John Lee, whose two books Actuarial Fairy Tales and Confessions of an Actuarial Tutor I have previously reviewed on my blog, continues with his streak of actuarial high jinx with his latest offering, The Ultimate Actuarial Joke Book. I was entertained greatly by those two creations, so I expected more comedy from this book, not least because it is, quite literally, compendium of jokes.
It certainly didn’t disappoint. The book features a wide variety of types of jokes formats, from zingy one-liners, jokes that follow classic ‘knock knock or ‘Doctor, Doctor’ formats, visual comedy in the form of memes, or gags that require more of a build-up before the punchline is delivered. By mixing the way the jokes are delivered, this means reading The Ultimate Actuarial Joke Book never gets stale, with the reader kept on their toes.
Part 1 of the blog was here! As I've written longer mini-reviews for the top five this year, but don't intend on writing a full review of the first-placed film (like I did last year with Dunkirk#twinksonabeach), I'm going to divide coverage of the top 5 as a 3:2 split!
05. The Favourite
Yorgos Lanthimos made my personal top 5 of 2017 for his deliciously wicked take on the Greek tragedy, The Killing of the Sacred Deer, and he does the business again with another amoral morality tale, although of a very different flavour.
The dreamy boy band’s second album had a difficult job, having to follow up to last year’s “Up All Night”, which featured the massively popular One Thing, Gotta Be You, and especially What Makes You Beautiful which was one of the tunes selected to be sung in the Olympics closing ceremony. The sequel, however, more than lives up to billing, The Godfather Part II of albums, if you will. There isn’t a song on it that stands out quite as much as What Makes You Beautiful did, but the overall quality is much greater.
The opening track, Live While We’re Young, an ode to living for the moment and YOLO-ing it up, is the closest to being the WMYB of the album, filled with up-tempo beats and cheeky one liners (“and if you get together, get together, don’t let the pictures leave your phone.”) Even the chorus, “let’s go crazy crazy crazy ‘til we see the sun”, you can imagine singing in a manner identical to the chorus to WMYB, and Zayn delivers some powerhouse at the refrain of “And giiiiiiirl, you and I, we’re about to make some memories tonight”; Mr Malik, in my opinion, is the one who has come the furthest, vocally, between the first and second albums.
If Live While We’re Young is aurally sounds similar to What Makes You Beautiful, Little Things is the mature, poignant extension of the “you don’t know you’re beautiful” lyric – taking it further and devoting an entire songs to girls’ insecurities. Zayn and Liam open the song and then sing together on the chorus, and their voices fit as well as the proverbial glove, with Zayn’s dulcet tones complementing Liam’s. Louis Tomlinson (my pick for the fittest of the five), still has questions that need answering about his vocals, and he doesn’t go anywhere to dispelling the notions that he can’t sing here, but overall, this is a sweet, calming ballad, and a nice peek into the boys’ more muted side.
The emotional side to the boys also comes out in They Don’t Know About Us, where Zayn again brings his A-game, as do Harry and Niall, who deliver fewer words but sing the lines that play perfectly to their strengths (Niall gets a few lines of that whispering schtick, which really goes to boost the baby-faced blonde’s sex appeal). In terms of lyrics, there is nothing in this song that will raise the roof – it’s about how the secret moments that other people don’t know between a pair of lovers are the most beautiful (and some scepticism has to go to a bunch of teenage lads singing about ~true love~). But it’s a cute number nonetheless with some lush usage of surging strings and tinkling piano chords to contribute to the romantic tone.
My pick for the best singer of the five still remains Liam Payne, and you get to hear this in Last First Kiss and Rock Me. However, as noted, Zayn is most improved, and hearing Harry Styles successfully belt out those high notes – as he does in Last First Kiss – is also a treat. There are a few filler numbers that really don’t bring anything to the album – C’mon C’mon and Heart Attack being the prime culprits here, as well as S, two songs which sound very similar to the buffer songs on Up All Night, as well as Summer Love being a somewhat of a disappointing closer to the album.
But I Would redeems them, which is a sort of boyband equivalent of Taylor Swift’s You Belong with Me. There are a few lyrics in it which are pretty tenuous, “Cos I can’t compete with your boyfriend, he’s got 27 tattoos” ( I get that they’re trying to convey he’s hard, but someone under 20 with 27 tattoos? Sure.), but it doesn’t detract from being an upbeat, bittersweet pop number, all the better for the cheery "yeah"s hollered with aplomb by the lads at the end. Similarly, Rock Me features a bitching Queen-esque intro, Harry and Liam doing their best Nickelback impressions, and Louis Tomlinson’s classic amusing attempts to alternate between singing falsetto then doing sultry. It doesn’t sound like it should work, but trust me, it does.
