplenty surrounding footballers and their tweets, whether it be Ryan Babel’s Howard Webb twitter picture suggesting the referee to be a Manchester United fan, or Arsenal’s talented-but-not-altogether-PR-savvy goalkeeper Wojciech Szczesny tweeting his delight at Chelsea’s Ashley Cole’s penalty miss, a few days later incurring the ultimate hubris himself when he himself was involved in a mix-up with Koscielny that led to Arsenal losing the Carling Cup final. In the big bad world of the world wide web, a little diplomacy goes a long, long way. This point has been forgotten frequently by footballers in the past, but none more so than by Capdevila on Saturday. He tweeted this:

Which translates to “I love the jokes you send me! By the way, today I asked myself: If a Chinese woman has a 'clio', what does she have? A car or a child?"

(the joke is essentially a play on the age-old stereotype that Chinese people cannot differentiate between their “l”s and “r”s.)

I am horrified at this, not only as a Chinaman, but even more greatly, as a football fan. Footballers are role models. Capdevila should have known a lot, lot better than this. The tweet was discussed on a football community I frequent, ontd_football, and amongst the discussions, shit went down. For every excellent, intelligent point made was an equally stupid, bigoted comment trying to justify the joke, saying that it was “in the nature” of Spaniards to jest at ethnic minorities, it’s not “proper racism” and by reprimanding them for it, we were stifling their voices.

To which I say, mierda. Capdevila’s tweet, whilst not overtly calling Chinese people any racist names, was nonetheless, fundamentally racist. There’s several types of racism, explicit racism, which is easier to detect and call out the perpetrator for being a bigoted idiot, and there’s this sort – the more ~jokey type, which, if criticized for, many would just try to defend as being “banter~~~”. But it isn’t, not one bit. If anything, it's more harmful that explicit racism, because the former is obviously wrong, whereas casual racism like Capdevila's, with all its sinister undertones, can be tried to brush under the carpet with the guise of "oh, you too sensitive, he was just kidding! Sit down!"

I’m not trying to pin all of the world’s racism on Joan Capdevila’s tweet, far from it. In fact, I feel that that tweet – and the fact that he felt he could so casually publish it (it was then re-tweeted by over 100 people, more’s the pity) shows a sad fact; that for all the talking of a unified, globalized, more diverse community, racism is still hugely present in the world today. A few years ago, on Celebrity Big Brother, when Danielle Lloyd said of Shilpa Shetty “I think she should just fuck off home”, that was racist. As is the ~lad’s humour~ of Top Gear, with their persistent racial comments about Mexico like it's no big. These sort of things, some people might perceive as harmless and inoffensive, but they’re anything but, let me tell you.

Now, it is my opinion that Capdevila really needs to be called out for this tweet, and punished for it. It would set a precedent, and show that this kind of offensive humour is not ok, not one bit. Thankfully the majority of other footballers, for all their inanities, haven’t tweeted anything else like this, but even the fact that there’s still one football tweeting racist jokes and getting away with it, when such a big fuss is made out of obliterating racism out of football, well, FIFA, talk about mixed signals.

Racism, kick it out? If footballers continue to mindlessly tweet “jokes” like this, kicking and screaming its way back in, more like.

Strong inside but you don’t know it, good little girls they never show it.

Disney princesses – or leading ladies of Disney films in general – all have, without failure, the gift of radiant beauty. From Snow White’s skin so white and lips so red that the Queen feels the need to do her off, Cinderella’s neat blonde hairdo and svelte figure to Ariel’s eye-catching red hair and seashell bra that leaves nothing to the imagination, Disney females have are all without fail, beautiful, no matter what their hair or eye colour, face shape or character. However, in the three that I’ve mentioned are also noticeable character flaws, or even lack of character whatsoever. Snow White is guileless and child-like to a point where she accepts food from strangers The counter argument that she is just a child seems empty if we consider that at the end of the film she goes off with a man much older than her, so either Disney accepts she’s dumb, or they accept they’re basically administering paedophilia to young kids. Either way, they’ve gone wrong somewhere. Cinderella is the epitome of the beleaguered lady who is mistreated by all those around her, but thankfully, she’s pretty, so she catches the eye of the Prince. And being absent minded and losing a shoe? Well, she’s pretty, and she seems to have a remarkable sized food that no-one else in the kingdom has, so that’ll work to her advantage too. As for Ariel, she sacrifices her one gift – her voice, abandons her family and her roots to pursue the man she’s had her eye on. These three women don’t really say much for feminism, truth be told.

