Showing posts with label sexy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sexy. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 04, 2018

No Country for Young Men

Dunkirk 2: The Frenchman Rises - where Tommy goes back for Gibson, rescues him, and the two celebrate being evacuated by going to a LA Dodgers game. Absolutely love that Barnard is wearing Ray-bans in this photo!

Over the Easter weekend, when I wasn't watching my club lose miserably to Spurs, I was making the most of the poll function on Instagram, to investigate one of life's most important, unanswered questions:
Just who is the hottest actor in Dunkirk?


Wednesday, March 14, 2018

10 Fittest Chaps in a 2011 Film.

Happy Hump Day! The gal's list here (where I had to include Emma Stone because it was her or Kaya Scodelario, and Arsenal fan Kaya chatted smack about my football team, so... #foreverpettylikeMilesTeller).

10. Jude Law, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows


Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Dishiest chaps in a 2012 film.

Happy Valentines Day readers! What better way to celebrate than with ten dishy dudes! For the 10 most alluring ladies of 2012, click here!

10. Chace Crawford, What to Expect When You're Expecting


Friday, January 12, 2018

The 10 Fittest Chaps in Film, 2017.

Although I'm yet to see quite a few of the major Oscar contenders, I've had a peruse of the list of films, and, eye candy-wise, I think I've seen everything I need to see to compile this list. 2017 was an extremely fine (in more ways than one, ehehe) year for handsome men in film. 

I could even compile a top 10 hottest from men who didn't make the list, as some men who didn't quite make the cut but were certainly not difficult on the eyes include: Oscar Isaac in The Last Jedi,  Luke Evans as Gaston in Beauty and the Beast (shite film tho), Dave Franco and Zac Efron in The Disaster Artist, Sam Claflin in My Cousin Rachel, Armie Hammer in Call Me By Your Name (tbf, if it was on hotness alone, he'd make the list, but his thirsty Oscar-begging kept him off the list, haha),  Jay Hernandez in Bad Moms 2 and Leslie Odom, Jr in Murder on the Orient Express.

So, without further ado, the babes!

10. Harry Styles, Dunkirk

09. John Boyega, The Last Jedi

08. Nick Jonas, Jumanji

07. Tom Hardy, Dunkirk

06. Domhnall Gleeson, American Made
This dishy Irishman won this competition in 2015 for The Revenant, when he also graced the list a whopping three times.

05. Cillian Murphy, Dunkirk

04.  Timothée Chalamet, Call Me By Your Name

03. Fionn Whitehead, Dunkirk
2017 has been dubbed by some randy film critics as the 'Year of the Twink', and with Styles, Whitehead and Chalamet on this list (and a bunch of Dunkirk boys who I omitted), it's not hard to see why!

02. Taron Egerton, Kingsman 2: The Golden Circle

01. Chris Pine, Wonder Woman 


Wednesday, December 06, 2017

10 Fittest Women in Film, 2012.

I'm off to New York for five nights later, but before I left, thought I'd give a list of the prettiest women in a 2012 film (that I've seen), as 2012 was a very decent year for female eye candy!

10. Kristen Stewart, Snow White and the Huntsman (new entrant)



Wednesday, November 29, 2017

10 Hottest Men in Film, 2013.

Happy Hump Day! I've been a bit lax with these lists of late, but, as we're entering the Christmas period, I thought I'd revisit these list series, to raise the temperature a bit!

The female version of the 2013 list is here!

10. Leonardo DiCaprio, The Great Gatsby


Wednesday, April 19, 2017

10 Fittest Ladies in Film, 2013.

I had a lot of fun screencap-and-gif-searching for this blog post! The top four, of which three women are in joint second place, has the highest calibre of beautiful women since I started posting this list!

