10 Fittest Women in Film, 2012.

I'm off to New York for five nights later, but before I left, thought I'd give a list of the prettiest women in a 2012 film (that I've seen), as 2012 was a very decent year for female eye candy!

10. Kristen Stewart, Snow White and the Huntsman (new entrant)

Review: Hans Zimmer Live in Prague DVD

For me, the score can make or break a film. A good film can be elevated into the realms of greatness by a standout score, and even a poor film can be rescued from being a total disaster if it has some nice music.

Hans Zimmer is a composer who has an impeccable handle on what it means to write music for films. His soundtracks always suit the style, tone and theme of the films they are in. The pieces are easy on the ears and catchy, but they aren’t so carried away with pomp that they draw attention away from the film. Rather, they capture the essence of the story.

10 things I learnt from the 2016 BBFC Annual Report

So, after waiting, and waiting, and waiting, the BBFC Annual Report for 2016 dropped! Here it is, and having pored over it, here are my major takeaways from reading it!

01. I guessed those complaints pretty much spot-on

I’m glad my many hours of wasting time watching films purely for BBFC research purposes (such as Fairy Tail: Dragon Cry), poring over BBFC minutes and lurking who complains to their Twitter account has paid off, because my prognostications for the films that would cause them the most complaints were even better than my Oscar predictions (and the Oscar goes to…. La La Land! No, Moonlight! #stillgloating).

Second Guessing the Most Complaints the BBFC Got in 2016

The BBFC’s 2016 Annual Report is set to be dropped any day now (2015's one came out late June last year), and for me, it’s basically like waiting for Christmas. Of course I’ll do an extensive coverage of the Report when it comes out, as I did with the 2015 one, but for now, I thought I’d guess which films the BBFC got the most complaints about.

Note that these are my predictions for public feedback, not my own thoughts about the BBFC’s performance in 2016, which I have outlined in this blog post already.

01. 10 Cloverfield Lane (12A, people will say it should have been a 15)

10 Fittest Women in Film, 2016

I prefer Margot Robbie not covered in white facepaint and acting like a deranged loon, and Rooney Mara’s character in Lion was pure bleh, so neither of my go-to girlcrushes make it on this year’s list, bizarrely.

Obviously my list might differ slightly from your average bloke's, but I’m rating these ladies’ attractiveness with a female gaze [or so I like to think].

10. Felicity Jones, Rogue One

The Oscars and the Razzies for the BBFC, 2016

The Razzie shortlist was leaked and I see Cara Delevingne didn’t make the Worst Supporting actress shortlist, once again illustrating that the Razzies don’t deliver on their promise of honouring the worst of the year (which Blahra undoubtedly was), but instead, jumping on the bandwagon of critically panned films and knocking A-listers down a peg or two.

Anyway, I digress. I’m a massive BBFC nerd (you don’t say), and they release an Annual Report every June or so, and I love poring over it, because they discuss high-profile and contentious decisions at each age category. I’m just as fascinated as to why something’s a PG rather than a U as I am why something’s a 15 rather than an 18, and the equal exposure they give to all the ratings, as well as revealing which films got the most complaints each year, makes for fascinating reading.

That report is compiled by the BBFC, and I thought I’d do my own personal Razzies and Oscars of the BBFC for films that came out last year, just to add another dimension/point of view to BBFC reviews!

Before I discuss some decisions I strongly agreed (the Oscars) and disagreed (the Razzies), I will blather about some random thoughts which don’t fit into either category. My current eighth favourite film of 2016, High or High Water, was rated 15 for ‘strong language, violence, sex’. I have no qualms with the age rating, nor the first two classification issues. The ‘strong sex’ in question, however, gave me false hope; I was hoping it might feature dishy Chris Pine. Instead, it was his on-screen brother, played by Ben Foster, being ridden. Not the BBFC’s fault, I know, and says more about my dirty mind than their choice of lexicon. But I felt quite let down. 

