Restaurant review: SANTO REMEDIO (London Bridge)

After Chelsea beat Manchester City to become Champions of Europe for the second time, it was only natural that I was in a celebratory mood. As this win coincided with the restrictions being lifted in the UK, I decided to combine celebrating my club's win, with making the most of the momentary freedom we were being granted.

I did not choose well. This was some of the food below:

A hug is just a hug, a sigh is just a sigh

Congratulations to France on winning the World Cup!

As I said before the tournament began, they were who I wanted to win, largely because they have the dishiest squad, but also because two of their starting XI, N’Golo Kanté (the happiest man ever) and Olivier Giroud, are Chelsea players, so Chelsea can claim 18.2% of the victory.

Part of me wanted France to win for vengeful Gone Girlish reasons: England football fans love to sing that intolerable ‘it’s coming home’ song, and it would put their backs up something awful seeing the trophy ‘come home’ to their Gallic neighbours, instead. 

And, as I’ve mentioned, I feel English football fans don’t deserve to be rewarded, given the no small part they play in normalising racism against my people. The BBC presenter Gary Lineker making excuses for Jamie Vardy’s usage of ‘Jap’ is a shining example of how racism against east Asians in this country is considered fair game.

But yes, congratulations to France! I’m delighted that Hugo Lloris, who has been toiling endlessly to no fruition at White Hart Lane, finally gets to experience glory!

My last World Cup-related blog that I will do before reverting to my status quo of pedantic BBFC blogs and throwing shade at restaurants, is ten adorable bromantic intra-club moments from the tournament this year. 

This World Cup has been absolutely immense, the Banter World Cup, if you will, featuring sensational goals (my personal favourite was Benjamin Chalamet’s one against Argentina), thrilling games, hilarious moments and memes and general WTF-ery arising from the use of VAR on margin calls. And I’ve loved every minute of it.

But my favourite thing about the World Cup, and all international football tournaments, for that matter, remains the lovely display of fraternity between footballers from the same team (but opposing countries) at the end of the game.

Remember, before the World Cup started, the thing I was most excited for was some manlove between Chelsea club-mates Gary Cahill and Eden Hazard. Did my expectation get fulfilled? Read on to see!

A disclaimer, that these are just ten bromances that involved players who I like.

Needless to say, there were a plenty more than just ten displays of intra-club fraternity throughout the World Cup, such as, for example, Sergio Ramos (the Spain and Real Madrid captain) hugging  his club-mate Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal captain and general showboater) after Spain v Portugal in the group stages. But I don’t like either of them (the fact that I put both in my World Cup Ugly XI may be somewhat of a giveaway...), so I didn’t think it was worth chasing pictures of the moment, aha.

In chronological order…

The 10 Most Handsome Footballers of the 2018 World Cup

Happy Hump Day!! 

Now that we're through to the quarter-final stage of the 2018 World Cup, I have officially seen all of the talent, shall we say, on display, to be able to have done enough research for who I think are the ten smokeshows of the tournament.

Thus, this is a thirst-heavy blog. Photos, gifs, and general swooning of some Adonises will be in abundance. It was quite a challenge to find variations of saying 'he's hot' over and over, but somehow, I managed it!

As with my choices for best and worst dressed at the 2018 Oscars, I'm not even going to pretend the list isn't heavily influenced by my personal opinion of the men in question (and club loyalties). I also have rather, niche, shall we say, taste in men - check out my list of hottest guys in the 2016 Euros.

10. Ruben Loftus-Cheek (England)

What a handsome man. His smile is like a gift from God, and he manages to balance appearing youthful with working a suave moustache.

Fashion review: FLORAL RUFFLE TEA DRESS (Missguided)

When I was at Bath doing my undergraduate degree, I used to have the nickname 'Chelsea bitch', given that I was prone to making some catty comments about players of opponent teams, or taking the banter too far in order to prove a footballing point. Just think, Gone Girl-levels of batshit and petty, conflated with football tribalism. 😳

I quite liked living up to this sobriquet, which is why, despite the fact that pink is my favourite colour,  I tend to have more outfits featuring the colour blue (ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibits one, two, three, four and five). 

The way I saw it, by wearing blue, I was repping my club in my fashion choices.

So when I saw this floral ruffle tea dress on the Missguided website, I had to snap it up. It had an average 4.5/5 review score, and had such a pretty, girly print, as well as being in an adorable shade of baby blue. It would have been rude not to!

