Book review: ACTUARIAL FAIRY TALES (John Lee)

John Lee, who gave us the eccentric joys of Confessions of an Actuarial Tutor, turns his brand of nerdy humour into re-telling well-known fairytales, such as The Three Little Pigs, Sleeping Beauty and Goldilocks, with an actuarial slant. The results are cerebral, engrossing and often laugh-out-loud hilarious.

Book review: THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES (Suzanne Collins)

Set 64 years before The Hunger Games, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes is Suzanne Collins' prequel to her dystopian YA trilogy, a book series whose film adaptations launched the Hollywood career of that awful over-actor and recipient of the most undeserved Oscar win ever, Jennifer Lawrence.

For that reason, then, you'd think that I would dislike The Hunger Games books. But I actually really enjoyed them (I even enjoyed some facets of the films). The world-building exhibited in the books was extremely inventive, and, whilst it may have been a tad derivative of Battle Royale and various Roman and Greek myths, I maintain that most good art contains inflections of other artists that preceded it.

Central to the books was the first-person narrative of Katniss Everdeen, the tribute from District 12. Throughout the trilogy she displayed courage, resilience and resourcefulness beyond her 16 years, and her actions were underscored with familial loyalty to her more fragile younger sister, Prim. Collins shrewdly avoided painting her heroine as a Mary Sue, however, as Katniss was also stubborn, unforgiving, whiny and often downright unlikeable.

Dress review: ADELA DRESS (Hobbs)

The work aesthetic that I aim for with my sartorial choices is demure and classy. Whether or not I realise those objectives are another matter, but, to help achieve this aim, I have few, but not inexpensive pieces from three retailers which I think exude elegance: Hobbs, Ted Baker and Hawes and Curtis.

In terms of Hobbs dresses worn at work, I rotate between three: the previously-reviewed Harper dress, the Mariatta dress, and the Adela dress.

Restaurant review: SANTA MARIA (Fitzrovia)

Earlier in the lockdown, I'd tried my hand at making a pizza from scratch. It was a solid effort given my complete lack of experience in the department, but it wasn't a patch on the pizzas from Santa Maria, a restaurant which I had had the good fortune to visit at the tail end of 2019.

Santa Maria is a small restaurant, whose aim is to bring the charm and flavour of Napoli to London. The staff are very welcoming - when I asked about what types of cheese I could add to my pizza, the waiter actually took the time to give me a thoughtful, detailed, response. This is a far cry from the eye rolls that I am usually met with in most central London restaurants when I ask the waiters for help ordering.

The recommendations he made were astute as well:

Book review: CONFESSIONS OF AN ACTUARIAL TUTOR (John Lee)

As part of my job, I have to sit actuarial exams in tandem to working. I sat CM1 and CS1 in April, and CS2 in September (the M stands for Maths and S stands for Statistics). I have had the good fortune of having passed all three exams I sat this year (hence the rather extravagant Christmas present I got myself), but luck was only a small factor in why I was successful. John Lee, who’s expert tutelage I received for the two Statistics modules, played a huge part.

That's not him btw.

His new book, Confessions of an Actuarial Tutor, is a compendium of amusing things that happened to him in his ~20 years of teaching actuarial students. For anyone who’s ever met John, he writes as he speaks: a mixture of gallows humour, self-deprecatory banter, nerdy mathematical jokes and a sprinkle of that unique John Lee eccentricity.

Film review: TERMINAL (Vaughn Stein, 2018)

A waitress talks to a dying man. Two bickering assassins await orders on their next hit. And a quirky janitor lurks around a dilapidated train station. These seemingly disparate goings on in an anonymous neon-lit British town are all somehow linked, and slowly the plot pieces together in Vaughn Stein’s crime caper that plays out as a terrible Quentin Tarantino rip-off.

Restaurant review: LAHORE KARAHI (Tooting)

A friend recommended Lahore Karahi to me as a tasty, cheap curryhouse, and being an ardent fan of both Pakistani food and bargains, I ventured to South-West London to investigate. I have now been to Lahore Karahi twice, and here are my impressions of the dishes there!