If Up All Night was One Direction after they’d had too many blue smarties, Take Me Home is them a few months later, realising the folly of their hyper ways, but not so much that they’re ready to trade in their Jay Gatsbyesque lives just yet. And when they have so much fun making sweet music, I’m glad they haven’t.
It’s a yearly thing that I do – list my top 100 songs, and then see how much the list has changed. So, here we go for the 2011 edition!
(side note – unlike my taste in films and rather more like my taste in footballers, my taste in music is atrocious. Shitty R&B and girlband choons lamenting love are pretty much my life’s calling. But I like what I like, and I ain’t gonna front about it! So learn to deal.jpg :p)
01. Homecoming (Kanye West ft. Chris Martin)
02. Son of a Preacher Man (Dusty Springfield)
03. Angie Baby (Helen Reddy)
04. Rocky Raccoon (The Beatles)
05. Hallelujah (Rufus Wainwright)
06. Alison (Elvis Costello)
07. Sinnerman (Nina Simone)
08. Sexy! No No No… (Girls Aloud)
09. Clam, Crab, Cockle, Cowrie (Joanna Newsom)
10. Paper Planes (M.I.A.)
11. November Has Come (Gorillaz)
12. Samson (Regina Spektor)
13. Adia (Sarah McLachlan)
14. Run this Town (Rihanna, Jay-Z and Kanye West)
15. Power (Kanye West)
16. Untouchable (Girls Aloud)
17. Talk Show Host (Radiohead)
18. Lullaby (Dixie Chicks)
19. All These Things that I've Done (The Killers)
20. Love the Way You Lie Part II (Rihanna ft. Eminem)
21. Romeo and Juliet (Dire Straits)
22. Head over Heels (Tears for Fears)
23. Boys Don't Cry (The Cure)
24. Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy (Queen)
25. Defying Gravity (Idina Menzel)
26. Glory Box (Portishead)
27. Hey Stephen (Taylor Swift)
28. Empire State of Mind: Broken Down (Alicia Keys)
29. 2am (The Saturdays)
30. Fix Up Look Sharp (Dizzee Rascal)
31. Tiny Dancer (Elton John)
32. Baba O'Riley (The Who)
33. Wildwood Flower (June Carter Cash)
34. My Love (Sia)
35. The Loving Kind (Girls Aloud)
36. California Dreamin' (The Mamas and the Papas)
37. Chelsea Dagger (The Fratellis)
38. My Father's Gun (Elton John)
39. Seasons of Love (Idina Menzel)
40. What’s My Name? (Rihanna)
41. Hey Jude (The Beatles)
42. Brandy Alexander (Feist)
43. Don't Stop Believin' (Journey)
44. Love Affair (Regina Spektor)
45. I Don't Want to Go to Chelsea (Elvis Costello)
46. Dragon Queen (Yeah Yeah Yeahs)
47. Under Pressure (Queen ft David Bowie)
48. Brown Eyes (Lady Gaga)
49. It Wouldn’t Have Made Any Difference (Todd Rundgren)
50. Clothes Off! (Gym Class Heroes)
51. Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Tears for Fears)