Oblig selfie: - 

As you can see from the picture above, the dress suffers from the some problem at size 10 as did the Miss Selfridge khaki dress, which is that if you're on the chesty side, then the neckline pretty much puts your tits entirely on display. The next time I wear this dress out, I'm going to be more prudent and wear a camisole underneath, because the amount of cleavage on display in the photo above is a bit much, haha!

Aside from that, I'm a fan of the dress. The fact that it has long sleeves means it's a good alternative to the Miss Selfridge floral ruffle dress (I clearly like flowers and ruffles!), for when the weather is a little cooler. And at least with the Miss Selfridge dress, I don't have to lie down in order to do the zipper up!

The shortness of the dress means I would rather wear this during the Summer, when one can get away with shorter hemlines. But if you have confidence to wear whatever you want all year round, by all means, wear this pretty blue number with pride!

8.5/10

Toy review: NICK WILDE FROM ZOOTROPOLIS SOFT TOY (Disney Store)

I like to make my lime green bedroom as me as possible. On one wall, I have Chelsea FC pictures, as well as a still of Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's. I've started decorating the opposite wall with personal photos, and a poster of Gal Gadot in Wonder Woman.

Evidently, I like to be reminded of movies all the time. ❤️ And, given how enamoured I was with Jason Bateman's character in Zootopia, it made sense to pop down to the Disney Store on Oxford Circus, and treat myself to a Nick Wilde soft toy for £12.95. 

Here I am the very day I procured the furry dude:

I’m so Thirsty (You already know).

When I’m not whining about how terrible the music in La La Land was, I like to sample a wide range of food and drink. My brother, graciously, shares this passion, so when he was back home over the Christmas holidays we basically raised Tesco and just bought whatever drinks we thought looked pretty.

Here be photos of and brief thoughts on said buys!

Magic Lantern Festival at Chiswick House and Gardens 2017.

I adored the display so much last year that I went again this year!

The lanterns this year were different in flavour from last year's, so here be some photos of the gorgeousness!

OOTD: Pink is the new blue.

What I wore to watch my team beat Bournemouth 3-0 on Boxing Day!

Glasses: Red or Dead

Scarf: Monsoon Accessorize

Pink thermal top: Uniqlo

Football shirt: Chelsea FC

Trousers: Marks and Spencer

Lipstick: birthday gift from a friend (hehe)

Two Guns (the Sequel).

The last time I waxed lyrical about Gary Cahill's insane biceps, Chelsea had beaten Manchester City at the Etihad. Well, this weekend, we beat Manchester City at the Etihad (ironically enough, the man with the golden guns scored an own-goal, but we'll just chalk that down to him kindly giving Agüero a masterclass in finishing), so it's time for another appreciatory post  for Gazatron's arms!

The best arms in football, bar none. Appreciate his commitment to constantly making them even bigger, too.

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I shan't be watching Passengers. It stars a certain actress who's acting prowess I don't exactly hold in the highest regard,  and I don't like sci-fi much (Arrival was an exception to this rule). Plus I don't see the point in hate-watching a movie when I barely have time to view the many films I actually want to see.

However, whilst I'm still staunchly 'you'd have to drag me to the cinema to see this', I have to admit the BBFC have trolled me slightly, in that by using 'sexual activity' rather than 'sex' in the short insight, my interest is piqued as to what the 'sexual activity' is.

I've noticed an increase in the prevalence of this curio turn of phrase recently. It seems to be employed for situations rather than intercourse, e.g. describing the masturbation scene in The Survivalist. In Childhood of a Leader (a shining example of a film I'd love to see but sadly didn't because the Odeon didn't screen it), a film rated 12A for moderate sexual activity, the activity in question is a husband running his hand along his wife's leg in a horny manner.

Which is fair enough, it's good to be prescriptive and delineate the lines between a shag and sexual behaviour to the audience. But I'm intrigued as to why it's been used in Passengers' case, given that in interviews about this film, Lawrence has been bleating on and on about her sex scene with Chris Pratt, and even falsely claiming this love scene is her first. (I've seen Serena, Jennifer. You might like to pretend that film never happened, but I saw it).  She also had a sex scene with the late Anton Yelchin (RIP) in Like Crazy, so I don't know why she's pushing selling the fallacious narrative that this is her, quote, 'first sex scene'. To sell more tickets for the film, perhaps? 

So I would have thought Passengers would feature an out-and-out love scene. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they start having Cesc, then J-law's character starts reading her whiny essay about how underpaid she was for American Hustle instead and Pratt's character loses his wood.

Just speculating.

