OOTD: Okay ladies, now let's get in formation

Top: Primark

Earrings: Aldo

Glasses: Red or Dead

The larger-than-life hoops earrings are a homage to Taraji P. Henson as 'Cookie' in Empire. The next film Taraji's appearing in is the female reboot of  What Women Want, Want Men Want, and I will hopefully be seeing that soon! 

As a point of BBFC nerdiness, I find it interesting that the original Mel Gibson film was a PG-13/12A, yet the reboot is embracing the crude adult humour, and has gotten an R and 15, and even a 16 in Ireland. I'm guessing the film's producers have targeted the grown up audience following the success of Girls' Trip. If What Men Want is half as lulzy as Girls Trip, it will be a trip to the cinema well made!

Outfit of the Day: Reminds of a John Hughes movie

What I wore to drink Groupon cocktails with my girl Rebecca at The Redchurch Bar in Shoreditch:

Floral top: Forever 21

Skirt: Dorothy Perkins

Earrings: Miss Selfridge

A few photos I took from Spurs v Crystal Palace ladies at Cheshunt football ground.

Film review: SUICIDE SQUAD (David Ayer, 2016)

Amanda Waller (Viola Davis), a shrewd government official, opines that in the case of the recently deceased Superman, they'd gotten lucky, as he was a superhero who shared their ideals, thus, played on their side. The next time, she argues, the superhero might not be so compliant with them.

A master tactician, she plans several moves ahead: assemble a group of metahumans, 'the worst of the worst', to do the government's dirty work for them. If they fail, they die. If they succeed, these individuals can have some time off their prison sentences.

This motley crew, the titular 'Suicide Squad', includes Will Smith as Deadshot, a paid for assassin who's accuracy with a rifle is unparalleled; Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn, Joker's girlfriend who's even more mental than he is; Jay Hernandez as Diablo, a man blessed/blighted with pyrokinesis; Jai Courtney as a mercenary robber Captain Boomerang; and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as Killer Croc, a human-reptile hybrid.

The Suicide Squad are headed by a surly, non-nonsense soldier who holds his criminal squad in utter contempt, Rick Flag (Joel Kinnaman, quite the babe *swoons*). Rick won't take crap from anyone, but unfortunately for him, Amanda Waller has his balls in a vice due to Rick's girlfriend, archeologist June Moone, being the host body of a 5000-year-old witch called Enchantress (Cara Delevingne, living proof that partying with celebrities and nepotism can get you places). Waller has Enchantress' heart, and Enchantress possesses June's body, who in turn possesses Rick's heart. Phew!!!

The convoluted plot setup is reflected in the first act of the film, which takes rather too long to get to the action, and under-develops several character's story arcs, preventing the audience from forming an attachment to them. But that was always going to be an occupational hazard of translating such an ambitious, multi-faceted comic book to the screen, and at least the overarching message, of that of the blurred lines between good and evil, has been retained.

Suicide Squad makes for a very entertaining watch, even if the over-reliance in CGI is at times a little distracting. The occasionally over-done visuals are enhanced, however, by a slick soundtrack, featuring everything from Queen to Eminem. Two songs which play over the credits, “Heathens” and “Sucker for Pain” will go down in pop culture folklore, for how well they were employed in the advertising for Suicide Squad (the latter, on a Snapchat filter!). The watchability of the movie as a piece of entertainment is also largely thanks to the ensemble cast, who are, bar one jarring exception, all pretty great.

The star of the show is Viola Davis, whose superior acting and Juilliard credentials lends gravitas to even the corniest of Hollywood lines. She's a natural, and Davis completely embodies Waller's Machiavellian personality and her cool-as-a-cucumber demeanour. Her formidable screen presence carries her throughout, and even when her character is in danger, Davis never lets even an inkling of fear creep into her visage.

Will Smith is also very good as Deadshot. He's never not been cool, even back in his Fresh Prince days, but it's his scenes with his cute daughter, his one weakness (and his justification for only accepting hits on men, never women or children) that ground his character. Similarly, Jay Hernandez as Diablo illustrates how his skills with fire aren't so much a gift as an affliction, in a tragic subplot which I’m not ashamed to say I shed a tear over.

Margot Robbie is deliciously nutty as Harley Quinn. Much has been made of the update in her attire from harlequin outfit to stilettos, a ripped T-shirt sporting 'Daddy's Little Monster' and the shortest of hotpants, but it's not what she wears (or doesn't wear) that lingers in your impression as Harley. What I'll remember is her mannerisms, ranging from the wicked cackle to the sly winks, as well as the casual panache with which she beats up the badder baddies with her trusty baseball bat. Adding to the element of girl power is Karen Fukuhara as Flag's personal bodyguard, a samurai sword-wielding lady who takes no prisoners. As an actual martial arts champion, Fukuhara makes a fierce impression, doing her east Asian sisters proud.

Unfortunately, Nepotism Delevingne proved my doubts about her suitability for the part of Enchantress completely correct. Not content with having stunk the place out in Paper Towns (voted my second least favourite performance of 2015, holla), her performance here is a bad conflation of flared nostrils to emote, a weird, booming voice, and, in the last act, gyrating so earnestly you'd think it was tryouts for a hula-hooping contest. Her terrible acting even impairs other performances: because her and Joel Kinnaman had such stunted chemistry, you just weren't engaged in their relationship, which is problematic as it represents one of the main incentives of one of the characters.

I feel it may be a tad rich to criticise someone for getting where they were through their connections, given one of my friends, Dominic, liked to joke that the only reason I got accepted on my Masters was because my father used to work at the University.

Regardless of the veracity of that claim, at least I worked hard on my Masters once I got in. I'm not getting that vibe from Delevingne, an individual who's modelling work I am actually a great fan of. There’s no denying she’s a striking girl; it takes something special to out-shine even Margot Robbie at the London premiere of Suicide Squad. But Cara, honey, in movies, it's not enough just to be pretty.

