A hug is just a hug, a sigh is just a sigh

Congratulations to France on winning the World Cup!

As I said before the tournament began, they were who I wanted to win, largely because they have the dishiest squad, but also because two of their starting XI, N’Golo Kanté (the happiest man ever) and Olivier Giroud, are Chelsea players, so Chelsea can claim 18.2% of the victory.

Part of me wanted France to win for vengeful Gone Girlish reasons: England football fans love to sing that intolerable ‘it’s coming home’ song, and it would put their backs up something awful seeing the trophy ‘come home’ to their Gallic neighbours, instead. 

And, as I’ve mentioned, I feel English football fans don’t deserve to be rewarded, given the no small part they play in normalising racism against my people. The BBC presenter Gary Lineker making excuses for Jamie Vardy’s usage of ‘Jap’ is a shining example of how racism against east Asians in this country is considered fair game.

But yes, congratulations to France! I’m delighted that Hugo Lloris, who has been toiling endlessly to no fruition at White Hart Lane, finally gets to experience glory!

My last World Cup-related blog that I will do before reverting to my status quo of pedantic BBFC blogs and throwing shade at restaurants, is ten adorable bromantic intra-club moments from the tournament this year. 

This World Cup has been absolutely immense, the Banter World Cup, if you will, featuring sensational goals (my personal favourite was Benjamin Chalamet’s one against Argentina), thrilling games, hilarious moments and memes and general WTF-ery arising from the use of VAR on margin calls. And I’ve loved every minute of it.

But my favourite thing about the World Cup, and all international football tournaments, for that matter, remains the lovely display of fraternity between footballers from the same team (but opposing countries) at the end of the game.

Remember, before the World Cup started, the thing I was most excited for was some manlove between Chelsea club-mates Gary Cahill and Eden Hazard. Did my expectation get fulfilled? Read on to see!

A disclaimer, that these are just ten bromances that involved players who I like.

Needless to say, there were a plenty more than just ten displays of intra-club fraternity throughout the World Cup, such as, for example, Sergio Ramos (the Spain and Real Madrid captain) hugging  his club-mate Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal captain and general showboater) after Spain v Portugal in the group stages. But I don’t like either of them (the fact that I put both in my World Cup Ugly XI may be somewhat of a giveaway...), so I didn’t think it was worth chasing pictures of the moment, aha.

In chronological order…

Guess the Footballer: Medium

Continuing with the game I showed yesterday, here are the pictionaries which are a tad trickier! At the end, I'll provide the answers to the ones from yesterday!

1.

Guess the Footballer: Easy

So, England are out of the World Cup, getting beaten by a Croatia side who simply had more guile and experience than them.

As predicted, I am ambivalent about this loss, largely because my main draw for supporting England spent the majority of the tournament warming the bench (at least Gaz had Phil Jones to keep him company).

Also, I despise Jamie Vardy and will never quite forgive the British press (especially a certain football journalist who I used to be on quite good terms with #cryptic) for affording Vardy a free pass for racially abusing a Japanese man.

These same football journalists wrote mini-tomes about racism when Suarez and Terry did it. And to me, an east Asian, the silence from the hacks after Vardy’s choice word selection is a pretty clear sign that the British media don’t think racism against east Asians is problematic.

By not acting, the British press was complicit in the racism that I have suffered and continue to suffer.

That being said, there was a certain spark in the England side of the 2018 World Cup that was a joy to watch at times, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get swept up in the momentous occasion of us winning our first penalty shoot-out in an international tournament since 1996. There's also something to be said for seeing the country unify over a common cause, especially when the weather was so gorgeous too.

In the final, I’ll be supporting France, a decision that I'm not ashamed to admit that is largely driven by aesthetic reasons.

The 10 Most Handsome Footballers of the 2018 World Cup

Happy Hump Day!! 

Now that we're through to the quarter-final stage of the 2018 World Cup, I have officially seen all of the talent, shall we say, on display, to be able to have done enough research for who I think are the ten smokeshows of the tournament.

Thus, this is a thirst-heavy blog. Photos, gifs, and general swooning of some Adonises will be in abundance. It was quite a challenge to find variations of saying 'he's hot' over and over, but somehow, I managed it!

As with my choices for best and worst dressed at the 2018 Oscars, I'm not even going to pretend the list isn't heavily influenced by my personal opinion of the men in question (and club loyalties). I also have rather, niche, shall we say, taste in men - check out my list of hottest guys in the 2016 Euros.

10. Ruben Loftus-Cheek (England)

What a handsome man. His smile is like a gift from God, and he manages to balance appearing youthful with working a suave moustache.

