Thursday, December 06, 2007

Are you havin’ a laff?

Alright, here is Empire’s Top 100 Sexiest in all its glory. Or see the joke for yourself.

100. Mary Elizabeth Winstead
099. Chris Evans
098. Brigitte Bardot
097. Thandie Newton
096. Lucy Liu
095. James Dean
094. Isla Fisher
093. Zac Efron
092. Catherine Deneuve
091. Jamie Foxx
090. Elizabeth Taylor
089. Clint Eastwood
088. Sienna Miller
087. Warren Beatty
086. Jane Fonda
085. Al Pacino
084. Katherine Heigl
083. Alan Rickman
082. Susan Sarandon
081. Tom Cruise
080. Sarah Michelle Gellar
079. Heath Ledger
078. Sofia Loren
077. Richard Gere
076. Uma Thurman
075. Ryan Gosling
074. Sigourney Weaver
073. Javier Bardem
072. Gary Oldman
071. Lauren Bacall
070. John Cusack
069. Viggo Mortensen
068. Rachel McAdams
067. Ryan Reynolds
066. Sandra Bullock
065. Gael Garcia Bernal
064. Eva Mendes
063. Reese Witherspoon
062. Audrey Tautou
061. Eric Bana
060. Liv Tyler
059. Rita Hayworth
058. Will Smith
057. Julia Roberts
056. Megan Fox
055. Jason Statham
054. Jennifer Connelly
053. Robert Redford
052. Jennifer Aniston
051. Clark Gable
050. Penelope Cruz
049. Sean Connery
048. Cary Grant
047. Cameron Diaz
046. Harrison Ford
045. Catherine Zeta-Jones
044. Bruce Willis
043. Rosario Dawson
042. Steve McQueen
041. Nicole Kidman
040. Ewan McGregor
039. Grace Kelly
038. Denzel Washington
037. Rachel Weisz
036. Leonardo DiCaprio
035. Monica Belluccci
034. Russell Crowe
033. Michelle Pfeiffer
032. Jake Gyllenhaal
031. Cate Blanchett
030. Marlon Brando
029. Charlize Theron
028. Keanu Reeves
027. James McAvoy
026. Emma Watson
025. Clive Owen
024. Salma Hayek
023. Daniel Radcliffe
022. Kate Beckinsale
021. Orlando Bloom
020. Kate Winslet
019. Paul Newman
018. Anne Hathaway
017. Matt Damon
016. Jessica Biel
015. Hugh Jackman
014. Marilyn Monroe
013. Christian Bale
012. Halle Berry
011. George Clooney
010. Gerard Butler
009. Keira Knightley
008. Scarlett Johansson
007. Brad Pitt
006. Eva Green
005. Johnny Depp
004. Jessica Alba
003. Daniel Craig
002. Natalie Portman
001. Angelina Jolie

Kayleigh said it first, this joke is utter crap.

We'll start with the goods first:
- Keira Knightley sliding down. Though number 9 is still far too high, it's helluva lot better than seeing her as number 1.
- James McAvoy entered!
[Atonement link here!]
- Nice to see Leo in there, albeit a little low for my liking.
- Nice to see Tom Cruise get some love, he's been treated rather badly of late.

The bads?
- Marlon Brando not in the top 5 like he should be.
- Ditto Marilyn Monroe for the top 10.
- Audrey Hepburn's not even in there at all!
- Who is Mary Elizabeth Winstead anyway?
- Despite being all for Chinese rep, Lucy Liu is not the sexiest Chinese star. Um, Gong Li, Ziyi Zhang, Andy Lau? Hello? As for her freckles, well, she certainly ain't no Nando Torres or Evangeline Lilly (WHERE WAS SHE?!?!?!?!), and it just looks weird on an oriental person. I know for a fact that I'd hate to have freckles.
- Scarlett Johansson is in the top 10. Ugh.

And the ugly...
- Emma Watson & Daniel Radcliffe. Eeeeep!!! If you were going to place any Harry Potter star in there it should obviously be Tom Felton or Rupert Grint, thank you v. much. Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe are about as sexy as Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo!
- No Emmanuel Beart or Emily Blunt. They're gorgeous, they should be on any sexy list, yet they're not.
- Again, my boy Marlon's wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too low. His Stanley Kowalski is the sexiest thing in film, in Media, and the sexiest thing I've ever, ever seen. As Stanley, he attained levels of hotness that cannot even be reached by Peter Crouch, and thus his position at 30, below that of EMMA WATSON AND DANIEL RADCLIFFE, makes me extremely, extremely angry.


Catherine said...

That's a pretty disasterous list. Although, they did include Warren Beatty, so...props.

Kayleigh said...

Thanks for the link, the whole thing still has me pissed off. Not just because Joaquin wasn't there, but because the list looks like it was formed by a bunch of tweens. I mean Emma Watson? that's wrong? And all the Jessicas bug me, they're not sexy!

Anonymous said...

I agree with almost everyone here, some of the people simply weren't that sexy. And leaving Audrey Hepburn out was a travesty, as well as Ziyi Zhang. Don't really agree about Emma Watson though, she probs didn't deserve THAT high a place, but she really is quite pretty

Anonymous said...

a lot of gorgeous actresses missed it, yet that tramp from Knocked Up makes it?

Catherine said...

Re: Katherine Heigl. I thought it was hilarious that she recently gave an interview in which she said she felt uncomfortable about Knocked Up as she felt it was anti-feminist.

Naomi said...

There are many things about the list that I disagree with, but the fact that Penelope Cruz is only at 50 stood out.

And the Fry should be number one, obviously.

Emma said...

Ugh yeah, and also the appearance of Megan Fox annoys me. She's not a bad looking girl, but I mean hello, if she's gonna be on, so should Shia!

Luke said...

I think we should all embrace in celebration that my Natalie made it to #2! Not even I had hopes that she would make it that high. I'm ecstatic! :D

craig said...

Natalie at no.2, Keira at no.9, not all bad then!

craig said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maynard and or Lando and or Bada said...

Portman needs to slide down to the 30's at least. Scarjo and Knightley need to be put in the top 5. Now.

Blanchett_Fan said...

Cate needs to be in the top 5.