So you wore a bikini and showed gameness for writhing around. There's way more to acting than that. Compare Delevingne's wooden acting here to that of Elizabeth Olsen as the Scarlet Witch in the Marvel movies. Both played comic book witches, but whereas Olsen was convincing, injecting humanity and depth into Wanda, Delevingne brings nothing to Suicide Squad other than maybe Taylor Swift or the Jenners doing an Instagram post about it, if she's lucky, and detracts from the overall quality by being in it. #SayNoToCaraDelevingneInFilms

That gripe aside (and it's a pretty big one; Cara is so poor it's hard to focus on any scene she's in), I can see what David Ayer was trying do with Suicide Squad. Due to the sheer volume of ambition, he didn't achieve all his aims. But a couple of bombastic set pieces, witty lines of banter between members of the squad, an onrunning kid-unfriendly tone (still celebrating that 15 certificate) and the entire cast bar that blonde model woman bringing their A-game, makes this a thoroughly silly ride.

6/10

Hit Me with Your Best Shot: ZOOTOPIA

I've been a long-time reader and admirer of Nathaniel's Hit Me With Your Best Shot series over at every film fan's Bible, The Film Experience, devouring all the entries from afar. The premise is simple: each week, a set movie is decided, and film bloggers present their favourite shot in the film, with their justification.

I thought I'd make like the protagonist Judy Hopps from this week's target, Zootopia, and take a step out of my comfort zone. Rather than just reading the articles, I thought I'd contribute with my entry, about my favourite scenes in Byron Howard, Rich Moore and Jared Bush's fabulous Disney cartoon, which remains, at my time of writing, my favourite 2016 cinematic release.

Because I have a lot of feels about this masterwork, I'll list not one, but five scenes, in descending order, just so I get to ramble on about Zootopia for longer. ❤️

SPOILERS FOLLOW, so don't read if you haven't seen Zootopia yet!!

Five: pirate DVDs

The pirate DVD scene tickled me for many reasons, mainly because I love allusions to other movies, trivia and Easter eggs, and this scene contained them aplenty. The bootleg DVDs that the shady Duke Weaselton is trying to flog are all plays on Disney movies, past and present: Pig Hero 6 (Big Hero 6), Wrangled (Tangled), Wreck-It Rhino (Wreck-It Ralph), and three upcoming movies: Mewana (Moana), Giraffic (Gigantic) and Floatzen 2 (Frozen 2).

Personally, I could not get enough of the Frozen allusions in Zootopia, and howled when cynical Chief Bogo at the ZPD tells Judy to "let it go". The knowing film and pop culture references littered throughout Zootopia really were a welcome treat!

In fact, even Duke Weaselton's name is a play on a  character name from a previous Disney movie: the Duke of Weselton in Frozen. In a savvy bout of voice-casting, Alan Tudyk does the voice of both characters.

Four: now you're just milking it

Although Zootopia is Disney, and with Disney, I generally know to expect a reassuring outcome, I must admit they had me fooled briefly in this scene. The way Nick's fangs were bared and the malevolence in his green eyes, not to mention the apparent terror in Judy's eyes, made me think for a second he had genuinely turned wild and really was going to eat her.

But, fortunately, in a nod to the first scene of the film, where Judy as a child had put on a play extolling her well-intentioned but naive belief that any animal could be anything they wanted, the fox and the bunny were just acting. Our hero remained intact.

Three: Gideon's Redemption

This scene played well because of the resolution it offered something that had occurred at the start: in one of the film's few distressing scenes, child!Judy had been scratched by a school ground bully, a fox by the name of Gideon Grey. The way Gideon was drawn, clothed and voiced gave the impression he was an anthropomorphic version of the 'hillbilly' trope. Judy had felt the brunt of his claws because she had stepped in when her helpless friends had their tickets stolen by him. Gideon, having earlier been embarrassed publicly by Judy at the school play, obviously felt bad blood towards her, and decided to teach her a lesson.

In the scratching scene, the actual scratch was masked, but, as with another Disney movie Tangled, when the witch stabs Flynn below the screen, sometimes it's what you don't see that is even more haunting. Here, you just saw Gideon pounce at Judy, him swiping at something, and then two savage scratch marks. Surprisingly intense for Disney.

Fast forward 15 years, and Gideon has learnt the error of his ways. He's doing well for himself, as one of the top pastry chefs in the tri-burrows and even partners up with Judy's parents. He seeks out his one-time prey, explaining that he had 'a lot of self doubt, that manifested itself in unchecked rage and aggression', offering personally baked goodness as a peace offering.

I like this scene a lot, for two reasons. Firstly, it gives Judy some closure for a fairly traumatic experience that occurred at the start of the film. I felt better knowing she had received a genuine apology. And secondly, Gideon's seemingly simple ramblings about 'night howlers' offer our heroine, when she seems to be at pit bottom, a revelation that reignites her sleuth senses, just when she was all ready to give up on her dream of being a police officer. This story arc both propels the plot along, and accentuates the film's overarching message: that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, and anyone, no matter what shape or size, can achieve anything.

Two: Don't Know When to Quit


The aforementioned scratching scene did offer one ray of light: despite Judy getting wounded, she achieved what she came for: recovering her friends' tickets. This illustrates her resourcefulness and never-say-die spirit that may infuriate jaded co-workers, but makes her a tremendous heroine and a character female Disney fans can really look up to, regardless of species.

Judy's determination and grit in the face of man other characters who instantly judge her to be too small, too cute, too weak to be a police officer, carry her throughout the movie. Along with Kate McKinnon in Ghostbusters, she represents my choice for #MovieCharacterGoalz of 2016.

One: Dumb Bunny


2016 is the year of the Odd Couples solving mysteries. In The Nice Guys, Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe must put personality differences aside to investigate a missing actress. In Central Intelligence, big Dwayne Johnson and little Kevin Hart have to retrieve a USB stick. In Grimsby, sloppy Sacha Baron Cohen and slick Mark Strong have to team up to save the world. I could go on (I mean, Kevin Hart's been in two odd couple movies this year alone).

In each of these cases, I have enjoyed the chemistry in the duos, and the way the characters play off each other; how they go from hating to loving each other. But this dynamic works the best between Judy and Nick in Zootopia.