52. Underneath Your Clothes (Shakira)
53. Breathe (Taylor Swift)
54. Travelin' Soldier (Dixie Chicks)
55. Jesus Walks (Kanye West)
56. Numb Encore (Jay Z ft. Linkin Park)
57. Lovely Head (Goldfrapp)
58. I Wish I Knew How it Feels to Be Free (Nina Simone)
59. Shout (Tears for Fears)
60. She (Elvis Costello)
61. Clint Eastwood (Gorillaz)
62. Vincent (Don McLean)
63. Love will Tear us Apart (Joy Division)
64. Lullaby (The Cure)
65. While My Guitar Gently Weeps (The Beatles)
66. Sunshowers (M.I.A.)
67. Pennies in my Pocket (Emilio Estefan)
68. Jackson (Johnny and June Carter Cash)
69. Dream on (Aerosmith)
70. Wonderwall (Oasis)
71. Make You Feel My Love (Adele)
72. Airplanes part 2 (B.o.B, Hayley Williams & Eminem)
73. The Killing Moon (Echo and the Bunnymen)
74. Teenage Dream (Katy Perry)
75. Momentum (Aimee Mann)
76. The River (Joni Mitchell)
77. Golden Slumbers (K.D. Lang)
78. Hey Mama (Kanye West)
79. Braille (Regina Spektor)
80. Back to Black (Amy Winehouse)
81. O Saya (A.R. Rahman ft. M.I.A)
82. Bossy (Kelis)
83. Chillin' (WALE ft Lady Gaga)
84. Take a Bow (Rihanna)
85. Lean on Me (Bill Withers)
86. Ignition (Remix) (R. Kelly)
87. The Call (Regina Spektor)
88. Machine Gun (Portishead)
89. Twentyfourseven (Artful Dodger)
90. Strict Machine (Goldfrapp)
91. Motivation (Kelly Rowland ft. Lil’ Wayne)
92. Too Young (Phoenix)
93. The Next Messiah (Jenny Lewis)
94. You've got the Dirtee Love (Florence and the Machine ft Dizzee Rascal)
95. No More (3LW)
96. Feel Good inc (Gorillaz)
97. We Will Rock You (Queen)
98. Like I Love You (Justin Timberlake)
99. Call the Shots (Girls Aloud)
100. Forget You (Cee Lo Green)
By artist: Kanye: 6 Girls Aloud: 4 Rihanna: 4 The Beatles: 3 Queen: 3 Gorillaz: 3 Elvis Costello: 3
First The Apprentice, now this? I bloody love my reality TV shows don't I? Oh dear...
Anyway. This week, the theme is number 1s. The number one its can have reached no. 1 anywhere in the world, and can be from any era in music, leaving lots of space for interpretation.
Something that Cheryl Cole clearly did not leave open to interpretation, however, was her fake tan. She is looking mighty, mighty, mighty orange. It ain’t a good look.
My thoughts on all the performances, in the order that they performed:
1. F.Y.D. They covered Billionaire, which is a good choice to pick because it’s still fresh in most of the target audience’s minds, and the vocal range is not terribly strenuous. Even so, the band did not start well, and about 20% of the song was sung out of tune by the band. I liked the cheeky change of “Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen” to “Smiling next to Simon and the Queen”, though I do believe BGT had the idea first (when Diversity sent up Simon Cowell in their final performance). The second guy who sung was much better than the first and harmonization was ok. The dancing was very good and tidy, leading me to agree with Louis when he said that they were better dancers than they were singers. In the second verse of the song, they tried to jazz things up with more funky dance moves. Cheryl commented that she actually wanted to see MORE movement from them, though, as Girls Aloud’s best dancer (but not best singer), she’d obviously say that. 5/10.
2. Matt Cardle. Awww, gotta love an Essex lad. :) His being from the Essex countryside will inevitably draw comparisons to last year’s Olly Murs, but already I am liking him a lot more than Olly; Olly was a great performer, but Matt seems very shy and unsure, which adds to his appeal for me. He performed When Love Takes Over, and, whilst I feel that he needed to command the stage more (his performance had very little movement apart from awkward gesticulating with his hands), he was vocally very strong, bar one or two shakes. I think Matt sadly still has a small-stage mentality, which is a shame because his voice deserves to take him far. 8/10.
3. John. His performance was ok, run-of-the-mill stuff. 5/10.
4. Rebecca Ferguson. This Scouse soul sister had a real Anastasia-style quality to her voice, which perhaps wasn’t fully exhibited in her song choice (Teardrops by Womack & Womack), which was safely dubbed a bit of a “safe choice” by the judges. However, Simon told her that she had “enormous potential”, which I agree with, and that with the right song, she can put her voice to full use. She looked gorgeous as well, and has a genuinely humble quality that will easily win hearts. 7.5/10.
5. Storm. Oh dear. In the lengthy build-up that X-Factor wherein the contestants are allowed to draft somewhat of a sob story for themselves, Storm revealed that at 17, he sold all his things to pursue a career in music. Now, I don’t mean to sound cold, but, if he hasn’t been successful all this time, perhaps it’s time to call it a day? Throughout his performance, I was just thinking “mutton dressed as lamb”, and there was nothing in it that did anything for me. 2/10.
