Restaurant review: SANTO REMEDIO (London Bridge)

After Chelsea beat Manchester City to become Champions of Europe for the second time, it was only natural that I was in a celebratory mood. As this win coincided with the restrictions being lifted in the UK, I decided to combine celebrating my club's win, with making the most of the momentary freedom we were being granted.

I did not choose well. This was some of the food below:

Restaurant review: KIMCHEE (Holborn)

I was so delighted that Parasite rightly won Best Film and Director at the Oscars this year (as you can probably tell by me proudly wearing their merch!), that I had an informal victory lap in its honour. This involved having several drinks celebrating its win, but the most specific bit of celebrating I did was dining at a Korean restaurant, Kimchee.

Sadly, Kimchee did not serve the ram-don that was made so iconic by the thrilling scene in the movie, but it did serve bimbimbap, kimchee, pajeon, and various other staples of Korean dining, so I was excited to visit it, hoping that it would join On the Bab, BimBimBap and Gogi Korean Bar and Grill in the pantheon of fabulous Korean restaurants I’ve visited in London.

But this wasn’t to be. The food at Kimchee was awfully overpriced for what it was:

Those portions of kimchi are tiny, yet it cost £5!

Restaurant review: CANTINA DEL PONTE (South Bank)

Situated by the riverside are a range of restaurants, which entice traveling commuters in with their fragrant smells and sought-after location. I try to avoid falling into the trap of dining at a place just because it happens to be in the right place at the right time when I'm hungry, but one day last Summer, I gave in. Such were the options available, I thought Cantina del Ponte looked like the best best of the restaurants on offer, and thus, gave it my custom.

Bar review: PIANO WORKS BAR (Farringdon)

I love singing. Whether it be Disney songs, RnB, Broadway showtunes, power ballads, I’m happiest when I’m warbling along to music (and often getting the lyrics wrong in the process). Piano Works allows you to do this to live piano music, along with a percussive and jazz band, and a lead singer, whilst dancing in a night-club-style venue. That was my Friday night sorted, then.

The band played their instruments really well, with flamboyance from the electric guitars when the occasion called for it, and more nuanced accompanying for other songs. The band shrewdly rotated singers depending on the flavour of the song. Sometimes, as was the case with Kanye West’s Goldigger, more than one person sang at a time. They had a fantastic female singer who belted out How Far I’ll Go from Moana. Given I have recently just watched Moana and the song is fresh in my mind, that in itself made that Friday one of the best nights out I’ve had in a long time.

The song choices at Piano Works were on point. They played Uptown Funk, Piano Man, American Boy, Grace Kelly… basically, crowd pleasers. And the crowd was very pleased. Here’s a clip of their performance of What Makes You Beautiful. The One Direction song is only my fourth favourite of all-time, so I had a whale of a time dancing to it!

Restaurant review: COPPA CLUB (Fitzrovia)

The hustle and bustle of shoppers clambering around Oxford Circus can prove stressful, especially now, in the lead-up to Christmas. Should you crave momentary respite from crawling through a sea of shoppers, step down a side street in the direction of Soho, where you’ll find a collection of cafes, bars and restaurants. Coppa Club, a clean-lined restaurant with a bistro vibe, is amongst them.

I went to Coppa Club when I was quite hungry, on a Saturday evening. As a consequence, only one item on the menu jumped out at me: the hearty sirloin steak. As with all the steaks I’ve reviewed on my blog (exhibits A and B and C and D), I had mine rare.

Restaurant review: STICKS’N’SUSHI (Covent Garden)

Despite meeting Per Mertesacker at Sushisamba, I’ve never actually dined there, and thus the mantle of fanciest sushi restaurant I’ve been to is Sticks’n’Sushi at Henrietta Street, London.

We had the ‘Gala’, which, at £75, wasn’t cheap. The option included Beef Tataki, Edamame, Hotate Kataifi, Nigiri, Chicken with chili & teriyaki, lamb chop with miso herb butter and duck breast with panko & wasabi Caesar, so there was plenty to fill two people’s boots!

Restaurant review: MA’ PLUCKER (Soho)

I went to Ma’ Plucker this week to catch up with two girlfriends. To that end, it was a decent venue to choose for a Monday night: not busy, and we picked a spot at the back, where there was enough space around us for us to put our bags (rather than let them get dirty on the floor, which is what would happen at somewhere like Barrafina).

The way that food is ordered under the ‘3 way chicken’ system is that you choose your chicken (rotisserie chipotle, crispy coated buttermilk, pulled slow and low or cheese flan), you choose a base (salad, bun or maple waffle) and finally a side (MP chicken skin gravy, chipotle chilli sauce, Kansas BBQ, herb dressing or maple chilli glaze), and then it’s all cooked and bought out for you.

