Lolita sunglasses.

Random Facebooking has has me come across a photo of a girl wearing a pair of loveheart-shaped sunglasses, which has brought back memories of Kubrick's Lolita, and those iconic shades worn by Sue Lyon in the film poster-



I don't actually remember her wearing those shades in the film, but whenever I see red love-shaped shades, I shall always think of the 1962 film'

Burn After Watching.

Have just gotten back from the cinema, where I saw Burn After Reading, a film I'd been quite anticipating - for the crazy looking trailer, the cast and crew involved, and the Oscar buzz already being generated. Most importantly, however, the film posters, which are a throwback to the work of legendry movie poster designer Saul Bass ( 1 // 2), are bunging wonderful. Even though my cinema ticket cost the equivalent of £1.42 and a half pence (Orange Wednesdays bb), I was not impressed in the slightest. It was a load of turd.

- The cast were AWFUL; living proof that you can bung as many talented performers as you want into a movie, but they’ve actually got to, you know, bother acting. Frances McDormand epitomized irritation, Brad Pitt did nothing apart from hang about looking like he was missing a few up there, John Malkovich swore a bit, George Clooney looked beardy and confused, and Tilda Swinton worked the asexual cold bitch shtick that is like, beyond passé. The guy that played Juno’s dad in Juno was OK enough, but eh. And no-one needs to know what George Clooney and Tilda Swinton bunging sounds like.



- The plot was just ridiculously poor. Don’t get me wrong, I love fun and frenzy as much as the next guy – District 13 is bloody marvellous – but one got the distinct impression that the Coen brothers had no idea what to do with this movie, created a bunch of characters and threw in a sex toy for good measure. Er, no.

- Speaking of the Coen brothers, those Oscars for Direction & Best Film they picked up earlier this year must have really gone to their head, and instilled them with the belief that they can fob their fans off with just a bunch of crazy shit that doesn’t make much sense. Whilst it’s paid its dividends in the past – The Hudsucker Proxy & Intolerable Cruelty were good fun – Burn After Reading lacked the heart and soul that those movies had, and a result, just looked lost. As for the SPOILER killing off of Brad Pitt's character /SPOILER, it was irritating when you did it with Josh Brolin in No Country for Old Men; don't try and pull that same stuff twice in two years, please. You're not as clever as you think you are; your viewers do actually have memories.


f
- Furthermore, um, Working Title and Focus, what the 4-x were you thinking? If it wasn’t for the likes of Atonement and Pride & Prejudice that these two production companies have collaborated on, I would be pretty unimpressed with the pair of them. How is it possible that the producers did not step back, look at their excuse of a film, and feel ashamed?

- Lastly, was this meant to be a comedy? I laughed a little at the start (due to wanting to larf at a Coen brothers' movie more than anything), but as the movie went on, the laughs wore thinner and thinner. Brad Pitt repeating "Osbourne Cox" over and over again does not a funny scene make. The main lulz I got from this movie was in how terrible it was.

All in all, I’d quite like my time and money back. I’m deeply, deeply disappointed in the Coen brothers for wasting my time with this, and feel that everyone involved in this should hang their heads in shame. If this gets anywhere near Oscar nominations, then there is something seriously wrong with the world.

Two Terrible Movies.

Now that I'm a University student, I don’t get as much time for watching movies as I used to. So when I do watch a movie, I expect it to be good. Sadly, the last two that I wasted my time with were anything but good.



The Quatermass Experiment
I went along to the Sci-fi’s society screening of The Quatermass Experiment with three of my friends yesterday, in complete blindness about the film and its plot. Which just goes to show that I should consult IMDb more frequently, because if I had, I would have had two hours of my life back, to have done some of the thick stack of Maths homework I have, to read a novel, or even, say, watching paint dry. Because any of those things would have been exponentially more exciting than The Quatermass Experiment.

The plot revolves around a failed space experiment (or something or other), resulting with, out of the three astronauts that had gone into space, two are missingng and the remaining one in a stage of crazed coma.