10. Marine Vacth,  Jeune et Jolie 



Wednesday, April 12, 2017

10 Fittest Chaps in Film, 2014.



10. Miles Teller, Whiplash 


Wednesday, April 05, 2017

10 Fittest Ladies in Film, 2014.

Happy Hump Day! Here be a previous post in the series. I post male and female lists alternately, every Wednesday.

10. Nina Dobrev, Let’s Be Cops


Wednesday, March 29, 2017

10 Fittest Men in Film, 2015.

Happy Hump Day! I realised that I enjoy making these shallow lists (and going search for gifs and pngs of evidence of Hollywood stars' gorgeousness) that I will make it a Wednesday Hump Day tradition. A list every week. 2015's ladies list, and 2016's men and women, for those who care to peruse.

The only constraint on the list is that I have to have actually watched the performance which I'm listing.

10. Domhnall Gleeson, Ex Machina


Tuesday, March 21, 2017

10 Fittest Women in Film, 2015.

I had so much fun doing the 2016 hotties list, I thought I'd do the same, going back each year!

 10. Anna Kendrick, Pitch Perfect 2

Monday, March 13, 2017

10 Fittest Males in Film, 2016.

I’ve gone off Ryan Gosling because I still have ear damage from his singing, Dev Patel’s bad acting in Lion put me off him and Aaron Taylor-Johnson, whilst being an absolute babe in real-life and the best husband ever to his lucky wife, played a vile character in Nocturnal Animals, hence their omissions from the list.

The ladies version of the list, if you were curious.

10. Andre Holland, Moonlight 


Friday, December 09, 2016

Two Guns (the Sequel).



The last time I waxed lyrical about Gary Cahill's insane biceps, Chelsea had beaten Manchester City at the Etihad. Well, this weekend, we beat Manchester City at the Etihad (ironically enough, the man with the golden guns scored an own-goal, but we'll just chalk that down to him kindly giving Agüero a masterclass in finishing), so it's time for another appreciatory post  for Gazatron's arms!

The best arms in football, bar none. Appreciate his commitment to constantly making them even bigger, too.

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I shan't be watching Passengers. It stars a certain actress who's acting prowess I don't exactly hold in the highest regard,  and I don't like sci-fi much (Arrival was an exception to this rule). Plus I don't see the point in hate-watching a movie when I barely have time to view the many films I actually want to see.

However, whilst I'm still staunchly 'you'd have to drag me to the cinema to see this', I have to admit the BBFC have trolled me slightly, in that by using 'sexual activity' rather than 'sex' in the short insight, my interest is piqued as to what the 'sexual activity' is.

I've noticed an increase in the prevalence of this curio turn of phrase recently. It seems to be employed for situations rather than intercourse, e.g. describing the masturbation scene in The Survivalist. In Childhood of a Leader (a shining example of a film I'd love to see but sadly didn't because the Odeon didn't screen it), a film rated 12A for moderate sexual activity, the activity in question is a husband running his hand along his wife's leg in a horny manner.

Which is fair enough, it's good to be prescriptive and delineate the lines between a shag and sexual behaviour to the audience. But I'm intrigued as to why it's been used in Passengers' case, given that in interviews about this film, Lawrence has been bleating on and on about her sex scene with Chris Pratt, and even falsely claiming this love scene is her first. (I've seen Serena, Jennifer. You might like to pretend that film never happened, but I saw it).  She also had a sex scene with the late Anton Yelchin (RIP) in Like Crazy, so I don't know why she's pushing selling the fallacious narrative that this is her, quote, 'first sex scene'. To sell more tickets for the film, perhaps? ðŸ¤”🤔🤔

So I would have thought Passengers would feature an out-and-out love scene. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they start having Cesc, then J-law's character starts reading her whiny essay about how underpaid she was for American Hustle instead and Pratt's character loses his wood.

Just speculating.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Good Dads.

I watched War Dogs and Bad Moms this weekend, and it must be the hot weather or something, because, in addition to guffawing heartily at both comedies, I was ogling the actors in both films. 

