Showing posts with label Cuba. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cuba. Show all posts

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Bar review: CUBANA (Smithfield)


I went to this cocktail bar last Thursday with my friend Rebecca before our Office Christmas Party. As we were in the Happy Hour time window (4pm-7pm), we had 2-4-1 cocktails, although such was the venue was so understaffed that it took about three times as long as it should have for us to order and receive our drinks.

Towards the back of the restaurant, there was a table that was booked for some time in the future, and the three waitresses working (far too few, given how packed the bar was around holiday season) spent most of the time fussing around that table (of which yet none of the customers had arrived) and stubbornly pretending not to see the many customers who did need their attention.

I got the distinct impression that the expected company must have been quite reputable (read: rich), and so they were bending over backwards to ingratiate themselves with them in the hope of a handsome tip, but arranging the tables should definitely have been a fait accompli, especially when there were so many expectant customers.


The quality of the cocktails were fine, nothing to write home about, but perfectly passable for their Happy Hour rates. The Long Island Ice tea did not scrimp on the portions of alcohol, so that was appreciated, given we were about to go to a party that involved dancing!

However, one final thing that really got my goat about this poorly-run establishment was that they helped themselves to a 12.5% service charge on the bill. What service charge was that? We had to hail the waitresses several times, and when I ordered the first drink, the woman serving me was so distracted she forgot what I ordered. When we wanted to leave to pay, nobody came to our table, leaving us to find the waitresses so we could pay them for their 'fabulous' service.

I understand the waitresses wanting to kiss the ass of old rich folk, #YouDoYou. But to alienate almost everyone else in the restaurant in the process, rendered their thirsty pursuit of this a rather pyrrhic victory.

Grade: D

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Restaurant review: THE CUBAN (Camden Town)

I went to The Cuban with my friend Joy a few weeks ago using a Groupon deal that cost £22, and it illustrated precisely why I’m hesitant to buy Too Good to Be True food deals from Groupon. This one definitely was.

On the Groupon page, it promised the holder to £88.45 worth of food. This is what you could get if you’d been given normal-sized dishes of the food (of which I was able to see on the tables of other diners around me). But this wasn’t what me and Joy (nor, having a peruse of Tripadvisor, anyone who went there using a Groupon voucher got). Instead, you get infinitesimal portions of the food. Blink and it’s gone! So it definitely wasn’t £88.45 worth of food, and if they were going to advertise such a deal, they should have scaled down the original price to represent the quantity of food you’d be getting, so that the buyer of the deal would have some indication of how much the food would really be worth.


I’m a fast eater at the best of times (pig.gif), but most of these portions photographed above wouldn’t even constitute half a bite. I was nowhere near full at the end of the ‘meal’.

On top of this, the restaurant was extremely understaffed. When we first arrived, there was one waitress manning the doors. She told us to sit down and she’d come to us, which we thought a little odd, as she didn’t ask where we were planning on sitting. Would she forget about us?

You bet your ass she did.

Yet, when I went up to her some 15 minutes later (we waited very patiently, deciding to give her the benefit of the doubt) to tell her where we were sat, she curtly gave me the brush off, telling me that she’d be with me. No smile, and faint flickers of an eyeroll, suggesting that if I tried to voice my discontent, she would bite my head off. An unhelpful dragon of a woman.

The cocktails were also uninspiring, both in flavour and presentation:


So yeah, pretty rotten food and service at this place, but I will shoulder some of the blame. I’d tried to get a delicious tapas experience on the cheap from Groupon and in the majority of the cases, they just don’t exist.

The Escapologist was an exception, rather than the rule, of when a Groupon deal actually delivers what it promises, but this relies on the vendor being honest and above board. The people who advertised The Cuban deal definitely weren’t that. I left feeling very short-changed.

In short, they lied.

Grade: F

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Film review: TOPAZ (Alfred Hitchcock, 1969)

This post is a contribution to Coffee, Classics and Craziness’ Alfred Hitchcock blogathon.

When deliberating over what film to write about as part of this blogathon, I decided, rather than to wax lyrical about one of my favourites of his (Rebecca, Rear Window, Dial M for Murder and Rope are all in my person top 100 canon), that I would review a title of his that I am more lukewarm about: Topaz.



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An espionage drama that involves alliances and backstabbings between the Americans, French, Russian and Cuban, Topaz is one of Alfred Hitchcock’s most leisurely works. To describe the plot in full would be to spoil it (and it’s not like me to casually spoil movies now, is it?), but, very loosely, it revolves around a Soviet officer who has recently defected to the USA, revealing that Russia plans on placing nuclear weapons in Cuba. Because an American storming into Cuba to uncover this would be too suspicious, a French intelligence man (AndrĂ© Devereaux) is enlisted to play spy on their behalf. A spider’s web of lies, double-crossing and collateral damage in the form of innocents getting hurt ensues.