The two get off on a ropey start, when Nick cons Judy into paying for a giant ice lolly which he later repackages and sells to others for profit. Things get worse before they get better, when she, playing the cunning fox at his own game, entraps him into helping her on a case, which she is desperate to crack, to prove her worth as a bonafide cop.

Gradually, over the process of cracking the case, the two build a rapport. Then rapport turns to trust, as Nick confides in Judy about why it is that he's so crusty (the flashback sequence in which this occurs was even more upsetting than the scratching scene; I'm not ashamed to say I cried). But Judy, in all her well-intentioned loquaciousness, dubs predators as 'primitive savages' at a press conference,  in doing so, revealing some subconscious prejudices of her own. Their friendship is shattered as a result.

In this scene above, Judy begs for Nick's forgiveness.  Ginnifer Goodwin, who delivers some exceptional voice-acting in this movie, really shines in this scene, delivering a monologue embedded with regret, sorrow and pathos. Jason Bateman, equally as good, imbues Nick with good-natured cheekiness and playfulness.

I mentioned that Judy was a great role model for girls, and I think the fact that she isn't infallible, and committed this mistake, makes her more appeasing. Because like Judy, humans, too, are flawed. We all make mistakes, some of them colossal. Nick recognises this, and forgives her. But not before a bit of payback: recording her admitting that she 'really is just a dumb bunny'.

The shot above encapsulates everything about Judy and Nick's friendship that made Zootopia such a delightful movie. They bicker, they banter, but they've always got each others' backs. 🐺🐰

A look ahead: CHECK THE GATE season at the PRINCE CHARLES CINEMA.

I absolutely adore the Prince Charles Cinema. I bought a lifetime membership (a bargain for just £50) back in 2014 and celebrated on the day by watching Richard Linklater's Boyhood. Since then, I have regularly given this delightful cinema my patronage, whether it be to see Francois Ozon's gender-bending The New Girlfriend, or their incredible Frozen singalongs, where I can unleash my inner Disney Princess with impunity. One of my chief lamentations about holding a Cineworld Unlimited card was how few independent films these cinemas screened, and a Prince Charles Cinema membership is an ideal panacea for that problem: for just a few quid, you can watch wonderful lesser-known movies (old and new) in an institution of London steeped in rich history.

Which is why I'm insanely excited about the upcoming Check the Gate: A Celluloid Celebration event at the Princes Charles Cinema, lasting between today, 9th July, until 20th August.

Casting my eye over the itinerary of films, some titles in particular that caught my attention are  Ridley Scott's unforgettable road trip movie Thelma and Louise (the last film to attain two Oscar nominations in the Best Actress category. Although if the Weinsteins hadn't tried to force Rooney Mara to commit category fraud, Carol might have attained such a feat, but that's a rant for another day), Nicholas Ray's iconic In a Lonely Place (which I raved about when I first watched), Paul Thomas Anderson's affecting patchwork quilt Magnolia (famed for, amongst other things, the frogs from the sky sequence), and a gripping film-noir and the picture which resurrected Joan Crawford's career - as well as won her an Oscar, Mildred Pierce. 

But these are just some of the few eye-wateringly exciting titles listed, check out the link above and you're bound to find a title that either you love, or have always wanted to see. The season opens tonight at 8:30pm with Francis Ford Coppola's Apocalypse Now, which I have watched on TV many a time, but never on the big screen. Just picturing the lights dim, the huge screen and the Prince Charles Cinema speakers blasting out Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries is epic. In fact, I'm pretty certain that once you've watched Apocalypse Now in the cinema - as it Coppola intended it to be seen - the thought of viewing it again on a small TV? The horror, the horror.

Ticket prices are extremely reasonable and as ever, there's a generous discount for members (honestly, for £50 to become a lifetime member, the membership pays for itself). I will definitely be making the most of the eclectic menu of movies (the selection was curated by, amongst others, The Telepraph's Tim Robey and Time Out's Tom Huddleston) and frequenting the PCC over Summer.

Hope to see you there!

TV Review: ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK season 4

Ever since its inception, Orange is the New Black has been one of Netflix's USPs. Very loosely based around Piper Kerman's memoirs of her experience in jail, with Taylor Schilling playing the televised version of her character, 'Piper Chapman', the show has never failed to entertain, shock, amuse and trouble viewers. Season 3 was considered by some critics to be a slight misstep, but even so, the stakes were high for season 4, which, thanks to the way in which Netflix drop a whole season in one go, I devoured over the weekend it hit.

With Litchfield Penitentiary becoming privatised, the MCC are keen to squeeze as many bodies into the jail-space as humanly feasible. By viewing prisoners as currency, however, they do not consider the factions that could occur by the simple mathematical probability from there being more people. This manifests itself in the form of strained race relations that arise when there is a surge in the Dominican inmates, and a group of white supremacists who resent the way they've asserted their authority. Piper Chapman, who, in a late, rare moment of self-reflection, admits she wanted to 'win prison', unwillingly stokes the tensions between the two groups, only to see herself branded (in more than one way) as a racist herself for her unthinking egotism.

In order to keep these brawling inmates in line is the introduction of Captain Piscatella (Brad William Henke), a giant of a man who takes no prisoners and regards the women of Litchfield as absolute scum. Piper's manufactured, wide-eyed charm that may have twisted the arm of a warden or two in the past simply doesn't work on Piscatella, who has seen it all before and bought the T-shirt. His unconventional methods for showing the inmates who's in charge are met with opposition by Warden Joe Caputo, which makes for a power struggle between the two of Shakespearean magnitude. Caputo tries to do what is best in the majority of situations, and the unenviable juggling act of of running a prison with  insubordinate prisoners, sly, thuggish officers and a big corporate sector who wishes to monetise the jail to an inch of its life are really highlighted in season 4 of OITNB. Nick Sandow is extremely effective at humanising Caputo and at times one couldn't call who has it worse -the mistreated inmates of Litchfield (not having enough sanitary towels to go around so that menstruaters had to stick tissue inside themselves was a new low), or the hapless Warden overseeing them all.