In War Dogs, I yo-yo'd between swooning at Miles Teller and his on-screen girlfriend Ana De Armas (she played one of the nutty chicks who raped Keanu Reeves in in Knock Knock). And in Bad Moms I both admired Mila Kunis' impossibly shiny hair (a real-life overworked mum definitely would never look that sleek!) and stunning hazel eyes and grinned goofily at her on-screen love-interest Jay Hernandez.

This made me notice that in 2016 alone, I've been treated to my share of male eye candy in movies. Thought I'd share pictures of some of the hotties in question.

The DILFs

Miles Teller, War Dogs
I'm currently fangirling so hard for Miles Teller. I even watched Two Night Stand last night just to stare at him. His arrogant swagger and slightly douchey off-screen demeanour renders him even sexier to me for some reason (Freud, feel free to go to town on this one). His bromance with Jonah Hill was brilliant and the two's joie de vivre really made War Dogs the entertaining movie it was albeit one that stole very liberally from The Wolf of Wall Street. And every time Miles Teller grinned.... SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON. Dat smile.

Jay Hernandez, Bad Moms
Diablo from Suicide Squad doesn't clean up too badly, eh?

Ryan Gosling, The Nice Guys
Ryan Gosling is so fine that he can even make that ridiculous moustache work.

The younger models

Dave Franco, Nerve
Definitely the hottest Franco brother!

Dave Franco, Now You See Me 2
Lizzy Caplan's character in Now You See Me 2 says to Franco's, 'that face doesn't belong behind the screens'. PREACH.

Dave Franco, Bad Neighbours 2
If Hollywood cast this pretty man in a movie, I'll always watch it. No matter how much dross it is. Especially if it's a double bill of dishy with...

Zac Efron, Bad Neighbours 2

Zac Efron, Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates
 photo mikeanddave_zpssebnd3z5.gif
I'm glad I watched this film by myself, because every five minutes I kept muttering 'Zac Efron is SO HOT!!!!' to myself. He's just got it all: the face and the physique. Genuinely don't think we've seen such a fine example of the male form since Leonardo DiCaprio in his William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and Titanic-days. 

Take a bow, Zac preferably in an ill-fitting, tight T-shirt.

And finally.... The non-human 
Nick, Zootropolis  photo nick_zps1kepy8nh.jpg
Before you call animal services on me, I'd like a chance to justify this slightly left of field inclusion. Nick is sensitive, witty, resourceful, caring, and the quintessential bad boy who keeps his walls up because he was hurt in the past. I love film characters like this, so it's no surprise I was drawn to Nick.

Plus, for a fox, he is kinda handsome, eh? EH????

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

10 Sexiest Female Performances in Film.

I just unleashed my inner Kevin Spacey in American Beauty / Jonah Hill in The Wolf of Wall Street. Spoiler alert: I wasn't thinking about Mena Suvari or Margot Robbie when carrying out the act.

Aaaaaaaaanyway, that line of cryptic 12A-rated innuendo (the kind of innuendo this blog specialises in) is basically the perfect gateway for me to list my top 10 sexiest female performances in movies, as both Mena and Margot grace said list. What follows are 10 ladies who, in my eyes, just oozed sex appeal in their cinematic turns. So much sex appeal that it had me questioning my preferences, in fact.

Basically this is an excuses for me to fawn over my girlcrushes, old and new. I'm a tad transparent.

10. Marilyn Monroe, The Seven Year Itch
Marilyn Monroe's character in The Seven Year Itch doesn't even have a proper name; she's just called 'The Girl', in Billy Wilder's playful comedy about a married man who's wife and son leave town he finds himself more than a little tempted when his gorgeous neighbour falls, quite literally, into his lap. 