Review of five instant noodles

For me, one of the most memorable parts of Amy Dunne’s mordant ‘Cool Girl’ diatribe in Gone Girl was when she declared ‘because Cool Girls are above all, hot." This comment is delivered in relation to how she kills herself in order to stay a lithe, desirable size 2 (UK 6/8), to little appreciation from her perfidious husband, Nick.

Given that Amy is generally perceived to be a murderous psychopath, I probably shouldn’t pay this line too much heed, but for some reason, it’s really resonated with me, and as such, I’m trying hard to watch my weight. 

The first step towards losing weight and eating healthier was to stop having so many lunches at McDonald’s. A substitute I explored was easy cook noodles, and thus, here are my thoughts on five different types I’ve sampled recently.

Morrisons BBQ Beef noodles 85g, 25p

There was nothing barbequey or beefy about the taste of this, I’m afraid. The noodles came out stale and tasteless, and even the liquid it was boiled in didn’t have any particular flavour. The very cheap price signals to me that this is predominantly marketed at students, although if students eat this before a night out, the lack of nutritional content means their stomachs will be insufficiently lined pre-heavy drinking, and it could well result in them chundering out their dinner. Considering how it purports to be one of the more filling of the four (total calories: 466, apparently), it doesn’t do what it says on the packaging. 2/10.

Morrisons Mild Curry flavour noodles, 85g, 25p

Gar. Another ghastly Morrisons creation. As with its predecessor, it has thin noodles that tasted of nothing and a sauce which didn’t taste remotely of curry (at least they spoke truth about the ‘mild’ part, mind). The mild curry flavour noodles purports to have 458 calories in the entire bag and it did make more of a dent on my hunger levels than the ‘meal’ from the day before, so I’ll give it +1 mark for that. 3/10.

Nissin Demae Ramen Spicy Noodles 100g, 45p

Unlike the two Morrisons travesties, the Nissin Demae Ramen noodles were deliciously thick and unrepentantly eggy. The sauce the pack yielded had flavour too! Whilst it wasn’t the burn-your-tongue-off levels of spiciness that the bright red packaging might lead you to think/dread, it was sufficiently hot to satiate my need for spiciness. What’s more, this bag came with a sachet of the sauce as well as sesame oil, which gave the meal a welcome kick. Plus, you’ve seen my cooking – you know how much I dig my oil. 8/10.

Newgate instant snack shot noodles sweet and spicy 67g

This Lidl product weighs less than the three easy cook noodles I’ve appraised so far, and as such, is lower on calorific content. On the bright side, the dried flavouring that came in a sachet for those other three, which could lead to a slight mess, was embedded in the noodle here, meaning you could avoid any pouring mishaps. The noodles here came in a strange angular shape, and were even thinner than Morrisons ones, but had more noodle length to atone for it. After you’ve finished with the noodles, I’d recommend re-filling the bowl/mug with boiling hot water, because the solid flavouring is concentrated enough to make a nice brew out of it. Not that filling, but tastes good whilst it lasts. 7/10.

Ko-Lee Taste Sensation Classic Chicken flavour 85g, 28p

For just 3p more than the two disappointing Morrisons own brand noodles, you can get this in the same store, and it’s much more filling and appetising. As with the other Chinese-style noodles, the Nissin Demae, this also comes with a small sachet of sesame oil, as well as a pack of dried flavouring that far exceeds the quantity in any of the other four noodles assessed. The resulting liquid brew is a nice concoction for you to savour, which redeems the (once again, common to Morrisons) thin, bland-tasting noodles. 7/10.

Common to all of these five products was a real ease to use, as the names suggested. You're supposed to boil them over the hob, but I found putting half the amount in my Chelsea mug and applying hot water to it, as pictured below, was just as effective, and saved considerably on the washing up!

Cooking Stuff that Looks Bad But Tastes Delicious #1: The Nemo.

I've been making the most of my mum being in China and having the kitchen to myself recently (I don't like cooking when surrounded by people, haha). 

My concoctions don't look too appetising, but as I bung in ingredients I like and ingredients I like only, I'm usually very pleased with the end product!

So in this haphazard invention, which I will call 'The Nemo' (because there's fish fingers in it), I put:
- 4 baby potatoes
- one red onion
- one tomato
- cheddar cheese
- oil
- 4 fish fingers

And after it was all cooked, I dipped the fish fingers in tomato ketchup.

Next time I cook it, I would increase the number of baby potatoes to about 6 or 7, as they reduce in size when fried due to it being on the pan for the longest period of time. But apart from that, I really liked The Nemo!