Other plot strands of season 4 include sadistic officers who like to toy with the prisoners for their own entertainment, Lolly and Alex struggling to deal with the albatross of their defence-killing of one of Kubra's cronies, and Maria Ruiz emerging as initially unwilling leader of the Dominican girls. This reluctance is illuminated in her flashback episode, 'Power Suit', where we learn that her father was a low-level kingpin for people from the Dominican Republic, and, such was her distaste for his antics that she turned her back on him to live with a Mexican guy. Another interesting flashback is Maritza Ramos, by far the most striking girl in Litchfield, who used her beauty to trick car dealerships into leasing her fancy cars for a test drive, under the misapprehension that she's some rich old man's trophy wife. Watching flashback!Maritza untangle herself from a quagmire this gets her into is one of the funniest parts of season 4. Had I been a betting woman (which I'm obviously not. Ahem), I would not have wagered Maritza was incarcerated for Grand Theft Auto, showing, once again, that the employment of flashbacks in this show can completely toss your preconceptions of characters out of the window.


Elsewhere, romance blossomons between annoying hippie Brooke Soso and Poussey Washington, the likeable class clown of Litchfield. The two are beyond adorable together, and Kimiko Glenn and Samira Wiley deserve kudos for crafting a romance that is organic, believable, and so full of love and hope. Judy King - a famous TV chef - gets sent to Litchfield for tax fraud, to which Poussey, a big fan, becomes turns into a starstruck fangirl whenever she's around. Brooke, in the way only Brooke can, tries to relieve her of her awe around Judy, only to cast some offensive aspersions of her own. This illustrates Brooke's narcissism and inclination for the farfetched, which is illustrated in her flashback. But in seeing how much her casual assumptions have hurt her girlfriend, Brooke gains the self-awareness that she never had when she was doing the same thing in the free world. It is a pleasure to learn each individual character's histories and see how much bad life choices and circumstance plays in them winding up where they are.

Orange is the New Black also very sensitively continues with the fallout of the Pennsatucky's rape in season 3 by officer Coates. Her friend, the confrontational man-hating Big Boo, is, understandably furious. Pennsatucky also feels some anger, but mainly sadness, and the show graciously gives her some closure (after season 3's 'A Tittin' and a Hairin'' episode, watching her character being raped twice in the same episode really was too much). It's amazing how much Pennsatucky has grown since her intolerant, evangelical Bible-bashing days of season 1, and there's something rewarding about watching her help Nicky through going cold turkey; the Doggett of old would never have done that. Taryn Manning excels at her portrayal of a multidimensional character who could have so easily descended into farce.

In fact, Orange is the New Black is one of the few shows where I am yet to see a dud performance. Uzo Aduba usually reaps the awards come Screen Actor Guild and Emmy time, and she is indeed brilliant as the unhinged Suzanne Warren. But I think Aduba's best acting, and baitiest scenes, were in season 2, when the manipulative Vee took her under her wing. The acting love needs to be spread more evenly in the next round of Emmy's, and there's a plethora of choice.

Samira Wiley deserves a lot of love for making Poussey so awesome and lovably goofy, and injecting real passion into her and Brooke's tender romance that makes the audience root for them in a way we don't to the blah Piper/Alex romance. Hearing the two discuss their plans for getting their life on track after leaving prison was almost tear-inducingly optimistic. As Taystee, Wiley's fellow Juilliard alumnus  (hot dang, does Juilliard produce some talented dames!) Danielle Brooks, gets appointed Caputo's P.A. this season. In doing so, Brooks shows incredible diversity in her acting range, first in her hilarious keenness for the secretarial role, complete jazzing up her prison attire and demanding a watch, but later, when tragedy hits, her character's raw reaction to the event in question is really upsetting to watch, and nails the pathos of Orange is the New Black. Taylor Schilling, Natasha Lyonne, Kate Mulgrew and Yael Stone are a few other standouts from the supremely talented ensemble cast.

In season 4, Orange is the New Black might have hit its peak. The frank, earthy dialogue is absolutely hilarious, but it would be nothing without the cast to deliver it so well. Case in point: Cindy's sass when her new roommate dares her, "'You really want to go there with me?" and, she retorts "Oh, went there, bought a house, moved in, bitch. And now I'm remodelling the kitchen." Furthermore as with Brooklyn Nine-Nine, another New York-set show of a somewhat different flavour, the pop culture references come thick and fast in the everyday conversations of the inmates, but in a natural, unforced way that both illuminates the gaps in characters' knowledge ('The Hungry Games' will never get old) and occasionally flirts with the meta (all those Walking Dead and Game of Thrones references hint at some foreboding).

OITNB has always modulated between comedic and dramatic scenes with a kind of irreverence that made my eyes water (who can forget the employment of 'Cellophane' as the credit song as a character was being pummelled to death by rocks wrapped in a cellophane bag?) But in season 4, the catalogue of the prison being overfilled and understaffed and inmates' hatred of each other was never going to end well. When the collateral damage occurs, it's undoubtedly one of TV's most heart-breaking moments; almost George R.R. Martin-esque in it's 'SCREW YOU, WRITERS!!!!!!!!' brutalness. The sheer injustice of it all had me weeping. But I could recognise the significance of it to the show. That's prison. And that's also life. Sometimes, the good die young.

It's the mark of such a fantastic show that OITNB offers wit, morality and the hint of redemption (or further deterioration?) at the climax. June 2017 can't get here fast enough.

Grade: A

Film review: MALEFICENT (Robert Stromberg, 2014)

Turning the well-known story of Sleeping Beauty on its head, Wicked-style, Maleficent tells the story of two lands. One is ruled by a vain King, and inhabited by discontent mortals, unhappy at the extent of inequality facing them (an apt parable for society today, perhaps). The other is full of mythical creatures, including pixies, walking trees and lots of fairies, one of the most prominent of which is the titular Maleficent.

