It's an effing disgrace, but...

I *still* haven't seen this film: -

Yeah, I know. A massive slap on the wrists due for me!

Every year, the list must be done.

2009's and 2008's, if you're interested. A bit of a bizarre list, I'm afraid, an ecclectic mix of modern RnB/hip-hop and old-school choons. Anything that tickles my fancy, really, and a lot of things tickle my fancy, so.

1. Angie Baby (Helen Reddy)
2. Homecoming (Kanye West ft. Chris Martin)
3. Son of a Preacher Man (Dusty Springfield)
4. Rocky Raccoon (The Beatles)
5. Hallelujah (Rufus Wainwright)
6. Clam, Crab, Cockle, Cowrie (Joanna Newsom)
7. Alison (Elvis Costello)
8. Paper Planes (M.I.A.)
9. November Has Come (Gorillaz)
10. Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy (Queen)
11. Sinnerman (Nina Simone)
12. Run this Town (Rihanna, Jay-Z and Kanye West)
13. Romeo and Juliet (Dire Straits)
14. Happy Hour (Cheryl Cole)

15. Samson (Regina Spektor)
16. Adia (Sarah McLachlan)
17. Empire State of Mind: Broken Down (Alicia Keys)
18. Boys Don't Cry (The Cure)
19. Talk Show Host (Radiohead)
20. Defying Gravity (Idina Menzel)
21. Glory Box (Portishead)
22. Head over Heels (Tears for Fears)
23. Hey Stephen (Taylor Swift)
24. Fix Up Look Sharp (Dizzee Rascal)
25. Lullaby (Dixie Chicks)
26. Tiny Dancer (Elton John)
27. Baba O'Riley (The Who)
28. Wildwood Flower (June Carter Cash)
29. My Love (Sia)
30. California Dreamin' (The Mamas and the Papas)
31. Chelsea Dagger (The Fratellis)
32. My Father's Gun (Elton John)
33. Seasons of Love (Idina Menzel)
34. Hey Jude (The Beatles)
35. All These Things that I've Done (The Killers)
36. Brandy Alexander (Feist)
37. Don't Stop Believin' (Journey)
38. Love Affair (Regina Spektor)
39. I Don't Want to Go to Chelsea (Elvis Costello)
40. Dragon Queen (Yeah Yeah Yeahs)
41. Under Pressure (Queen ft David Bowie)
42. Brown Eyes (Lady Gaga)
43. It Wouldn’t Have Made Any Difference (Todd Rundgren)
44. Clothes Off! (Gym Class Heroes)
45. Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Tears for Fears)
46. Underneath Your Clothes (Shakira)
47. Big Yellow Taxi (Joni Mitchell)
48. Breathe (Taylor Swift)
49. Travelin' Soldier (Dixie Chicks)
50. Jesus Walks (Kanye West)
51. Numb Encore (Jay Z ft. Linkin Park)
52. Lovely Head (Goldfrapp)
53. I Wish I Knew How it Feels to Be Free (Nina Simone)
54. Shout (Tears for Fears)
55. She (Elvis Costello)
56. Clint Eastwood (Gorillaz)
57. Vincent (Don McLean)
58. Love will Tear us Apart (Joy Division)
59. Lullaby (The Cure)
60. While My Guitar Gently Weeps (The Beatles)
61. Redemption Song (Bob Marley)
62. Sunshowers (M.I.A.)
63. Pennies in my Pocket (Emilio Estefan)
64. Jackson (Johnny and June Carter Cash)
65. Dream on (Aerosmith)
66. Wonderwall (Oasis)
67. Sexy! No No No... (Girls Aloud)
68. Don't Stop Me Now (Queen)
69. Friday I'm in Love (The Cure)
70. Make You Feel My Love (Adele)
71. Airplanes part 2 (B.o.B, Hayley Williams & Eminem)
72. The Killing Moon (Echo and the Bunnymen)
73. Can't Speak French (Girls Aloud)
74. Momentum (Aimee Mann)
75. The River (Joni Mitchell)
76. Golden Slumbers (K.D. Lang)
77. Hey Mama (Kanye West)
78. Braille (Regina Spektor)
79. Back to Black (Amy Winehouse)
80. Dance wiv Me (Dizzee Rascal ft Calvin Harris)
81. On to the Next One (Jay-Z)
82. O Saya (A.R. Rahman ft. M.I.A)
83. Fix Me Up (Girls Aloud)
84. Bossy (Kelis)
85. Chillin' (WALE ft Lady Gaga)
86. Remedy (Little Boots)
87. Lean on Me (Bill Withers)
88. Ignition (Remix) (R. Kelly)
89. The Call (Regina Spektor)
90. Machine Gun (Portishead)
91. Twentyfourseven (Artful Dodger)
92. The Way I Are (Timbaland)
93. Strict Machine (Goldfrapp)
94. Too Young (Phoenix)
95. The Next Messiah (Jenny Lewis)
96. Heartbreaker (Will.i.am ft Cheryl Cole)
97. You've got the Dirtee Love (Florence and the Machine ft Dizzee Rascal)
98. Born Free (M.I.A.)
99. No More (3LW)
100. Feel Goold inc (Gorillaz)