Topaz doesn’t star any of the big A-list names who had previously worked with Alfred Hitchcock (Grant, Stewart, Kelly, Bergman, Fontaine, etc), but instead, pairs him with Frederick Stafford, playing the central character, a French intelligence officer situated in the States, and previous collaborator John Forsythe (from The Trouble with Harry and I Saw the Whole Thing), as Michael Nordstrom, a character doesn’t actually appear much in the film apart from to ask Devereaux to carry out such a favour.



Neither actor have a huge amount of charisma in this film, and it’s a shame, because Stafford’s flawed hero (he commits acts that require a lot of valour in the film for the greater good, but also has a mistress in Cuba, thus, breaking his wife’s heart) deserved an actor of more gravitas to flesh him out. Forsythe is similarly forgettable. In the hands of two more compelling leads, Topaz would have undoubtedly been more exciting; the closing line alone had the potential to rank up there with Some Like it Hot’s ‘well, nobody’s perfect’ in terms of wry things said as a film ends. As such, it barely registers. Thus, it is to Hitchcock to do the heavy lifting in terms of manufacturing excitement.

The supporting performances in Topaz are far more commendable. As Cuban revolutionary Rico Para, Canadian actor John Vernon is thoroughly terrifying. Vernon, who trained at RADA and has played roles as disparate as a mayor (Dirty Harry) and the leader of a group of strikers (The High Chaparral”), demonstrates his remarkable versatility here, commanding your attention in every scene he’s in. His piercing blue eyes just make his repellent victim the more magnetic, and he is talented enough to convey a man racked with self-doubt about his convictions, and overcompensates for it with an outwardly self-assured demeanour. Such a character arc is employed abundantly in cinema, from Meryl Streep in Doubt to Aubrey Plaza to Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, but John Vernon in Topaz is one of the most effective portrayals of such a character, the more remarkable given his limited screen time.

Karin Dor, as Devereaux’s Cuban lover, is just as magnetic, for different reasons: she’s drop dead gorgeous, with large doe eyes and ample lips, her beauty enhanced by the abundant wardrobe her character sports. Indeed, her purple ball gown frames her character in one of the most memorable shots of the film. Furthermore, Dor’s steamy kiss with her otherwise seemingly pulseless on-screen lover Stafford would rival even that languid smooch between Grace Kelly and Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window for title of ‘most memorable snog in a Hitchcock movie’.



In addition to the two bland leads, the other element holding Topaz back from being a Hitchcock classic is the weird structure. The Cuba act (featuring the two aforementioned supporting players) is dense in action and extremely thrilling, as pulse-racingly tense as the airport scene in Argo. However, the scene in Argo was well-placed at the end, when the film was reaching a crescendo. In Topaz, there are two more acts that follow the Cuba segment, and everything that follows is somewhat of an anti-climax. Thus, the brilliant middle act feels somewhat disjointed from the mediocre scenes that underwhelming scenes that preceded and followed it. It’s ironic, then, that most of the film was shot on location, bar the Cuba scenes, which were filmed in L.A. They’re so stirring that the disconnect in location did not register with me. 

As with the last title I reviewed, Suicide Squad, one of Topaz’s biggest burdens is the large roster of characters, each of which it tries valiantly to dedicate adequate attention to. Naturally, some fall a little short. But there are some memorable, stark scenes, symptomatic of the talent of the man behind the camera. Topaz is surprisingly disturbing for a PG-rated 1960s film, where characters are tortured, and, whilst that isn’t shown, the aftermath is suitably affecting.

Despite the faded colours of the cinematography which give Topaz something of a TV movie feel, and the lack of star power of his two leading men, Topaz is still a compelling enough watch, because The Master of Suspense is pulling the strings. There are some nice bouts of dramatic irony, moulded around one character knowing something that the other doesn’t, and the no-big-deal, almost accidental way the truth is eventually revealed. In the manner only Hitchcock can, he uses these confusions, lapses in knowledge and strategic placing of facts in snippets of dialogue (often overheard) to puppet the audience’s emotional response to scenes.

Although the pacing is ponderous and the film doesn’t grab the audience in the arresting manner the likes of Vertigo and Psycho do, there’s still plenty to commend about Topaz. Above all, it shows a director who, even when not entirely comfortable with the material and the crew he’s working with, can craft something engaging out of it. And that’s why Hitchcock is a G.