Thursday, June 26, 2008

The silence of the lahms.

I actually cannot get a pun that Gary Linekar made on Match of the Day last night out of my head. Basically, it was Germany 3 - Turkey 2, and the scorer of the winning goal was Philipp Lahm, the left back (cute in an aww bless kinda way). Anyway, when it was all over, Linekar signed off with "In the end, Turkey were silenced by Lahm". Now, even, if you don't like football, you have to appreciate that's quite amusing!

So, I'm now actually addicted to plays on the word "lahm". So far, I've also heard:
- Lahm chops down Turkey (double metaphor with food in there!)
- Tasty lahm the toast of Germany
- Lahm Kebabs 'Em (The Sun, you wouldn't know, would you?)

And here's my own contribution, inspired by this picture of the Germany captain Michael Ballack holding Lahm like a little pet:


Michael had a little Lahm.

Yes, OK. I'll go back to watching the football silently.


Anonymous said...

Germany - Spain final. Ooer. I'm an Everton fan so I don't want to see Ballack or Torres take the trophy, but if I had to pick a winner, I'd want Germany to lose. Because they're Germany.

Anonymous said...

as a gooner, i want fabregas to succeed...

... but no where near as much as i want germany to win, as a half-german.

ballack is the most unfortunate player ever. he threw away the treble with leverkusen a couple of years ago and last season with chelsea, i even wanted you to win the cl final just so that ballack (ok, and lampard) would win something. did you see him crying at the end? so sad.

but it's all the germany team... poldi, klose, schweini... i just want to see them win. it would make up for england not qualifying, for me. (dunno about you)

by the way, are you aware that "lahm" can mean lame in german? :P

Anonymous said...

oh, and i'm seeing wanted and teeth tomorrow. seen either?

Rusty said...

I decided that the best lunch to eat while watching the game would be a turkey sandwich, but I never made the Lahm connection.

Ballack needs a trophy. All my local teams have been scary-good lately; maybe I should move to Germany for the weekend?

Anonymous said...

You seem to like your puns, so here are a few more, to get the ball rolling (ahem):

- Is Portugal a Nani state?
- Tricket prices are extortionate, Robben rich gits!
- Spain got through the group stages with a pot of de silva.
- German players aren't religious but "Is Lahm"?

And I want Germany to win, because I can speak German and not Spanish.

Emma said...

@ Sina: Oh, I know. I don't think Michael Ballack's poor heart could take it if he didn't win this. I would feel so, so bad for him.

(Is it wrong that I think I might ♥ him more than Crouchie?)

@ Harry: Hehe. I heard one that went "Spain went from xavi beginnings to classy endings" today, which made me lol.

Anonymous said...


Did Emma really just say that?

Anonymous said...

HEY emma! c: guess who? [even tho it says.]
I want Spain to win, but tbh I wouldn't be too upset if Germany won!
Oh &that picture is cute btw! Lahm is adorably short there - also I can't believe you're going to miss the first 20 mins and build up to the finals!

Rusty said...

harry, I can speak far more Spanish than German, but I am cheering for die Mannschaft.

(emma, you know me from kickette but I linked here from the guardian.)

Emma said...

Oh hai Rusty! The internet's a small world! :D

I like The Guardian blogs v. much have you been listening to the Euro 2008 podcasts? James Richardson is so cool.

@ Anon: OK, maybe that was a little hyperbolic. But I haven't seen Crouchie this Summer, whereas Ballack has always been on the news, plus, Ballack plays for Chelsea! And he is quite hot, isn't he? And last season for Chelsea, he was just our best player, getting those two goals against Manchester Utd and captaining Chelsea when Terry and Lampard and Drogba etc etc etc were all injured/AFCON-bound. If anyone deserved to lift the Champions League trophy, it was Micha. His crying made me wanna cry.

@ Emily: HEY!!!!!!!!! You must come on my blog more often.

And it sucks so much that I'm gonna miss the build-up, I just KNOW they're gonna do montages of the German N/T. Which means Lahm looking cute. And I miss it?!?!?! Fucking orchestra.

(But it's the last one ever, so yay)

Rusty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emma said...

Oooh yeah, Fritz is nice, very nice, but whenever we watch the footie my brother mispronounces his name "Fritzl", which seriously puts me off him, 'cos of the Austrian fella...

Oh, I don't remember hearing that one! Can you remember which day the pod was from, I'll listen to it later today.

Oh yes, if anyone's gonna be lahms to the slaughter, I hope it's Spain, and that they'll leave the game saying "Oh, ballacks" and "so klose, yet so far"


Rusty said...

emma, I've listened to one particularly puerile Guardian podcast so many times I almost burst out laughing thinking about it during a manicure - the manicurist's first language probably isn't English and I sure wouldn't be able to explain it. It's the one that mentions the Makelele position and Jogi Loew's touchline ban, and I kept trying to explain the latter joke to my friend who knows some German and she doesn't want to understand ;( I have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy.

As for Herr Ballack, he is hot and I still love him, and I will proudly wear his jersey Sunday, but at the moment I am crushing über-hard on his Mannschaft teammate Clemens Fritz. He's so hot he's giving me Fritz - how's that for a pun?

I hope Sunday's game isn't like Lahm to the slaughter. *snicker*

(deleted and reposted because I didn't like one word I used)

Rusty said...

It's the June 18 podcast that's 20:47.

Oh Ballacks, so Klose, yet so far...

We need to put it in Lehmann's terms, don't we?

I really hope Frings go pear-shaped for Spain.

How much do I like Herr Fritz right now? I just ordered a Corinthian of him so I could play with him in my own home ;)

Rusty said...

so maybe in England it was the 19/6 podcast? I'm in the Boston whose football team is called the Revolution...or the Patriots.

Emma said...

