Wednesday, August 05, 2009

New Moon (Stephanie Meyer)

In two months, the second installment of Stephanie Meyer's astounding NOT vampire love saga will come to our screens, so I thought I'd check out the book ahead of time.
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On Bella Swan's 18th birthday party, she gives herself a paper cut, and the scent of her "enchanting" blood piques off the hunger of Jasper, her boyfriend Edward's adoptive brother. Edward, shocked and engulfed with guilt at putting his beloved Bella at risk again, uproots his entire family, declaring that he no longer loves her. Woe, woe, woe, and for several months, Bella does a good job of pretending to be normal, whilst inside still hanking after her characterless vampire love. However, her bland whininess turns the head of her friend Jacob (they go cliff jumping together), who by some miraculous turn of events turns out to be a werewolf. Initially repulsed, Bella finds herself becoming closer to Jacob. Blah blah blah, under some sequence of errors including Rosalie being deliberately misleading, Edward comes to believe Bella committed suicide, and he himself sets to get himself killed. Wah.

The lines are brilliant (not), with insightful, interesting soliloquys such as "And would it really matter that Alice was willing, would it make any difference if I did become a vampire, when the idea was so repulsive to Edward? If death was, to him, a better alternative than having me around forever, an immortal annoyance? Terrified as I was, I felt myself sinking down into depression, drowning in it…" and the even more hilarious "My heart inflated like it would crack right through by ribs", so that I was by turns cringing and laughing. I want my five hours back, frankly, but the comedy this book provided is endless. Never before has anything so tacky taken itself so seriously, and Stephanie Meyer has given some pretty reprehensible messages to her young audience - namely, that if you're smitten with a boy, you should disregard your best interests and just devote all your efforts to being with him. That's good.

And it means I have to have this in Flowers & Football Tops. Eh.
in

10 comments:

Ashley said...

This book made me ashamed to be a girl. Ugh, Bella is such a pathetic emo in this one. Eclipse is better. Currently reading Breaking Dawn, it's all rather mushy right now.
No matter how I dislike them, I keep reading. Much like Heroes.

The Clothes Horse said...

I enjoy the books...like candy really bad and yet strangely addictive. I definitely think the themes are subversive and not what I approve of--but the author is Mormon...I kinda expect it.

Emma said...

Is Sarah Palin also Mormon?

monkey said...

hey emz the guardian predict liverpool to win the title. lol? i did.

anahita said...

lmao, this was hilarious. this pretty much summed up why I hate I hate the books so much. just absolute god awful rubbish. stephenie meyer is so self indulgent, pretentious and bad at writing. just please. make the whole thing stop right now.

but robert pattinson is very pretty :D so oh well. xxx

Emma said...

Ahahahah The Gruaniad are so clueless.

Emma said...

... when it comes to football, I hasten to add. Other things? I take their word on.

The Clothes Horse said...

Ha! I had to google Sarah Palin's religion; she's a member of the Pentecostal Church, but she just considers herself a "Bible-believing Christian."
Mormons though...they're extreme and most Christians don't consider them Christian.

Emma said...

Ah, fair dues!

Anonymous said...

u dont know shit. twilight's da best!!!!!!