TV recap: THE APPRENTICE series 6 episode 4, SELLING TO TRADE

It’s all about product development this week, as both Apollo and Synergy are tasked with selecting two up-and-coming inventions and pitch them to various department stores and independent retailers across the UK.

We’re launched straight into the drama when Jamie and Mel fight for the position of Project Manager. Mel, who was the winning PM last week - though a strong case could be made that her team won in spite of her leadership rather than because of it - keenly puts herself forward again. However, a democratic team vote sways in Jamie's favour, securing him the PM armband. Jamie looks chuffed, Mel looks extremely irked. 

On the other team, picking PM is considerably more straightforward; Chris puts himself forward and meets no opposition, winning the position by default.

The teams this week are to select a handful of these innovations to test their sales negotiation skills.. We see some of these inventions, which range from the curious to the sublime. There are bizarre Pilates helpers, a men’s T-shirt that claims to sculpt in the body (for £50? I think not). There’s also a “water and energy-saving showerhead”, which can save a family of four up to £240 a year, despite retailing at just over twenty quid. Jamie’s team immediately take a liking to it, with Stuart Baggs triumphantly declaring that they aren't just selling hardware, they are literally selling “free money”. Better yet, if they were to buy in bulk, they can get them for £9.95 rather than RRP of £12.95. 

Lastly, there’s a BabyGloL a heat-sensitive sleepsuit designed to help parents mitigate the risk of overheating and cot death. When a baby's temperature rises to a dangerous level, the fabric will change colour, alerting parents. Chris is very impressed with it, noting that it’s obviously the type of product that's going to be snapped up by anxious, sleep-deprived parents. 

Both teams decide to vie for the baby clothing, but only one can get it. It’s Chris’ team who win it, leaving Jamie’s team disappointed. Forced to pivot to what they liked second best, Jamie's team bickers over the merits of the eco-friendly showerhead versus the multi-purpose garden spade. In the end, they go for both. (Chris’ teams’ second product is the expensive body-sculpting underwear).

The day’s big appointment is to make pitches. The two teams work on their pitches on their cab rides toward their destinations. Jamie, Melissa and Christopher aim to pitch their showerheads first. The department store disregard it straight away, saying they “don’t sell showers”, which leaves Jamie stumped. Melissa jumps in, arguing in favour for it, saying it “does fit in somewhere” and that it “does bring in different buyers”, though she’s talking to a brick wall, which does the team no favours with the Department store. 

Next, they pitch their spade, and the pitch is somewhat underwhelming, only for them to say they “don’t sell gardening tools.” All in all, a massive fail.

Chris’s team fails to particularly impress the department store buyers with their pitch for the expensive underwear, but the BabyGlo sleepsuit noticeably turns their heads. Despite facing tough questioning, the pitch is robust - unsurprising, given that it is by far the best item - and the sub-team leave relatively pleased for their work on the latter. 

Joanna in Synergy manages to gather interest for the showerhead, but it’s from Leamington Spa, so Jamie sends his sub-team of Stella, Stuart and Melissa up there. It sets the stage for a spectacular disaster; Stuart Baggs struggles to even set up the demonstration model, ultimately wrapping his mouth around the showerhead in a desperate attempt to improve the water flow. The clients are less than impressed.

Chris’ team then move to test their BabyGlo product on boutiques. The first shopkeeper’s main concern with it is over the packaging. She complains that it is not packaged for a high-end store, despite the product itself being quite innovative. The other half of Chris’ team – Sandeep, Paloma and Laura, go to other baby stores. Sandeep wins “Most Pointless Comment of the Year” by saying “obviously the baby can’t talk to you.” They make a small amount of orders, but Laura complains that her pitch was stolen from her.

Jamie’s team has meanwhile gone all the way down to Portsmouth. They make ten thousand pounds worth of sales, which they’re highly satisfied with. Tensions spike, however, when Jamie calls Melissa to say that Joanna will be taking 50% of her sales, as it was her that won them the pitch. Melissa certainly isn’t happy about it, but tries to pivot by making a bulk sale. However, the buyer would only take it if the product was around the £6 price region, which is half what the team are trying to flog it for. Despite Melissa’s best efforts (read: rambling), the negotiation ends in a total roadblock. 

Meanwhile, Chris is trying to sell his BabyGlo outfit by cynically playing the “as mothers…” card with a group of female buyers, and the transparent tactic goes down like a lead balloon.