I Need a Gun, 'Cos all I Do is Dance.

I know, I know, I've been a bit of a no-show with this blog for the past month or so, and it's really, really not on. Unfortunately, that isn't going to change any time soon, as I'm jetting off to Italy with my family this Friday for a few days. But, for now, have four mini-reviews of the films I've watched recently.



Step Up (Anne Fletcher, 2006)
Channing Tatum plays Tyler, your token disillusioned youth from the wrong side of the tracks who wastes his days being a juvenile delinquent with his two friends, brothers Mac and Skinny. One evening, they are caught vandalising a hall in the Maryland School of Arts. Mac and Skinny escape, but Tyler is punished with community service as a janitor at said school. In doing his duties, he crosses paths with pretty and talented but uppity teenager Nora (Jenna Dewan), who's dream it has always been to be a dancer. When her dance partner for the upcoming danceshow injures himself, it (predictably) sets Tyler up for a chance to show that he's more than just a troublemaker. Despite the background differences between the two, when they dance, sparks fly, and the two protagonists find themselves drawn towards each other as more than just dance partners.

As you'd expext, a film like this is fairly low on plot and dialogue, and puts all of the weight on the dance scenes, which are indeed sublime. The finale in particular, is spectacular, as a group of 20+ dancers, led by Tatum and Dewan, fuse streetdance, hip-hop and ballet to the intrumental track of Yung Joc's "Bout it". It's forgettable fodder for the most part, but the dance scenes really are worth a re-watch.

Toy Story 3 (Lee Unkrich, 2010)

Needless to say, Woody and Buzz's owner, Andy, can't be eight forever, and there must be a time when he goes to college. The time has arrived in Toy Story 3, and each of his toys - even his favourite, Woody, knows that they are living on borrowed time. However, they under-estimate their worth to Andy, for, whilst he only wishes to bring Woody with him to college, he still plans to keep the rest of his toys in the attic. But due to a stream of misunderstandings, the remaining toys get tossed out and end up in a day care centre. Whilst this new surrounding initially seems promising - plenty of eager children wanting to play with the toys in ways that Andy no longer does - the debutante toys soon realise that it is only children in the butterfly room who actually know how to play with toys. The kids in the caterpillar room - the room they've been shoved in - is occupied by toddlers, toddlers who don't treat the toys well. At all.

I had a bit of a love/hate relationship with Toy Story 2. I disliked it for aaaages, until one day, I had sudden craving to give it a re-appraisal, and I immediately fell back in love with it. My relationship with the first film is more straightforward: it was the first film I saw in the cinema in England, and loved it. It is a similar case with this film, which was choc-a-bloc full with joy, humour and banter between the toys. I'm not ashamed to admit I tore up twice, and was moved throughout by the loyalty and fraternity between the toys. The ending was one of the most bittersweet in film, but I adored it. And the cameo of a Totoro doll pretty much epitomized the film's awesomeness.

The Karate Kid (Harold Zwart, 2010)

Will Smith's kid plays Dre, a 12-year-old boy who's single mother has relocated them to China. He hates it there, he neither speaks the language, nor gets on with anybody around (except a pretty Chinese girl of his age who is similarly drawn to him). His interest in said girl is what gets him off on a bad foot with the resident bully. Dre, a feisty boy, is never one to take abuse lying down, yet, in their first fight, Dre easily comes off worse, sporting a brutal black eye which he proceeds to try to - and fail - to hide from his mother (played by Taraji P. Henson with the touch of maternal warmth she exhibited in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button). After one particularly bruising encounter with the group of bullies, the grouchy janitor (played by Jackie Chan) steps in, quietly opens a can of whoopass, and becomes Dre's mentor for the upcoming karate tournament.