13 Lookalikes Why

Season 2 of 13 Reasons Why was so dreadful that I lost interest in the contrived plot at several points, and instead focused on how some of the cast members looked like footballers. In the spirit of the 2018 World Cup, which begins this Thursday, here are thirteen dubious actor/footballer lookalikes!

Four Eyes.

Jonah Hill's character in The Wolf of Wall Street, Donnie Azoff, is my second favourite film character to compare myself to. First would obviously be Rosamund Pike's Amy Dunne in Gone Girl. (I see myself in Amazing Amy because one's a God Complex-ridden conniving bitch who you should cross at your peril. The other's a character in a David Fincher film).

Anyway, perhaps due to me having just watched my gorgeous French bae Antoine Griezmann score a brace against Germany in Euro 2016 (don't know if you heard, but I quite fancy that Griezmann chap), I thought of Valentines Day. Which made me think of 2014's Valentines' Day release, The Lego Movie, which was directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller. They also directed 2014's 22 Jump Street which starred Jonah Hill, and that in turn got me thinking about his character, and performance in The Wolf of Wall Street. (We got there eventually). #tenuous

Jonah Hill's character in The Wolf of Wall Street wears some pretty prominently sized glasses, which Leonardo DiCaprio's Jordan himself notes are made of clear glass, and only worn so that Donnie can appear more 'waspish'. I share no such affectation; with short-sightedness of -5 in both eyes and astigmatisms, I don't wear mine for no fashion statement.

(Sidenote: I know Leonardo DiCaprio's protagonist in WoWS would be the favoured character to compare oneself to, given his sharp suits and getting to bed the stunning Margot Robbie. But experience with too many dude-bro clown guys who work in the City and erroneously think they possess an iota of Leo's élan, swagger, and luck with the ladies has made me rather averse to Jordan Belfort-type comparisons. They think they're Leo in The Wolf of Wall Street; I wish they'd see the same ending as Leo in Titanic. Also, I like to keep candles away from my nether regions, please and thanks).

However, you know what they say: when God closes a door, he opens a window. And when he blights this obnoxious girlie with terribad eyesight, he gives her an opportunity to emulate her second favourite obnoxious 18-rated film character.

As you know, I got new glasses recently, and I don't love this purple pair as much as I do my red ones. My main grievance with them is that due to the largeness of the frame, they accentuate the slittiness of my eyes, something I'd rather not draw attention to.

But on the bright side, the glasses are plastic and large, and thus, make me resemble this elegant anti-hero ever the more, particularly in this shot, where I can delude myself that me and Jonah are wearing one and the same pair.

Every cloud!

Hottest Footballers in Euro 2016.

According to my more-than-a-little dubious definition of male beauty, of course.

 10. Aaron Ramsey (Wales) 

I simply can't use a recent picture because that peroxide blonde job doesn't do him any favours. I prefer his hair colour when it's natural.

09. Kyle Lafferty (Northern Ireland)

I don't usually like tats on a chap, but I'll make an exception for Kyle.

08. Matts Hummels (Germany) 

hello, sailor

07. Cesc Fàbregas (Spain) 

I never admitted to finding him Cescy when he played for Arsenal or Rob Brown's team, funny, that.

06. Jan Vertonghen (Belgium)

In the premier league, he's one of the slyest bellends around. But something about his face resembles that of Nick from Zootropolis. Which I mean as a compliment, of course.

05. Vedran Corluka (Croatia)  

I could just get lost in his eyes. And he's willing to play on with a face full of blood, too. Hero.

04. Hugo Lloris (France) 

The finest beard in football since Jamie Redknapp. And I adore his Gallic charm.

03. Eden Hazard (Belgium) 

Belgium's captain has the 100th juiciest bum in the world as ranked by The Guardian. A health hazard, if you will.

02. Antoine Griezmann (France) 

Dat face is a freaking work of art. Jean-Pierre Léaud's character in Les 400 coups is now no longer my favourite Antoine.

01. Gary Cahill (England) 

Sun's out, gun's out, mofos.

A stark reminder of why I don't gamble.

I took a cheeky punt on the Champions League final yesterday, putting down a £10 stake...

...and, thanks to Sergio Ramos, it's £10 I'll never see again! I'd last bet in 2012 and tbh I hope I leave it more than four more years before I do it again. I just have no gambling nous; it's akin to pouring money down the drain. I often tell my friends this yet failed to heed my own advice when the thrill of putting down a punt got the better of me, but, the house always wins.