Friday, November 30, 2007

Crappy monologue I wrote two years ago.

Hi. My name is John. I have to tell you about my friends.

They are like, so weird. I just don’t get it. Basically, this thing started a couple of months ago, when James met this group of weird kids. They went down to the park where they showed him their massive supplies. He found out later that they were doing it. Pretty soon they had him doing it, which doesn’t surprise me, as he doesn’t like saying no.

We all laughed at James at first. Some of us got a bit worried, asked him if there was anything that made him turn to it. He ignored our derision. Even had the cheek to ask us to join in. We just laughed. We all laughed. At first.

But then the rest of my mates got involved. James brought all the equipment into school and at lunch Cary tried it. He said it was “alright” but two days later I saw him doing it again. Then Alec did it, and he was hooked on it immediately. The three of them, in the field, getting excited about the colours of the grass and the flowers… under the influence of everything. I didn’t join in. I stayed out. I’d seen my parents do it enough to know that it wasn’t my thing. It was a nightmare.

Pretty soon they started growing their own stuff, and tried to sell it. Selling stuff on school grounds… illegal. Using school grounds to grow stuff… illegal. All illegal.

They had to keep borrowing money from me. For equipment and stuff, so they could keep it up. They got dehydrated because they had to use up all their water in doing it. I told them to stop. I told them loads of times, but they just wouldn’t listen. None of the school would. I was getting really worried.

They were giving lessons on it. Our whole school was being taken over, by one of the most dangerous activities in living history. I seriously wanted to tell the teachers, or even the police, but for obvious reasons I knew they wouldn’t take me seriously.

It got in their way of life. They’d spend less time on work, football and even girls to buy, sell, grow and try it out. I was getting really worried about them. What was the big deal with such a sad hobby? So, naturally, I had to try it out.

I realise that makes me a hypocrite, but I just did it. And I felt really sad at first, but then it was actually quite rewarding. Okay, so I may have exaggerated a little on just how dangerous or illegal gardening is. It’s quite fun, actually. I definitely look forward to see what all their efforts have gone into in the flower show next month.

Crap, I know. I don't know what I was thinking!


Katie said...

A bit predictable, but still funny

Anonymous said...


I was at a gig the other night and Jose Vanders performed. I spoke to her for a bit and she said she goes to school in SE London like you.

Have you heard of her?

EllenPageFan said...

Has she? Emma (and I) go to the same school as Jose. Her real name's Josephine Vander Gucht by the way.