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In other, completely unrelated-to-cooking news, I saw that Damien Chazelle's upcoming La La Land, hotly tipped to rack up multiple Oscar nominations, got a PG in Ireland despite getting a 12A over here.

I find this very interesting because I think it illustrates the Irish are a bit more flexible about single uses of the f-word depending on context, whereas for the BBFC (and the MPAA), it leads to an automatic 12A/PG-13.

A subtle point, but illustrates the nuances in different countries' attitudes towards swearing!

I wonder who hollers the solitary f-bomb in the movie, Emma or Ryan? (Or maybe, given his character's colourful language in Whiplash, J.K. Simmons gets that honour...)

Film review: I, DANIEL BLAKE (Ken Loach, 2016)

Geordie Daniel Blake (Dave Johns), a lifelong carpenter who's recently suffered a stroke, is signed off work by his doctors and physios. He's a determined chap, who's unafraid of graft and unfazed when his neighbour tells him that many before him have given up due to the countless hoops they have to jump through to get Job Seekers' Allowance. But Dan soon finds that the behemoth bureaucracy facing him as he tries to sign onto JSA proves to be a more arduous task than any physical challenge he's ever been given.

He meets Katie (Hayley Squires), a single mother of two who has been relocated from London as Newcastle is the only area that can house her family in a fracas at the Job Centre. The two form a bond and Daniel's easygoing personality wins the affection of Katie's two young children. Katie tentatively tells Dan of her plans to get a part-time job and pursue an Open University degree. For the briefest of moments, the film hints at deliverance.

But sadly life isn't like that. Katie forgoes dinner in order to feed her kids and has to resort to less than ideal methods just so she can buy necessities like deodorant. Meanwhile, the Job Center continue to make Daniel jump through unfeasible hoops in order to procure his allowance. He tries to tackle every task, such as learning to use the computer, in a workmanlike fashion, but his efforts are slammed for not being good enough.

Wry laughs pepper the film. Dan's straight-talking bluntness and his endearing attempts to tackle technology are amusing, but even these funny scenes are underscored with sadness. After days of trying to sign up to JSA on the computer to no avail, his friend prints out a form the Job Centre could have easily handed to him. Ken Loach's point about the nebulous directions of those In Charge could not be clearer. 

I, Daniel Blake is a tremendously affecting, and illustrates the power of narrative cinema, when effectively handled. After all, reading an account of how some families live below the breadline in the newspaper may evoke an 'ah' from the reader, or in some cases, aversion at being preached at. But watching Daniel and Katie's daily struggles is harrowing; the sight of Katie eating baked beans from the tin out of sheer hunger in the film's most devastating scene, set at a food bank, says more than any amount of column inches could.

I, Daniel Blake illustrates what real problems are and makes the audience grateful for their lot. Dave Johns, Hayley Squires and the rest of the (unheard of) cast all give authentic, natural performances, and the dialogue between characters feel organic. You come to really feel for the central characters: Daniel just wants to be treated with respect, something the Job Centre who regard him as currency, don't afford him, and Katie, who's stoic parent would endure anything to provide for her kids. The level of pathos she incurs as she tries to fulfil this is almost unbearable.

There are a few minor missteps-- Daniel's neighbours' attempts to flog imitation trainers was an amusing sidenote, but added nothing to the film other than giving it some temporal grounding (a character refers to Charlie Adam's goal from the halfway line against Chelsea, setting the year in 2015. Stupid Courtois) The hagiography of the entire working class and depiction of everyone in management as pedantic fools obsessed with keeping Daniel trapped in the Kafka-esque web of 'The Decision Maker' was anything but subtle. Life isn't quite as black and white as that. I also felt the film ended a little abruptly, although this must have been a conscious decision on Loach's part to deprive the audience of closure, which would have been dishonest.

To its credit, the film avoids the temptation to sensationalise poverty, spoon-feeding the audience sanctimonious platitudes that might turn them off such a film and have them rolling their eyes at the contrivances on screen. Plenty of films have been guilty of going overboard in depicting the descent to hell to the point that it felt like the director was taking sadistic relish from piling on the misery. Darren Aronofsky's Requiem for a Dream immediately comes to mind.

But Ken Loach's unfussy, raw directorial approach lets the unflinching gaze of real hardship the characters are put through do the talking. A sobering, heartbreaking watch, but a topical one.

 8.5/10

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Check out the rest of my reviews here!