The Girl is a role which makes the most of Marilyn Monroe’s god-given physical assets, and the scene where a gust of wind from the subway grate blows her dress is still, to this day, one of the most iconic in film.  
(I even bought a dress of my own because I thought it looked a bit like the one Marilyn wore in this film haha. I snagged a photo with Arsenal’s captain, Per Mertesacker, in it, so there you go! I have Marilyn Monroe to thank for that).

09. Eva Green, Casino Royale

Eva Green’s breakthrough role came in Martin Campbell’s reboot of the 007 franchise, and she was handed a formidable task: to play the woman who steals James Bond’s heart, and her ensuing breaking of it leads to his womanising ways. 

Green is completely up to the challenge. Her (apropos, given her surname) bewitching emerald eyes are absolutely stunning, and her natural beauty is enhanced by a cleavage-bearing wardrobe and some lines so smooth they would put the spy she seduces to shame.

08. Kristen Stewart, On the Road 
Despite the common consensus that Kristen Stewart is a terrible actress, I actually disagree. I don’t think she’s bad (that’s a descriptive that is reserved for the likes of Emma Watson and Cara Delevingne), rather, just limited in the roles she can play, but if handed one that plays to her strengths, as the part of Marylou in On the Road does, she excels (her performance in this film actually made my top 10 acting performances of 2012 list).

Here, she’s the flighty, up for it sexpot with a libertine spirit to match travelling companion and sort-of boyfriend Dean Moriarty’s (Garrett Hedlund), a car thief who has a few wives he’s casually abandoned up and down the country to go on a road trip to nowhere in particular.

The story is told from Dean’s friend Sal Paradise (Sam Riley)'s P.O.V, and it’s quite apparent he fancies the fascinating Marylou to pieces. His crush on his mate’s missus is mirrored by the audience, and the illicit boiling pot of emotions and urges makes for a fascinating, erotically charged journey with the three friends.

07. Ziyi Zhang, 2046
The sort-of-but-not-quite sequel to In the Mood for Love sees Tony Leung's Chow Mo-wan, having had his heart broken in the previous film, deciding that the best way to forget his ex is by having meaningless sex... and lots of it. 

One of these notches on his bedpost is Ziyi Zhang's Bai Ling, a flirtatious high-class call girl who's forward exterior masks inner vulnerability and, as with the vast majority of girls, a need to be loved. 

This need is not satisfied by Chow, who regards all womankind with contempt following his ordeal in In the Mood for Love. Ziyi Zhang is exceptional; the perfect illustration of a person who lets their walls down in the  misguided hope that the object of their affections will reciprocate their affections. 

The sensual 2046 has a distinctly otherwordly feel, but the emotional honesty of Ziyi's performance renders the experience a very human one. 

06. Mena Suvari, American Beauty 
Ah, the modern day Lolita.

American Beauty, Sam Mendes' masterpiece about middle-aged malaise, sits just outside of my top ten films of all-time, and is my favourite 18-rated film. It follows Kevin Spacey's Lester Burnham, a sexually frustrated man trapped in a loveless marriage, has a job he despises and a teenage daughter who hates his guts.

So far, so White People Problems. But one day, attending his daughter's cheerleading recital, his head is turned by her nubile friend Angela (Mena Suvari). He soon becomes obsessed with Angela, and spends many a night fantasizing about her covered in rose petals, both a literal ('American Beauty' is a breed of rose) and metaphorical representation of the title of the film.

Mena Suvari is stunning in this film. Looks-wise, you can definitely see why a middle-aged bloke would lust after her, especially when she gets predatory around Lester. I read the script to American Beauty because I was just so enamored with Alan Ball's excellent writing in it, and the screenplay described her as 'blonde, blue-eyed, all-American girl', and to that end, Suvari certainly fits the bill. But as the film goes on, we learn that she, like Ziyi Zhang in 2046, is overcompensating for something with her coquettish behaviour. Insecurity, perhaps. Or just a desperation to feel 'special'.