Because I don’t like mixing sweet and savoury things, and I never order salad when I dine out as I think it’s a waste of money (you can literally buy a bag of cabbages and apply some dressing to it from Tesco for like £2), I had the house bun, with chicken breast. This was how it looked:

The chicken was arid AF

Bar review: ASK FOR JANICE (Clerkenwell)

Ask for Janice is a gin bar near the bustle of St. Paul’s. I drank here one Summer’s day. It has some space outside, where I sat : -

Restaurant review: DISHOOM (Shoreditch)

Dishoom’s reputation precedes itself. Due to great word of mouth, the Shoreditch venue, as with the Covent Garden venue, which I have also been to, doesn’t allow bookings unless the party is of six people or more. If you’re in a party of five people or less, you have to queue on the door, with the length of the queues ranging from half an hour to an indefinite period of time.

The menu claims these prawns are 'succulent'. They tasted dry to me.

Bar review: GORDON'S WINE BAR (Embankment)

  

My first impression of Gordon's Wine Bar, handily located equidistant between Charing Cross and Embankment tube stations, was that it was a bit dingy. No doubt regular punters at this bar would find the shabbiness endearing, but the peeling paint and decaying wood, in combination with a rather ominous smell, didn't scream 'welcome!' to me.

Restaurant review: BYRON (Covent Garden)

I’ve had mixed fortunes when it comes to burger joints in London. Places like Tommi’s Burger Joint and Prime Burger were so awful I wouldn’t recommend them to my worst enemy, and other venues which don’t specialise in burgers, seem to treat them as an afterthought (Maxwell’s Bar and Grill, be ashamed. Be very ashamed). Still, due to the sheer majesty of the burgers I’ve had such as Bird, I still haven’t up hope in the capital’s ability to produce delicious burgers just yet.

Byron definitely delivered on the burger front. I had the Smoky burger, with the meat cooked medium rare, and that, along with all the ingredients (mature cheddar, streaky bacon, crispy onions, shredded iceberg, pickles and smoked chilli) rendered this a verifiable feast for the taste buds. You know it was tasty because normally I would object to paying £10 for a burger and no sides, but in this case, I feel the money was well spent. The way all the ingredients complemented each other and bought out the succulence of the steak… heaven.

Café review: FERNANDEZ & WELLS (Somerset House)

Fernandez & Wells is the café situated directly adjacent to where the Somerset House ice rink presently is. Given the attraction of the ice rink in the winter and the outdoor cinema in the Summer, Fernandez & Wells is guaranteed plenty of visitors which might explain the negligent running of the place.

Of the beverages offered, which include all of the standard hot drinks, my attention was drawn to the lemonades advertised near the tills, almost exclusively because of the funky packaging it came in (pictured above).

When I sat down to eat, I was horrified to discover that the only table that was free still had debris from the previous customer strewn across the table. This is absolutely unacceptable and inexcusable. Given how popular the café is (I visited December last year), the management really should have had the foresight to hire extra staff. If they were charing £3+ for the crap pictured above passing it off as a cake, God knows they could afford an extra pair of hands.

During my unpleasant time in F&W, I clocked two waitresses, both stood behind the till. This would have been fine if they were serving different customers too expedite the transaction process, but only one was serving; the other was gaffing about with the display. And the woman serving me had evidently never been told about the concept of 'service with a smile'.

Overall, considering how much they had the temerity to charge for a drink and cake, F&W didn't even try to give their customers an experience deserving of what they paid for it. Wild horses couldn't drag me back to this dive; insalubrious café society.

Grade: E

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This is my first café review. For my bar and restaurant reviews, click here.

Restaurant review: AZZURRO (Waterloo)

My friend Kieran and I had lunch here on Christmas Eve (here's a picture of us) when we'd both had very little for breakfast and were starving, once again proving the rule that you shouldn't decide where to eat when you're hungry.

Bar review: FIFTY FIVE BAR (Camden Town)

A busy cocktail bar that has some very alcoholic drinks available at Happy Hour, The Fifty Five bar markets itself as a more upmarket alternative to the dingy pubs prevalent in Camden.

To make room for more punters, there was outdoor seating. Drinking in the fresh air was fun, and it’s good to offer the option to those who have an aversion to the obnoxiously loud levels of music played indoors. Here's a picture of us sat outside.

I do wish, however, that the managers would have been so kind as to install outdoor heaters, as The Woolpack (for all its flaws) had. We visited on a chilly January night, and British weather being what it is, we definitely felt the cold.

The quality of the cocktails varied; my friend loved hers, whereas I was left underwhelmed with the Espresso Martini, preferring the one I had in Camden's Grand Union.