TV review: 13 REASONS WHY season 2 (Netflix)

This blog contains spoilers for season 2 of 13 Reasons Why.

Since its release last March, 13 Reasons Why, the Netflix adaptation of Jay Asher’s novel, chronicling why High School student Hannah Baker took her own life, was met with controversy. Many people felt the show glamorised suicide, not least in the way Hannah made 13 cassette recordings with a reason and person named on each tape, to be listened to by the people who contributed to her decision to commit suicide. In season 1, the characters named on the tape, unsurprisingly, were wracked with guilt and recriminations over who was ‘most’ culpable, flew between the accused.

Film review: A OR B [幕后玩家] (Pengyuan Ren, 2018)

A shady investment manager Zhong Xiaonian (Xu Zheng) wakes up one day to find that the safe where he kept records of his dodgy dealings, and a vital USB stick containing access to all his funds, has been ransacked. Even worse, there’s no way for him to exit his bedroom. He’s locked in, and every day at 9am, he must choose one undesired consequence (A), or another (B), or else both will happen.

This plot conceit, which has more than a passing resemblance to the Saw movies, is executed, for the most part, in a suitably compelling manner. In order to rise to his position at the top of the company, Zhong has screwed over many people and made some powerful enemies, and as he tries to plot his escape from the locked room, he’s also trying to ascertain the identity of the person who’s doing this to him.

Restaurant review: PREZZO (New Oxford Street)

Now that there’s a post-Oscar lull, my blog feels weirdly directionless. I’m currently consuming any black and white films I can get my hands on, so expect random review of classic movies! I shall also attempt to make my way through the huge backlog of restaurants and bars I’ve frequented (although the rate I dine out far outstrips the rate at which I review places!).

I attended Prezzo with a BuyAGift voucher, where the deal on the website was £30 for a three-course-meal with a glass of wine.

Film review: REPEAT PERFORMANCE (Alfred L. Werker, 1947)

Just before the turn of the New Year of 1947, renowned stage actress Sheila Page (Joan Leslie) shoots her emotionally abusive husband Barney, having reached her limit regarding his philandering and alcoholism. She regrets it immediately, wishing for the opportunity to go back in time to avoid making this mistake. Miraculously, as the clock chimes midnight, her wish is granted, and she finds she has been transported back to the beginning of 1946.

Alfred L. Werker’s drama plays like a blend of It’s a Wonderful Life with Groundhog Day, via the well-known trope of errant husbands. There is no doubt of the protagonist’s devotion to her cheating husband, even if, like Bette Davis’ character in Of Human Bondage, he doesn’t display any qualities that merit such love.

Despite Barney being a total cad, it is revealed that he, a playwright, gave Sheila her first big break as an actress, and thus, her patience towards him is heavily inflected with gratitude. But as her close friend William notes, ‘You can’t feel grateful to him forever. That’s going to wear thin at some point’.

Whilst Sheila’s success as an actress is part of the reason why she loves him so much, it’s precisely this why Barney’s so embittered towards her. Just as his play was the springboard for Sheila’s career, it was also the last good thing he produced, and watching his wife thrive whilst his own career stagnates fomented increasing feelings of bitterness towards her.

Film review: DUNKIRK (Christopher Nolan, 2017)

I tried to write a review of Dunkirk without using the vernacular 'twink', or slagging off Cokehead Delevingne. Did I succeed? Read on to find out...

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The evacuation of 400,000 British men from Northern France during World War II is depicted from three viewpoints: that of the Allied soldiers on the beach, the civilians who bought them back to Britain in their personal boats, and the pilots caught trying to protect the soldiers from German attack overhead. Three time scales are employed in the film; we follow the soldiers for a week, the civilians for one day and the pilots for an hour, as their arcs converge to one pivotal moment.

The Times' review of RED SPARROW (Francis Lawrence, 2018)

Kevin Maher of The Times wrote a fantastically scathing review of the mess that was mother!. He's on form again, slating Jennifer Lawrence's new film, Red Sparrow. I've taken the liberty of photographing it, as The Times reviews are behind a paywall.

Click to enlarge to read all the shade!