This was a remake of the 1953 film, and director Sam Miller must have felt a burning desire to the maintain the campness of 50s B-movies, because everything about it - from the stodgy script, to the actors who performances make Keira Knightley look expressive – was below par. The finale brought the lulz in the biggest way; my friends and I were just sat there blankly, and overall, nothing made sense, except that the BBC were really bored one day and couldn’t be arsed to make a proper movie. TQC has done little to sweeten my already tempestuous relationship with fantasy movies. As one of my friends said, “the only good thing about it was that it had David Tennant”, but for all his endeavours, no amount of Doctor Who impressions could redeem this “film”, a load of absolute bollocks. E.

Good Time Max
I downloaded this in time for the “Franco Revolution” (the non-Spanish civil war type) what with his performance in Pineapple Express being touted as one of the finest comedic turns of the year (I’m still yet to see it, but I will – any film that plays M.I.A.’s Paper Planes in the trailer has my interest as I bunging love that song). Anyway, this film was incredibly. Directed, co-written and starring James Franco, it’s about two brothers, Adam and Max, both born geniuses, but, whilst Adam purses a career as a surgeon, Max falls down on the slippery slope of drug addiction. After a drug deal gone wrong, Max convinces his brother to go far away and start a new life with him, but it’s not long before his rehabilitation process falls flat on his face and life gets worse than ever.



The only thing of interest in this entire film was probably the sight of James Franco in glasses, for everything else was just an indulgent, sprawling mess. Some of the acting was so poor that it wouldn’t have been out of place in my Sixth Form’s High School Musical-style-play, with Franco himself failing to shine, drooping back into his annoying Spiderman days; he came across as just a whiny, lazy little bastard who invoked no sympathy from me whatsoever despite being so aesthetically pleasing. I usually like to wax lyrical about independent films and their inner beauty, but this has to site alongside Lost in Translation and 40 Shades of Blue as one of the dullest indies I’ve ever seen. Bung, and not in a good way. E.

On the bright side, however, I’m going to the adorable Little Theatre Cinema with my friend Luke today to see the Coen brothers’ Burn After Reading. Am excited!

15. Le Placard (The Closet) (Francis Veber, 2001)

Life’s not looking too good for bland Joe-everybody François Pignon, long-time employee of a condom factory. He’s been without his ex-wife for two years, and his teenage son won’t have anything to do with him. He’s teetering on the verge of suicide when he discovers that his company are making downsizes, and he’ll soon be made redundant. However, his kind old neighbour (Aumont) comes up with a plan that will possibly save Auteuil's job – for Auteuil to come out of the “closet” so that his sacking will seem like an act of homophobia, so keeping a hold of his job. As a result of their lie, further misunderstandings and confusions arise, chiefly involving the company’s alpha male (Depardieu) and Auteuil's boss Laroque, that lead the protagonist to learn things about the people around him, and find out about himself too.



The cast are a total treat. Daniel Auteuil is great in the loser role that has been so well perfected by William H. Macy, transforming a character of, at the start, no interesting qualities, dull and foolishs into a spirited and amusing hero. Depardieu goes to town with his caricatured character, a homophobic, self-proclaimed macho man who fears/resents Auteuil initially after his claims of being gay. Michelle Laroque, from Ma Vie en Rose, makes an appropriately pretty love interest. The plot may be gossamer thin, but the cast give some of their best performances and deliver comedy gold to maintain a lively tone throughout.

There are those who immediately disregard foreign films for being too hard to understand, too prim, too stuffy. And indeed some of them are. But Le Placard is the complete antithesis of one of those type of movies; it refuses to take itself seriously, and has great fun in the process. There are countless laugh-out-loud moments (the process of fabricating the “gay” photos, all the interchanges between Auitiel and Depardieu, etc) in Le Placard, but my favourite of them all is probably the gay rights march, where Auitiel is sat on the top of an open top bus wearing a condom on his head. This amiable and amusing film is delightful as it plays around with themes of homophobia, political correctness and work politics, and whilst it never delves into the layers of these topics, it remains entertainingly satirical. Unassuming and witty, Le Placard is one of my favourite films to watch when I’m down, because it never fails in cheering me up.