Further suggestions that I would propose to make this place even better for customers is if they extended Happy Hour by an hour, and made the drinks ever-so-slightly cheaper. Bottles of Prosecco were being sold for £23, which I feel was a bit of a liberty.

Still, it’s hardly like Fifty Five Bar needs to pay any heed to my advice. Business was booming there, even with the overpriced drinks. It’s just a shame that the managers didn’t use some of the funds to take better care of their customers, and attempt to keep them warm.

Grade: D

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By the way, as you may have gauged from the grades I divvy out, I don't often award As. So when I do, as I did to Bird, it means I really loved it. Thus, my friends and I went there again two weekends ago, and rather than order wings, I had a burger. My best friend Anna (who this blog is named after) ordered a waffle burger. Here they are:

They were insane; I still proudly stand by my A-rating to Bird.

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I go to a far few restaurants and bars in London with my friends. Here be the compendium of all my reviews of them.

Bar review: BREWDOG (Soho)

Brewdog Soho epitomises why I'm filled with trepidation whenever someone suggests drinking in a bar in central London that is alien to me. It encapsulates all of the disadvantages of drinking in the capital and has none of the perks. Overpriced, an awful drink selection that flirted with the obtuse and blaring obnoxiously loud hipster music, the 2.5 hours I had to spend in this dive were some of the longest of my life.

Review: Starbucks Gingerbread Latte

Continuing with sampling the products Starbucks have ‘specially confected’ (read: haphazardly adapted from existing drinks in order to cynically swindle more money out of gullible customers such as myself) for Christmas, I next sampled the Starbucks gingerbread latte.

On the positive side, it was much better than the fudge hot chocolate (although that was hardly difficult). The gingerbread-infused latte definitely tasted pleasant, and once you got used to the slightly unusual flecks of gingerbread inside your latte, that, too, gave the drink some character, elevating it above the bog-standard hit of caffeine. A calorie content of 330cals render this drink more waistline-friendly than other, more gluttonous drinks.

The negatives were that one of the ingredients they really plugged – the ground nutmeg – seemed to be suspiciously missing from my beverage, as well as the fact that I found the temperature of my latte a little on the cool side. And, for the money that you’re spending, it is still horrifically overpriced.

Still, if you’re going to waste money on the mega-corporation that is Starbucks with any festive drink, make it this, rather than the fudge hot chocolate (which I still have nightmares about).

Grade: B-

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All my product reviews are listed here.

Restaurant review: BRASSERIE MAX (Covent Garden)

About two or three times a year, I deviate from my questionable practice of dining at mediocre restaurants using Groupon deals (and then absolutely destroying the dumps on my blog, and give patronage to restaurants which don't need deals in order to get custom. Although such an act (of paying full price for a meal) doesn't strike most as out of the ordinary, when I do, I always feel like Charli XCX, in that 'I'm so fancy', and it means I've gotten to eat at some pretty awesome places.

I had the Thanksgiving dish, which, given the time of year, I felt was apropos:

Review: PRIME BURGER (Kings Cross)

My best friend Anna and I were absolutely famished after drinking some wine today, so unfortunately we weren't in a strong bargaining position in terms of discerning for decent places to eat. As we'd met at St Pancras train station and didn't want to travel too far, we settled for Prime Burger, thinking you couldn't go too wrong with a burger. I was wrong; this place runs Tommi's Burger Joint close for one of the worst of its kind in London.

I had the Classic chicken burger, which, just like the one I'd had at TBJ, was horrendously undercooked; the meat was a suspicious shade of pinkish white. Oh dear. The menu promised 'onions', but I don't count one infinitesimal sliver of onion, clearly stuck in as an afterthought 'onions', and the lettuce was haphazardly applied and an inspiring addition.

Small mercies came in the form of the chips, which I wolfed down, because at the front of the counter (where you collect your order), there was malt vinegar, which I doused on my chips like a pyromaniac ought to douse kerosene on  Wolf of Fleet Street certain Guardian football writers' Audis. I absolutely adore malt vinegar with my chips, and don't understand why there wasn't a container of them on every table, rather than just one at the front.

Then again, I don't know how they could have charged £11.05 for that ensemble above, when the burger was paltry, unedifying and poorly presented.

For five pounds less, you can have an actual chicken burger from KFC (you know, one with flavour). Do it. Your stomach - and bank balance - will thank you.

Grade: D-

A compendium of my restaurant reviews can be found here. If you would like me to review your restaurant, drop me an email at lemon_and_lime7@hotmail.com and I'll see what I can do.

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As mentioned in the introduction, I had an ace meet up with my girl Annabung today. Here we are (quick OOTD!): -

Earrings: Accessorize

T-shirt: Hollister

Cardigan: H&M

Glasses: Twiggy for Aurora

Pub review: THE WOOLPACK (Bermondsey)

Walking in an Overpriced Wonderland.