Product review: DEEP ACTION FACIAL WIPES (Clean & Clear)

Make-up remover is an essential product, because if you don’t wash off your makeup before you go to sleep, it facilitates build-up of germs, causing your skin to get greasy and look bad. The cleansing wipes that I have been using recently are Deep Action Facial Wipes. 

Review: Hans Zimmer Live in Prague DVD

For me, the score can make or break a film. A good film can be elevated into the realms of greatness by a standout score, and even a poor film can be rescued from being a total disaster if it has some nice music.

Hans Zimmer is a composer who has an impeccable handle on what it means to write music for films. His soundtracks always suit the style, tone and theme of the films they are in. The pieces are easy on the ears and catchy, but they aren’t so carried away with pomp that they draw attention away from the film. Rather, they capture the essence of the story.

Film review: MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS (Kenneth Branagh, 2017)

Renowned sleuth Hercule Poirot finds himself in the first class carriage of the Orient Express, due from Istanbul to London. In torrid and icy weather, the train gets derailed, after which he discovers that Ratchett (Johnny Depp), an indecorous art wheeler dealer who was travelling on the carriage, has been murdered, by 12 stab wounds, spread indiscriminately around the body. 

In isolating the suspects to the cohort of first class passengers, he interviews each of them to find out whodunnit. However, each person he speaks to happens to be, rather inconveniently, being imprecise with the truth.

I like how Kenneth Branagh's gone for the pretence of wanting alphabetical billing, yet conveniently abandoned that idea when it comes to Lucy Boynton. I wonder why?

Shade on the Orient Express.

Matthew Norman of the Evening Standard found Daisy Ridley's performance in Murder on the Orient Express forgettable. So much so, that he misidentifies her as another Star Wars actress:

This is a pretty egregious mistake, that any film critic worth their salt should not be making!

Bar review: THE HIDE (Bermondsey Street)

London has some venues which do some fabulous cocktails, ranging from Yauatcha to The Escapologist, and I wondered if The Hide, about a 10 minute walk away from London Bridge, would join this pantheon of greats.

I had a White Russian, which tasted lovely, although I was slightly disappointed it wasn’t served in an Old Fashioned glass (God, I love Old Fashioneds), but a generic tumbler instead. If the varied cocktail menu wasn’t for you, then there was also a decent beer and wine list, meaning it would be literally impossible not to cater for an alcohol drinker in The Hide.

Décor was low-key but elegant, and the contemporary music playing in the background straddled the line between atmospheric and obtrusive well.

However, remember what I said about how I was a little uneasy with La Trompette, because the waiters kept checking up on me? Well, those waiters were aloof compared to those in The Hide. I told the waiter I would need a few minutes to decide, and they came back almost immediately.

I was savouring my White Russian (it had been a long day, one needs #TreatYoSelf sometimes) at a leisurely pace, and another waitress came to my table, as if to pointedly say that me drinking one drink on my own wasn’t enough to merit a place at the table.

So, whilst I have no qualms with the quality of the drinks, or the range of tipples on offer, I have to take umbrage with the way they tried to railroad me into ordering more drinks than I wanted.

Those kind of games don’t work on me, fam. You won’t swindle Emma that way. But you will get a negative review for your troubles.

Grade: C

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For more of my bar and pub reviews, click here.

LFF Film review: ON CHESIL BEACH (Dominic Cooke, 2018)

Summer 1962. In a Dorset hotel, overlooking the seaside, two virgins, Edward and Florence, navigate their wedding night with shared trepidation, although the root of their anxiety are worlds apart. He, a History graduate from a humble but loving home, can’t wait to get his hands on his beautiful bride. She, a talented violinist from a richer family, is filled with revulsion at the thought of sexual contact with anyone.

Bar review: THE JAMAICA WINE HOUSE (Monument)

During Friday nights around Bank, it is extremely difficult to find pubs or bars where one can sit down and have a proper conversation. Not altogether surprising, given that it represents the busiest day of the week in one of the most bustling parts of the capital. But still, I like to unwind after a long week without having to strain my voice to talk, and I was certain there must be some options.