Jack Grealish / KDB fanfiction, Chapter 5: Margin of Prudence

BBFC rating: PG for mild sex references and mild sexual innuendo

Author's disclaimer: I don't know De Bruyne or Grealish. This story is totally made up.

Catch up on Chapter 4, Red Light, Green Light, here.

Kevin De Bruyne’s 10-day spell in isolation was coming to an end, and for him, it couldn’t come soon enough.

Jack Grealish / KDB fanfiction, Chapter 4: Red Light, Green Light

BBFC rating: 12A (one use of strong language, moderate sex references and moderate sexual innuendo)

Author’s disclaimer: I don’t know Grealish or De Bruyne. This story is complete fiction.

Chapter 3, Optics, was here.

Film review: REBECCA (Ben Wheatley, 2020)

A young woman (Lily James), working as a paid companion to the snobby Mrs. Van Hopper (Ann Dowd) is swept off her feet in Monte Carlo by Maxim de Winter, who is out there holidaying alone following the death of his first wife, Rebecca. After a whirlwind romance, the two marry, and return to his handsome estate in Manderley.

Book review: THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES (Suzanne Collins)

Set 64 years before The Hunger Games, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes is Suzanne Collins' prequel to her dystopian YA trilogy, a book series whose film adaptations launched the Hollywood career of that awful over-actor and recipient of the most undeserved Oscar win ever, Jennifer Lawrence.

For that reason, then, you'd think that I would dislike The Hunger Games books. But I actually really enjoyed them (I even enjoyed some facets of the films). The world-building exhibited in the books was extremely inventive, and, whilst it may have been a tad derivative of Battle Royale and various Roman and Greek myths, I maintain that most good art contains inflections of other artists that preceded it.

Central to the books was the first-person narrative of Katniss Everdeen, the tribute from District 12. Throughout the trilogy she displayed courage, resilience and resourcefulness beyond her 16 years, and her actions were underscored with familial loyalty to her more fragile younger sister, Prim. Collins shrewdly avoided painting her heroine as a Mary Sue, however, as Katniss was also stubborn, unforgiving, whiny and often downright unlikeable.

My 10 favourite films of 2018 [5-3]

Part 1 of the blog was here! As I've written longer mini-reviews for the top five this year, but don't intend on writing a full review of the first-placed film (like I did last year with Dunkirk #twinksonabeach), I'm going to divide coverage of the top 5 as a 3:2 split!

05. The Favourite

Yorgos Lanthimos made my personal top 5 of 2017 for his deliciously wicked take on the Greek tragedy, The Killing of the Sacred Deer, and he does the business again with another amoral morality tale, although of a very different flavour.

8 Things I Learned from the 2018 BBFC Annual Report

This blog is rated 15 for references to violence, sexual violence, and bragging from the author.

The 2018 BBFC Annual Report actually came out a bit earlier this year than we're used to; last year's report dropped on July 19th, whereas 2018's one came almost two month's earlier. However, so switched on are my BBFC-senses that I seemed to anticipate this, as I wrote my prediction blog a few weeks ago!

So, as per tradition for the past three years (2015 et 2016 et 2017), here were some notable points I took when devouring the report!

01. Emma knows her BBFC

This was also one of my takeaways from last year's report, and I'm aware it's a bit self-aggrandising to bring it up again, but it's not like me to self-promote, now is it? 😏

In my anticipation blog, I correctly called that Red Sparrow would be the most complained-about film of 2018, followed by Peter Rabbit, Show Dogs, A Northern Soul and Ready Player One. I even correctly predicted that Love, Simon's trailer would get the BBFC complaints.

Film review: SPIONE (Fritz Lang, 1928)

A criminal mastermind, Haghi, wishes to get his hand on some Japanese government secrets. In order to do so, he enlists the talents of the Russian spy Sonja Baranikowa, who must use her feminine wiles to procure information from a debonair young spy, known only as his number, 326. Haghi's immoral plans are considerably complicated, however, when Sonja falls for the man she is supposed to be manipulating.

Battle of the Sex Scenes

This blog is rated 12A for moderate sex references.

Despite the BBFC constantly palming me off with less-than-satisfactory templated e-mails of little substance whenever I pose them a query, I always seem to come back for more.

Perhaps this is because my brain is so film classification-geared, that I’m hungry to have movie discourse of any kind, and the BBFC did act on my Call Me by Your Name e-mail earlier this year, showing that they are receptive to suggestions, once in a blue moon.

My most recent e-mail to them was about Battle of the Sexes, rated 12A for infrequent moderate sex. The oh-so-informative extended insight reads:

In one scene, two women have sex; however, there is no strong detail.

Film review: REPEAT PERFORMANCE (Alfred L. Werker, 1947)

Just before the turn of the New Year of 1947, renowned stage actress Sheila Page (Joan Leslie) shoots her emotionally abusive husband Barney, having reached her limit regarding his philandering and alcoholism. She regrets it immediately, wishing for the opportunity to go back in time to avoid making this mistake. Miraculously, as the clock chimes midnight, her wish is granted, and she finds she has been transported back to the beginning of 1946.

Alfred L. Werker’s drama plays like a blend of It’s a Wonderful Life with Groundhog Day, via the well-known trope of errant husbands. There is no doubt of the protagonist’s devotion to her cheating husband, even if, like Bette Davis’ character in Of Human Bondage, he doesn’t display any qualities that merit such love.

Despite Barney being a total cad, it is revealed that he, a playwright, gave Sheila her first big break as an actress, and thus, her patience towards him is heavily inflected with gratitude. But as her close friend William notes, ‘You can’t feel grateful to him forever. That’s going to wear thin at some point’.