At the start of the film, Maleficent is but a girl, and, given her advanced magical powers, already somewhat of a protector of her land and those in it. She is alerted of a human boy of about her age, Stefan, who has crossed boundaries to her land, and tried to pickpocket a diamond. Confronting him, she forces him to return the diamond, but, despite the compromising circumstances in which they meet, she comes to like him. He, like her, is an orphan, and, when he accidentally singes her with his iron ring, throws it away as a gesture of goodwill. Maleficent is deeply moved by this, and the two become friends, and then lovers.

However, whilst the young Maleficent is a romantic, Stefan is more of a pragmatist. After he hits adulthood he leaves her to fulfil his ambitions, and makes his way up to become one of the King’s cronies. On his deathbed from a failed siege of Maleficent’s land, the King promises he will name his heir and betroth his daughter to anyone who can slay Maleficent. 

Stefan is fond of Maleficent, but he is much, much fonder of power and glory, and, whilst he stops short of killing her, abuses her trust, drugging her to sleep, and cutting off her wings so as to give the impression that he did indeed slay her. And that is where our good girl turns into the embittered, malevolent figure of villainess that we remember from the Disney cartoon.

Hot on the heels of last year’s multiple-Oscar-winner Frozen, Maleficent is another Disney movie that subverts the traditional ‘girls need a Prince Charming to swoop in and save them’ trope, and instead, promotes solidarity between womanhood.

The central dynamic here is between Jolie’s horned fairy ruler and Elle Fanning as Aurora, the good-natured, trusting princess whom she had cursed as a baby. Both are well-cast; Jolie’s English accent is spot-on and she delivers her sarcastic lines with relish and genuinely instills fear into the audience. We genuinely believe hell hath no fury like a fairy scorned.

Elle Fanning impresses in a role that, in just about every other young actress, save perhaps Hailee Steinfeld, I would have found extremely grating. Aurora is naive, bordering on gullible (in one brilliant display of dramatic irony, she calls Maleficent her ‘fairy godmother’), but Fanning's winning smile and sweet performance keeps her endearing rather than dopey. 

The relationship between the two is the strongest part of the film, and when Aurora comes to learn the horrible truth, it is genuinely emotional; we feel as disappointed as she does.

Whilst the leading ladies are well-cast, the supporting men is more of a mixed bag. As Diablo, Maleficent’s sidekick raven, Sam Riley is an inspired choice. I’m so used to seeing him in offbeat indie movies like On The Road and Control, so to see him in such a high-profile blockbuster was a delight in itself. Diablo is a bird Maleficent rescues, with the view to becoming her wings after her’s are stolen from her, and whilst Diablo goes about his tasks, he is not afraid to question his mistress and give her lip back, elevating him into a much more interesting character than the standard Crabbe/Goyle-type yeomen.

However, as King Stefan, Sharlto Copley is a bad, bad choice. I feel the film’s casting directors missed a trick, because, whilst we’re obviously not supposed to sympathise with the man who broke Maleficent’s heart and betrayed her trust, there’s nothing wrong with making him dastardly handsome, just to yo-yo with our loyalties a bit. Copley is not conventionally handsome, and sports an angry Scottish accent. As such, I was firmly on Maleficent’s side, no matter how horrible her actions. Not ideal.

The middle act of Maleficent dragged, and some of the dialogue is pure cheese (such as when Aurora meets the young pup who we believe to be her Prince Charming). I was also somewhat underwhelmed with the three good fairies; I adore Imelda Staunton and Juno Temple, and cheered inside when I saw them. But whilst I found them amusing, I feel their foolish antics somewhat outstayed their welcome in the film, as did the meandering sequences where Aurora gets to see Maleficent’s kingdom.

That being said, the fantasy action sequences are nothing short of breath-taking: hyper-energetic and thrilling without being overly violent, and the showdown finale was brilliantly staged. All in all, a good popcorn movie that was a little on the messy side, but it promoted empathy and girl power. And that’s never a bad thing in my eyes.

6.5/10

Album review: BANGERZ (Miley Cyrus)

Grabbing headlines for all manner of scandal or internet feud these days is Miley Cyrus, who seems to be on a personal race against time to shed her good-girl image of Hannah Montana. Critics across the field have slammed her for degrading herself, others have said she’s actually a feminist, some have branded her a demon with a tongue that runs stray. 

One thing’s for sure though: I would never have given her album a second thought if it hadn’t been for the attention that VMA performance garnered her. So my suspicion is that, for all the ostensible cringe, girl knows what she’s doing.

The album itself is actually a disappointment in the gossip stakes. Music-wise, she plays it safe in terms of her collaborating partners (Ludacris, Nelly, French Montana). It is notable that the Princess of Pop herself, Britney Spears, makes an appearance on the song SMS (Bangerz). 

Miss Spears herself has been in the public eye a fair share of the time, but one thing that Britney always excelled at throughout was the music. Miley’s got the headline-seeking down to a T, better than Britney herself. But the quality of her art still has some way to go.

The album opens with Adore You, a lethargic piece of schmaltz that fails to make much of an impact. It’s followed by We Can’t Stop, her smash hit single, and my pick for the highlight of the entire ensemble. With an effortless swagger, Miley advises her young following to “Remember only God can judge ya / Forget the haters 'cause somebody loves ya”, which could also been read as a prescription manual for how she is currently living her life. Unlike several of the other songs on Bangerz, the use of autotune actually suits the song and doesn’t feel excessive. It’s an easygoing, casually amoral tune that makes for fun to bop along to.

We Can’t Stop, however, doesn’t redeem the sheer volume of duds on the album. 4x4, which tries to amalgamate Cyrus’ country-music roots with her current RnB target market, plays like a hot mess of hoedown brawl with Nelly hollering “MOTHAFUCKAS” when he feels like it. I cringed throughout. 

SMS (Bangerz) is equally sloppy. Whilst I have nothing wrong with girls bragging about their promiscuity in music (hell, men have been doing it for years), Cyrus seems so keen to ram the “I CAN STRUT. I CAN FUQ WHOEVER I WANT. I HAVE LOTSA FUQ BUDDIES ON SPEED DIAL” message down our throats, that it just sounds a bit tryhard and desperate, again, hailing memories of that trffic VMA performance. And My Darlin' featuring Future, samples Ben E. King’s Stand By Me, with dire consequences.

