Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Love kickstarts again.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so you learn to let go, things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. -Marilyn Monroe

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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Top 10 Girls Aloud song lyrics that I connect to.

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Back to the Girls Aloud obsession once again! One of the many things I love about their songs is that I can always recognise something of myself in their lyrics. So here are 10 of their song lyrics which I feel I connect to:

01. “Without any meaning, we’re just skin and bone, like beautiful robots dancing alone” – Untouchable

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02. “Boy did you ever think that loving would be nothing more than walking me home? No no” – Sexy! No No No…
03. “My Aladdin’s lamp is down and I got a fear, ooh baby, right here” – The Promise
04. “It might sound crazy but your voice still leaves me all funky” – Whole Lotta History
05. “You could be the one that’s the head of the pack, babe. You could be the power stealing the whole damn show” – Crocodile Tears
06. “Surfing channels ‘til I bleach out the pain” – Memory of You
07. “I got you, I know your game. Doesn’t mean I know how to play” – History
08. “Gone are the days of magic, those times were cool. I tried to make love not hate, what was I to do” – Rolling Back the Rivers in Time
09. “I've been waiting all this time for you / And I've been hatin' all this talkin', baby, black and blue” – Waiting
10. “Wake me up before I drop out on you / You treat me rough to show that you care / And I just can't refuse baby” – Wake Me Up

Oh, would you look at that, nearly all of them relate to love, and the pangs of disappointed love. Typical Bung!

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Kanye’s Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is by turns dark, twisted and very, very beautiful.

I know, I know, I’ve not been blogging much recently, and I hold my hands up to being a lazy git. However, my life has been somewhat of a lol recently, so I’ve been trying to figure that out first. In doing so, I realised that my personal don Kanye West’s new album has been leaked, so, what better way to return to the blogging world than a song-by-song review of it??

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The introduction to the album, “Dark Fantasy”, unsettled me from the off, what with the vocals being spoken by what sounds like an odd imitation of a British accent. Then there’s some gospel-like singing, before 1 minute 19 seconds: THERE HE IS. He shows off his expansive range of high school Spanish: “How you say broke in Spanish? Me no hablo”, and the chorus of “Oh, oh, oh” is masterfully orchestrated. But the focal point of the song is the man himself and his rapping, and oh, what masterful rapping. Kanye West is in the building, ladies and gentlemen.

The second song of the album, “Gorgeous”, with Kid Cudi and Raekwon features some stunning electric guitar and malaise aplenty in Kid Cudi’s bits: “I can feel it slowly drifting away from me.” Kanye’s rapping sounds like it’s down through a foghorn or toilet pan (possibly both), but looking past that silly sound effect, it takes nothing away from the insight to his rappings, “I treat cash the way the government treats AIDs”. Kanye West has been accused of loving the sound of his own voice too much (the Taylor Swift affair has been touched upon ad nauseum), but it’s my opinion that when his words are this poetic, it’s a good thing that he projects his thoughts so loudly. The classy song is topped off with a sweet Raekwon refrain. There are a lot of excellent songs on this album, but amongst them, Gorgeous stood out for me.

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“Power”, featuring Dwele is a terrific fusion of rap and rock with a healthy dosage of hollering in the background to provide the song’s beats. The raps take a crescendo (a thin layer, then louder, then louder), before finally standing off, and it’s clear that Mr. West has some anger management issues arising from his public ostricization of the Taylor Swift affair (“they can kiss my ass… more specifically they can kiss my asshole”, he swaggers), and Kanye West talking about others being egotistical always has ironic novelty value, but this is brilliant stuff – full of intelligent play on words that you’ll have to crane your ears to hear lest you miss them, bold, brassy, and completely Kanye.

When I didn’t see a Rihanna name credit on the song “All of the Lights”, I must say I was surprised, because she stands out more than her male counterpart in her feisty vocal work in the song - but it’s a terrific complement to Kanye’s rapping. The beat in the song is unashamedly big and bombastic (and as such, hugely catchy), and Rihanna isn’t the only celebrity to feature on it – The Dream, Kid Cudi and John Legend all pop up to say their lines, as well as Elton John on piano. Texturally, it’s one of Kanye’s richest songs, and lyrically, it’s untouchable.