I forwent Inception to see this film, as it was on my dad's birthday and he loves Jackie Chan, and to be honest, I'm totally sure that I would have preferred the other film. Though, that said, I still had a relatively good time with The Karate Kid. Jaden Smith, who was cute and cuddly in The Pursuit of Happyness but didn't convince me he was capable of much past that, more than carries the film here, both in his natural acting as well as his dedication to the fight scenes. Jackie Chan, who's fight moves I adore but I'd never rated very highly as an actor, also surprises here, particularly in the scene with the car, a scene which actually moved me to tears. Like Step Up, it's a fairly predictable, forgettable set-up, but thanks to a fun soundtrack and brilliant chemistry between the two leads, good fun whilst it lasts.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid (Thor Freudenthal, 2010)
Zachary Gordon stars as Greg Heffley, a boy entering middle school. He's determined to make a name for himself and be as popular as possible, and if this involves re-inventing his loyal but unfashionable best mate Rowley Jefferson (played with affable charm by Robert Capron). The film follows him as his attempts to show how popular and cool he is fall flat each time, with each attempt just landing him further and further away from his aim. It's a simple enough movie with a simple enough message: don't become so preoccupied with the superficial that you forgo the things that really matter, and a cool turn from the ever-lovely Chloe Moretz (MUST watch Kick-Ass!)

Too much of anything can make you sick.

Four outfits I've worn recently. Thoughts/comments/requests for me to stop being such a dick welcome:

My problem with Twilight.

Last Sunday, me and my brother Tom watched Twilight: Eclipse together at the cinema. Now, believe me when I say that we siblings are far from the paragons of intelligence and class; just half an hour before our viewing of the film, we could be seen in Leicester Square brawling; I punched and kicked him, he scratched me whilst hollering “bitch!” Obviously he’s still my favourite person in the whole wide world and we made up almost immediately, but this goes to illustrate that neither me nor Tom are particularly clever. Quite the opposite; we’re downright dumb.
But no matter how low our levels of intelligence (and believe me, some of the jokes we tell would have you thinking we were spawn of frog people or something, they’re that witless), we still left Twilight: Eclipse feeling short-changed and downright patronized. To say it was not a good film was like saying Hitler was a little bit damaged. It was complete and utter dogshit. There were so many things wrong with it, I couldn’t even start listing them, but some of the key issues were:

1) Neither Kristen Stewart nor Robert Pattinson having a grain of acting talent in their DNA. Stewart’s face was the pinnacle of sullenness throughout, and Robert Pattinson, though obviously impaired with what was the worst script this side of the new decade, gave a performance so wooden it would make park benches look charismatic. Terrible, terrible actors. What I will say in their defence, however, was that one scene in which they did perform well in was the steamy and rather romantic making out scene on the bed, set to the gorgeous vocals of Sia’s “My Love”. But then again neither was talking during that kiss, so.

2) The script was the most idiotic thing in the world and had the audience in stitches at all the wrong points. Granted, some of the scenes were intentionally funny, and they carried it off well – Edward purposely snogging Bella in front of Jacob to evoke jealousy got a few hearty laughs from us, as did the line “Let’s face it, I am hotter than you” and Bella’s uncomfortable “chat” with her dad about whether or not she was using contraception. But everything else was a mess. Whilst some films – like Streetdance 3D and Mr Deeds are pants, they still know they’re pants, and don’t bother pretending to be anything else. That Twilight: Eclipse had delusions of being some amazing love saga just made its fail even greater.

3) Bryce Dallas Howard as Victoria was about as scary The Loss of the Teardrop Diamond. Dakota Fanning’s Vampire in Chief, Jane, was as annoying as her bratty turn in Uptown Girls. Both performances had me cringing my face off.

4) The fight scenes with the vampires turning into “glass”. Maybe it was the crap CGI, maybe it was the fact that I didn’t suspend disbelief quite enough, but it all looked very B-movie and camp. And laughable.

5) The love triangle is complete and utter pants. Me and Tom were both like “um, Jacob’s way fitter. Pick him.”

