10 Finest Fellas in a 2010 Film

Happy Hump Day! 2011's list, if you were bored.

10. Ken Watanabe, Inception

She played the fiddle in an Irish band, but she fell in love with an Englishman.

Given that romance is my favourite genre, it goes without saying that I've seen my fair share of love scenes in movies. There’s an unofficial hierarchy when it comes to how strict the BBFC, IFCO and MPAA are when it comes to lovemaking at 12A/PG-13, and it goes (from least strict to strictest): BBFC < IFCO < MPAA.

For example, the sex scenes in The Light between Oceans, Brooklyn and My Cousin Rachel received the 12A equivalent in all three films boards. About 80% of PG-13-rated sex scenes do fall in that Venn diagram intersection of BBFC, IFCO and MPAA rating sameness.

Saoirse Ronan shines in Brooklyn. She's also in the music video of Ed Sheeran's 'Galway Girl' a song I currently have stuck in my head!

Film review: SO YOUNG 2: NEVER GONE (Zhou Tuo Ru, 2016)

In her final, crucial years of secondary education, Su Yinjin (played by Liu Yifei)'s parents struggle to make ends meet in order to send her to a prestigious high school. On her first day, she is rubbed up the wrong way by the haughty Cheng Zheng (Kris Wu), a wealthy, handsome, high-achieving, sporty popular boy, but one with an ego to match. She finds his arrogance and cavalier manner with money insufferable, so of course the two are drawn to each other and have an on/off romance which dominates the ensuing years of their lives.

I haven't watched a Chinese film in the cinema for far too long considering I'm both Chinese and a movie buff, but unfortunately this was not a happy return to form. Never Gone was so heavy-handed and clunky that it makes Twilight look nuanced. The Pride and Prejudice-type story arc of hate gradually morphing into respect, before love, is one I never tire of (I loved Bridget Jones' Diary and romance is the warmest genre), but the execution here, via contrived plot machinations just stretched credibility too thin. For example, to expect us to believe that the two protagonists could go to separate Universities in different parts of China, and a good-looking boy who could have his pick of the girls, yet he continually and faithfully yearns for Su Yinjin throughout his time at Uni, is an implausible and downright irresponsible lie that cinema should not be peddling.

That is not the say the film was completely devoid of honesty. As time goes on, the couple find that that Lana Del Rey lyric, 'sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why', and life (and a dastard Mr. Wickham-type character) gets in the way of their being together, despite how hard they try to make it work. By conceding this and highlighting the role adversity plays in unsettling a loving relationship, the film retains some emotional truthfulness and poignancy, although this message was delivered much better in Blue is the Warmest Colour.

The disappointment of seeing the two leads in this film separate isn't a fraction as heartbreaking as that between Adele and Emma in BITWC, because you're just not invested in this relationship. Truth be told, as the cracks were beginning to show in this couple’s relationship (and the film made sure you GOT DA MESSAGE because the score modulated oh-so-subtly from jovial to depressed), it just made me reminisce about the earth-shattering confrontation scene in Blue is the Warmest Colour, and wish I was watching that instead of this dud.

The fault for this lies with the cheesy, soapy script which tries to manipulate the audience’s feelings far too frequently and unsuccessfully. It breaks the first rule of screenwriting, which is that you should show things, rather than tell, clumsily shoe-horning items into preposterous lines of dialogue. Then there’s the lazy direction which relies too heavily on stylisation; in an early scene set in the high school, the way characters were introduced with a cartoonish name was lifted right out of Mean Girls/Easy A. Whenever the characters got into a heated debate, the director misguidedly employed slow-motion to try and emphasis the sense of despair, but instead, it just felt cheap and telenovela-like.

And finally, the poor acting. I haven't seen anything else from Wu and Liu before so I won't rush to denounce them as bad actors just yet. But their performances in Never Gone were certainly not good: both overacted horribly, employing contorted facial expressions to emote, in such a hammy manner it felt like something out of the Jennifer Lawrence School of Over-Acting. 

In fact, the BBFC draconically slapped a 15 certificate on this film (for which I will be writing an email of complaint, I've seen saucier PGs), predominantly because 'a woman initially rejects a man's advances before giving in' and kissing him. The fact that the BBFC construed these acts not as the frisson in a relationship, or the woman acting coy, but rather as a coercive act of sexual violence, tells you all you need to know about the stale chemistry between the stars in this clunker. Not one of the romance genre, or Chinese cinema's, finest hours.

4/10

Lolita, was a meaneater, clocked him like a taximeter.

I know it's somewhat perverse considering the news coming out this week of Kristen Stewart's indiscretion, and I am in no way condoning infidelity (the man she cheated with, the director of the snoozefest that was Snow White and the Huntsman, was married with two kids, oh dear). But homewrecking aside, the news of Kristen's little transgression has made me like her more. 

I'd always regarded her as a pretty, but very bland actress, who I wasn't even sure had a pulse, judging from her awkward public appearances. But evidently, she not only has a pulse, but is a dark horse to be reckoned with, one capable of breaking British heart-throb Robert Pattinson (an equally poor actor)'s heart. And so, I decided to take a closer look at some pictures/gifs of her, and realised that the girl really is stunning.

