Bar review: DANDELYAN (South Bank)

Recipient of the 'World's Best Cocktail Menu' award, Dandelyan bar boasts some incredibly innovative drinks, all delicately crafted with the finest ingredients. 

I trialled four drinks, and whilst all  balanced delectable flavour with generous amounts of alcohol, the one I loved the most was Natural Born Gatherer, a refreshing and bittersweet drink that was decadently wonderful: the elderflower was the icing on the cake. 

The drink photographed above is the Old Fashioned, which is, admittedly difficult to get wrong, but Dandelyan produced an excellent one, and the citrus twist they added really have the drink an extra kick.

In terms of bar snacks, I had blistered padron peppers (deliciously marinated in sea salt and olive oil), and Mondrian chips, which came with some tastebud-tantalisingly good  mojo picón aioli. The key to bar snacks is to deliver them in small enough quantities to get the taster salivating for more, and salivating I most certainly was doing for the nibbles here.

Overall, Dandelyan bar oozes class. The atmosphere is chilled and the bar staff are astute and attentive. Whilst in terms of acres, it is not as spacious as Devonshire Terrace, it does have an intimate, yet classy ambiance that the former tried to manufacture, but generally lacked.

Definitely worth a visit for a mid-week post-work drink: the elegance of the decor (although the lights were a bit on the dim side) and the clientele allowed me to fulfil the delusion that I was a character in an episode of Mad Men. 

Speaking of pop culture references in bar reviews, the lady who served me looked like a petite version of Gal Gadot, and in addition to being cute A F, she was extremely switched on, and gave me some on point cocktail recommendations. Bravo, Dandelyan!

Grade: A

Restaurant review: CREAMS CAFE (Orpington)

As part of Orpington's attempt to make itself more attractive to property buyers, the town is undergoing something of a revamp. It now has a bright, shiny new Odeon (super-handy for me as I have an Odeon Unlimited card!) as well as a whole array of recently-constructed restaurants and cafés. I decided to give the Creams Café my patronage one Saturday evening, pre-Bad Moms.

I've been to one Creams Café before, in Wembley, and in terms of quality of the dessert, I'd say the north-west and south-east London venues are comparable. You get plenty of bang for your buck at Creams Café - the bubblegum sundae pictured above was only £4.95, and in addition to being delectable, was more than even I could hope for; I wasn't able to finish it all. 

And it's not just bubblegum sundaes they do, there's a wide range of dishes offered on the menu, from waffles to sundaes, with every ice cream flavour you could possibly want. Multiple kinds of chocolate flavours, some with chips in, some without, fruit sorbets, etc. When trying to decide on a dish, I felt, quite literally, like a kid in a candy store.

So purely from a food and monetary point of view, Creams Café certainly suffices. Why anything less than an A-grade rating, then? Well, I'm sorry to report that the quality of the service was just not up to scratch. My friend ordered both mine and her choices, and for her dessert, they brought the wrong order to our table. 

What had happened was that when ordering, she had pointed to her choice on the menu, and the inattentive sales assistant had keyed in another choice. After taking the wrong order away, they insisted on seeing her receipt, which made us very anxious, because they were treating us like criminals for their mistake. They finally made the dessert she had originally ordered, which was 20p more than the dish they charged her for. My friend offered to foot the difference, but the manager said 'don't worry, it's on the house'. 

It's not really 'on the house' when she paid for 97% of it, and had been delayed in receiving it due to the sheer incompetence of the sales staff who couldn't be arsed to listen in the first place, is it? So stop pretending you're doing us a massive favour pal.

Creams Café do a bomb sweet treat. This I'm not refuting. But if you go to the one in Orpington, I'd just warn you keep your eyes open and check that what you ordered is what the teenagers who work there keyed in. They don't seem to have much in the way of Quality Control at this place; you'll have to do it instead.

Grade: B

Restaurant review: KOI SUSHI & NOODLE BAR (Finchley Road)

I went to Koi Sushi & Noodle Bar last year on a Groupon deal, which entitles the bearer to 306pieces of sushi. Truth be told, it wasn't the best deal Groupon have sold me.

The decor in the place is terrible: faded tables that are so rickety, I wouldn't be surprised if they were lifted from a garbage disposal. The toilets smelt extremely bad; one suspects that they're washed once a week, if that. 

The restaurant is short-staffed and the waiters are rude and inattentive. You're supposed to get unlimited green tea with the Groupon offer, but we only got two refills, because each time I raised my hand to try and get the waiters attention, he either pretended not to see me, or told me curtly 'later'.

The food was horrifically basic. As you can see in the photos, the sushi rolls were wrapped in plain rice, and the ingredients used for the meat or vegetables inside it tasted strange, like they were past their sell by date, but the chefs would try and hide it by dousing it in sauce. Maaaaate. Your punters have tastebuds. We won't be fooled that easily. Lastly, the rolls were tiny in size, and 18 measly pieces per person did not suffice for dinner.

Even the attempts to make the food look aesthetically pleasing were half assed: the picture above indicates the chef had tried to dress it up with some sauce, but then decided the punter, who had only come in with a deal they bought on the internet, after all, didn't merit such decoration to their plate.

Verily I say, don't be tricked by the £14.80 Groupon deal. Do you tastebuds a favour and just go buy a large box from Itsu or Wasabi, where the ingredients they use at least aren't bottom of the barrel. Your body will thank you.

Grade: F

Outfit of the Day: Blue is the Geezerist Colour.

