Monday, October 30, 2006

Angelina Jolie is a vampire.




“When other little girls wanted to be ballet dancers I kind of wanted to be a vampire.”
Angelina Jolie

I had the worst type of writer’s block for Nathaniel's blog-thon on vampires. I dallied with the idea of writing a review of John Carpenter’s Vampires (totally lame film by the way), or reviewing Interview with a Vampire. But these ideas all seemed a little dull, and I was totally out of ideas until I watched Channel 4’s silly but highly entertaining Star Stories , where the topic of their jokes that week was Jennifer, Brad, and the vampire, Mrs. Angelina Jolie. The little twist at the end of their story was that she was actually a vampire. So it kind of got me thinking. This woman is a vampire. She really is.

From wikipedia'spage on vampires:

Vampirism is the practice of drinking blood from a person/animal. In folklore and popular culture, the term generally refers to a belief that one can gain supernatural powers by drinking human blood.





Woah, woah, there. “Drinking blood,” eh? Remember that vial of blood Jolie used to wear of Billy Bob Thorton’s, around her neck? And what about when she was out with Johnny Lee Miller? At her wedding to Miller she had displayed her husband's name on the back of her shirt painted in her own blood. So I think it’s obvious that this woman has a taste for the red stuff.

Now, this thing about how drinking gives you supernatural powers. Well, obviously, those are the powers she used to lure Brad away from Jen (or maybe that was just being sexier, and willing to have children, unlike Jen.) Here is a woman who reads vampire books, likes every kind of kinky, with an obvious penchant for blood. Oh, and in the Star Stories TV show I saw, kept Billy Bob by a leash and drew Brad in by biting his neck. Teh.

Then we get onto her appearance. The picture right here is one where I consider her highly vampirific. The pallid skin. The white, fanglike teeth. The deep lips. The enticing glare she gives you. VAMPIRE!!!

Basically, my message to all the men out there: If approached by this woman, be careful. I know most of you will be all to eager to get up close to her, but a health warning – bring a stake. This woman wants to suck your blood.

P.S. if there are any other reasons you feel she is a vampire that I have left out, do let me know. k, thanks.

16 comments:

Matt said...

I agree. I've always thought Angelina had sexy, sexy, demonic eyes. But I think her man-stealing behavior makes her more of a succubus than a vampire.

neodv8 said...

Totally agree with you there matt! She's also a BAD ACTOR!

Great post Emma!

Kamikaze Camel said...

How about this: Brad Pitt was really turned into a vampire on the set of Interview with the Vampire and then subsequently, 10 years later, turned Angelina into a vampire on the set of Mr & Mrs Smith. And that's why they hooked up. So they could live forever.

You see, Jennifer Aniston has no blood in her body, so it didn't work out.

Emma said...

Good one! Mrs. Aniston is left out because she is bloodless. Indeed.

NATHANIEL R said...

this explains so much.

especially the jennifer aniston bloodless part ;)

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Amgelina Jolie said...

She is beautiful and gorgeous..2 months before she came in India for Tv show " BIg Boss 4". And I got a chance to met it..It was good moments of my life.

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