At least the sex scene in Hell or High Water could be classified as strong, however brief it was. In 2016 I caught up with a couple of films that featured in awards season for the previous year, two of which were Wild Tales and 45 Years. Argentinian film Wild Tales was an anthology of six short films, wonderfully inventive and blackly comic. 45 Years, a film about a wife who discovers her husband’s secret in the week building up to their 45 year anniversary, was less gripping, but anchored by an amazing performance by Charlotte Rampling. Two completely disparate films, connected by one thing: their BBFC insight promised me strong sex. What strong sex?? I’ve seen raunchier 12s!

In terms of short insight which did deliver on what it said on the tin, the starkest case has to be, to this date, still the only 18-rated 2016 release that I’ve seen (although this will surely change with the release of foreign films Elle and The Handmaiden), The Neon Demon. Rated 18 for ‘strong bloody images, sexual assault, necrophilia’, no one could argue it didn’t have each and every one of those three articles. The last one, in particular, must have been the main reason the film obtained its adult certificate. Jena Malone’s acting in the scene in question was brilliant and I thoroughly commend her for her dedication for making that 18-rated scene so credible, however aberrant the act.

Now, onto the prizegivings!

The BBFC Oscars

A handful of photos I took when picking up my brother from University on Friday.

Coat: Miss Selfridge

Bag: M&Co

Leo in The Revenant-inspired earrings: Dorothy Perkins

Glasses: Twiggy for Aurora

The chaplaincy at my brother's college.

pretty Christmas tree.

From afar, the college has a touch of Wayne manor about it. Bruce Wayne's manor from the Christopher Nolan Batman movies, obviously, not the Snyder bastardisation.

We went on a ferry from Woolwich on our way back to cross the Thames back to Bromley, haha.

And, true to form, me and Tom had a proper sibling catch-up over our go-to junk food!

Zack Snyder's ego v His ability to make a good film.

I didn't see Batman v Superman when it first came out in the cinemas in March, as it was released the same week as Zootopia. Whilst dithering as to which to invest my time in, I noticed Zootopia got rave reviews and BvS got woeful ones. I watched Zootopia, as was the right decision; it's still my third favourite film of the year.

That should have been it, but, misguidedly, with my girlcrush on Gal Gadot, the cast featuring Amy Adams and Jesse Eisenberg and me wanting to know if it really was as bad as everyone said, I finally sat down and watched it with my brother last night.

Here be ten thoughts I had during the film:

1. The bath scene was embarrassingly forced and unerotic, and so unhygienic!!! I mean,  understand trying to convey passion and the heat of the moment, and would have been cool with Cavill getting in the bath with Adams when he was fully clothed.

But getting in the bath with his dirty shoes on, when she was naked in the bath? That's just bad sanitation. Gross.

2. Zack Snyder is a talentless hack who cannot direct to save his life. Mark Kermode's review of Snyder's Sucker Punch, where he repeats the director's name in a hyperactive voice, is the funniest thing ever, but honestly, I can totally see Snyder directing BvS in such a high-pitched voice, no structure to his vision at all, and worse, no-one bothering to step in and reign him in, so the end product is just whatever Zack feels like bunging into a movie, namely, SUPERHERO FIGHT! THEN BATH SCENE! THEN JESSE EISENBERG BEING TWITCHY! THEN ANOTHER SUPERHERO FIGHT!

3. Jesse, honey.... So 2016 might be the first I bestow an actor the dubious honour of appearing in both my 'favourite performances of the year' (Eisenberg's bittersweet performance as Bobby in Cafe Society is still comfortably my favourite performance this year, for how much I recognised myself in his role), as well as 'worst performances of the year', where Eisenberg's hilariously bad Lex Luthor currently has him ranked second behind Blahra Delevingne in Suicide Squad, ofc.

He's not helped by a portentous script that has him evoking Greek mythology all the time and Snyder's direction which is completely devoid of nuance, but Eisenberg doing a half-assed Mark Zuckerberg impression and punctuating it by being a jumpy caricature in an attempt to create an unsettling villain was epic fail, on so many levels.

4. All of the action scenes were way too long, did not grab the audience's attention and just played like messy, loud, over-CGI'd nightmares.

