My 25 Favourite Performances of 2017

My final post commemorating the cinematic year that was 2017 is my favourite: the acting!

This list is judged from two factors: acting quality, and my heavy, unrepentant sense of favouritism. I like to think that I wouldn’t put a bad performance on the list, but it would also be inaccurate to claim every performance listed was one of the 25 best acting performances of 2017 (for example, I’d have a hard time arguing that Gal Gadot was better in Wonder Woman than Emma Stone in Battle of the Sexes, say).

Warning: the following blog under the cut is gif heavy! (To paraphrase Hamilton, ‘We rendezvous with Rochambeau, consolidate their GIFS!’)

25. Will Poulter as ‘Krauss’ in Detroit

Fun fact: one of my friends works in the same building as Poulter's father (who's a very big dog in his field of science). Thus, whenever I see the BAFTA Rising Star winner in a film, I feel like we're mates (by three degrees of separation, but still. 😂)

My Favourite Films of 2017 [10 – 6]

Now that I’ve got the substantial snark out of the way, it’s time to honour the good stuff! Part 1 and part 2 of my favourite films of 2016, if you were wondering what my taste in films is like!

These following five movies constitute the bright sparks of 2017: the movies that bought a smile to my face, made me feel passionately, or triggered deep philosophical thoughts in my otherwise pretty one-track mind (nah, let’s be fair to myself, two-track. In that I think about Fionn Whitehead and Aneurin Barnard).

10. Wonder Woman

After the dross that was Batman vs Superman and Suicide Squad (which, despite me giving 7.5/10 initially after watching it, I’ve realised after reflection that the jukebox-style soundtrack and Viola Davis playing a red wine-drinking, steak-eating HBIC papered over a whole litany of flaws), the DCEU finally get it right.

Thoughts on two films I watched at the cinema today

MAPS TO THE STARS (David Cronenberg, 2014)

Hollywood, as painted by the twisted paintbrush of David Cronenberg, with two fantastic turns from Julianne Moore and Mia Wasikowska. 

Moore really gives it her all as fading actress Havana Segrand who’s increasingly losing her grip on reality as she fights tooth and nail to play the role her dead mother (who sexually abused her as a child) had in a reprise of the film. 

It’s an unglamorous role, but she’s extremely courageous to tackle it with the dedication that she does. Wasikowska plays an equally disturbed girl with prominent burn marks on face, exiled to Florida after a childhood incident where she burned down her family’s house, she’s back in LA and lands herself a job as Segrand’s ‘chore whore’. 

The rest of cast are all apt, playing their dislikeable characters with suitable panache. Whilst the acting is excellent, however, the depiction of Hollywood was a bit too convoluted to be fully believable. There were black, bleak laughs in almost every scene, and overall, the experience hypnotises you (and I'm definitely not complaining about R-Prattz eyecandy), but, just a bit too acerbic for me to fully appreciate.

Mark: 6.5/10

’71 (Yann Demange, 2014)

I’m not really big on history or army movies, so this one took me by complete surprise. Gary Hook (Jack O’Connell, by far the most talented alumni of the Skins cast), a young Derbyshire soldier, gets accidentally left on the mean streets of Belfast when his unit flee a street. 

He’s left to fend for himself, amongst hostility towards soldiers from the residents of the city as well double-crossing and duplicity amongst people supposedly working for the same side. 

The two MVPs of this film are the cinematography (hand-held cameras that contribute every bit to the urgency and tension of Hook’s increasingly precarious situation) and Jack O’Connell, who, despite having a character who, on paper is seemingly quite paint-by-numbers, actually manages to imbue his soldier with empathy and emotion, so that we feel every inch of dread that he does. 

The direction and score suit the film well as well. With a running time under 100 minutes, it’s refreshing to watch an action movie which commands your attention for the full running time and doesn’t outstay its welcome.

Mark: 7/10

Lolita, was a meaneater, clocked him like a taximeter.

I know it's somewhat perverse considering the news coming out this week of Kristen Stewart's indiscretion, and I am in no way condoning infidelity (the man she cheated with, the director of the snoozefest that was Snow White and the Huntsman, was married with two kids, oh dear). But homewrecking aside, the news of Kristen's little transgression has made me like her more. 