Luckily, it isn’t all that way. There are a few Disney females who I was genuinely inspired by, and rooting for throughout, rather than gnashing my teeth at. Here they are:-

Jasmine (Aladdin, 1992)

Being the sultan’s daughter should, in theory, be the sweet life. But not for Jasmine, who feels repressed and cloistered. Whereas previous Disney films had centred around the princess, Jasmine is but a secondary character to Aladdin. But that doesn’t make her inferior in terms of strength of personality, not at all. Standing up to her father and refusing to marry someone she doesn’t love is one thing, but her lack of interest in class or marrying for money is completely inspirational, particularly in this sad day and age, where women will happily plump for a footballer husband who cheats on them as long as they get fancy things. My only lament about Jasmine is that we don’t find out enough about her, and her backstory. For example, she doesn’t seem to have any female friends in the film, and one can’t help but wonder why.

Megara (Hercules, 1997)

From one loner to another. Megara has actually done the whole “giving up her life for a man” thing, quite literally in fact, when she sold her soul to Hades in order to settle a debt her then boyfriend had with him. Sadly for her, he left her as soon as a hotter model came along, leading her tied to the devil, and feeling jaded and disillusioned with men. Meg is by all intents and purposes more of a “woman of the world” compared to other Disney females, but by being older and wiser, she makes for a more relatable and watchable characters.

Armed with a whole arsenal of sarcastic put-downs, it’s no wonder that Hercules becomes so fascinated with her (interestingly, it is he who is the more “feminine” of the two in his innocent ways). And, for all the obvious beauties of Aurora and Cinderella, Meg’s feistiness and sassiness gives her a kind of swagger that makes her, for me, the sexiest Disney character.

Mulan (Mulan, 1998)

Although depicted to be clumsy dolt and constantly speaking without thinking at the start, there’s no denying she has a fierce fire inside her. This fire is unleashed when the Emperor calls for a man from every family to fight for their country. There are no other men in Mulan’s family apart from her dad (she hasn’t a brother), but her father is ill and frail. Despite her protestations, he insists that “it’s my place. It’s time you learnt yours.” Any inferior Disney princess would accept that as a queue to munch into another apple or lie in a bed and sleep until their prince comes, but not for Mulan. Shedding her lustrous locks and donning the less-than-flattering soldier’s uniform, she disguises herself as Ping, her father’s “Son”. At the start she is less-than-convincing, though her ineptitude as a soldier is partially disguised by the blunderings of all those around her. But as time goes by, she cements her place as one of the best and most loyal fighters and catches the eye of the General leading them. Resourceful, brave, and with a never-say-die spirit that many Disney princes could do with, Mulan is a film that makes me proud to be Chinese, and Mulan a character that makes me proud to be a woman.

Tiana (The Princess and the Frog, 2009)

Tiana isn’t actually a princess, only mistaken for one (she is in fact a poor girl working as many jobs as she can, determined to reach her dream of owning a restaurant). And she and Prince Naveen don’t even get off to a good start. Both characters have their flaws; Naveen is a hedonistic, selfish brat and Tiana is the opposite, so hard-working she barely pauses for breath, and in doing so occasionally comes off as judgemental, and has no time for any of that namby pamby “romance” stuff. However, she is also inventive and clever, and it is mainly thanks to her wits that she and Naveen manage to survive so long, never mind at all, as frogs. Both characters grow up and change through the course of the film, and it is this mutual understanding and friendship which builds between them that makes their romance so moving, as opposed to carbon copy “HE SAW HER AND WAS SPELLBINDED BY HER BEAUTY” of the 50s and 60s Disney films.

So that’s me. Who are your favourite Disney gals?

x

Some Will win, Some will Lose, Some were Born to Sing the Blues.