I find this element of fragility in female characters fascinating. To quote Lana del Rey, 'this is what makes us girls'. American Beauty is a sensational film because whilst it has the naughty stuff, this is counterbalanced by a very astute observation that behind bold sexual exterior, Angela is still a delicate girl. 

05. Rita Hayworth, Gilda 
The second character on this list who was one of Tim Robbins' Andy's posters in his prison wall in The Shawshank Redemption!

Rita Hayworth's vampish Gilda shimmies across the stage in a wide range of figure-hugging silk dresses, her curves accentuated with shiny, bold belts. Her performance outshines ever the sparkliness of her belts, as she exudes sultry elegance in every frame. Her character is jaded, cynical and has no qualms with using and abusing any men she comes across, but one smouldering look from her and it's not hard to see why she has men going gaga for her. Her chemistry with Glenn Ford's Johnny (who, in a classic display of life imitating art, she would later bed in real life) is sizzling and their exchanges demonstrate perfectly that fine line between love, hate, and how easy it is for the two to fuse.

Game-playing  Battle of the Sexes has never looked so good.

04. Mila Kunis, Black Swan
I wasn't a huge fan of Darren Aronofsky's bloated drama Black Swan, about Nina (Natalie Portman), a ballerina who would do anything to get the lead in the production of Swan Lake. But Mila Kunis is a complete babe in it. Nina's ballet instructor, played with brilliant sliminess by Vincent Cassel, tells her to become a better dancer, she needs to embrace her immoral side, pointing her in the direction of Mila Kunis' Lily.

Lily is viewed through Nina's jealous gaze, and we come to regard her in the same light as the protagonist: with a combination of envy, annoyance and morbidly curious lust. The latter comes to a fore when the two, on an ecstasy trip, make love, in one of the most erotically charged sex scenes in cinema, where at one point, Kunis, with her head between Portman's legs, looks up at her lover, and her big hazel eyes look absolutely amazing.

Building up to that scene, like Nina, are drawn to Lily, wanting to find out more about her, whilst not letting on that we've got her on our radar. The curious casting of Portman and Kunis, who don't look dissimilar, really brings out the difference in their two personalities; Nina, the obsessive-compulsive who is obsessed with getting every piece of choreography down to a T, and Lily, who is more than happy to live her life and go where the wind blows and isn't really fussed about dancing, which paradoxically, gives her dancing a quality that Nina's lacks.

Furthermore, what I thought was clever about Kunis' portrayal of Lily is that she presents her character as appearing to be a friendly, fun-loving girl, yet Nina feels completely and utterly threatened by her. Whether this discomfort towards Lily is justified, or a product of Nina's deteriorating mental condition, well, that forms much of the basis of the trippy, second-guessing vibes of Black Swan. And I've definitely been there in terms of having a girl I'm both intimidated by, yet am also in weird awe of.

Mila Kunis has been a staple on my yearly girlcrush lists. She looks incredible in every film I've seen her in (Forgetting Sarah MarshallFriends with BenefitsTed to name a few titles), but in Black Swan there's a darkness to her performance and character that elevates her sex appeal to an 11.

03. Emmanuelle Béart, Manon des Sources
In Manon des Sources, Béart's Manon has elements of Amy Dunne, in that her character is principally motivated by revenge, for the mistreatment her father received from Yves Montand's character that led him to pass before his time. But unlike Amy, she's a rather more genteel presence and ultimately, such is her natural grace and poise, that revenge doesn't consume her. 

The enchanting Manon is perved on by the dim-witted nephew of her enemy, played by Daniel Auteuil (whom Béart would marry in real life in 1993) in one scene, where she dances naked, and unlike most nude scenes in films, it's an innocuous scene, where Manon is completely at one with nature.

Emmanuelle Béart has played more sexual characters in plenty of other films, but her natural prettiness, and the slightly unusual quality to her looks made her a great fit for the role of shepherdess, and hence is my chosen entrant on this list. One would expect such a photogenetic woman to be too glamorous for such a role, but Béart sells it.

