Saturday, August 18, 2018

Film review: TERMINAL (Vaughn Stein, 2018)

A waitress talks to a dying man. Two bickering assassins await orders on their next hit. And a quirky janitor lurks around a dilapidated train station. These seemingly disparate goings on in an anonymous neon-lit British town are all somehow linked, and slowly the plot pieces together in Vaughn Stein’s crime caper that plays out as a terrible Quentin Tarantino rip-off.

Monday, August 13, 2018

My Moneyball moment

Earlier this year, I had a job interview, wherein I had to give a pitch about myself. I found the task a little daunting (how does one sell themselves without sounding egotistical?), but I remembered one of the fundamental tenets of good film writing: show, don't tell.

Rather than tell my interviewers what I could do, I thought I'd show them. I said I had some experience with R, and put my money where my mouth was in the form of this graph:

So there you go: my very own "Jonah Hill in Moneyball" moment. And just like Hill's character convinced Brad Pitt with his expert understanding of baseball economics, I convinced my interviewers thanks to my graph of goals scored by Chelsea players!

And they say films don't teach you anything. ;)

Saturday, August 11, 2018

Takeaway review: KENNEDY’S OF GOSWELL ROAD (Clerkenwell)

On Monday, me and my friend Rebecca (previous places sampled with the babe here) had a lunch-time catch-up over fish and chips at Kennedy’s of Goswell Road.

Rebecca and I both had a regular cod and chips, which at £6.50, offered a much more reasonable return for our money than the practically non-existent portions you get at United Chip, down the road.

In terms of quality of the lunch, with The Narrow being the finest fish and chips I’ve sampled in London and Quality Fish and Chips being the worst, I’m glad to report that Kennedy’s leans closer to the former than the latter.

Wednesday, August 08, 2018

Inbetween a 15 and an 18

This blog is rated 15 for strong sex references.

Every year, I like to analyse the BBFC short insight for a film, before I’ve even seen it. Last year, I nerded out to the BBFCinsight for Dunkirk, as it was an unprecedented case of four different adjectives for each of its classification issues.

The year before, I was excited because Suicide Squad got a 15, which is really unusual for a big studio superhero movie. Funnily enough, Suicide Squad’s short insight is actually subsumed in Dunkirk’s, ‘sustained threat, intense sequences, moderate violence, strong language’, yet Dunkirk is a rating lower.

Tangential, but Dunkirk has Harry Styles (a singer-turned-actor) and Suicide Squad has Cara Delevingne (a model-turned-cocaine addict). They used to ‘date’ each other. I daresay one was substantially more successful at acting than the other.

2018’s bout of ‘Emma critiquing the BBFCinsight of a film having not even seen the movie’ comes for the upcoming The Festival. For this film, Iain Morris and Damon Beesley, the creators of The Inbetweeners, collaborate again, as director and producers, respectively.

Wednesday, August 01, 2018

Film review: METROPOLIS (Fritz Lang, 1927)

The city of Metropolis is separated into the wealthy upper class, who live an opulent lifestyle above the ground. Below the ground are the impoverished labourers, who’s hard work keeps the city running so the rich can enjoy themselves.

Freder, the son of the calculating overlord who oversees Metropolis, Joh Fredersen, was living in blissful ignorance until one day, Maria, a saintly woman who instils hope in the beleaguered workmen, infiltrates his lavish habitat and implores him for his help.

Sunday, July 29, 2018

OOTD: Wearing my 'Insufferable Emma' dress

My five least favourite actresses are Jennifer Lawrence (eighth worst performance of 2017), Emma Stone (actually not a bad actress tbf, but she stole a role from an Asian actress in Aloha), Emma Watson (worst performance of 2017), Cara Delevingne (fourth worst performance of 2017), and Kaya Scodelario (I don't contribute to her Box Office takings so haven't seen a film she's been in for years, thankfully).

So 40% of my 'Insufferable Women' list consists of women who share the same name as me. What they also have in common is that in the musicals they acted in, their singing was... not the best. This quote from Phantom Thread perfectly summarises my reaction when I heard Emma Stone wail through 'Audition' and Emma Watson's auto-tuned caterwauling in 'Belle':

In La La Land and Beauty and the Beast, the two Emmas each wore a yellow dress. Stone's came in the 'A Lovely Night' dance, and Hermione's was in the scene when she first dances with the Beast.

Not one to be left out, I thought I'd make like my two namesakes and also wear a yellow dress. After all, I too, am an Emma of dubious singing talent, who has far too high an opinion of herself. Hence, my yellow dress is verily named, the 'Insufferable Emma' dress.

Dress: John Lewis
Earrings: from China
Glasses: Red or Dead