6. Belle Amie. Oh dear, again. One of my favourite songs of 2010 so far is B.o.B featuring Hayley William’s Airplanes, and this was the song they picked. And they completely butchered it. There was no team cohesion; they reminded me of Manchester City at the start when expensive players were just being shoved into the team; nothing about them gelled and the whole performance was very stilted. The rapping, dear god. Absolutely atrocious. I know, as someone who bastardized Kanye West’s Homecoming on YouTube (see below), I’m not really one to talk here, but you know you’ve got problems when a Chinese girl raps better than you. In short, it was a group of wanabes. Their lack of va-va-voom means they’ll be one of the first to be voted off, and quite frankly, I can’t wait to get shot of them. Awful. 0/10.
7. Cher. chavvy and sloppy 1/10
8. Diva Fever. Oh, they are FUN!! They were Simon’s wildcard, and in the build-up to their performance X-Factor showed them being told that they had made it after all. Conveniently, they’d both been with each other when told, which quells nothing about what the sexuality of this camp duo may be. But they’re camp and fun with it, and their performance even had a quick-change bit, which would have perhaps been more at home on Britain’s Got Talent, but was certainly engaging. In terms of the singing, I felt that the dude on the left dominated, barely letting his partner get a word in, and obviously vocally, it wasn’t the best. But they’re two cute, unassuming guys, and they deserve a decent run on the show. 6/10.
9. Paige Richardson. He sang Killing Me Softly, but I felt that what he was wearing (jogging bottoms, trainers) didn’t really fit with the song. Furthermore, he was singing about a woman rather than a man, and the way he substituted “her” into “his” into the lyrics jarred. Nonetheless, he sang quite well, and I agree with Simon that it was refreshing that there was “nothing surly about [him]” in being a wildcard pick – he’s back, and he just wants to make the most of it. 6.5/10
10. Katie Waissel. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I lol’d. I’m lol’ing so I don’t weep out of sheer despair that such a piece of shit performance got this far on X-Factor. Part Queen, part Lady Gaga, part rah North-West London ditzy drama queen, she was sporting the most ridiculous crown (it looked like something a 15 year old put together for their DT Resistant Materials) and stood uncomfortably in front of a keyboard, one which I’m not even totally convinced it was her playing. She sang We Are the Champions, which is hilariously ironic because with a shit voice like that, the only thing she’s going to be a champion of is shattering glass. Louis commented that “the song is too big for [her]”, but that’s an understatement; The Crazy Frog tune would be too big for her. Get this scum off our screens, please. 0/10.
11. Mary. Vocally, she was astounding. She absolutely belted out James Brown’s A Man’s a World with conviction and power, and what a voice she has. However—a) she was wearing a ridiculous costume and had a camel’s toe and b) I’m not sure if she’ll survive the later rounds when up against the younger lot, who have sex appeal in spades, something which she most certainly does not. Only time will tell. 6/10.
12. Nicolo Festa. Oh, jesus. It really, really, really riles me that there’s goons like this clogging up out TV screens. His performance of Lady Gaga’s Just Dance was one of the most smug, self-satisfied things I’ve ever witnessed (accentuated with the fact that he wore sunglasses through the performance), and he pranced about the stage like a prima donna, not really doing anything of worth. At the end, when questioned whether or not he was a diva, he acted all indignant and said he wasn’t, which was one of the finest pieces of acting I’ve seen in years. If the career in music doesn’t work out (as it won’t), he could always become a rentboy. That would make use of his “talents” a lot better. 0/10.
13. One Direction. One Direction? New Direction? Who gives a flying pig?? Their rendition of Viva La Vida rivalled Belle Amie’s cover of Airplanes as one of the worst group performances in the history of X-Factor. I genuinely belly-laughed when one of the boys forgot his words and one of his “mates” stepped in. That Malik lad is a bit of alright (I’m probably not allowed to say this as he’s 17 and I’m 20, tut tut), but aside from him, I see no reason to flog this dead horse. 1/10.
14. Wagner. He sang “She Bangs, She Bangs”, and he was fun and lively, but voice wise, not the best. Half-way through he modulated to Love Shack, which again, was great fun, but also again, didn’t really exhibit his vocal range. 4/10.
15. Aiden Grimshaw. Aiden sang “Mad World” by Tears for Fears, and such is the emotional depth of the song that it requires a certain amount of intensity, though Grimshaw’s attempts to act intense come off like he looks a bit constipated. Ha. His singing, however, was very very strong, so props for that. 7/10.
16. TreyC Cohen. Very good. Shouldn’t have to deal with “wildcard” status; she was a much more worthy contestant than fricking Katie. 7/10.