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The list of talent included in “Monster” itself is somewhat of a monster – Jay Z, Rick Ross, Nicki Minaj and Bon Iver, and it’s good to see that the whole VMA affair hasn’t impaired Mr West’s ability to chat words at breakneck speeds. I mean, I think of myself as quite a fast talker, but there’s no way I could keep up with Kanye at the speed he raps here. Jay-Z, not happy to be outplayed, picks up the pace and raps as quickly, whilst adding his own quirky asides. Up-and-rising bright young thing Nicki Minaj refuses to be outdone by the fellas, and she, too raps in a manner that is both fast, frenetic and totally furious, indicating she’s one to keep an eye out for (she also epitomizes cool in her appearance in Rihanna’s song Raining Men). It’s not unfair to suggest that there’s a fair bit of anger plaguing on Kanye West’s heart following The Taylor Swift incident, because the fact that he wrote a whole songs about it is rather telling. Furthermore, he tells us for the umpteenth time in his album to tell us to kiss a certain part of anatomy, but the swagger is strong with this one.

“Life sometimes can be ridiculous” we are told in “So Appalled”, another song that is heavy on the stars –Jay Z again, along with Pusha T, Prynce Cy Hi, The RZA and Swizz Beatz. Not totally sure what’s being discussed in this song; it just seems to be a slow-burning meditation on whatever’s in the weird and wonderful world of Kanye West’s mind. Each of the men in the song have their own agendas, people who irk them, and they can voice their frustrations to an extent in this song. “What would you rather be, underpaid or overrated?” Jay-Z demands of us. Judging by this song, Kanye West is neither.

“Devil in a New Dress” tells the story of a beautiful but deadly woman (think: Goldigger, but amplified: “I know I’m preaching to the congregation/We love Jesus/But you done learned a lot of Satan”). The pace is noticeably less frenetic than the majority of songs on the album, but there’s a good deal of dry wit as well as signature Kanye back-patting in the track, as well as a healthy dose of soulful instrumentals. The whole song feels like a throwback to old-school, College Dropout Kanye, and the trip down memory lane pays off – it’s a strong track.

“Runaway”, which clocks in at almost 9 minutes, takes its time getting started – 40 seconds of single piano keys, and another 20 seconds of further intro before we hear any actual singing/rapping. Pusha T, who Kanye clearly enjoys collaborating with (they were in Take One for the Team, one of the most entertaining yet also casually misogynistic songs I’ve heard together), and indeed, there is swagger aplenty in Pusha-T’s rapping (“Invisibly set, the Rolex is faceless / I'm just young, rich, but you’re tasteless). The singing finishes in time for three-and-a-half minutes of instrumentals, capping off an accomplished, bizarre but very memorable song.

“Hell of a Life” starts out brashly – “I think I just fell in love with a porn star”. One of the few songs in which Kanye fronts totally by himself, he sings the chorus and raps during the verses, thus exhibiting his wide range of talents. “Have you lost your mind / tell me what you thinkin’ when you crossed the line”. The instrumental ding-a-linging of the electric piano keys sounds like it wouldn’t be out of place in a Microsoft Pinball game and the bass (and random cacophony of sounds throughout) suggests to me that Kanye himself, may have lost his mind when creating this one. But that just compounds to the song’s genius.

When I saw that Kanye had collaborated with John Legend again, I wondered if the result would be their jovial ode to infidelity, “Number One”. But “Blame Game”, whilst touching upon similar themes, is of a different musical pedigree completely. Over seven minutes long, it, like the rest of the album, isn’t afraid to do whatever the hell it wants, but essentially, it’s an elegiac love song that reflects on where a relationship went wrong. John Legend exhibits his wonderful vocals to the backdrop of lingering minor piano keys, and Kanye’s rapping tells a long, meandering, but very sad story. The result is a haunting, beautiful little number that shows Kanye West can do sensitive and emotional with the best of them.

One could be mistaken for thinking it was a woman’s voice at the start of “Lost in the World”; the intro, with the sparse lack of instruments and vocal harmonisations alone, is something that Imogen Heap mastered ages again. Sampling Bon Iver’s “Woods”, it captures the multi-faceted nature of love “You’re my devil, you’re my angel / you’re my heaven, you’re my hell”, and texturally, it’s very thick – playing with autotune, random rhythm and beats, Kanye references plenty of other R&B songs (including Rihanna’s Please don’t stop the Music). At one point it all gets a bit TOO much, and as such, I would rank it as one of my least favourites on the album, but it’s still decent stuff.

The album closes with the arty outro “Who Will Survive in America”, a 90-odd second long soliloquy which touches upon freedom, soul, fraternity, and all the usual themes prevalent in Kanye’s ponderings.
All in all, AMAZE stuff. Absolutely wonderful. 10/10.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Apprentice, Week 4.