How bunging cute is this?

Daww!!

The Monday Mmm.

Today: Rupert Grint.













Yay!

My favourite character in Skins.

Rachel McAdams: wai so bunging gorgeous?

01. What thought crosses your mind more than any other?
02. Which song are you listening to a lot recently?
03. 3 things you want to do before you die?
04. This sort of thing. Hot or not?
05. Who’s your favourite member of Girls Aloud?

Guess the Movies.

Some are a lot harder and easier than others. Correct answers given in three days.

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My Favourite Ingrid Bergman quotes.

She was beautiful, she was a great actress and now we can see that she made some great quotes too. Surely that's enough to forgive Miss Bergman for mothering one of the worst actresses known to man, Isabella Rosellini? :P


Anyway, here are my favourite quotes from her -

~ We walk in circles, so limited by our own anxieties that we can no longer distinguish between true and false, between the gangster's whim and the purest ideal.

~ Acting is the best medicine in the world - if you're not feeling well, it goes away because you are busy thinking about something that isn't yourself. We actors are very fortunate people.

~ I've gone from saint to whore and back to saint again, all in one lifetime.

~ I remember one day sitting at the pool and suddenly the tears were streaming down my cheeks. Why was I so unhappy? I had success. I had security. But it wasn't enough. I was exploding inside.

~ I have no regrets. I wouldn't have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say.

~ A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

~ Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.

~ Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

~ Be yourself. The world worships the original.

Bliss.

A Look Back at Tess of the D’Urbervilles.

Thomas Hardy’s famous novel Tess of the D’Urbervilles was not a universal hit when it was first published in 1891, and met more than its fair share of controversy. Society at that time, it seemed, were not particularly receptive a novel that sympathised with women, that sympathised with the lower class, or was willing to challenge the social and sexual codes of the time. Over 100 years on, society is a lot more accepting to the ideas raised in his novel, and, just before the release of the next Bond film, the BBC have found the perfect time to re-invigorate Hardy’s novel onto the small screen.

22-year-old Kent-born English rose Gemma Aterton, who appears in three 2008 releases – RocknRolla, Three and Out, and Quantum of Solace, plays the low-born but beautiful country girl Tess who catches the eye of the immoral Alec D'Urberville, who, after persist and failed attempts to win her heart, takes advantage of her tired state one night, leaving her wounded and broken, but also leaving her a mother, to a stillborn baby. Things get better for Tess when she meets her supposed soulmate in Angel Clare, who falls for her too (and this time, the love is requited), but her shady past (to no fault of her own) continues to catch up with her, and finally, her honest soul lets her down when she admits to her newfound husband about her past endeavours, and he hypocritically rejects her.

Having had read the novel, I knew how the story went, but that didn’t stop me from feeling for Tess as strongly as I did the first time I read the novel. In their adaptation, the BBC choose not to blur the line between whether or not it was seduction or rape – they depict the event as rape (which is also how I interpret it). Tess’ subsequent downfall is heartbreaking, not least because of the raw, gut-wrenching performance from Gemma Aterton, who, accent aside, captures all the qualities of Tess Durbyfield – kind-hearted, sincere, loyal, naïve, and prokects them into a brilliant performance. Her final scenes with Alec, in particular, broke my heart.

Overall, despite a few drawbacks, I found Tess and beautiful and moving adaptation of Hardy’s novel, and I look forward to seeing more of Miss Aterton!

So, for those of you who watched this, what did you make of it?

The Monday Mmm.

In loving memory of Paul Newman,
one & two & three & four

Not only a gorgeous and highly talented actor, but an amazing person to boot.

For Luke!

My Favourite En-Screen Couples.