I'd always regarded her as a pretty, but very bland actress, who I wasn't even sure had a pulse, judging from her awkward public appearances. But evidently, she not only has a pulse, but is a dark horse to be reckoned with, one capable of breaking British heart-throb Robert Pattinson (an equally poor actor)'s heart. And so, I decided to take a closer look at some pictures/gifs of her, and realised that the girl really is stunning.

(what colour are her eyes? Grey? Blue? Green? idk, I love them.)

Rocking the ponytail here!

Aww, poor heartbroken R-Prattz.

I still abhor Twilight, though

My problem with Twilight.

Last Sunday, me and my brother Tom watched Twilight: Eclipse together at the cinema. Now, believe me when I say that we siblings are far from the paragons of intelligence and class; just half an hour before our viewing of the film, we could be seen in Leicester Square brawling; I punched and kicked him, he scratched me whilst hollering “bitch!” Obviously he’s still my favourite person in the whole wide world and we made up almost immediately, but this goes to illustrate that neither me nor Tom are particularly clever. Quite the opposite; we’re downright dumb.
But no matter how low our levels of intelligence (and believe me, some of the jokes we tell would have you thinking we were spawn of frog people or something, they’re that witless), we still left Twilight: Eclipse feeling short-changed and downright patronized. To say it was not a good film was like saying Hitler was a little bit damaged. It was complete and utter dogshit. There were so many things wrong with it, I couldn’t even start listing them, but some of the key issues were:

1) Neither Kristen Stewart nor Robert Pattinson having a grain of acting talent in their DNA. Stewart’s face was the pinnacle of sullenness throughout, and Robert Pattinson, though obviously impaired with what was the worst script this side of the new decade, gave a performance so wooden it would make park benches look charismatic. Terrible, terrible actors. What I will say in their defence, however, was that one scene in which they did perform well in was the steamy and rather romantic making out scene on the bed, set to the gorgeous vocals of Sia’s “My Love”. But then again neither was talking during that kiss, so.

2) The script was the most idiotic thing in the world and had the audience in stitches at all the wrong points. Granted, some of the scenes were intentionally funny, and they carried it off well – Edward purposely snogging Bella in front of Jacob to evoke jealousy got a few hearty laughs from us, as did the line “Let’s face it, I am hotter than you” and Bella’s uncomfortable “chat” with her dad about whether or not she was using contraception. But everything else was a mess. Whilst some films – like Streetdance 3D and Mr Deeds are pants, they still know they’re pants, and don’t bother pretending to be anything else. That Twilight: Eclipse had delusions of being some amazing love saga just made its fail even greater.

3) Bryce Dallas Howard as Victoria was about as scary The Loss of the Teardrop Diamond. Dakota Fanning’s Vampire in Chief, Jane, was as annoying as her bratty turn in Uptown Girls. Both performances had me cringing my face off.

4) The fight scenes with the vampires turning into “glass”. Maybe it was the crap CGI, maybe it was the fact that I didn’t suspend disbelief quite enough, but it all looked very B-movie and camp. And laughable.

5) The love triangle is complete and utter pants. Me and Tom were both like “um, Jacob’s way fitter. Pick him.”

There are many many more flaws with this pathetic excuse of a film, but only so many hours in the day, so I’ll stop there. The best thing about the film by far was its soundtrack, which is admittedly terrific – as mentioned, the Sia song on it is the standout, absolutely gorgeous, but Florence + the Machine’s Heavy, The Black Key’s Chop + Change and Eastern Conference Champions’ A Million Miles an Hour (which plays whilst Jacob smoulderingly pouts at the camera) are all terrific tunes, as is, surprisingly, Howard Shore’s score, which does its best with very stodgy images. So they’re all worth checking out, and if you fancy a listen to any of the songs from the soundtrack, e-mail me at lemon_and_lime7@hotmail.com and I’ll e-mail em to you.