It’s all about inventions this week, as both Apollo and Synergy are told to select two from a bunch of up-and-coming inventions and pitch them to various department stores and shops across the UK.
We’re launched straight into conflict when Jamie and Mel fight for the position of Project Manager. Mel, who was the winning PM last week (although it could be strongly argued that her team won in spite of, rather than because of, her), puts herself forward again, though through a democratic vote it is Jamie who win the position of PM. Jamie looks chuffed, Mel looks extremely irked. On the other team, picking PM is considerably more straightforward; Chris puts himself forward and meets no opposition, winning the position by default.

The teams this week are two select some inventions and try to sell them. We see some of these inventions, which range from the curious to the sublime. There’s bizarre Pilate helpers, a men’s T-shirt that claims to sculpt in the body (for £50? I think not). There’s also a “water and energy-saving showerhead”, which can save a family of four up to £240 a year, which retails at just over twenty quid. Jamie’s team like it it, deciding that it’s “free money”. If they buy over a thousand units, they can get them for £9.95 rather than RRP of "12.95. Lastly, there’s a BabyGlo for off-colour babies, which helps to prevent cot death; when a baby gets too warm, the item of clothing changes colour. Chris is very impressed with it and it’s obviously going to be snapped up by worried parents. Finally, both teams decide to vy for the baby clothing, but only one can get it. It’s Chris’ team who win it, leaving Jamie’s team disappointed. They have to decide on second best, wherein they debate over the shower head and the spade. In the end, they go for both. (Chris’ teams’ second product is the expensive underwear).
The day’s big appointment is to make pitches. The two teams work on their pitches on their cab rides toward their destinations. Jamie, Melissa and Christopher aim to pitch their showerheads first. The department store disregard it straight away, saying they “don’t sell showers”, which leaves Jamie stumped. Melissa jumps in, arguing in favour for it, saying it “does fit in somewhere” and that it “does bring in different buyers”, though she’s talking to a brick wall, which does the team no favours with the Department store. Next, they pitch their spade, and the pitch is somewhat underwhelming, only for them to say they “don’t sell gardening tools.” All in all, a massive fail.

Chris’ team’ pitch for the underwear doesn’t particularly impress the Department store people, but the BabyGlo item noticeably turns their head. They have their questions, but the pitch is quite strong (after all, it is by far the best item), and they leave relatively pleased for their work on the latter. Joanna in Synergy manages to gather interest for the showerhead, but it’s from Leamington Spa, so Jamie sends his sub-team of Stella, Stuart and Melissa up there. Chris’ team then move to test their BabyGlo product on boutiques. The first shopkeeper’s main concern with it is over the packaging. She complains that it is not packaged for a high-end store, despite the product itself being quite innovative. The other half of Chris’ team – Sandeep, Paloma and Laura, go to other baby stores. Sandeep wins “Most Pointless Comment of the Year” by saying “obviously the baby can’t talk to you.” They make a small amount of orders, but Laura complains that her pitch was stolen from her.

Jamie’s team has meanwhile gone all the way down to Portsmouth. They make ten thousand pounds worth of sales, which they’re highly satisfied with. Jamie meanwhile calls Melissa to say that Joanne will be taking 50% of her sales, as it was her that won them the pitch. Melissa certainly isn’t happy about it, but aims to make the greatest batch sale she can. However, the buyer would only take it if the product was around the six pound region, which is half what they’re trying to flog it for. Despite Melissa’s best efforts (read: rambling), it’s a no-go for them. Meanwhile, Chris is trying to sell his BabyGlo outfit by playing the “as mothers…” card with a group of women, and it doesn’t go down particularly well.
It’s success for Sandeesh as she makes £780 worth of sales. They then go to a shop nearby and make a big sale of 200 units, but he’ll only agree to it if they go exclusive within the Soho area, meaning that Sandeesh demands credit for £780 of that sale to make up for the sale she has lost. This triggers off a debate between Paloma and Laura over who gets the credit for the rest of the sale.
In the closing minutes of the day, Jamie’s and Chris’ team run around all over the UK, making closing sales. Both see fairly confident, though Jamie is far from impressed from the other half of his team – Stuart sold nothing, Stella sold 60 showers and Mel, 6 spades. Christopher voices his derision at their “work”, “BOLLOCKS.”

It’s boardroom time, and Alan Sugar asks Synergy what they made of their teamleader Jamie. Generally, they were fairly impressed, though they discuss why it is that they didn’t win the pitch for the BabyGlo product. This was mainly down to Stuart’s rudeness in the face of the pitcher. Alan Sugar then questions why 60 showers were sold for £10, which count as disallowed sales, as this price can only be applied for sales of over 1000. Alan Sugar then talks to Apollo. They, too, have some of their sales discounted, because they offered exclusivity on their BabyGlo product and they weren’t allowed it from the creator.