5. Affleck was decent as Batman. I can't say I like the guy on account of him in real life basically being like the character he played in Gone Girl (he cheated on nice Jennifer Garner, the cad), but his delivery of laughable lines of dialogue in the self-important script were basically as good as you can expect from any actor. His rapport with Jeremy Irons (playing Alfred) was quite nice too.

6. The most eye-catching turn in the film was easily Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman; impeccable casting and BvS's main saving grace.

A 5'10'' former Miss Israel-winning model with long flowing locks, lips to rival Margot Robbie's in terms of juiciness and an athlete's physique, Gal definitely looks the part, but she also injected Diana with an inscrutable quality which suited the character well. Gal is the perfect age to play a character who's tough and world-worn, but at the same time retains a certain vulnerability, and the fact that she was relatively unknown when cast means that the actress doesn't bring baggage to the role, baggage that most other actors in the film did (with Affleck, I'll always think Nick, with Eisenberg, I always think Zuckerberg, with Irons, I always think the paedo from Lolita, etc). 

And she sports a range of slinky dresses and arm bangles.... hawt.

You know when I said I was trying to lose weight? The goal is basically to be slim enough to rock an arm bangle like Diana, haha.

7. One of the few moments during BvS when I sat up and took notice of what was going on was when I spotted this photo:

That's handsome Chris Pine!! The inclusion of this photo played as a nice tease for next year's Wonder Woman, which despite how bad BvS was, I will definitely be seeing... come hell or high water. 😎

8. I watched the extended cut of this film, and it was too bloody long. 3 hours of my life I shall never get back. Again, all Zack Snyder's fault, for his inability to trim the fat, to give exposition and backstory in a more streamlined manner, and for lingering on scenes which didn't contribute to the story at all, but was clearly only there so he could trouser as much money as possible from the production companies.

9. Hans Zimmer's score for this film, which he collaborated with Junkie XL on, isn't a patch on his scores for the Christopher Nolan Batman movies. Whilst the score wasn't distractingly bad like the direction, it was also quite forgettable and generic action movie-sounding.

The only exception to this was the track, 'Is She With You?' which played in several variations throughout the film and then was properly blasted in a pretty epic manner when Diana finally made her entrance. It's the track that's used in the Wonder Woman trailer; apropos that the most interesting character gets the most interesting theme.


10. The BBFC have gotten quite a few complaints this year about Batman v Superman's 12A certificate, especially as the extended cut was also a 12A, when that version was rated R in the States. Meh, I think R is an overreaction. There was one grisly prison scene, but most of the violence was off-frame, so I think the BBFC actually got this one right. Mind you, violence tends to make more of an impression on me when I'm, you know, invested in the plot, which I definitely wasn't in this case...

Overall, I give Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice a 3/10 mainly because Gal Gadot was fierce and Amy Adams was completely credible as Lois Lane.

I won't be watching Justice League tho, and personally feel Zack Snyder should not be allowed near a major franchise for the rest of his life.

Film review: THE DARK KNIGHT RISES (Christopher Nolan, 2012)

After eight years of relative inactivity in the streets of Gotham, mainly thanks to a Harvey Dent act – constructed in false honour of Harvey Two-face from The Dark Knight, Bruce Wayne is a recluse in his manor, hobbling around with a walking stick and never showing his face. However, he’s kicked back into life – quite literally – by Selina Kyle, a swish, sassy cat burglar who’s also not bad to look at. 

It soon transpires she’s working for a greater evil, Bane, a hulking badass who was born in a prison known as “hell on earth”. Walking around with a hugely creepy gas mask in front of his face and casually disposing of anyone who gets into his way, Bane christens himself “Gotham’s reckoning.” But Bruce Wayne, never one to take attack to his beloved city lying down, fancies letting Batman reckon with him.

Nolan’s final instalment of his epic Batman trilogy is the most ambitious of the three, and no shortage of love nor money has gone into creating it. Action sequences which would be hard to direct at the best of times are made ten times more so with the almost unmanageable size of the quantity of extras employed – the American football game stands out in particular here. 