Outfit of the Day: Blue is the Geezerist Colour.

My OOTD this Wednesday, when celebrating David Luiz re-signing for Chelsea! Apropos that I was wearing blue 💙

Top: Hollister

Skirt: Miss Selfridge (also worn in this OOTD)

Glasses: Red or Dead

A disgusting cocktail from The Duck and Waffle.

When it comes to choosing cocktails in bars, I suffer from a slightly foolish idiosyncrasy: I pick the cocktail I like the name of the most, without reading the ingredients. In the case of Eden at The Duck and Waffle, which consisted of 'Bombay Sapphire gin, bay leaf, IPA reduction, beetroot paint', that proved a very erroneous decision. Cocktail was absolutely awful! Here it is!

At £15.75 (£14 and a tip the waiters help themselves too, pfft), it was also a bloody rip off.

So yeah, lesson learnt. Don't pick cocktails because they share names with Chelsea players you adore! (Clearly, having seen Mertesacker a few moments previously, I was suffering from having football on my mind!)

The Day I Met Per Mertesacker in Sushisamba.

I was in Sushisamba with Anna (my best friend who this blog is named after) on Saturday evening, and out of the corner of my eye, I clocked someone who resembled PM a lot. I wasn't certain it was him though (the lighting in the Sushisamba bars is very dim), so I took a photo on my phone to investigate. As soon as the flash went off, the guy in question covered his face, which was basically an admission of guilt on his part. Not to be deterred by the fact that he obviously wanted a quiet drink and not be bothered, I gulped down my wine for a bit of Dutch courage, and approached the 6'6'' giant.

To Mertesacker's credit, he was very classy and obliging given this sort of thing happens to him all the time. I didn't give any intimations that I was, in fact, a Chelsea fan, and instead just gabbled 'I can't believe it's really you!!!' Smooth. But, despite recognising what an inconvenience I was, I still forced his friend to take a second photo, in case the first didn't turn out that well.

Koscielny and... Mertesacker? HAHA.

And, much as it will damage my Chelsea Girl credentials to concede it, Mertesacker is much more handsome up close and in photos than he is during games when he's being oafish and getting sent off against us because he can't deal with Costa.

One last thing: when I bothered his friend to take another photo, Mertesacker said something to the friend in German and he looked at my breasts. Given that I'm not quite dressed like a nun and the revealingness of the dress (I bought it because I thought it had an element of Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch about it), we'll allow Mertesacker this one.

Over-accessorised outfit for a football match of the day.

Shirt: Chelsea megastore (with Cahill 24 on the back, in case you were wondering)

Hoop earrings: New Look

Skirt: hand-me-down from a friend

Lolita sunglasses: Moschino (one of the two items of designer label things I own!)

Sandals: Accessorize (reviewed here)

Selfie with bae.

 

 Hat: Chelsea football club

Hoodie: University of Bath

Earrings: China

Glasses: Red or Dead

Chelsea Girl.

Last Saturday, I got to sport my new Chelsea strip at the home game vs Leicester. Being the snap-happy young woman I am, I thought I'd post a picture on the blog.

Earrings: Monsoon

Headband: Accessorize

Bag: Primark

Ring: Accessorize

Jeans: Oasis

I'm wearing an uncharacteristically feminine nail polish in the picture. It's this shade:

I had to overlook my dislike of Rita Ora to buy it, but I think it's totally worth it! The longevity is surprisingly long, and it's just a gorgeous, muted pink.

Dessert review: SCOOP (South Kensington)

Before the Chelsea game on Wednesday, I had an amble around neighbouring Tube stations whilst waiting to meet a friend. I was feeling a bit peckish, but not hungry enough for a full meal, so when I saw Scoop, a luxury ice cream place, my curiosity was piqued and I helped myself to three scoops.

Of the three, two were roaring successes (the cherry and the fruit sorbet flavour), and the third, biscuit, whilst not exactly to my taste palate, was still specked with crushed biscuits, which gave them an interesting texture nonetheless. But, as said, the other two were wonderful, and they definitely tasted high-end. 

It's pretty hard to go wrong with ice cream as it as so I was going to be satisfied either way, but it was refreshing to be in a place in South Ken that didn't rest purely on its laurels of the upmarket location, but, rather, strove to make its food as classy as the postcode.

Grade: A

True Colours.

I wore a rather bright pair of Hollister tracksuit bottoms to Stamford Bridge last Thursday for Chelsea vs Rubin Kazan:

They're a bit on the bright side, but it had to be done for the banter~~