Number crunching time. For what has to be a first in The Apprentice history, the sales figures are very very high. Synergy make £3790 from one sent of pitches, 0 from the department store ones, and a whopping £63750 in another, amounting to a huge £76518.80, which Jamie looks hugely pleased about. However, his happiness is short-lived in the face of Apollo’s figures a huge total of £122000, chiefly thanks to Liz’s amazing sale skills. I’m a huge fan of Liz, it must be said. She’s the only un-diva of the women in the show, and just goes about her work quietly. Woman will go very, very far. It’s mainly thanks to her that Chris’ team wins, and they are treated to a spa treatment.

It’s but a trick for Synergy, however, and Jamie tries to look gracious, but he can’t hide his disappointment. Joanne and Melissa shout at reach other across the café table. Melissa claims to be a great pitcher, but all we’ve seen is evidence to the contrary. Jamie says he wishes he could take the mini-group Stella, Stuart and Melissa in, as he’s none too impressed with either. The Sub team contributed £897, which is rubbish as a proportion of their overall sales. Stuart won’t accept it though, and still claims to be a great salesman. Karen Brady tells Melissa bluntly that the feedback was that they were “very annoying”, something I echo 100%. Recriminations aplenty follow, and Jamie goes all wordy when questioned on who he wants to bring into the boardroom with him. He goes for Melissa and Stuart, which I think is a bit of a no-brainer, although Melissa stills acts wounded to hear the decision, which makes me laugh.

Once the three of them are in the boardroom, the three turn on each other. When Sir Alan disses Melissa, all she can say is “I appreciate the feedback”, which just makes her appear even more sycophantic than ever. She tries to defend herself by saying “I received a victory as project manager”, but Alan Sugar fairly points out that that win had nothing to do with her. Ha ha ha. Alan Sugar curtly tells Stuart he needs to think before he can talk, but Stuart argues that he’s young (21, only a year older than me! Freaking hell), saying that he’s yet to be PM to exhibit his full skills.

Alan Sugar really scares me (and, no doubt, Jamie), when he winds him up, making it seem like it is Jamie who is getting to get fired, but finally, he sacks Melissa, much to the glee of everyone over the UK, no doubt. She shows herself to be the ungracious goon she is muttering “Well done for ganging up on me” darkly under her breath, and refusing to shake Jamie’s hand when he offers it. When in the cab, she says something stupid like “Karmically they will be reattributed”, which is not even proper English. As for as unlikeable characters in The Apprentice go, Melissa is right up there, and I am so happy she’s finally off our screens. No-one in the house seems to miss her, and, frankly, neither will any of us.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

10.10.10.

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4.3.2.1 (Noel Clarke, 2010)
4.3.2.1 tells the story of four female friends in inner-city London who inadvertently get embroiled in a diamond heist. At the start of the film, they meet up in a café, then part ways for their own mini-adventures, not knowing that, over the next 48 hours, their paths will cross in more unorthodox ways. The film follows directly after they have parted ways, channelling the misdemeanours of each girl for the next few days. So far, so Tarantino. Except that, whilst I may find QT a little irksome in his continual self-advertising and self-love, at least he had something to be smug about. Noel Clarke, not so much. There’s split screen and samurai swords (as well as a tacky lesbian sex scene so that the lads are entertained) aplenty, but this film is a heavy case of style over substance. There are plotholes amongst plot holes in the film, and by fragmenting the foursome, it is difficult to find a single one who I cared about; Ophelia Lovibond is the self-harmer who is still bruised from an abortion she once had, Shanika Warren-Marland is a lesbian and wants everyone to know it, Tamsin Egerton a spoilt piano prodigy who swans about in New York spending her parents’ money and losing her virginity, and Emma Roberts a long-suffering checkout worker who pines for better days. None of the four leads give any kind of acting that’s worth a damn, Emma Roberts is and continues to have the kind of face that I feel needs a slap, though I will give credit where credit is due – whilst she can’t act for toffee, Miss Egerton does have astounding legs. The performances all uniformly below-par (bar perhaps Eastenders’ Michelle Ryan, who’s turn as a psycho bitch is at least entertaining), the dialogue is superficial and at times, cringe-inducing (Warren-Marland’s Kerrys sports a T-shirt saying Vagetarian, and the film’s shallow treatment of abortion leaves a lot to be desired) and despite the promising premise, ultra-cool settings in London and New York (my two favourite cities in the world) and soundtrack that hits more than it misses, this film is nonetheless an awful attempt to be with it. As a result, there is no story, no characters, and no quality. When you're an even worse British film of 2010 than Shank, you know you've got problems, blud.