02. Linda Fiorentino, The Last Seduction
No list of Sexiest women in movies would be complete without the quintessential femme fatale!

20 years before Rosamund Pike bought Amy Dunne to life, Linda Fiorentino blazed the trail for conniving cows in cinema. If Ziyi Zhang and Mena Suvari's characters are summed up by the Lana del Rey song 'This is What Makes Us Girls', Fiorentino's anthem would be 'I Fucked My way Up to the Top'.

Her Bridget Gregory knows what she want and boy, does she know how to get it. Her cavalier attitude to sex is both scandalous and titillating 22 years on, never mind back in 1994, but watching her calculated sexuality is a real ride. And I'm not just talking about the all the dicks she rides.  

Her man-eating ways are epitomised in this oh-so-cool exchange, made all the more audacious given it takes place just after she's screwed her next hapless prey, thirsty Mike (Peter Berg) against a fence.

Bridget Gregory: You're my designated fuck.
Mike Swale: Designated fuck? Do they make cards for that? What if I want to be more than your designated fuck?
Bridget Gregory: Then I'll designate someone else. 

#ByeFelicia

01. Margot Robbie, The Wolf of Wall Street


A blonde bombshell opened the list, so it seems only apropos that a blond bombshell closes it!

It makes sense, that in The Wolf of Wall Street, a film about excess: the excess of money, cocaine, hookers, Leonardo DiCaprio's eponymous Wolf, Jordan Belfort, should get the hottest wife.

But Margot isn't just the hottest woman in the movie. She's the hottest woman in all movies.

When Margot walked across the screen in The Wolf of Wall Street wearing nothing but stockings and stilettos, my jaw dropped; I'd never seen such an unabashed, untamed display of female sexuality on the screen before. 

Her sleek body was, and still is, the most perfect example of the female form I've ever seen. Slim waist, long, tanned legs, sun-kissed skin. Then there's the face: huge yet distinctively cat-shaped eyes, lips you could nibble on all day (her juicy lips were particularly prominent in smudged red lipstick in Suicide Squad, too)... unf. 

Margot Robbie was only 22 years old when she filmed The Wolf of Wall Street, and it was quite daring for her to bare all in her first established film role, but both she and savvy film director Martin Scorsese (my favourite film director, just so you know) knew what they was doing.

In fact, in the end, it wasn't so much a question of whether Margot could handle a full-frontal nudity scene.

The real question is whether we handle her.

Monday, June 20, 2016

Hottest Footballers in Euro 2016.

According to my more-than-a-little dubious definition of male beauty, of course.

 10. Aaron Ramsey (Wales) 
I simply can't use a recent picture because that peroxide blonde job doesn't do him any favours. I prefer his hair colour when it's natural.

09. Kyle Lafferty (Northern Ireland)
I don't usually like tats on a chap, but I'll make an exception for Kyle.

08. Matts Hummels (Germany) 
hello, sailor

07. Cesc Fàbregas (Spain) 
I never admitted to finding him Cescy when he played for Arsenal or Rob Brown's team, funny, that.

06. Jan Vertonghen (Belgium)
In the premier league, he's one of the slyest bellends around. But something about his face resembles that of Nick from Zootropolis. Which I mean as a compliment, of course.

05. Vedran Corluka (Croatia)  
I could just get lost in his eyes. And he's willing to play on with a face full of blood, too. Hero.

04. Hugo Lloris (France) 
The finest beard in football since Jamie Redknapp. And I adore his Gallic charm.

03. Eden Hazard (Belgium) 
Belgium's captain has the 100th juiciest bum in the world as ranked by The Guardian. A health hazard, if you will.

02. Antoine Griezmann (France) 
Dat face is a freaking work of art. Jean-Pierre Léaud's character in Les 400 coups is now no longer my favourite Antoine.


01. Gary Cahill (England) 
Sun's out, gun's out, mofos.