The majority of the love songs on the album aren’t bad, to be fair to her. Wrecking Ball isclearly stealing from the formula Lana del Rey used in Off to the Races in how she’s singing about a destructive love with a bad man, with Lana’s version being far better, but it’s catchy and affecting enough in its own right. 

FU is my second favourite song on the album – you can feel vitriol and rage at an ex that I can completely sympathise with. Maybe You’re Right captures the whiney rage of breakup that I prefer in Taylor Swift songs, but it’s still listenable.

As a singer, I actually think Miley Cyrus is pretty talented. She holds her own in On My Own, a decent shout for female independence, and in Hands in the Air, an engaging RnB ditty, she exhibits her skill for warbling. The main problem with Bangerz, then, isn’t her voice. 

The problem is that these collection of songs – some good, some bad, some utterly horrific, doesn’t have a narrative thread; it all feels terribly disjointed. Does she wanna go all Destiny's Child and be an #IndependentWoman? Does she want to make a whole album about casual sex and how liberated it makes her? Or does she want to sing ballads about failed love? Like a child with ADD, Miley Cyrus seems to want to cover all bases at once. 

In the end, she covers none.

Personally, I prefer the songs where Cyrus tones it down and sings songs about doomed love, as I feel that plays well to her vocal range, and her background in acting suits her delivery of the more heartfelt, dramatic lines, which she belts out with excellent gusto. But she needs to pick a focus for her next outing. 

Bangerz currently plays as a chaotic mishmash of poorly-thought out tunes that may have sounded good in theory, but doesn’t quite work in practice. 

An example, perhaps, of art mirroring the artist’s life.

Grade: D

For more of my album reviews, click here.

Album review: CINDERELLA EYES (Nicola Roberts)

It’s always going to be hard establishing yourself in a band that features four other band members who are all considered to be much more glamorous than you, what with Nadine Coyle and her bold, fearless voice, and Cheryl Cole’s undeserved status as the ~Nation’s Sweetheart~. 

And, indeed, after Girls Aloud went on a break – much to the heartbreak of their fans, yours truly included, the solo efforts from Madams Coyle and Cole haven’t exactly blown the world away, proving to be nothing more than catchy, if forgettable, pop ditties. 

So it was fair to say then, that Nicola Roberts, always maligned as “the ginger, unsmiling one”, didn’t exactly have a hard act to follow, and could almost be forgiven for allowing her album to plunge into the same depths of mediocrities that the other two did. If anything, many probably expected as much from Nicola, for, as mentioned, she was often outshone by other members of Girls Aloud, for whatever reason. In fact, her solo album, Cinderella Eyes is comfortably, comfortably better than anything released by Nadine or Cheryl – put together.

With the sound much more reliant on electronic synths rather than the everyday poppy sound that Nadine and Cheryl chose, Nicola also pens her own lyrics, and it is the combination of the fresh sound and her unflinchingly honest words that make for a winning combination. 

Whilst the first single from the album, Beat of My Drum, was a catchy dance track with just the hint of bite, there are tracks on the album that are loaded with even more spice and emotional layers. Gladiator is a cheeky, hyper dance track with an intro to rival even that of Girls Aloud’s Biology - check out her swagger as she hollers “We love you faking cos you make the effort to pretend,” a line that blows anything from Close to Love out of the park in terms of innuendo. 

Unlike Cheryl Cole, who has the vocal range of about one octave, Roberts is much more vocally diverse, and even then, is not afraid to push her vocal boundaries- on this album, she raps, sings, hollers, sometimes all in the space of one song. This is epitomized in Cinderella Eyes, which features her speaking lyrics, as well as a striking falsetto on the “Cinderella, are you happy?” part.

The standout track on the album for me, though, is Sticks and Stones, which could not be more autobiographical. The gentle piano chords are a perfect complement to Roberts’ inner soliloquy “couldn't you tell lies to me? Couldn't you say I'm pretty?”. In a four-minute track, years of inner turmoil come out. The issues of feeling ugly, self-loathing, wanting to fit in will sit well with all of Roberts’ target audience, but the fact that she has genuinely experienced everything that she has written about gives the song a raw, authentic edge. It moved me to tears.

One of the things I loved most about Girls Aloud was that I could always connect to their song lyrics, particularly the ones about the tribulations of being in love, and Nicola Roberts stays true to this with her song Yo-Yo, “don’t want to be the last to know, will it be a yes or no?”, about women and the men who lead us on for their own wants. In every sense, this is an album from a woman who has a lot to sing about, whether it be about feeling insecure, being wrapped around the finger of someone who’s just using us, or simply growing up. 

What’s more, Nicola Roberts isn’t afraid to drop the odd expletive. I loved it when Girls Aloud swore, infrequent as it was – “shut your mouth because your shit might show” on No Good Advice was one of my all-time guilty pleasure song lyrics, and hearing the sweet, angel-faced Liverpudlian lass open her potty mouth is as much of a joy, as exhibited on Take a Bite and I. The combination of her life experiences, surprising amount of spunk and the ingenious electro-beats behind all her sings makes for a totally winning combination.

Those of us who thoroughly know our Girls Aloud inside and out out, have always known what a joy Nicola voice is – check out her embodying sexy sassiness on Sexy! No No No… in her “from top to bottom I’m a woman, sunshine” part, and the sweet melancholia in her voice during The Loving Kind’s gorgeous “I’ll do anything, sing songs that lovers sing” refrain. So it isn’t the quality of her voice that is so much the big surprise of Cinderella’s Eyes. But, rather, that she has stepped out and produced a genuinely fantastic solo album, which, in isolation, could well grace my top 20 albums of all times list. It has an entire rollercoaster of emotions, from joy, heartbreak, despair and lyrics that exhibit a real wisdom beyond her years. 

Not a word of lie, I could, quite comfortably, compile a list of top 20 favourite lyrics from this album and they would all be poetry to rival that of Blake or Keats. 