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Made in Dagenham (Nigel Cole, 2010)
From an unspeakably poor British film, to a much, much better one. Nigel Cole’s film tells of the Dagenham Ford strike in 1968. Led by feisty but down-to-earth Rita (Sally Hawkins, always lovely), the car-seat makers of the Ford plant decide that they deserve better, and, guided by Bob Hoskins, they take matters in their own hand. An unashamedly pro-women film, this delight does girl power far better than 4.3.2.1 ever could. As with 4.3.2.1, it’s anything but subtle (many characters have monologues and soliloquies talking about the strifes of being a woman) but such is the quality of Billy Ivory’s screenplay, that the film never feels manipulative, or force. And, unlike 4.3.2.1, the acting is stellar. Sally Hawkins is wonderfully natural and sweet, Bob Hoskins is amusing, Geraldine James is very very moving, and Rosamund Pike, though underused, illustrates the film’s key point that one should never skim the surface and automatically disregard a woman as just a pretty face. The costumes captured the earthy Essex chic wonderfully and overall, I walked out of the cinema with a big smile on my face.

The Prestige (Christopher Nolan, 2006)
Now, as you know, I wasn't the biggest fan of Inception. OK, that’s an understatement; I detested it and wanted my money back. But, I know that Chris Nolan is a mighty talented film director, and I wanted to reinforce this point by revisiting one of his more underrated films – The Prestige. Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman play magicians who’s friendship turns sour when a magic trick gone wrong has the latter’s wife dying. From then on, friends turn to enemy as the two continually look for ways to jeopardize each others’ magic acts. A wonderful study of obsession, The Prestige also boasts a clever look into the world of magic performance, as well as some REAL magic, which still turns my head. For once, Scarlett Johansson didn’t bug the crap out of me in her performance, and dual casting of her and Rebecca Hall had me cracking a smile at the Vicky Cristina Barcelona link. Michael Caine is as Michael Caine always is, awesome, and the cinematography, score and editing are all accomplished. Much, much, much more magical than Inception can ever hope to be.

The River (Jean Renoir, 1951)
In short, one of my favourite films of all time.
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The film follows three girls – Harriet, Melanie and Valerie, and how their lives are changed by the arrival by a dishy (but troubled) soldier, Captain John (Thomas E. Breen, delicious). As an impressionable youth who often falls into and out of love, I connected with each of the three girls and their plight, and thought the portrayal of their crushes/infatuations accurate and true to life. The acting wasn’t really the best, but that is of secondary importance when much of the film is a love letter to India, and it is filmed so completely and utterly gorgeously. The lingering close-ups on the girls’ faces when they watch their beloved John are claustrophobic, but fully capture what it’s like to be young and in love, and the languid, philosophical pace of the film, whilst it may jar for some, really rang a bell with me. The ideal kind of film to watch in your PJs. Lush.

Sideways (Alexander Payne, 2004)
Paul Giamatti stars as Miles Raymond is a divorce, a jaded middle school teacher, aspiring writer and wine lover, on a road trip with his friend, bit-part actor Jack (Thomas Haden Church), the week before Jack’s wedding. Miles wants to play golf, taste wine and wind down, Jack would prefer to chase women and bonk about a bit before getting wed. Such is the set-up for Alexander Payne’s bittersweet and highly intelligent film, the ultimate “anti road trip movie”. Though I’m perhaps a bit young to appreciate the full genius of this film (certain scenes dragged on for me and it veered dangerously close to just the wrong side of pretentious), one thing I cannot fault about it is Paul Giamatti’s performance, the epitome of mensch. He turns Sideways into a mediocre comedy into a strong comedy-drama with his perfect comedy timing and emotional depth in the more controlled scenes. Furthermore, his romance with Virginia Madsen’s (also divorced) smart and sexy waitress Maya is awkward, initially somewhat embarrassing and unsure, as a believable romance should be. I don’t often care whether or not 40-somethings get the women of their dreams, but such is the power of Giamatti’s performance, that, for him, I did.

Out of the Past (Jacques Tourneur, 1947)
Film noir with Robert Mitchum, Kirk Douglas and Jane Greer, the former of which whom irked me in her irritating performance as the femme fatale who does nothing but cause trouble for men. Jacques Tourneur gets the best out of the rest of his cast, though, and thanks to that, his measured direction and the clever camerawork, this can be ranked as one of the finer film noirs of the 40s. Indeed, the impending sense of doom had me in a dread throughout, even though I knew it was just a film.

I'm a City girl, at heart, but Bath is gorgeous.

Polaroid taken by my best friend Anna, on her Polaroid camera:
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