2009's and 2008's, if you're interested. A bit of a bizarre list, I'm afraid, an ecclectic mix of modern RnB/hip-hop and old-school choons. Anything that tickles my fancy, really, and a lot of things tickle my fancy, so.
Angie Baby (Helen Reddy)
Homecoming (Kanye West ft. Chris Martin)
Son of a Preacher Man (Dusty Springfield)
Rocky Raccoon (The Beatles)
Hallelujah (Rufus Wainwright)
Clam, Crab, Cockle, Cowrie (Joanna Newsom)
Alison (Elvis Costello)
Paper Planes (M.I.A.)
November Has Come (Gorillaz)
Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy (Queen)
Sinnerman (Nina Simone)
Run this Town (Rihanna, Jay-Z and Kanye West)
Romeo and Juliet (Dire Straits)
Happy Hour (Cheryl Cole)
Samson (Regina Spektor)
Adia (Sarah McLachlan)
Empire State of Mind: Broken Down (Alicia Keys)
Boys Don't Cry (The Cure)
Talk Show Host (Radiohead)
Defying Gravity (Idina Menzel)
Glory Box (Portishead)
Head over Heels (Tears for Fears)
Hey Stephen (Taylor Swift)
Fix Up Look Sharp (Dizzee Rascal)
Lullaby (Dixie Chicks)
Tiny Dancer (Elton John)
Baba O'Riley (The Who)
Wildwood Flower (June Carter Cash)
My Love (Sia)
California Dreamin' (The Mamas and the Papas)
Chelsea Dagger (The Fratellis)
My Father's Gun (Elton John)
Seasons of Love (Idina Menzel)
Hey Jude (The Beatles)
All These Things that I've Done (The Killers)
Brandy Alexander (Feist)
Don't Stop Believin' (Journey)
Love Affair (Regina Spektor)
I Don't Want to Go to Chelsea (Elvis Costello)
Dragon Queen (Yeah Yeah Yeahs)
Under Pressure (Queen ft David Bowie)
Brown Eyes (Lady Gaga)
It Wouldn’t Have Made Any Difference (Todd Rundgren)
Clothes Off! (Gym Class Heroes)
Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Tears for Fears)
Underneath YourClothes (Shakira)
Big Yellow Taxi (Joni Mitchell)
Breathe (Taylor Swift)
Travelin' Soldier (Dixie Chicks)
Jesus Walks (Kanye West)
Numb Encore (Jay Z ft. Linkin Park)
Lovely Head (Goldfrapp)
I Wish I Knew How it Feels to Be Free (Nina Simone)
Shout (Tears for Fears)
She (Elvis Costello)
Clint Eastwood (Gorillaz)
Vincent (Don McLean)
Love will Tear us Apart (Joy Division)
Lullaby (The Cure)
While My Guitar Gently Weeps (The Beatles)
Redemption Song (Bob Marley)
Sunshowers (M.I.A.)
Pennies in my Pocket (Emilio Estefan)
Jackson (Johnny and June Carter Cash)
Dream on (Aerosmith)
Wonderwall (Oasis)
Sexy! No No No... (Girls Aloud)
Don't Stop Me Now (Queen)
Friday I'm in Love (The Cure)
Make You Feel My Love (Adele)
Airplanes part 2 (B.o.B, Hayley Williams & Eminem)
The Killing Moon (Echo and the Bunnymen)
Can't Speak French (Girls Aloud)
Momentum (Aimee Mann)
The River (Joni Mitchell)
Golden Slumbers (K.D. Lang)
Hey Mama (Kanye West)
Braille (Regina Spektor)
Back to Black (Amy Winehouse)
Dance wiv Me (Dizzee Rascal ft Calvin Harris)
On to the Next One (Jay-Z)
O Saya (A.R. Rahman ft. M.I.A)
Fix Me Up (Girls Aloud)
Bossy (Kelis)
Chillin' (WALE ft Lady Gaga)
Remedy (Little Boots)
Lean on Me (Bill Withers)
Ignition (Remix) (R. Kelly)
The Call (Regina Spektor)
Machine Gun (Portishead)
Twentyfourseven (Artful Dodger)
The Way I Are (Timbaland)
Strict Machine (Goldfrapp)
Too Young (Phoenix)
The Next Messiah (Jenny Lewis)
Heartbreaker (Will.i.am ft Cheryl Cole)
You've got the Dirtee Love (Florence and the Machine ft Dizzee Rascal)