My OOTD this Wednesday, when celebrating David Luiz re-signing for Chelsea! Apropos that I was wearing blue 💙

Top: Hollister

Skirt: Miss Selfridge (also worn in this OOTD)

Glasses: Red or Dead

Film review: AU REVOIR LES ENFANTS (Louis Malle, 1987)

This post is in conjunction with Pop Culture Reverie's Back to School blogathon. Head on over there to check out other fabulous posts about movies set in schools!

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Au revoir les enfants, a semi-autobiographical film by Louis Malle, tells the story of the tentative friendship that forms between Julien Quentin (Gaspard Manesse) and Jean Bonnet (Raphael Fejtö), a new, enigmatic boy who joins the Catholic boarding school at which Julien stays. 

Julien suspects that Jean is harbouring a secret of some kind, and as the plot transpires, it turns out that Jean is Jewish, and he and two others are given covert asylum from the Nazis by Père Jean, the kind headmaster of the school. The time period being the Second World War, when France is occupied by Nazis, Jean’s secret hangs over their friendship, and the film.

Malle’s movie dextrously examines the nature of French guilt with regards to their collusion with the Germans during the War, recognising that for many, it was an act of survival. Despite the fact that German soldiers all the inhabitants of the town, a resentment and dislike of the Nazi regime is definitely brewing.  In one scene, a Jewish diner at a restaurant is threatened with ejection by the Nazi soldiers, but it is the Nazi soldiers who are chased out of the restaurant by other diners, sick of their fascism and anti-Semitism.

Having witnessed some the events depicted film firsthand, Malle understands the conflicting duality of the French people in terms of doing what is right, and what won’t get them into trouble. To quote Edmund Burke, 'The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing' and Malle captures this essence in the faces and actions of French citizens in the film who want to protect the Jews, yet at the same time, view self-preservation as the most important item, and thus, did not stand up to the Nazis.

The film follows Julien and Jean as their bond strengthens amidst this historical backdrop. Jean, a smart, quiet lad who’s adept at mathematics and the piano, helps Julien improve his playing. Another scene in the film that lingers with me is when the two boys duet together; it’s a joy to see the smiles on their faces as they do so, and the way something as simple as music can bring people together and provide momentary displacement for life-threatening concerns on Jean's part, is profound and affecting.

Despite the grim historical setting, Au revoir les enfants doesn’t allow itself to get bogged down and even affords the audience some moments of levity, such as back-and-forth-banter between the boarding school boys about things like bed-wetting, naughty literature and masturbation, as well as the inclusion of Julien’s older brother, another boarder at the school, who should be looking out for his younger brother but instead getting distracted by his constant pursuit of skirt. By including moments of comedy amongst the drama, Malle makes the experience more frank and captures the innocence of youth.

The chemistry between Manesse and Fejtö, two untrained young actors, is organic and lovely. The transitioning of their relationship: from the start, where Julien envies Jean’s academic prowess and thus feels slight hostility towards him, towards their friendship slowly blooming and Jean letting him in on his secret, every step feels real. You’re rooting for these two boys to stay friends and for Jean to stay safe, even if, historical evidence points to the opposite occurring. 

The last scene in the film, where the movie’s title is spoken, is heart-wrenchingly sad, more so because it is directed in such a matter-of-fact, unfussy style. World War II did happen, and atrocities were committed against the Jews. By not sensationalising events and honing in on how it affected one impressionable young boy, we view the story through Julien’s prism, and it is no less harrowing. The look in Julien’s eyes in the last shot still lingers with me; he says nothing, but a picture says a thousand words.

French cinema captures the essence of adolescence in a manner that really speaks to me. Blue is the Warmest Colour was one of the most honest depictions of sexual awakening and the rollercoaster of experiencing your first love, and Les 400 coups, my fourth favourite film, excellently depicted what it's like to feel misunderstood.

Au revoir les enfants is another fine addition to this list. Through subtly made and lovingly-crafted scenes, it is one of the most powerful films about friendship between kids I've seen, and an unforgettable reminder that even in the darkest of times, something beautiful can be formed.

9/10

Pub review: SIMMONS (Fitzrovia)

Before I visited Simmons, I’d never drank cocktails out of a teacup before. Their Happy Hour, which happens to be a very generous misnomer (it’s actually a Happy FIVE Hours, 4pm to 9pm, Sunday to Friday), changed all that. 

I treated myself to an entire teapot of Long Island Ice Tea, which was reasonably priced at £15 for the teapot, and, graciously, actually contained alcohol, unlike the Long Island Ice Teas at Slug & Lettuce which are completely diluted with mixer.

The pub itself is a quirky delight, with an eclectic selection of high stools, sofas, lamps, and other such décor. The staff are cool and friendly, knowing to give service with a smile, an all-too-rare commodity in central London bars, unfortunately.

After 6 o’clock, it got very busy, very fast, which is probably to its credit, and its downfall. 

I like pubs with atmosphere, and Simmons had that in spades, with punters who were lively and tipsy. Others being merry is infectious, so I, too, had a wonderful time (although that was also down to the great company I kept; hi Simon!)

Due to its own goddamn popularity, however, it was, just a little on the over-crowded side; on the walk to the restrooms, it was somewhat of a juggling act not to impede on the personal space of other pub-goers. If I were to rank how busy Simmons was the time I went out of 10, I'd say it was about a 9. My optimal level, a 7.

Still, I would definitely recommend Simmons. Everyone has to drink alcohol out of china at some point in their life!

Grade: A-