Whilst Sheila’s success as an actress is part of the reason why she loves him so much, it’s precisely this why Barney’s so embittered towards her. Just as his play was the springboard for Sheila’s career, it was also the last good thing he produced, and watching his wife thrive whilst his own career stagnates fomented increasing feelings of bitterness towards her.

Two film rating observations regarding Wes Anderson films

Being as big a BBFC nerd as I am can be an affliction sometimes. It means that, for purposes of BBFC research, I end up watching titles that I would not watch otherwise (Fairy Tale – Dragon Cry, Red Sparrow, etc), and not particularly enjoying the experience.

Isle of Dogs was another example of such film. It wasn’t a bad film at all, but Wes Anderson is just not to my taste, and I didn’t feel like the film had enough of a sense of jeopardy regarding the dogs' mission, to keep me gripped.

My Favourite Films of 2017 [10 – 6]

Now that I’ve got the substantial snark out of the way, it’s time to honour the good stuff! Part 1 and part 2 of my favourite films of 2016, if you were wondering what my taste in films is like!

These following five movies constitute the bright sparks of 2017: the movies that bought a smile to my face, made me feel passionately, or triggered deep philosophical thoughts in my otherwise pretty one-track mind (nah, let’s be fair to myself, two-track. In that I think about Fionn Whitehead and Aneurin Barnard).

10. Wonder Woman

After the dross that was Batman vs Superman and Suicide Squad (which, despite me giving 7.5/10 initially after watching it, I’ve realised after reflection that the jukebox-style soundtrack and Viola Davis playing a red wine-drinking, steak-eating HBIC papered over a whole litany of flaws), the DCEU finally get it right.

A Look Ahead to Best Original Screenplay

I watched Lady Bird yesterday, so I can analyse another Oscar category, woohoo! Read my analysis of Best Original Score here. Due to time constraints, this is probably the final category I’m gonna analyse before the ceremony, but, at least I discussed two fields this year, an improvement from last year by one.

A Look Ahead to Best Original Score

I’m at a much better position now than I was this time last year in terms of proportion of Oscar-nominated films viewed, and there are a fair few categories where I’ve seen all the nominees!

I sadly don’t have the time to analyse every category before Oscar night, but I will attempt the odd category, starting with Best Original Score.

My personal rankings, from least favourite to favourite, and a mark out of five, as I did with Best Supporting Actor last year.

05. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri – Carter Burwell

Although I love Carter Burwell’s swooning scores usually (I maintain he deserved the win in 2016 for his romantic score for Carol and even his Twilight music is very underrated), his erratic, tonally jarring composition on Three Billboards encapsulates all of the film’s problems when whiplashing from devastating tragedy to LOL comedy in a matter of seconds.

A peach of a request.

The only thing this Movie Ratings Obsessive enjoys more than e-mailing the BBFC, is emailing the BBFC while picturing Timothée Chalamet, gorgeous star of Call Me By Your Name and set to become the third youngest man to receive a Best Actor Oscar nomination next Tuesday, at the age of 22, being intimate with a peach.

LFF Film review: ON CHESIL BEACH (Dominic Cooke, 2018)

Summer 1962. In a Dorset hotel, overlooking the seaside, two virgins, Edward and Florence, navigate their wedding night with shared trepidation, although the root of their anxiety are worlds apart. He, a History graduate from a humble but loving home, can’t wait to get his hands on his beautiful bride. She, a talented violinist from a richer family, is filled with revulsion at the thought of sexual contact with anyone.

Film review: MY MAN GODFREY (Gregory La Cava, 1936)

Irene Bullock, a pampered Park Avenue princess falls for her butler Godfrey and is not used to being met with resistance as said butler gives his employers some much-needed schooling in humility in La Cava’s screwball comedy that dextrously traverses themes of love, class and humanity.

Film review: OF HUMAN BONDAGE review (John Cromwell, 1934)

Philip Carey (Leslie Howard), a man with club foot, embarks on medical school, having been told he has no aptitude for artistry. One day, when out with friends, he meets a tarty, coarse waitress named Mildred (Bette Davis). Despite her unattractive personality, her unusual but not altogether becoming looks, and her barely-disguised contempt for his physical condition, Philip falls hopefully in love with her, an attachment which she flagrantly abuses.

She played the fiddle in an Irish band, but she fell in love with an Englishman.

Given that romance is my favourite genre, it goes without saying that I've seen my fair share of love scenes in movies. There’s an unofficial hierarchy when it comes to how strict the BBFC, IFCO and MPAA are when it comes to lovemaking at 12A/PG-13, and it goes (from least strict to strictest): BBFC < IFCO < MPAA.

For example, the sex scenes in The Light between Oceans, Brooklyn and My Cousin Rachel received the 12A equivalent in all three films boards. About 80% of PG-13-rated sex scenes do fall in that Venn diagram intersection of BBFC, IFCO and MPAA rating sameness.

Saoirse Ronan shines in Brooklyn. She's also in the music video of Ed Sheeran's 'Galway Girl' a song I currently have stuck in my head!

Film review: JEZEBEL (William Wyler, 1938)

Julie Morrison (Bette Davis), a headstrong young woman from New Orleans enjoys toying with the cloistering conventions of the time and is used to getting her way. So when he fiancée Pres (Henry Fonda) rainchecks a date because he’s held up at work, she decides to teach him a lesson.

My top 10 films of 2016 [5-1].

Part 1 of this rundown was here, which also featured five films you ought to avoid like the plague.

05. Elle