Thanks! Will check it out later. (Have gotta go out in 10 minutes, to the torture that is orchestra practice. Ugh)

Check it out, Will Smith has pledged his support to Ze Germans! :D

The English commentary over here is really biased against the Germans. Practically everyone in England wants to see Spain win. But not me.

I'd like a doll of some of my favourites! Let's see, I'd want a Petr Cech one, a Ballack one, maybe a Robbie Keane one too. But all I have at the moment ar pictures and posters on my walls, which I occasionally kiss when I think no-one's around. =D

Rusty said...

I already have a stuffed toy that I got specifically because it needed to be named after Michael Ballack, but it's 3:30 am and its evolution is hard to explain. A list of the eight Corinthians I ordered is on my blog, accessible in my profile. I also seem to have a collection of 20 little plastic Harrison Fords, but I've never seen him play football ;)

The torture that is orchestra practice? My last orchestra experience made me cry! Heh, beat that! I adore the violin teacher I have now, thankfully.

Okay, have fun at orchestra. I'm off to bed to dream about Herr Fritz for a few hours.

Anonymous said...

Ballack has an unfeasibly large bulge.

Rusty said...

right before I was about to fall asleep, I remembered who Fritzl was. YUCK! Thanks, Emma's brother!

My coffeemaker isn't working.

Emma said...

I know, my brother's a little git, right? Luckily, name aside, there is NOTHING that is similar between the two men. So Fritz is free to be pretty.

Coffeemaker not working, no problem, keep me company! I found some nice piccies of Lahm and Ballack just now:
and this.

I would.


Ah, Ballack's bulge. The topic of many a pervy conversation between my friends and I. Sometimes, in the middle of a match, it seems like he's having an erection.
(Mature, as usual).

Emma said...

And wait, I haven't forgotten you! Three gorgeous images of your man:
This, this, and a lovely big one

Anonymous said...

Ballack is so very slashable. Especially now that's at Chelsea.

Emma said...

I bung him Ballack with Paulo Ferreira. Mainly 'cos of this image. You can read 'em on my lj if you want. They're quite shit.

I also used to write about Peter Crouch and Fernando Torres, but all the Scouse fangirls told me to piss off, so I did.

Emma said...

And what do you mean, "Especially now that's at Chelsea."??? You implying my team is full of brokebackers?

(Cos that's what I think!
Lampard & Mourinho (yesyesyes)
Drogba & Shev
Ballack and Ferreira
Cech and Cudicino)

Rusty said...

I ate another turkey sandwich this evening, at least I thought it was turkey, and I'd rather eat bratwurst quite frankly. Hey, you brought up, err, mentioned Ballack's bulge so I didn't have to do it ;)

And I so still would. Many times.

As for Fritz, he is the reasoning for my Corinthians spree. I was planning to get the others anyway, but I wanted him and I wanted him yesterday, so I added him to my list and bought them at 2 am. I first thought he was pretty spring 2007 or so, maybe even in fall 2006, but he got a low number on the Mannschaft (that sounds dirty) and holy heck is he now hot.

I would. Twice more than the millions of times with Ballack.


And I now have a new coffeemaker, yay!

Emma said...

I know!! But I'm not sure if that's just mind games and Micha's really Ok. I hope it's the latter. He has has has to play in the final.

I'm missing 20 mins of the final tonight because my concert finishes just before eight and I need time to get home. Not happy. :(

Rusty said...

okay, it's 3 am here again and the game's in less than 12 hours.

Germany without Micha bores me! Germany without Micha, with Clemens, bored me before, and now Germany without either of them will bore me again. I don't know if Yogi Love (haaa English transliteration) plays mindgames, though if Micha were an ice hockey player, it would be called a lower body injury.

I'm leaving to go watch the game two and a half hours before it starts so I get a good seat at the best local football bar.

I think my mind is on the Fritz. I wish the rest of me was ;)

Emma said...

Oh, watching the game in a pub is complete bliss! I've only done it a couple of times (when my parents have though I was in the "library"), as they wouldn't approve if they knew I really went inside pubs... but it's so much fun, you get such good banter and it's just so great.

Germany w/o Ballack IS boring, isn't it? I remember a World Cup match where he didn't play, and even though it was a thrilling match, I just felt there was something missing.

Oooh, Germany have just GOT to win.

Rusty said...

I once watched a Liverpool-Chelsea game in said pub and got something thrown at me so I'm never going to do that again.

Micha missed the last game of the 02 and 06 WCs and I was only mildly amused by the 06 third-place game. I didn't watch any of Germany's Euro qualifying without him. I almost typed 06 final but I was far from amused by that game - I love me some Zizou.

Go Germany! Viel Glück.

I have to go to sleep now; I'm planning to have better dreams for these next few hours than I ended up with yesterday ;)

Mannschaft. *snicker*

Oh, here's my stuffed toy named Micha
this is in German

Emma said...

Ah. Which team were you supporting? Please say Chelsea. Please say Chelsea.

Yeah, in that third place play-off, there was a shot of Micha on the bench, actually yawning! I felt for ya, Micha.

Oh, that toy is beyond cute. I think I should start naming some of my stuffed toys after footballers. Then I can go to sleep hugging them. Ah, bliss.

Sweet dreams!

Rusty said...

Well, the pub is the home of the Boston-Cambridge Liverpool Supporters Club, so who was I supporting?

I left the game in the 66th minute today because Micha was close to a meltdown and I was even closer. I keep forgetting how hot, loud and crowded it gets there during big games. I was also starving because there was no room to put a plate and I hadn't eaten much. And three people spilled beer around me. And I was sitting next to Spanish fans even though most of the place was going for Germany.

At least my dreams were awesome ;)

Emma said...

He cheats a little, but Torres and Ronaldo cheat more so blah.