(what colour are her eyes? Grey? Blue? Green? idk, I love them.)

Rocking the ponytail here!

Aww, poor heartbroken R-Prattz.

I still abhor Twilight, though

Like father, like daughter.

I can’t tell a lie, I went into Somewhere not totally expecting to like it. All I’d known about it before watching was that it won the Golden Lion at the Venice film festival and was generally applauded around the States, but was less-than-warmly received in the UK. And, from some reviews I’d seen which had said the film’s biggest shortcoming was that it tried too hard to emulate Coppola’s 2003 film Lost in Translation (a film, by the way, that I don’t exactly care for). With things like that on its side, it’s no wonder that I approached Somewhere with a level of trepidation. However, films can sometimes prove you wrong. Last year, I watched Bright Star not expecting a whole lot, and adored it. Similarly, Somewhere proved to be a pleasant surprise.

Stephen Dorff plays Johnny Marco, a Hollywood hunk who fills the emptiness that he finds increasingly present in his life with random parties and random women. One day, his 11-year-old daughter Cleo (played by Elle “Dakota’s sister” Fanning”) bungs up and the two are thrown together in a journey of finding out more about each other, and essentially, themselves. It’s a fairly simple premise that has been covered in several films before, but there’s a gentle chemistry between Dorff and Fanning that elevates the film from smug-satire-on-the-privileged that it could so easily slip into. It hardly feels like Stephen Dorff is acting at all, he fits his role so well, and Fanning has none of the precocious know-it-allness that rendered her sister so irksome to me. Furthermore, she plays Cleo with some sweet little mannerisms – the odd hair toss, a bit of thumb twiddling – that indicates the uneasiness and vulnerability of a girl caught in that awkward phase of pre-teenhood, yo-yoed about between two worlds and never feeling like she fits in. It’s a subtle, smart performance that probably deserves more plaudits than it has received.

As with Lost in Translation, there are some indulgent elements to the film that one can’t help feeling Coppola put in the film for herself more than her viewers (a semi-pointless and totally awkward lift scene with Benicio del Toro, far too lingering scenes of pole-dancers entertaining Marco in his hotel room, etc), but these are juxtaposed with scenes that, whilst indulgent, fit in with the film perfectly; shots of Cleo cooking for her and her dad, tracking shots of Johnny Marco’s celebrity being spotted everywhere he goes, as well Cleo describing the plot of Twilight to Johnny. As Cleo fills in Johnny’s days with her favourite activities, his life (perhaps unsurprisingly) sheds its emptiness. But it is a surprising joy to see them on their journey. Apparently much of the film was based around Coppola's own experiences of following her dad around, which would explain the scenes set in Italy, featuring amusing skits on language and culture barriers between Hollywood and the Europeans.

Essentially, what the film could have done with the most was perhaps having the audience care about the leads a little more; whilst I liked them just fine, I never felt I totally fell in love with them like I have done with various other film characters of the noughties (for example, Inglourious Basterd’s Shoshanna, Brokeback Mountain’s Jack Twist, Finding Nemo’s Dory, etc), but nonetheless, Coppola sure knows how to deliver a film. The soundtrack is kooky and fresh (I particularly enjoyed the part Gwen Stefani’s “Cool” played in the film; a song that could perhaps sum up the theme of the film quite well) and Sarah Flack’s editing, with her collaborations with Coppola in Marie-Antoinette and Lost in Translation, cannot be faulted. Ultimately, I didn’t entirely get where the film was headed, but, perhaps like the dad and the daughter in the film, the joy is knowing that they will get, somewhere.

Titter.

Now, I'm anything but a Twilight fan. This is pretty well-documented. However, reading the bbfc classification thingy for the latest film in the series, Eclipse, made me laugh, a lot: -



For this scene of utmost hilarity, I simply must watch the film. And laugh my face off.

TV review: GLEE S1E20: Theatricality.

Never one to fall behind on the latest crazes, Glee begins with Principal Figgins, in the deluded belief that vampires exist, bans Tina from dressing gothly due to her attire's links with Twilight and vampirism. Despite the Twilight craze being lost in Tina, "My mom won't let me watch Twilight; she says she thikns Kristen Stewart looks like a bitch", her and Mr. Schue's protestations are ignored, and all black clothing is banned in McKinley High. 

The rest of the Glee club offer her suggestions for different ways of dressing, bike chick, cowgirl, hoodrat, computer programmer, but Tina disregards them all. But Mr. Schue's assignment for the week - Lady Gaga - gives her, and all the rest of the girls (plus Kurt) some new costume ideas of their own.

I found this week's episode of Glee somewhat disappointing given all the hype built up for the episode. For one thing, I'd expected Lady Gaga to actually make an appearance in this episode, which she wasn't. 

Furthermore, for all the reputation it'd gained as the "Lady Gaga episode", there were only two covers of her songs - a fun, frenetic Bad Romance cover, and an acoustic rendition of Poker Face between Lea Michele and Idina Menzel. The former and the latter form the main plotline of this week's episode, wherein Rachel meets and tells her maternal mother of her identity, leading to some half-arsed soul-searching and lamenting over missed opportunities. 