These are not tentative, baby steps into the world of solo-dom. This is a bold, in-your-face, I’m-here-deal-with-it album from Miss Roberts, and all the better for it. It is the best thing I have heard all year, and could well be one of the best albums of the new millennium. 

Grade: A

For more of my album and concert reviews, click here.

Film review: THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE (Daniel Alfredson, 2009)

A year on Lisbeth Salander’s minor victory from the end of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, the eponymous character back in Stockholm. Mikael Blomkvist, who’s magazine Millenium, she had helped gain back a legitimacy in the first film, is now investigating sex trafficking. At the same time, a bunch of murders (including that o the lawyer who raped Salander in the first film) occur, framing Salander for the murders. Lisbeth Salander knows it’s time to go on the run. She also knows that someone is after her.

As with the first film, what makes The Girl Who Played with Fire is Noomi Rapace in the lead role. With her short spikey blame hair, multiple facial piercings and tattoos and skinny frame, she is the physical embodiment of Lisbeth Salander, but her performance is just as noticeable, if not more so, than her physical attributes. In one scene, where she has a man tied up by the neck and is trying to extract the truth from him, face painted white (for some reason), Rapace’s reactions to learning each new fact totally mirror our own. 

It will be interesting to see how Rooney Mara, who turned heads as Jesse Eisenberg’s love interest in The Social Network, will fill her shoes in David Fincher’s big-budget Hollywood adaptation of the series. From the photos, she looks every bit the part, but Mara has her work cut out filling Rapace’s shoes.

What distinguishes this instalment of the film from the first is that here, we delve deeper into Lisbeth’s murky past, with the reasoning behind her cold exterior illustrated somewhat, especially when we find out why she was labelled “incompetent” in the first place, and what she did to get herself thrown into scare. At the same time, as events become progressively more sinister, Lisbeth comes to accept that sometimes, she can’t handle the world entirely by herself, and becomes more receptive to the held from her friends. At the top of these people is Mikael Blomkvist, who’s belief in Lisbeth’s innocence never falters for a second. 

As anyone who has read the books will know, the Mikael/Lisbeth will they/won’t they romantic subplot is ongoing throughout the trilogy, and the natural chemistry between the two actors is likeable and believable. Unfortunately they spend much of this film apart, but even so, the way they communicate via short, staccato messages through computers (which Lisbeth hacks expertly) all builds to what I feel is one of the on-screen duos of the 2000s.

That the film is not quite as thrilling as the first is more down to two things. Firstly, the whole “missing person” plotline of the first was a little more interesting. Secondly, it is due to the very high precedent set by the first film. From some scenes, it is easy to see how these two films, and the finale, were adapted into a six-part TV mini-series in its homeland Sweden, as production value is generally not the highest. But, nonetheless, The Girl Who Played With Fire is an intense, well-sculpted bit of filmmaking, worth watching, and one that doesn’t shy away from the dark underbelly of the Swedish underworld. I eagerly await seeing the third.

It's Hard having fun when you can't see the sun any more.

Ohai. I'm kinda obsessed with Girls Aloud. So without further ado, my 2010 in a couple of GA lyrics, and how I hope my 2011 will be, in a few others.

2010
Gone are the days of magic. Those times were cool - Rollin' Back the Rivers in Time
I dont believe in Romeos, or heros any more - Life Got Cold
It really doesn't phase me how you spend your time - Call the Shots
Was it just the margaritas, or are you lookin' at me? - Wake Me Up
Now just when things are going groovy
I see the rain clouds coming in
Wham-bam my life's a disaster movie- Deadlines & Diets
One little slip and I hit rock bottom/Life is waiting but I'm not stoppin' no - Girl Overboard
Boy did you ever think that lovin' would be nothing more than walking me home? No No - Sexy! No No No...

But then my face turned pink cos/I believed him when he said he'd call - Real Life
Hey, what you got to hide? I get angry too, well I'm a lot like you - I'll Stand By You
When you’re standing at the crossroads, And don’t know which path to choose - I'll Stand By You
My Aladdin's lamp is down and I gotta fear, ooh baby right here - The Promise
Heart aches, God, it nearly breaks it/Ciao, I'm waiting for your call - Singapore

2011

I've been waiting all this time for you. And I've been hating all this talking baby, black and blue - Waiting

in the head don't count for nothing, you gotta move that ass/Revolution in the head don't count for nothing, you gotta beat the past - Revolution in the Head

Shoulda jumped a little higher, shoulda flutted my mascara like a butterfly - The Show

Here we go! Here we go! I'm your sugar-coated doll and you're my hero - Here We Go

I know the love shouldn't so hard and sometimes we're standing in the dark, but you light up everywhere I go - Untouchable
I can't speak french, so I'll let the funky music do the talking, talking - Can't Speak French
I got my hands already to touch your soul, gonna get the energy to wire me close to you, got my eyes on the prize I see - The Promise
From top to bottom I'm a woman sunshine - Sexy! No No No
Pretty soon shit will happen what a wonderful world - Androgynous Girls

Girls Aloud are never not relevant. Love 'em.

Most Underrated Songs

I don’t pretend to be an expert in music (which is just as well, because if I did, I’d just embarrass myself), but I do know what music I like; I love me my Kanye, my Girls Aloud, anything I can get my groove on to in a nightclub, etc. So I thought I’d spread some love for songs which I feel need and deserve more attention!