But my biggest problem with the film is not to do with the film per se, but the source material. Stephanie Meyer always proudly boasts how Bella is a girl who supposedly makes choices, and has options. I’m not so sure. The choice she makes in the book and film is to sacrifice her life and become a vampire so she can spend the rest of her life with the love of her life. Now, call me feminist, but it all seems terribly misogynistic to me. It made me laugh how in the book and film Bella justifies this supposed-choice by saying something like “I never felt like I fit in, all my life I’ve stumbled along…” Now, let me tell you something. When I was 12, I didn’t feel like I fit in with the world. I didn’t feel like I fitted in at 15, 18, and I still don’t at 20. You’ll be hard pressed to find a girl/young woman who genuinely knows their place in the world. That’s the beauty of life – none of us really know where we’re going and we never will, until we’re lying on our deathbeds. If Bella is so discontent with her life, there are so many others things she can do; work hard at her grades, perhaps. Take up an instrument. Actually invest time in her high school friends. But no, she would rather give up everything that matters a damn to her, in order to be with Edward and “fit in at last”, supposedly.

If that’s women making choices, then suffragettes must be turning in their graves.

I can show you the world.

Aladdin (Ron Clements & John Musker, 1992)
Utterly timeless and enthralling Disney animation about the poor but rich-hearted "street rat" Aladdin who has to steal foodbits in order to survive, and fall in love with Jasmine, the princess. When he's manipulated by evil advisor Jafar into going into a cave and get trapped there, he finds unexpected salvation in a magic lamp, in it containing a genie that can grant him three wishes.



Pick a frame, any frame from this film, and chances are, it's utterly gorgeous. Painted with rich, saturated desert coloured hues and voiced by a talented cast (especially Robin Williams as the genie, wherein he gets to play to his strengths and has an unashamed blast with his role), as well as some lovely musical numbers, Aladdin brought back lovely memories of my childhood and how I'd watch this film over and over again. A dream.



Twilight (Catherine Hardwicke, 2008)
When I was shopping in London with Anahit last Saturday, every time we came across one of those advertising moving-board things, the DVD for Twilight came up. Such a thing actually achieved its aim, for it made me wanna give Hardwicke's movie adaptation of Stephanie Meyer's novel a re-appraisal. So I did, although thankfully the advertisement hadn't brainwashed me into thinking I was watching a good film. Re-viewing it, this time with the brother, just accentuated many of the unintentionally parts I'd spotted in the first film; whether it be Robert Pattinson's drug-addict-like performance, to the less-than-overwhelming CGI effects (and overusage of such). Kristen Stewart actually gives an alright performance, albeit one that is a little heavy on the long pauses, but Pattinson is just so awful. The source material was horribly fanfic-ish, and Hardwicke's direction is not much different; both Meyer and Hardwicke both clearly wanna bung Edward Cullen and be Bella. Thus, Twilight results in being wish-fulfilment on the part of the writer and director more than anything. A load of bungdung.



Wedding Crashers (David Dobkin, 2005)
Forgettable but enjoyable romantic comedy starring Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn as a pair of womanizers who like to crash weddings and then bung the women they meet from them. Wilson and Vaughn have great chemistry, as do Wilson and Rachel McAdams, who plays a woman who makes Wilson want to get to know her, and not just like, her boobs. Her gorgeous smile and pretty face made me root for her throughout. Isla Fisher is also great fun as the clingy girl who lost her bunginity to Vaughn, and hence becomes crazily attached to him. Aside from the actors (Christopher Walken, as the dad of McAdams and Fisher, is also great), the film is pretty run-of-the-mill stuff, lacking in proper plot and geniune larf-out-loud humour, but, as they go, it wasn't too bad.

Låt den rätte komma in / Let the Right One In (Tomas Alfredson, 2008)

Kåre Hedebrant plays Oskar, a 12-year-old who's being bullied at school and is somewhat alienated from both his separated parents, who crosses paths with Lina Leandersson outside on the snowy jungle gym, and forms a slow and unsteady friendship with her, oblivious to the fact that she's a vampire.

Curious film, this. It was appropriately stagey and cinematic in equal measure, with austere backdrops and art direction and overwrought music, and the performances were on the whole strong, particularly Leandersson, who made a mesmerizing vampire with her large eyes and constant stare. But it suffered from not knowing what it wanted to be, whether that be a Swedish Dogme-style film about growing up and finding yourself, or an ouright slasher pic. The violence, when it came, were appropriately scary and shocking, but there was something not quite right about the way they were filmed, such that I wanted to larf. All in all, the positives outweigh the negatives of this film, but I was definitely left wanting.

Camp Rock (Matthew Diamond, 2008)

lawlz.