It’s success for Sandeesh as she makes £780 worth of independent sales. The sub-team then targets a nearby Soho retailer to pitch a massive 200-unit bulk order. However, the buyer will only agree to it if they go exclusive within the Soho area, effectively wiping out Sandeesh's previous hard-won sale. Unwilling to take the financial hit, Sandeesh asks to be credited for £780 of this new order to offset her loss. This triggers off a chaotic battle between Paloma and Laura as they squabble over who gets the credit for the rest of the sale.

In the closing minutes of the day, Jamie’s and Chris’ teams scramble across the country to secure final orders. Both sides seem fairly confident, though Jamie is far from impressed with his sub-team's performance. Stuart Baggs has sold absolutely nothing, Stella English has shifted sixty showerheads, and Mel Bandera has managed a pathetic six spades. Chris voices his derision at their “work”, “BOLLOCKS.”

Once in the boardroom, Alan Sugar asks Synergy what they made of their team leader Jamie. Generally, The general consensus is fairly positive, though they discuss why it is that they didn’t win the pitch for the BabyGlo product. The loss is largely pinned on Stuart’s astonishing rudeness in the face of the pitcher. Alan Sugar then questions why 60 showers were sold for £10, a flat violation of the task rules, as that specific discount was strictly reserved for wholesale orders exceeding one thousand units, rendering those sales entirely disallowed. 

Lord Sugar then turns his attention to Apollo. They, too, have a portion of their sales retroactively disqualified, because they offered exclusivity on their BabyGlo sleepsuit which the inventor had explicitly said no to.

Number crunching time. For what has to be a first in The Apprentice history, the sales figures are very, very high. Synergy make £3,790 from their initial round of independent pitches, £0 from the department store ones, and a whopping £63,750 in another, amounting to a huge £67,540, a massive result that leaves Project Manager Jamie looking absolutely delighted. 

However, his happiness is short-lived in the face of Apollo’s figures a huge total of £122,000, chiefly thanks to Liz Locke's amazing sale skills. I have to say, I’m a huge fan of Liz. She is the only candidate among the women entirely devoid of diva antics, choosing instead to quietly and efficiently get on with the job. Mark my words, that woman will go very, very far. 

It’s mainly thanks to her masterclass that Chris’ team wins, and they are treated to a luxurious spa treatment.

It’s but a trick for Synergy, however. Whilst Jamie tries to look gracious, but he can’t hide his profound disappointment. Joanna and Melissa shout at reach other across the café table. Melissa vehemently defends her pitching prowess, but all we’ve seen is evidence to the contrary. Jamie says he wishes he could take the disastrous sub-team of Stella, Stuart and Melissa in, as he’s none too impressed with any iof them. The sub team contributed £897, which is rubbish as a proportion of their overall sales. Stuart  'The Brand' Baggs refuses to accept the critique, stubbornly maintaining his delusion that he remains an exceptional salesman. 

Karren Brady tells Melissa bluntly that the feedback was that they were “very annoying”, something I echo 100%. Recriminations aplenty follow, and Jamie gets hopelessly bogged down in verbose explanations when questioned on who he wants to bring into the boardroom with him. Ultimately, he goes for Melissa and Stuart, which I think is an asbolute no-brainer, although Melissa stills acts wounded to hear the decision, which makes me laugh.

Once the three of them are in the boardroom, the three turn on each other. When Sir Alan cuts across Melissa with a blistering critique, all she can say is “I appreciate the feedback”, which just makes her appear even more sycophantic than ever. She tries to defend herself by saying “I received a victory as project manager”, but Alan Sugar fairly points out that that win had nothing to do with her. 

Alan Sugar curtly tells Stuart he needs to think before he can talk, but Stuart argues that he’s young (21, only a year older than me! Freaking hell), saying that he’s yet to be PM to exhibit his full skills.

Alan Sugar really scares me (and, no doubt, Jamie), when he winds him up, making it seem like it is Jamie who is about to get fired. Ultimately, however, he sacks Melissa, much to the collective glee of viewers across the UK. She instantly reveals her true colours, proving herself to be an ungracious loser by darkly muttering, “Well done for ganging up on me” darkly under her breath, and refusing to shake Jamie’s hand when he offers it. 

When in the cab, she offers one last bizarre delusion, saying “Karmically they will be reattributed”, which isn't even proper English. As for as unlikeable candidates in The Apprentice go, Melissa is right up there, and I am so happy she’s finally off our screens. 

No-one in the house seems to miss her, and, frankly, neither will any of the viewing public.

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