Singapore (Girls Aloud)
The moving away (whether it be literally or emotionally) of a loved one is a topic that has often been covered in songs, but Singapore’s soft rhyming scheme, gentle poetry and the genius way it divides its verses up by girl in order of whom it suits the most, just really strikes a chord with me. The song didn’t even make the album cut when Chemistry was released, but later the producers must have realised the error of their ways when they released it on The Sound of Girls Aloud: Greatest Hits. Miranda Cooper, Brian Higgins, John Shave and Lisa Cowling, the songs writers really deserve commendation for the way they’ve written in the longing feeling of wishing time away without that loved one with us: “I'm watching day time TV / And wishing you were with me / I'm counting hours and days / Gotta stop believing what the movies say”

Memory of You (Girls Aloud)
Released as a B-side with The Loving Kind, Memory of You is so hauntingly beautiful that it damn near threatens to eclipse the song it’s meant to be supporting. Kimberley Walsh, who is criminally used on the majority of Girls Aloud songs, takes centre vocals here, with Nicola Roberts playing second hand, and the combination of electro-pop, elegiac lyrics (“surfing channels ‘til I bleach out the pain”) and beautiful themes of love and loss render it one of the most beautiful songs I’ve heard.

Whatever you Like (Anya Marina)

I first heard this song playing softly in the background during a Dan/Vanessa/Hilary Duff threesome in gossip girl, and it fitted the scene so well. Whilst I like T.I.’s original, I found his delivery of some of the lyrics a bit seedy. The cover by Anya Marina only features the slightest of deviation in lyrics, yet there’s something about her ethereal voice that makes lines like “late night sex, so wet, so tight” sound almost angelic. It’s no mean feat, that.

Good Foot (Justin Timberlake & Timbaland)
This song was in Shark Tale. It was also a song that loads of the good dancers in my secondary school got their groove on to, leading me to consider it somewhat of a swagger song. And you know how I like my swagger. Anyway, it’s a simple enough piece, about dudes dancing in a club, but it has some brilliantly arrogant lines like “I’m not being cocky, I just noticed that she was looking at me.” Get you, JT, get you!

Fix Up Look Sharp (Dizzee Rascal)
Yet another swagger song. Whilst Dance wiv Me got all the fame for the Calvin Harris connection, I would argue that this song was a helluva lot cooler. “Sweet as a nut, sweet as Tropicana” and “if you don’t believe me bring your posse bring your crew” are lines that I would under normal circumstances, roll my eyes at, but Bow-born Dizzee carries it off with, you’ve guessed it, swag.

Pennies in My Pocket (Emilio Estefan)
Although I was far from won over by Miami Vice, the film which the song appeared in, I can’t help but love the song itself, which has a catchy beat and cute lyrics. The lyrics in fact, I found, were quite hard to decipher, but that is perhaps much of the song’s charm, that it makes you work for it.

I am not My Hair (India.Arie)
Five years before Will Smith’s daughter was whipping her hair back and forth, India.Arie sang about the topic in a much more refined style. The remix with Akon gives the song some added sass. The litany of hair-related experiments always makes me smile, the line “success didn’t come until I cut it all off” highlights the superficial nature of society and India.Arie’s heartfelt delivery of the line “I am not my hair” absolutely carries the song.

Photographs (Rihanna ft. Will.i.am)
Aurally, this song sounds like another Will.i.am collaboration, with Cheryl Cole, Three Words. But I greatly favour Photographs and would go so far as to say it’s my favourite off the Rated R album. The song captures the yearning for a failed romance, and how the woman in it has been reduced to staring at photos of them, wishing they were real. I dig.

Good Old Fashioned Loved Boy (Queen) & Lullaby (Dixie Chicks)
Pure delightfulness!

Everybody wants to Rule the World (Tears for Fears)
I love Shout and Head over Heels, but this is probably my favourite Tears for Fears song. And I know one could refute it being an “underrated” song, as it did win Best Single at the Brits in 1986, but there doesn’t seem to be much love for it nowadays, or even from the band itself then. Which is shame, because despite the catchy nature of the song, the subject matter is deadly serious and deserves more attention; in the words of Curt Smith, “it's about everybody wanting power, about warfare and the misery it causes.”

Boys (Cheryl Cole)
The song was written by Adele, who’s cover of Make You Feel My Love stands as one of my favourite covers of all time, and it is so astute in capturing the mindsets of girls and boys, and how no matter how many times we get our hearts broken and how we should know better, girls still remain hopeful that love is out there. I like that.

Waking Up in Vegas (Katy Perry)

I tried to denounce the Katy Perry liking when she first came out, finding her a bit too bawdy and in your face. But, you know what? I’m bawdy and in your face, so it’s not like I can really talk?! Anyway, Waking Up in Vegas recounts a weekend in Vegas gone wrong, with hilarious consequences. Teenage Dream will by far and away be my favourite song of hers, but this is witty stuff.

November has Come (Gorillaz)
I love to try and rap along to songs, but the rapping in this song with its convoluted plays on words are so good that I am nowhere near conquering it. And Damon Albarn’s delivery of the chorus is some of his best work. A beautifully sad and nostalgic gem.

Jesus Walks with Me (Kanye West ft. Mase & Common)

I love the original, but this slight remix is even better because it has the terrific line “Do you know how I be embarrassed? / My prayers sound like Ben Stiller’s on Meet the Parents”. Which is genius, let me tell you. I also like "I walk with God, I got the scars to prove it". Although, to be totally honest, I feel that a lot of Kanye West songs are underrated. Which is somewhat ironic, considering.

So yeah, get listening! If you fancy a download of any of these, prod me and I'll get 'em uploaded for ya!

Film review: THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG (Ron Clements, John Musker, 2009)

From a young age, Tiana has learnt from her tireless father the meaning of working hard for your dreams. His dream was always to own a restaurant, but sadly, he died before his dream true. Spurred on by this, Tiana holds down two jobs to raise funds so she can build this restaurant in her dad's memory. 

Just as she has the exact amount she needs, on the eve of catering for a welcoming party held by her best friend Charlotte to welcome Prince Neevan, Prince Neevan goes and gets himself transformed into a frog by local voodoo man, and she, on the promise of riches if she does so, kisses him. However, this backfires and only goes to turn her into a frog. And being an amphibian is the least of her worries.

As you'd expect from a Disney movie, no matter how modern, there are catchy ditties aplenty in The Princess and the Frog. Fine vocal performances feature all round to make the songs truly unforgettable, my favourite songs being the poignant "I'm Almost There" and a very sweet "My Belle Evangeline", as sung by a hillbilly firefly. It shouldn't work, but it really does.