01. Jake Gyllenhaal & Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
02. Cary Grant & Ingrid Bergman, Notorious
03. Marlon Brando & Vivien Leigh, A Streetcar Named Desire (not quite but still)
04. Gregory Peck & Audrey Hepburn, Roman Holiday
05. Humphrey Bogart & Lauren Bacall, The Big Sleep
06. Kenneth Branagh & Emma Thompson, Much Ado About Nothing
07. Adam Sandler & Emily Watson, Punch-Drunk Love
08. Clark Gable & Vivien Leigh, Gone with the Wind
09. Tony Leung & Maggie Cheung, In the Mood for Love
10. Adam Sandler & Winona Ryder, Mr. Deeds
11. Trevor & Celia Johnson, Brief Encounter
12. Woody Allen & Diane Keaton, Annie Hall
13. Leonardo DiCaprio & Claire Danes, William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet
14. Joaquin Phoenix & Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
15. Ryan Gosling & Rachel McAdams, The Notebook

Co-tee-Ar!

A gold star to whoever can guess which film this Marion Cotillard still is from.

Clue: it's in my top 100.

01. September: How was it for you?
02. What colour is your mobile phone?
03. What do you think is the longest you can without accessing the internet?
04. Your favourite musical number from a Disney film?
05. What was the last book you read, and was it any good?

Jake Gyllenhaal with long hair

Don't think I like, sorry.

16. Roman Holiday (William Wyler, 1953)

As is you may have noticed, I’m a huge Audrey Hepburn fan. I love how she brings elegance and beauty to everything that she does, whether it be play cockney flower girl Eliza Dolittle or Holly Golightly, Truman Capote’s famous country girl turned call girl. But perhaps her most winning performance was her lead debut in Roman Holiday, wherein she plays an overprotected royal princess who one day, escapes from her world of dire duties to explore Rome, and in doing so, explore herself.

After a while or so, she falls asleep on a local bench, and passing by is newspaper reporter Joe Bradley (Greg Peck), who fails to recognise her. Being gentlemanly and chivalrous, he lets her stay the night in his apartment, even giving the royal highness his bed, whilst he settles for the less-than-comfortable surroundings of his couch. His next day at work, Joe hears that the princess has gone missing and puts two and two together and, in want of rescuing his ailing position at his job, makes a bet that her can obtain an exclusive on the Princess.
Such is the overall charm of Roman Holiday, that the scene where Hepburn and Peck dart around the streets of Italy on a Vespa scooter have been frequently copied, but never bettered. (The worst attempt to echo it was in the Lizzie McGuire Movie when Hilary [is] Duff rode around on one in Italy. Bitch.) The black-and-white cinematography is simple and pretty, and, whilst there’s never anything flashy being done, the backdrop of Rome itself is magic on screen.



Some girls are won over by the Cinderella Story, but Roman Holiday works kinda like the polar opposite of Cinderella, and I love it for that. There’s something poignant about the idea of “changing into someone else”, even if it is just for a day, especially when we’re not sure who it is that we’re meant to be in the first place. It seems that Roman Holiday is about a princess who disguises herself as an everyday person. But maybe Anya is equally confused about how to be a princess. It’s only when she sacrifices her amazing holiday and experiences, not to mention the love she’s found with Joe Bradley – that she finally becomes a true princess.

Audrey Hepburn IS this princess, from head to toe. Arguably one of the best actresses of all time, certainly one of the most beautiful, and by far my favourite, she plays Princess Anya to perfection. Hepburn depicts the Princess’ frustrations and boredom of her everyday life as well as the pure joy she finds in escaping it with such a winning charm and a gorgeous smile that you feel completely sucked into her experience. The film has, littered about it, various entertaining moments, but my favourite is when Joe and Anya visit the marble statue for the Moment of Truth, and Joe frightens Anya by pretending to get his hand stuck in it. The innocence and fear shown in Anya’s eyes by Hepburn is just so winning and sweet and the chemistry between Peck and Hepburn is brilliant; and I think it sums up the movie pretty well.

Funny, romantic, adorable and entertaining, Roman Holiday is everything that Lost in Translation never was. It’s a beautiful and touching look at what should have been but couldn’t have been, and in doing so, has great fun.