There are one-on-one fight scenes, as well as thousands-on-thousands, and some of the martial arts sequences (particularly involving Selina Kyle aka Catwoman) are thrillingly choreographed. But the real challenge didn’t lie in any part of the action, but bringing the trilogy to a close in both an emotionally satisfying way, and one that did justice to the massive Batman franchise. Other critics have been left wanting by the ending, the direction of the film (at 164 minutes, it will test your bladder), as well as the sprawling nature of the screenplay.

Indeed, Nolan co-write this film with his brother Jonathan, and at times, the dialogue (between Batman and Bane in particular) feels twice as portentous as that of Inception, and, considering I sure-as-hell was no fan of Inception, that’s certainly saying something. Another aspect of the film that has bugged some people is that the majority of time, it was difficult to decipher what Bane was actually saying due to the mask in front of his face. 

This was infuriating and confusing, definitely, but overall, I was quite impressed with how it contributed to the eerie, ominous sense of the film. Then there are the plot holes. Usually when I watch a film, I choose to suspend belief and just go with it, but there were a few subtle things that even I couldn’t ignore – for example – how policemen who had been trapped under rubble for months were suddenly as sprightly and energetic as ever. I won’t reveal any others at the risk of spoiling the plot, but plot holes are so rife in the film that some wags have taken to giving TDKR the moniker “The Plot Holes Rises.”

But all this pales in comparison in the grand scheme of things, when the end product is so epic. Chris Nolan recruited the majority of the cast of Inception for The Dark Knight Rises, so he must really enjoy working with them. 

Of the Inception crew, Marion Cotillard impressed me the least here. There were times when her facial expressions were borderline Drama GCSE, and considering the amazingly accurate depiction of Edith Piaf she has given before, we all know she can do a lot better. 

Michael Caine was very good, as he has been throughout the trilogy, and he has a few heart-rending scenes in which he tells Bruce how much he means to him. But my favourite performance of the Inception bunch is Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who plays a John Blake, cop, who, like Wayne, is an orphan, and thus sees him as a kindred spirit. Blake is very resourceful and comes to Batman’s aid at various points throughout the film and makes for a commendable supporting hero. And as the baddy, Tom Hardy is absolutely terrifying. He had a thankless task, having to follow-up Heath Ledger's terrifying Joker as the Batman villain, but he gives Bane genuine malice when the character could have easily become a hilarious caricature and for that, Laurels should be given to Hardy (boom boom :p).

Christian Bale, surely one of the most versatile actors in Hollywood, takes the lead role again wonderfully. It doesn’t quite match up to his work in The Fighter, The Machinist or my personal favourite, All the Little Animals (remember that film? lol), but in a role that is so easy to get wrong, he gets pretty much everything right. 

However, every scene he shared with Anne Hathaway’s Catwoman was stolen from her, for she was sensational. I had my qualms about seeing wholesome Princess Mia from The Princess Diaries playing such a sexy, amoral role, but Hathaway nails it. Her fight scenes are electrifying, and she deserves further plaudits when you consider she’s doing them in six-inch stiletto heels. Like a real cat, Hathaway slinks about the film like she owns it, and as a result, it really feels like she does. There’s also an engaging turn from English Rose Juno Temple as Catwoman’s friend and possible lover. Temple doesn’t do much, but it’s a proud moment to see her in such a huge blockbuster.

So engrossing that I did not check my phone once throughout the viewing of The Dark Knight Rises, I honestly couldn’t recommend it enough. It definitely has flaws, and several blog entries could be dedicated to the inconsistencies alone. But the overall good in the film – and boy, there is a lot of it – more than counterbalances it. 

Christopher Nolan has really done himself proud here, and for this alone, I am willing to forgive him for Inception (incidentally, Hans Zimmer’s score at points really do sound Inceptionish throughout the film (528491 from Inception sounds like it was played in every scene in TDKR), but we’ll allow). His brooding direction has given Batman what was seriously lacking in the previous cringeworthy George Clooney-starring Batman Forever films – soul. 

Much like Bruce Wayne, I haven’t been fulfilling my film critic duties much this year. But The Dark Knight Rises is my very own Bane, in that sense. The passion for cinema is back, all thanks to this film. 

And at the end of the day, there is no bigger compliment I can pay a film than that.

8/10