I wasn’t sure about Ancelotti when he was appointed, but that was largely because I was still high from Hiddink. But I think Carlo’s done good. Obviously I’m massively disappointed about going out – and so early – in the CL, but actually, going out early was a blessing in disguise for Chelsea’s league form. He managed to find a brilliant way for Chels to play without Drogba when he was at the ACON, and he’s just such an adorable and huggable old man. I don’t think he got his tactics right for Hull, Everton and Blackburn away, and if it weren’t for those matches Chelsea could have had the title wrapped up long ago, but that wouldn’t have been half as exciting ;) But what I love most about Ancelotti is that – whilst Mourinho was such a character and could play the media like a fiddle – Ancelotti chose to let the football do the talking.
Drogba’s 29 goals – many of them pivotal ones – earnt him the rightful accolade of Golden Boot, but his all round play, in linking up, cutting back and creating assists have all been completely stellar. The sheer multitude of goals he’s scored is even more impressive if you consider that he was at the African Cup of Nations for much of January and he’s scored against all manner of teams – man or mouse. A close second, however, has got to be Frankie Lamps, who has bettered his (already excellent) goal talies for the season and gone about his business with a quiet professionalism that is second to none – he’s not been booked once this season. Ledge. (I really did rather enjoy Lampard putting Drogba in his place over who got to take the first penalty today. Or, I would have, if I wasn’t so fecking nervous).

A honourary mention to Florent Malouda, who after quite a while, got his swagback, and when he found his mojo, all of Chelsea did too. Is nice. Branislav Ivanovic, too, has shined, he’s been an absolute rock in defence, and Ashley Cole has been sizzling at left-back, both defensively and in going forward. His left foot, my god. It’s a mighty shame he got injured, but his performance today (and last weekend against Liverpool) showed Chelsea exactly what we’re missing. Best left back in the world.

On the whole, the Chelsea performances that have led me to call her a slut/whore/hoodrat – City at home and away, Everton at home and away, Spurs away etc have been down to goals due to errors from one man: JT. I may be laying on the hyperbole somewhat here, but if I knew that Terry was going to play in the donkey that he did this season and if I had 50million pounds, I would have happily paid Man City that just to bung him away from Chels. I couldn't care less who’s exes he’s knobbing (my best friend Terrys other people’s exes and I don’t judge her so I shan’t judge him), but the whole Bridgegate scenario definitely affected his game, which is bloody annoying.

Sunday’s rampant 8-0 rout over Wigan was bloody beautiful, and the goals – and the gorgeous, gorgeous ways they were scored pretty much summarized Chelsea’s attacking season. Hitting 7 past Stoke, Sunderland and Aston Villa was also lovely - I remember Lampard's donlike performance against Villa, and Sala's hat-trick against Stoke, all nice memories :) 3-0 against Spurs was fun, mainly because I got so drunk that I started cheering when Crouchie came on, FAIL. Owning Arsenal at the Emirates was LOVELY. But beating Manchester United on their own turf was the day I got the most drunk in the 2009-2010 season, and it felt so bloody good to beat them on their home turf and watch Chels play so well, (not to mention that it was the result that led Chelsea to leapfrog United) so that will probably be my high point.

There are two matches that still make me gnash my teeth, despite the fact that Chelsea have lifted the title on Sunday. Losing to Manchester City at home 4-2 was a crock of shitty shitty shit, because our players (save Lampard) were loltacularly awful, accentuated in the fact that we had two players sent off. I hated losing our proud home record, especially to ~~ Beleaguered Saint Wayne Bridge~~ and his ~~Loyal Mate~~ Carlos Tevez. Disgusting. And the other match that I still get bitter over was the loss away to Spurs. Quite possibly the worst performance from Chels this season, that match made me really angry, partly because it was the day before my birthday and I was really wanting Chelsea to give me something to smile about, partly because Paul Scholes’ last-second winner earlier that day for United had given me thirst for derby victory of our own, but mainly just because I bloody hate losing to Tottenham, and everyone on our team (save Lampard and Cech) played like complete donkeys, especially Drogba – who was at his petulant, tarty worst - and Terry – who’s horror tackle could have broken Bale’s leg. Ugh.

I think Ashley Cole scoring the eighth today summed up our season: technique, mastery, and goals from all over the pitch. Drogba, Lampard, Malouda and Anelka have all been in double figures with goals. We’ve done the double over all three of the other teams in the – now disbanded – Big Four, and we certainly didn’t get that through a fluke. It’s quite disconcerting to read the Sports section in papers and read them actually sying nice things about Chelsea and the football we’ve played, because I’m so used to seeing hate upon hate piled upon my team. But the fact that writers are swallowing their words and loving rather than hating shows just how attractive and entertaining my girlfriend’s been this season. Some days she’s sweet and some days she’s sour, but I can’t help but drink her up cos she’s my happy hour. ♥