Whilst there is a startling physical resemblance between Michele and Menzel - the face shape, the hair, the eyes, the two failed to summon any huge amount of chemistry when they were acting; the only real chemistry coming when they sang together.

In Theatricality, Finn's mother, who has been dating Kurt's father, moves in with them, and Finn is less than pleased to find himself sharing a room with Kurt (whom harbours feelings for his soon-to-be step-brother). Frustratedly cursing the decor that Kurt has so meticulously chosen, he disregards all the ornaments as "faggy". Kurt's dad is understandably furious when he overhears, thus throwing Finn out. It's good to see Kurt's father sticking up for him, and Mike O'Malley's acting in the scene was great.

As ever, the musical sequences are the best thing about Glee. The Glee club rise to the occasion commendably on the Lady Gaga uniforms front, Dianna Agron looking particularly head-turning in her pink number. (the pink streaks in her hair and the ball in her hand are a particularly nice touch).

As has been the way with Glee, things end on a predictably cheesy note. One of these days, I will probably tire of Glee, but for now, even when it doesn't get out of second gear, it still entertains me.

Ha.

#1

I can show you the world.

Aladdin (Ron Clements & John Musker, 1992)
Utterly timeless and enthralling Disney animation about the poor but rich-hearted "street rat" Aladdin who has to steal foodbits in order to survive, and fall in love with Jasmine, the princess. When he's manipulated by evil advisor Jafar into going into a cave and get trapped there, he finds unexpected salvation in a magic lamp, in it containing a genie that can grant him three wishes.



Pick a frame, any frame from this film, and chances are, it's utterly gorgeous. Painted with rich, saturated desert coloured hues and voiced by a talented cast (especially Robin Williams as the genie, wherein he gets to play to his strengths and has an unashamed blast with his role), as well as some lovely musical numbers, Aladdin brought back lovely memories of my childhood and how I'd watch this film over and over again. A dream.



Twilight (Catherine Hardwicke, 2008)
When I was shopping in London with Anahit last Saturday, every time we came across one of those advertising moving-board things, the DVD for Twilight came up. Such a thing actually achieved its aim, for it made me wanna give Hardwicke's movie adaptation of Stephanie Meyer's novel a re-appraisal. So I did, although thankfully the advertisement hadn't brainwashed me into thinking I was watching a good film. Re-viewing it, this time with the brother, just accentuated many of the unintentionally parts I'd spotted in the first film; whether it be Robert Pattinson's drug-addict-like performance, to the less-than-overwhelming CGI effects (and overusage of such). Kristen Stewart actually gives an alright performance, albeit one that is a little heavy on the long pauses, but Pattinson is just so awful. The source material was horribly fanfic-ish, and Hardwicke's direction is not much different; both Meyer and Hardwicke both clearly wanna bung Edward Cullen and be Bella. Thus, Twilight results in being wish-fulfilment on the part of the writer and director more than anything. A load of bungdung.



Wedding Crashers (David Dobkin, 2005)
Forgettable but enjoyable romantic comedy starring Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn as a pair of womanizers who like to crash weddings and then bung the women they meet from them. Wilson and Vaughn have great chemistry, as do Wilson and Rachel McAdams, who plays a woman who makes Wilson want to get to know her, and not just like, her boobs. Her gorgeous smile and pretty face made me root for her throughout. Isla Fisher is also great fun as the clingy girl who lost her bunginity to Vaughn, and hence becomes crazily attached to him. Aside from the actors (Christopher Walken, as the dad of McAdams and Fisher, is also great), the film is pretty run-of-the-mill stuff, lacking in proper plot and geniune larf-out-loud humour, but, as they go, it wasn't too bad.

Låt den rätte komma in / Let the Right One In (Tomas Alfredson, 2008)

Kåre Hedebrant plays Oskar, a 12-year-old who's being bullied at school and is somewhat alienated from both his separated parents, who crosses paths with Lina Leandersson outside on the snowy jungle gym, and forms a slow and unsteady friendship with her, oblivious to the fact that she's a vampire.

Curious film, this. It was appropriately stagey and cinematic in equal measure, with austere backdrops and art direction and overwrought music, and the performances were on the whole strong, particularly Leandersson, who made a mesmerizing vampire with her large eyes and constant stare. But it suffered from not knowing what it wanted to be, whether that be a Swedish Dogme-style film about growing up and finding yourself, or an ouright slasher pic. The violence, when it came, were appropriately scary and shocking, but there was something not quite right about the way they were filmed, such that I wanted to larf. All in all, the positives outweigh the negatives of this film, but I was definitely left wanting.

Camp Rock (Matthew Diamond, 2008)

lawlz.

LOL.

lol #1


lol #2


OK, I'm done.

*screams*

How terrifying is this similarity?



Bung Bung.

I’ve actually read some articles of people being “Team Bella” or “Team Hermione”. As I haven’t read the Twilight books, I can’t pick a side, but I love the book Hermione. (Emma Watson, the other hand? Well… bung.)