There are many many more flaws with this pathetic excuse of a film, but only so many hours in the day, so I’ll stop there. The best thing about the film by far was its soundtrack, which is admittedly terrific – as mentioned, the Sia song on it is the standout, absolutely gorgeous, but Florence + the Machine’s Heavy, The Black Key’s Chop + Change and Eastern Conference Champions’ A Million Miles an Hour (which plays whilst Jacob smoulderingly pouts at the camera) are all terrific tunes, as is, surprisingly, Howard Shore’s score, which does its best with very stodgy images. So they’re all worth checking out, and if you fancy a listen to any of the songs from the soundtrack, e-mail me at lemon_and_lime7@hotmail.com and I’ll e-mail em to you.

But my biggest problem with the film is not to do with the film per se, but the source material. Stephanie Meyer always proudly boasts how Bella is a girl who supposedly makes choices, and has options. I’m not so sure. The choice she makes in the book and film is to sacrifice her life and become a vampire so she can spend the rest of her life with the love of her life. Now, call me feminist, but it all seems terribly misogynistic to me. It made me laugh how in the book and film Bella justifies this supposed-choice by saying something like “I never felt like I fit in, all my life I’ve stumbled along…” Now, let me tell you something. When I was 12, I didn’t feel like I fit in with the world. I didn’t feel like I fitted in at 15, 18, and I still don’t at 20. You’ll be hard pressed to find a girl/young woman who genuinely knows their place in the world. That’s the beauty of life – none of us really know where we’re going and we never will, until we’re lying on our deathbeds. If Bella is so discontent with her life, there are so many others things she can do; work hard at her grades, perhaps. Take up an instrument. Actually invest time in her high school friends. But no, she would rather give up everything that matters a damn to her, in order to be with Edward and “fit in at last”, supposedly.

If that’s women making choices, then suffragettes must be turning in their graves.

Because I'm a Girl. And because I can.

Now, it sort of goes without saying that I have atrocious taste in men, so take this supposed "hottest players in the World Cup" list with the smallest pinch of salt possible. I fancy Gareth Southgate, after all.

10-6: Mesut Özil (Germany), Cesc Fabregas (Spain), Robin Van Persie (Netherlands), Salomon Kalou (Ivory Coast) and Paulo Ferreira (Portugal)

05. Xavi Hernandez and Andres Iniesta (Spain)
I know, I know. Iniesta is balding and Xavi looks like a hobbit. But, when all is said and done, talent is very, very sexy, and both of these footballers had that in spades. Both were likely contenders for the accolade of Golden Ball (which went, in the end, deservedly to Diego Forlan), and have been consistent and the models of professionalism throughout the tournament. Plus the Iberian look is just hot, okay.

04. Iker Casillas (Spain)
My taste in men, as you'll have noted from the other names on the list, is questionable to say the least. But such is Iker's universal appeal, that despite him actually being handsome, he still made his way onto my list, which is otherwise choc-a-bloc full of players who normal people might call munts. But I just had to bung him on. After all, as Lady Gaga might say, I got lost in his brown eyes.

03. Gonzalo Higuan (Argentina)

I won't lie, such is the premier-ccentricness of the football I watch that I didn't even know who this dude was prior to the tournament. But he caught my eye in his head-turning, hat-trick scoring perofrmance against South Korea, and his penchant for stripping faster than I can say "Argie Bargie" is very well received. That he established himself when fighting for a place against the likes of Messi, Tevez and Milito is one thing. That he is only 22 and has his best years still ahead of him is another. A very, very hot prospect, in more ways than one.

02. Frank Lampard (England)
Yet another disappointing World Cup for Mr. Lampard, but at least he didn't miss a penalty this time! Whey! Anyway, it's pretty much my duty to promote Lampard whenever I can, and that I do: I had my desktop background as a picture of him in an attempt to spread the Frank Lampard love. Instead, I got tonnes of stick for it, and in the end, gave up on what I saw was a lost cause. You could argue that Lamps (who at 32 is still smokin') felt exactly the same way about England.

01. Peter Crouch (England)
Yeah, I know. He played in this tournament for a grand total of about 40 seconds, but in my arrogant opinion, it should have been a lot, lot more. I'm of the belief that had Capello shown a little bit of faith in him, as Harry Redknapp did for Man City v Tottenham, Crouch would have reward him - and us England fans - handsomely. Instead we had Shrek leading our line, and once again, the overrated ogre underperformed for his country. I continually hear idiots whine about how Crouchie "only scores against crap teams". Well, well, well. Our so-called messiah Rooney didn't even do that. End of the day, Crouchie should've played, and we might have gone far. Instead, Rooney played, and we didn't. Sad.